started colourful guinea plush

 Evening

Despite waiting for my evening pain killers, they did literally nothing

I stewed in bed til 10:30pm when I decided to get up as I was not gonna get to sleep in that state

my parents were still up and mum made me a hot chocolate, i was fine making it but she insisted on making me one, and she massage my legs with the massage roller

they went to bed at 11pm. I stayed up and took some more pain killers, waited for them to kick in a bit then when to bed at midnight but still took me an hour to sleep. From there I had disturbed sleep and my bed was a tip in the morning -_____- so I dont feel like I have actually slept

This morning I went for an hour's walk by myself which was quite nice then came back and showered and had a brew with mum

then I started working on the guinea pig plush, I got quiet far with it today with a sleep and breaks in between making it. Shouldnt take me too long to actually get it finished.

I made my dinner and ate it by myself

had a look online for christmas gifts, i keep ordering bits and pieces when I get ideas on what I could get people. I have finished a few people now. Luckily I have very few people to buy for as i little friends and hardly any family. Still, i would like to get my christmas shopping finished during these holidays if I can

might do some drawing later but I will see, my eyes are very tired to be honest

tomorrow

me and mum might go out somewhere, I have convinced her to have the week off work to spend with me :3 but we said we shall see how i feel tomorrow as my health hasnt been good this weekend

might get into pyjamas and do yoga tonight? who knows, not sure what I am in the mood for!

first day of rest and done charmander

 Evening

My first day of rest u___u

My god I needed it, I didnt sleep too badly

once I woke up I climbed into mum's bed with her for 10mins

then we went to see the pets, dad had already let Ozwald out so he was doing his morning patrol

I had a very slow morning, didnt start exercising til 10:15am

I danced for 30mins then went for a shower then went for a walk with mum

I came back and had a brew and a sit, followed by a tea cake then I went to bed

I didnt wake up til 3 hours later!! it was such a deep sleep too, the house could have been on fire and I wouldnt have known about it! The whole time Oz was outside like a wild bunny

I got up and had a brew with mum then I went to do some drawing, I was tired - still - but did some drawing and I think I have finished charmander now

He looks cute and vampirish XD Next is squirtle I guess

I had my dinner which I made and then I looked through fabrics as I have a guinea plush to make tomorrow so I was seeing what I had to use. So thats all on my floor waiting to be cut up

Thats tomorrow's plan anyway, that and staying out of dad's way

I hope I sleep as I have slept so much today

well done for doing the first 7 weeks

 Evening

I've done it, I've bloody done it. This half  term, these 7 long hard weeks are over

I can finally rest for 2 weeks 

I didnt sleep well last night and ended up getting up at 5:45am

I put on a cute red and black tartan dress and had a red bow and a black bow in my hair and even curled my hair I wanted to look cute today 

I was just leaving the house and mum said to me "you start later today dont you? 8:30am?"

i said "ahhhhh i forgot" -______- i could have had more sleep!!!

So as I had my shoes on at this point I decided to go in anyway and put the time on my time sheet

hannah and luke were in anyway so I had company

but I just put music on and painted some cans for physics and yeah just sat quietly and did that

Julia and Jack came in around 8:15am

i said "I came in 40mins early today!!!"

jack said "why did you do that?"

i said "cus I forgot we start later!" he said "youre an idiot" dont i know

still its another half hour on my sheet so i've done 22 hours out of 37 now :3

I did a bit of prepping for when we get back

then chris came and said could I come work with him this morning rather than the afternoon so I was lead to his office. He told me what I had to do for the school and I went back to my desk and had ago on some seriously old photoshop and a mouse. I wanted my laptop with my graphics tablet. I was getting frustrated as I couldnt do what I wanted to and when I did have a go at it, the computer crashed!!!!

so I gave in and texted chris asking when was the due date - thinking it was today

he said "anytime" so i asked if i could do it at home in the holidays and he said that was fine :D

we had free food and free tea and biscuits and tidied the prep room and went through what practicals are coming and if i needed any chemicals 

it was an ok day I guess i just was shattered and achy

I came home and mum made me a brew and I sat with Oz who had decided to play outside the whole day bless him. I was suppose to do exercise but I was so spent. I went to bed! and I slept for a good hour and didnt feel much better

I got up and dinner was ready shortly after, then I had a shower to relax me and got into pyjamas 

i told mum i felt guilty that i hadnt done any exercise and i said i need to just feel a sense of achievement for completing the first half term and not beat myself up for not exercising

i will exercise in the morning i am sure. I am just dead....

me and jack are gonna do some hours on tuesday as chris said he is going in also on tuesday

its the only time i can see jack as households arent allowed to mix and meet up :/ 

So my plans for half term

I need to make a guinea plush thats the first thing!

I am gonna plan out and maybe start an quilt to hand in the bungalow living room - i know the design i want to do.

I am gonna see what i need to buy as christmas presents for everyone, as i currently have the time to do that, when I have the house I will not have the time, money, or energy for it

and to clean my room

and do some art~ 

theyre my plans

god i hope i sleep tonight~

just tomorrow then I can rest

 

Evening

I actually slept pretty well last night but I was shattered I hardly read for long cus I was just gone~

I needed my alarm this morning that is a fact

I sat with Oz and stuff this morning, the usual, but got mummy to tie my hair up as I wanted a hair pony and i sometimes struggle with that one

School was ok really

nothing special happened

I wasnt a shivering mess on the floor tho

i did however shed a few tears as basically i looked at the time and it was 9:30am, i thought "my pain killers have kicked in by now" but it was like I hadnt had anything i hurt...bad

by 11am I took some pain killers and felt better, by 1pm I wanted more and shed a few tears cus i was in so much pain it just felt cruel. I wanted nothing more than to take a lot of medication and go to sleep and not think or feel. But sadly I had work to do

I somehow powered through

I did some display stuff and yeah passed the day somehow i guess. It did feel slow

I got home and didnt drink my brew but fussed my Ozwald whilst talking to mum. didnt really want my tea, then did 30mins of yoga which i must say i couldnt be bothered to do 

then I went looking on a website 2 people recommended to me at work today shein.uk

i found some stuff i liked but felt very much like i would have been buying for the sake of buying so i left it i did however enjoy looking at their halloween section seeing as every UK shop has got rid of halloween stuff this year :( i love pumpkins and bats T^T

Tomorrow is the last day of school for 2 weeks thank god cus i need to recharge and get myself together, me and jack have said however that we are gonna come in during the holidays. I want to kill more hours off before i have a house so that for the next few holidays I have off i can dedicate my time to the house and not have hours to do at school. Jack has almost completed his hours but I suggested to him to earn hours (as we cant earn over time pay just time off in leau) so that he can have the day off to move his stuff over the bungalow when we finally get the keys which he seems to think is a good idea

at school tomorrow I have got to go through all the topics that will happen in biology from now til christmas and see which practicals will happen and if i need any chemicals ordering, its really dull stuff. Then after lunch Chris is robbing me to help sort out some documents to make the layout better and such, stuff i can have a go at at least.Its design stuff anyway.

I get to wear non-uniform tomorrow :D and get free school meal, insec days rule XD

Pain clinic and started charmander

 Evening

Of course on a day where I dont have to get up as early, I still dont sleep well and still wake early!

I was shattered this morning

I had time for 20mins of yoga and to sit with my tens machine

it was a different morning I guess

I got to the pain clinic for 9am

I saw my usual hypermobility specialist, shes always impressed at how far I have come

but she also jumped on the band wagon and told me how bad my health is right now and how stressed my body is >.> yeesh im sick to death of hearing it!! I know its bad I know I am stressed

she said it will get better

she also said to not wear my supports which i havent been doing as they are poorly fitted. She said muscles become weak and reliant on them. She said my joints havent gotten worse, its simply my pain is a lot worse so certain areas feel like theyre hurting just cus pain is worse.

She said as well with my hypermobility that in my 30s my pain and clicking will be worse but then towards my 40s it will be a lot better as the body starts to naturally stiffen up, she says she sees no hypermobility patients in their 40s then she said i might be more prone to arthritis to which she said if i do get it i will get it several years earlier than most

fantastic

she said I need to be more selfish and think of myself, to rest more and tell people you need or help or arent doing something. to load off onto people stresses i cant handle. she says i need to cut out as much stress as i can - one being dad's attitude

i left for school and had an easy day really

done feel i did much at all but it was boring

chris said he might have me helping him design some school documents on friday and he said the displays i have done in science have gone on the school website for the new year 6 to see :D that made me happy as it feels worth doing when they are appreciated.

I came home and had a brew with mum and Oz then went for a walk with mum

she wanted to hear about pain clinic and she had a few rants about stuff 

she says she will talk to dad about dogging me about the bungalow

i came back and got in pyjamas, got stuff ready for school, had dinner

then started drawing my halloween charmander

its going well i think

tomorrow is school

really cant be bothered!

just want to sleep~

Molly's lump and Bulbasaur finished

 Evening

I didn't sleep that well, woke up at midnight after over heating, I had slept in my dressing gown so I wasnt too shocked. I decided to get up, air the bed and cool off. Had some cereal and pain killers and went back to bed just before 1am. Then woke up at 3am - cold as I hadnt got my dressing on - cant win!

Then finally woke up at 5:30am and stayed in bed til 5:50am

I was dreading dad opening his mouth and disturbing my morning, literally cant cope with him or his tension first thing in the morning. but luckily he didnt say anything

School was lonnggggg

I had no practicals, but also I had no lessons tomorrow! there wasnt even anything to prep! that is a rarity it doesnt happen often. Sure as hell makes the day go slow. Jack had me doing display work, which I usually dont mind doing but I cant get enthusiastic about science paintings 

So i kept coming back to it

but it didnt help it being so damn cold. Its October - it's cold. And the school still havent put the heating on!!!! the windows and doors in every room and corridor are open, making the school bloody freezing. We thought our radiator in the prep room wasnt working but no its actually cus they havent put the heating on! Im hoping they are waiting til after this week, after the 2 weeks half term holiday. I wasnt the only one moaning about the cold the literally every member of staff was. teachers walking in the corridors with coats on. doesnt look right. and i think "at least i can layer up and walk round" unlike the kids who have a uniform and have to sit in the their seats. they must be freezing

in the end i ended up being a shivering ball on the floor

i was so cold and numb I stopped thinking. I have poop circulation anyway never mind when its extra cold. I literally stop functioning and my body shuts down, i felt like crap and I was really tired. I wanted to come home and asked jack if i could work from home XD

i had an early lunch by myself so i could take pain killers in the hopes i would feel better

it kinda worked i guess

Me and jack signed a bit or paperwork for the solicitors 

didnt get the display anywhere near finished theres just so much to do!

I came home and mum made me brew and I had a cake or 2 

then I got Molly ready for the vets, she was good girl in the car as there was about a 20min wait

the vet took her and we had to wait outside for her, which was very odd and it didnt sit well with me. I mean god only knows how i will be next month when I take Ozwald for his check up and jabs. The idea of handing him over to a stranger and not being able to see whats happening or be with him, yeah I dont like it one bit. But says it will all be fine

Molly came out and she had been a good girl I think, we didnt hear squeaking anyway

the vet wasnt overly concerned, he said the lump may continue to grow so we can monitor it and see how it goes, they could take cells with a needle and poke it a few times and wipe the cells on a slide then send that slide off for analysis (this way molly wouldnt need to be put under) or to just take the lump now. But he said that the lump was movable so it meant it wasnt attached to any organs. we decided to keep an eye on it for now. 

so we took her home and i put her with her babies and cut them some grass, the vet trip was all soon forgotten about 

I washed my face and put my pyjamas on then had dinner then did some yoga

then i wanted to start my drawing but i have ran out of time plus im really tired

so i will leave it for tomorrow i think

but i got bulbasaur done anyway, i think he looks cute :3

tomorrow

i actually get a 'lay in' til 7am anyway

as i have pain clinic at 9am, i could get up a bit later but it clashes with my family's usual routine of when i have left the house, i leave before my brother and mum get out of bed usually!

so i will get up at 7am and then leave the house around 8:40am

i am seeing the hypermobility specialist as im concerned about my joints, then i will go straight to work from there, making sure to wear another layer to work -_____-

i have no lessons tomorrow so i hope its not another long day, i said to jack i might just not bother coming in XD so yeah thats tomorrow anyway

He just doesnt get it

 Evening

I woke up at couple of times, I was cold but then I hadnt slept in my dressing gown as I was too warm when I first went to bed ><

I got up and saw my lad and such

then at 6:37am my dad "has jack emailed the solicitors?"

I was almost gob smacked that it was before 7am, he hadnt said ONE WORD to me and the first thing he says to me is that. He knows I am fragile and he just doesnt care he just says it

I said "I assume so but I havent heard from him"

jesus

Work was ok

I didnt have any practicals on, did some painting

Then during a run around period, i was feeling anxious about the house anyway as we had just been talking about it all and what with running around with a mask on, my breathing just went everywhere

I was walking back with Jack and he could hear my breathing, he said "Jo if you cant breathe take the mask off" So I did and practically panted like a dog. When your anxious, your breathing goes out the window as it is never mind with a sodding mask on and running around

I got into the prep room and shed a few tears, I was just stressed with house stuff and then I think "If i am like this now, what will I be like when I have the house?" 

I was worried and stuff and as Jack calmed me down he checked his emails and he had one from estate agents to say roof people were coming on monday and so he emailed back saying it was great and that we had asked solicitors to go ahead with it all, which all did help my anxiety

I got on with the rest of my day and wasnt too deathlike through the day - somehow

I did get a txt from Theo - we have each other's facebook but cant say we message much

and he said "I havent heard from Jack in a while, I need him to actually message me back cus there are some loose ends that needs tying up with the flat"

I said "sure, i'll get him to message you, I kept asking him how you were and he said you had settled in so i assumed you were both in contact. How are you doing?"

He said "Im getting better now but last sunday I got a positive test for corona"

Jesus, it gets closer

Jack came into the room at that point and said "Jesus jack you didnt tell me theo has had corona!!" He said "WHAT!?" when!?" at first I thought 'what does it matter when?' then i thought 'oh hes wondering if hes infectious' but nah its been too long so hes fine and theo says hes getting better hes just exhausted

scary

I got home and sat with Oz

then mum put Tillie & Truffle on my knee, Truffle cant sit still

We're taking Molly to the vets tomorrow as she's had this lump growing on her tummy for a while now and mum wants to get it looked at so I said I would go after school

After the pets had gone I did 45mins of yoga and felt better for it

then got pyjamas on and stuff

I collected my salad from mummy and ate it in my room for a change

I came downstairs and my dad's first words to me were "have you heard anything from solicitors?"

not 'how was your day?' 'how are you feeling' none of that, just cut to straight what I cant cope with. I just said "well no, but roof people are going in next monday" that seem to pacify him

despite me saying when we first started the house thing "any news and i will let you know"

he doesnt seem to get that

I dont think he seems to understand that buying houses takes time, even more so when theres a pandemic going on -____-

I just came back upstairs, out the way and thats where I have remained!

Im gonna do a bit of drawing now for half hour then sit with Oz and go to bed