Evening

Once again I couldnt sleep

I also can't remember the last time I slept through the night --____-- im so very tired now

I get teary at the littlest of things  I just cant handle anything

Last night I tried to sleep then at 11:30pm mum screamed out having a night terror jesus we ALL heard it so if i didnt have heart issues before then I certainly had them afterwards....jesus

So I got up for a bit and stayed up til 1am

but slept after that til 7:30am

This morning I did 20mins of dance but wasnt really feeling it and gave in and went for a shower

think i went back to bed at 11am i just had enough of everything to be honest, i wanted to be out of pain and thinking and feeling

I woke up at 1pm and had lunch with mum

then looked for christmas presents online, i have almost finished my christmas shopping can you believe! its an achievement then mum decided she wanted to go for a walk 

and it threw it down on us --____-- we got soaked, so i came in and got pyjamas on

i stitched some details on to a pair of gloves i got jack for christmas

i have sat with Oz a few times today and the girls

did a bit more squirtle as i wanted to choose colours and i think im there with what colours i want him to have he just looks weird 

Keep practicing tsubaki factory ima nanji in the evening when i can, im getting further

I had a cry to mum as im just so fed up of it all right now, being in constant pain with no relief, taking endless pain killers that dont do what they say on the tin, not sleeping, being alone at night, not seeing jack, not seeing anyone, not having anything good to look forward to. heck even halloween has been taken from me! life is just a bit crap right now to be honest. and of course theres the whole business with the house the never ending saga. although jack did tell me today that the solicitors and estate agents are talking about getting a date for keys sorted - think we've all had enough of hearing about the bungalow now. be nice to get a date - some thing to look forward to 

Not sure what I am doing tomorrow as of yet

id love to see jack and do something but no such luck

start of zombie squirtle

 Yo~n

I couldnt sleep last night, so was up til 2am eating cereal and taking pain killers, after that i did sleep but still felt tired in the morning

I did 35mins of yoga this morning which i did feel better for and my god did my joints crack!

then i had a shower then took me and mum to some shops

we didnt go in many think 4? but i was annoyed as they didnt have the material in i needed to make mia's cushions so i ended up ordering some online when i got home, so now i have to wait for that to come but i have got everything else ready to make these cushions

i sat with Oz and had a brew with him

then I also had my lunch with him, then I read in bed. and thats where i stayed for the next 3  hours just in and out of sleep, my body felt like a lead weight. and so tired. i was very drugged up at this point too

i decided to get up at it reached 4pm and mum usually likes a brew with me at this time

after my brew i debated whether or not to go for a walk, i know should do but i felt so tired

but knew id regret it later if i didnt do a walk, so i forced myself to go and did an hour

i felt better for doing it just felt done in afterwards!

when I came in tho i got my pyjamas on and washed my face then had dinner

since then I cut fabric for mia's cushion so i could put a lot of stuff away until i have the material i need, cus i am running out of room in my bedroom due to all the house moving tat around >.>

I was gonna do some drawing but think I might have run out of time as it's Task Master tonight so I wanna sit down with Ozwald and watch that. 

here is how far I am with squirtle, thinking of doing a zombiefied version of him, not sure tho

tomorrow, not sure what I am doing yet, could always clean my room if i need something to do

depends how much sleep i get tonight, quite low with it all and want Jack but know i can't have Jack so its hard. I feel like im doing life alone at the moment.

got my bedding

 Evening

I took two cocodamol last night instead of 1, it was bliss XD

I fell asleep around 10:30pm

After i had cried twice, just cus i was in pain, had enough of it all and was not looking forward to another sleepless night. But I did drop off, however I woke up at midnight! what gives!? well unfair!

so I laid there, and laid there. It got to 2am and I thought 'screw this, it aint happening'

so I got up for an hour, had cereal, pain killers, read a bit, the usual

i went to bed around 3am, fell asleep and woke up just before 8am feeling shattered

This morning and all day really it has rained

so me and mum made the decision to go to the home store

she drove me to the post office first tho to post of the piggie, cost me £23.....

I managed to get the duvet, 3 pillows (Jack sleeps with 2), 2 cushion inners, 2 dinner plates

so yeah it was worth getting as we now have all the bedding and finally 2 more dinner plates, these ones have bunnies and squirrels and owls on theyre quite cute

we left and came home for lunch which was pumpkin soup and then I went to bed dosed up on pain killers it was bliss for 2 hours, not being conscious and having to feel pain and stress

When I got up tho Jack said he wanted to ring me

basically the roof on the bungalow was suppose to have been looked at on monday but the guy doing it is self-isolating, so yeah thats on hold now. He also said that Chris had rung him saying someone he gets a lift to and from school has had a positive corona test :/ and me and jack were in chris's office on monday and if honest i think we'd forgotten about masks at that point. we get talking and walked over to his office and yeah you get hot and stuff and keep distance at first without mask on then whilst talking you get closer and closer as it human body language. its easily done. So jack said to be careful, i wasnt worried really. chris is fine. he may not have corona. he is gonna see how he goes.

i looked so pale talking to jack tho i looked bloody awful. he said it was his sister's 17th birthday today so they were off out for food in the evening, rather them than me i have to say. ive been put off eating out since i found out school kitchen staff caught corona.

I cleaned Oz out whilst it was only drizzling. He has been outside a lot today - getting wet >.>

such a tramp and then he drinks the rain water on the decking -___- like he doesnt have fresh water in his water bottle. he just likes to think hes a wild bunny

We sat with the girls and had a brew

then I did a bit of dancing as I was sweating anyway for whatever reason

i worked hard and my hair was soaked, 30mins of dancing~

then showered off

after dinner i drew out silhouettes of whippets as i want to make mia a couple of cushions for her birthday and im doing simple whippet designs    

then I rummaged through my fabrics and found what i needed to make these cushions. 

i just need like iron on fabric glue. then i can get going with it

might do a bit of work on squirtle tonight but im not liking how he is turning out but i said that about charmander and he turned out ok.

tomorrow, hopefully go and get some fabric glue and get going with these cushions.

but my god i hope i sleep tonight. so sick of it all right now.

i hurt after i had danced, how unfair is that? my arms and back hurt. so i exercise to help the aches but it makes more aches. it was my usual dances and within 30mins of finishing i got these aches. not fair. makes me wonder why i bother. why i continue at all

10 hours left

 Evening

So last night I decided to do 30mins of dance practice, learning Tsubaki Factory's Ima nanji

it went well, I got up to the 1 minute mark

then I went to sit with my Ozwald

and went to bed but didnt sleep well, was waking up every 2 hours so I dont feel I had much of a deep sleep then woke up at 6am for work but didnt need to actually get up til 7am so I just laid there trying to get some sleep but didnt achieve any

I got to school at 9am

Julia txted to say she went in yesterday and wouldnt be in today, so it would me and jack

I was looking forward to seeing Jack

but the way he walked in, he looked tired so I made him a coffee

but all day he was grouchy, stressy and just hard to make conversation with

we had house paper work to sign and when it came to bit he needed to google, just to confirm what we needed to write, i sat next to him as I have been doing when doing house stuff - for moral support - i was gorming out to be honest and he turned to me "can you not sit there! i feel like youre breathing down my neck" 0.0 i mean i was quite taken back by that considering i wasnt even looking at him.

I responded "god Jack, I wasnt even doing anything"

he asked me to sign something and i made sure to take the paper away from him and do it else where so i wasnt  'breathing down his neck' 

i couldnt wait to finish to be honest cus it was hard work and i felt all he could talk about was him moaning about living at home. 

I announced i was leaving at 2:30pm he gave me a hug and told me he loved me and apologised for being stressy i kinda just left. i'd had enough but didnt hold it against him as we all get off days. I feel his are more noticeable as he has far less off days than me XD

I have exactly 10 hours left to complete before June

I came home and had a brew with mum then fussed Oz as I felt i needed my spirit calming

but it wasnt enough, i was hurting and very tired so i started to drift off on the sofa but mum woke me!! rightly so, but it still felt unfair. But it would stop me from sleeping tonight

so i forced myself to do an hours walk, i felt pretty good whilst walking 

i came home, had dinner, showered and got into pyjamas

might do some drawing then i am sitting with Oz then I will paint my nails, im having plain nails all 10 will be a different colour tho. but i never have plain nails.

Oh Jack brought me pumpkin earrings and a little bat plush that matches some other plushies i have X3 I will photograph them

tomorrow

I am going post office to post the piggie

then i think me and mum are going to a home store if she feels like it as she has a flu jab in the morning and sometimes you can feel a bit off from it. so we shall see~ I have stuff i can get on with tho

Finished multi coloured guinea

 Evening

My god what a sodding night

I did decided to do half hour yoga last night which did help unknot some muscles. I went to bed feeling tired but for whatever reason I could not get off to sleep, it reached midnight and I eventually drifted off. But for 20mins....what gives!? thats well unfair. I ached - of course - so I got up and had cereal and pain killers and crawled back to my bed. I did fall asleep but I had a nightmare - I get nightmares when Im stressed - it was so freaking creepy, it was to do with dolls and yeah it was like watching a horror film. I woke up sweating and I saw my doll - Himeko - facing me and its the first time that she has ever given me the creeps, I fell asleep straight away and fell back into the nightmare. When I woke up i about launched out of bed not wanting to relive the nightmare again. I went downstairs and was prepared to sod sleep at it was like 4am. I stayed up til 5am and had cereal then went to bed and woke up just before 9am feeling quite rough but was grateful I had achieved some sleep.

This morning I did 20mins of dancing but wasnt my best I could tell I couldnt think straight but I think its because I had been taking pain killers throughout the night. My morning brain was foggy

I got showered and then me and mum went to chemist for my drugs

then brought some flowers as it would have been grannys birthday today she would have been 85

so we went and put them on her grave and gave her grave a quick clean

we went for a walk down the river which was nice just a bit cold

I got back and had lunch

then I started and finished the guinea pig plushie for my friend Tom

she this is going all the way to Australia~

Came out pretty cute and different

I fell asleep for a while and did not want to get up

after dinner we had cake as I managed to convince mum cus it was grannys birthday that we should have cake :3

I did 30mins of dance practice, i have started learning Tsubaki factory's ima nanji

then I wrapped up the guinea pig

and now I am gonna sit with my Ozwald

I have been eating a satsuma at night and he seems to have gotten a taste for it >.>

he harasses me til i give him a segment, its hard to peel with his  nose all over the satsuma XD

Tomorrow

going work ugh >.> I have some hours left to kill and I want to see Jack

so I aim to get there around 9am and then do a few hours, I have lunch ready so yeah I will just stay til I have had enough. Cant be bothered but it will be nice to see Jack I have missed him. its stressing me out more than I thought it would. I was scratching in the night so my legs and face hurt. scratching and nightmares. ugh

started colourful guinea plush

 Evening

Despite waiting for my evening pain killers, they did literally nothing

I stewed in bed til 10:30pm when I decided to get up as I was not gonna get to sleep in that state

my parents were still up and mum made me a hot chocolate, i was fine making it but she insisted on making me one, and she massage my legs with the massage roller

they went to bed at 11pm. I stayed up and took some more pain killers, waited for them to kick in a bit then when to bed at midnight but still took me an hour to sleep. From there I had disturbed sleep and my bed was a tip in the morning -_____- so I dont feel like I have actually slept

This morning I went for an hour's walk by myself which was quite nice then came back and showered and had a brew with mum

then I started working on the guinea pig plush, I got quiet far with it today with a sleep and breaks in between making it. Shouldnt take me too long to actually get it finished.

I made my dinner and ate it by myself

had a look online for christmas gifts, i keep ordering bits and pieces when I get ideas on what I could get people. I have finished a few people now. Luckily I have very few people to buy for as i little friends and hardly any family. Still, i would like to get my christmas shopping finished during these holidays if I can

might do some drawing later but I will see, my eyes are very tired to be honest

tomorrow

me and mum might go out somewhere, I have convinced her to have the week off work to spend with me :3 but we said we shall see how i feel tomorrow as my health hasnt been good this weekend

might get into pyjamas and do yoga tonight? who knows, not sure what I am in the mood for!

first day of rest and done charmander

 Evening

My first day of rest u___u

My god I needed it, I didnt sleep too badly

once I woke up I climbed into mum's bed with her for 10mins

then we went to see the pets, dad had already let Ozwald out so he was doing his morning patrol

I had a very slow morning, didnt start exercising til 10:15am

I danced for 30mins then went for a shower then went for a walk with mum

I came back and had a brew and a sit, followed by a tea cake then I went to bed

I didnt wake up til 3 hours later!! it was such a deep sleep too, the house could have been on fire and I wouldnt have known about it! The whole time Oz was outside like a wild bunny

I got up and had a brew with mum then I went to do some drawing, I was tired - still - but did some drawing and I think I have finished charmander now

He looks cute and vampirish XD Next is squirtle I guess

I had my dinner which I made and then I looked through fabrics as I have a guinea plush to make tomorrow so I was seeing what I had to use. So thats all on my floor waiting to be cut up

Thats tomorrow's plan anyway, that and staying out of dad's way

I hope I sleep as I have slept so much today