Carpets are done

 Evening

I didn't get chance to do my diary yesterday

a lot happened yesterday ^^;

I woke up and fell over. This is new! I was like drunk. The room was spinning and I couldnt walk straight. I shouted for Jack and I was just not able to walk straight and was walking into things and couldnt find my footing. I was dizzy...why? what had I done? It was like my brain couldn't process what my eyes were looking at fast enough so I would fall over. Dead weird. frustrating as hell. I did not need this....

a morning we had stuff to move for the carpets to be laid in the hall and living room

so poor Jack, sat me down in the kitchen, sorted my breakfast out and got to work moving stuff. I felt so bloody useless. And cursed!! like seriously cursed!!!! first my back now I am dizzy. just what the hell!?

someone one is messing with me.

I ate breakfast and went to bed whilst Jack gardened. He didnt want me moving around as there was stuff everywhere.

Jack took me to the doctors for my blood test. Which I managed without fainting however it was painful and slow but the nurse said that was because I wasnt feeling 100% today. she tested my wee and said it was fine and took my poo sample off me

after lunch I sat round, cus what could I do?

but it got to about 4pm, the carpets were done, men were gone and I realised I could walk in a circle and not fall on my butt. I said to Jack "look im loads better!!" I wasnt fully healed but I was better. I cut his hair and we had early baths as we were going over to harvey's for a takeaway.

I really really wanted to drive as it meant Jack could have a drink and after all he has done this week I think hes bloody earned a drink with his mates. He was like "you sure? if I drink it commits you to driving and im not being a dick and making you drive just so I can have a drink" but i really wanted to do this. So I managed it. It was just slower driving to my usual as I didnt have fast reactions.

we got to Harveys and spent from 6pm to 10pm with him, theo, brandon and matt.

we sat outside talking really, it was nice. They guys ordered from fat hippo. which is a burger place jack has wanted to try and from looking at him I dont think it disappointed XD it looked so big and greasy....he had cheese balls too and fries. I took over leftovers so I didnt push my stomach too much.

We then ordered from Kaspers which is a pudding place. the guys all had waffles I had cookie dough, which at one point was like crack to me. Honestly I would have had that hooked to my veins. I was looking forward to it - my first non-diet piece of food since february. My first sugar.....

and I couldnt even get half way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got stomach ache T^T i felt sick and was in pain.

but to be honest it didnt do it for me. there was nothing wrong with that slab of gloriness in front of me but it just didnt do it for me. have my tastebuds changed? it wasnt like amazing and I didnt have a strong need for it. Yeah i think I am over my sugar addiction. considering the pain it caused I actually dont want to go back to that kind of diet ether!!!

we left at 10pm as I was driving and tired. matt and brandon left too as they had work in the morning.

we got home and I left Oz hopping round the garage, so I thought I would bring him in for a cuddle then put him home. The outside light didnt come on but I could see the silhouette of Oz in his cage so I talked to him and told him how good he was to take himself to bed. But because I couldnt see his face I couldnt see if he was asleep or not. I think he was sleeping....as I picked him up and he went mental. I got my lip, nose and chest scratched. I bought him inside and his thudding his back feet but he did calm down. i fussed him for 15 mins and put him to bed. Poor Oz I wish I have left him! I felt awful spooking him like that ><

I struggled to sleep as my stomach killed. I was in a ball in bed and even dreamed of stomach ache! I dreamed I had swallowed a blade. Yeah.....

I woke up a lot as well just cus of pain. But I wonder if thats because I havent been able to exercise :(

This morning Jack woke me at 8:45am I had no idea what day of the week it was. I usually know when Jack has left the bed but not this morning. as soon as I sat up that bedroom was on the move....my god I was dizzy -_____- i was so annoyed  I felt worse than yesterday.

so that was me screwed again. I had a headache and felt sick.

I ate breakfast and went back to bed. I woke up and ran to the toilet spitting as I thought I was gonna be sick. I think I might have a virus as I am not normally like this.

Jack jetwashed the fence panels in preparation for the painting tomorrow, mum came to see me. I was so worn out and couldnt walk without feeling dizzy and exhausted. just talking to mum was tiring and i had to just face her I couldnt look away without feeling dizzy. She brought me a load of parcels which was mainly new work wear :D

I couldnt even use instagram earlier as the scrolling up action was too much. I cried. out of frustration of life. Jack consoled me. poor jack. he has had so much house and garden work to do this holiday and he has been full time carer. He has been walking with me room to room whilst the dizzyness is bad as he worries about me falling.

I reheated leftovers from wednesday and I couldnt eat it all!! whats up with me!? I usually scoff the lot im usually starving. my dizziness is only slightly better tonight. Last night it was so much better that i thought id be fine today T^T i am cursed.

i have managed to do my diary tho guess thats something. no exercise again tho.

I am gonna have a bath to which jack will probably need to help me out of again -____- hes playing D&D tonight we both had forgotten, he offered to skip but he needs to tune off.

tomorrow

9am ray - dad's friend - is coming over to paint our fence panels. He did my parents last week and did such a neat job that Jack insists we have him to do ours rather than Jack do it. To be honest Jack has done so much this week that I am fine with that. Not sure what else we will do as it depends on me. I wanted to go shops today for pyjamas but no. so i shall see how I am

carpets almost done!

 Evening~

We didnt get in bed til 11:30pm...by time everything was done as I know Jack had so much to do and was trying to find time to game and I wanted him to tune off and game.

I didnt sleep well and was awake from 6am so yeah i was tired this morning

We got up and had to start the day as the guys were coming between 8:30am and 9am but they apprentice boy came at like 8am. Good job we were up! Jack woke me at 7am. My back was bad or is bad shall I say. Its worse than yesterday

I did manage to do some exercise last night, just half hour and nothing strenuous and I felt ok doing them but this morning it felt bad. Like if I start lifting anything too heavy my back along my bra strap felt like it was gonna snap again. So that made me USELESS

I could not help move furniture or anything heavy or bulky. I also couldnt garden as its that same leaning over action that is hurting me. To say I am peed off is an understatement. I need to be doing stuff but I am useless! Very frustrating.

I was so exhausted as well. 

I managed to get the meatball hot pot on which I did from the top of my head using things that were gonna go off. I cut up bacon and put it in whilst some bacon was cooked off and left to cool for Jack's wraps at lunch he was grateful for it. He was outside pulling ivy off the fencing. I spoke to my brother for 40mins then to my mum and all in all I didnt really get anything done in the morning! We had lunch then I fell asleep on the sofa, jack says he is unsure how as the guys were literally banging outside the lounge door. But I guess that shows how done I was. 

I sat in the afternoon at the patio door with my desk that had been kicked out the study. So I could watch outside and do my drawing! I got the shading done on ninetails anyway

We had dinner which was really really good :D I would make it again but I have no idea what I threw in! During dinner my brother phoned to see if he could come see carpets and I had said to him this morning I needed help lifting my cabinet from the garage to the craft room as I couldnt do it with Jack. So he came just as we were finishing dinner. He also helped move my kitchen work surface which is my desk-to-be in the garage. It was delivered today but left in the garden due to carpets being laid and its 3m long ^^; yeah I couldnt get the colour I wanted any shorter. God knows how I will cut it....but its safe in the garage now anyway.

We were talking on the drive for a bit, he loves my carpets and cant believe how cushioned they are. Its making the rooms feel so different too. no more turquoise carpet upstairs!! 

After that we had all crap to sort out the living room. The end is in sight. Poor Jack....

Tomorrow~

ahhh tomorrow, busy, busy...

We have carpet guys for the final day starting at 8:30am

9am the electrician is coming to talk to us about what needs doing as we havent seen him since march

9:45am we are going out to the doctors (woohoo) were I need to take in my poo and wee sample I gotta do in the morning...which I will want done and never thought of again. Anyway I am going to the doctors for a blood test. another crappy blood test, but my first blood test with jack. I am also going to ask the nurse if she can get a doctors sick note for me. So I can have next week off school ><

then got the rest of the day pretty much free apart from carpets. Also cutting jack's hair

at dinner time we are going over to Harveys and were having a takeaway with him, theo and possibly brandon. I am only taking part in the dessert tho. i am taking my own food over just cus I dont want to push my luck with my stomach.

Come home and go bed! just hope I am in bed by a better time tonight....

Carpets from 1985 to now

 Evening

Despite my back pain I did sleep through the night til 7am

I got up as I needed a wee but my back was very stiff like I had exercised really hard or something

it did loosen up as the morning went on, I got Jack to rub that cream in my back for me

I got ready and was over at mum's for 8:15am

we had a cup of tea and then mum went out, I went to cut truffs's fur as she was desperate and it is warm lately. She happily sat on my knee for 20mins and completely cooperated with me. Even round her chin she raised her head without me prompting, she didnt fight me, it was like she wanted it doing

I did some clay work in my old bedroom, I was making chimecho for Jack, I almost finished it but screwed up on the last bit so ended up having to start again T^T all cus of a stupid stupid mistake....

but I got it done and I think it looks ok, mum came home and we had a cup of tea whilst my clay was baking, she loved truffs's haircut and was happy to know how good she had been ^^ 

I came home for my lunch at 12:20. the carpet people who were suppose to come at lunch arrived at 9:30am but it was just their apprentice so he was like 17 and just doing the prep work like ripping up old carpets and sorting tools. The actual fitter didnt come til 1pm

It was hard to do anything in the house as the house was a tip and the sheer amount of noise as well...I had no idea carpet laying was so noisy.... I went outside in the heat and replanted my sunflowers and Jack tackled a bush but we both called it there as it was just so hot.

We came inside and went on our computers. I ordered a new light for the landing finally. I was gonna do some drawing but I couldnt think and I was starting to get a bit stressed with it all but at 3:34pm I heard them saying they were gonna pack up.

Mum came over for a brew when the guys had left

then I did my dinner which I made turkey burgers and they turned out well ^^

Jack then was moving everything from one room to another. He has worked so hard with all this carpet stuff. Hes had to shift stuff and empty things and hammer floor boards down and yeah he has done well. I made sure he had time for gaming with Harvey tonight. So he hasnt had a shower yet but hes gonna have a bath at 9:45pm so were gonna have a later bath just so he can chill out a bit.

cant cope with him being unhappy and stressy at the moment so I am doing what I can to make him happy and chilled out :) he says he is ok tho.

I did a bit more on my ninetails picture

you can tell the shading difference of the body and the tails!

I am leaving it there anyway today

I have got Oz to sit with then got to do my exercises which I said I would dance but I think I would rather work out. 

tomorrow

carpet people are coming over between 8:30am and 9am

mum says I can go over to hers if I get too stressed with noise

the carpets that are down in the craft room and spare room are amazing. its like walking on marshmellows its just bliss. I am so happy and can not wait for the rest of the house to be done.

we did find some newspapers under our carpet that dates back to 1985....shows how old and smelly the damn things were -____-

Done my back in

 Evening

I managed to learn a 3min dance in 15 mins last night ^^ of course it wasn't learnt brilliantly but hey I still got it at least ;D

I had a bath and watched anime with Jack we are enjoying Chobits

I slept well, woke up at 7am but thought "forget that" heard Jack get up for Oz tho and come back to bed and the next thing I knew it was 9am!

This morning felt like my birthday, I had fruit loaf!!!!! My first carbs in months! It tasted so damn good, I had it with a cup of tea and sat with the massager as my back hurt from laying on the grass for 4 hours.

At 10am we planned our day and decided what needed to be done in the way of sorting things for carpets. So I went to go clean Oz out then would come in to do my soup

I saw Oz and went to lift his cage roof off and at that moment I felt something snap and tear round where my bra sits 

I SCREAMED

I can't remember the last time I screamed in pain. I ran inside the house holding each side of my self screaming like a crazed person

I laid out on the lounge floor screaming and crying my eyes out and not being able to breathe properly as it hurt to breathe.

Poor Jack was sat on the toilet during this >< don't think he could get off the toilet fast enough!

he ran into me not knowing what happened

I could barely breathe nevermind speak

I didnt know what to do, what position to be in

just didnt know how to make this terrible sharp pain go away

it hurt the whole circumference of where my bra sits and if I moved it shot pains down my front or up my back I didnt know what to do. I couldnt stop crying but jack managed to calm me enough to find out what happened.

He didnt know what to do and nether did I

so we did what any other adult would do....

we rang my mum X3

mum was in a super market with dad and I told her what happened and she said she would come over but to put ice on it til then

so jack had the job of slightly moving me to slide a bag of peas under me.

it was hell, jack brought me my ipod and i put that on whilst he got dressed and did his teeth as he didnt want my parents thinking he was slobXD

mum came and dad was there and they said i needed to sit up. 

but everytime I moved too much I yelled out. I have never known pain like it. my back had gone into spasm basically and mum said i needed to move it around so the spasm will calm down 

dad - helpful as  ever - said "if you cant get up we will ring an ambulance"....

i mean thats helpful. He knows I dont do hospitals and on top of that theres a thing called Covid, I dont wanna be in hospital with covid sitting beside me

dad asked me how I got from the garage to the house

and I replied "I ran but dont remember it much"

so my brain thought "it is possible to move then if I did that"

so we tried a new approach of being pulled up with my arms to sit up and it hurt a lot and I had to get my breath but it was easier to breathe. Next step was leaning on the sofa cushion and kneeling on the floor. Mum rubbed a pain killer cream into my back and said I just need to move it slowly.

eventually we got me into the sofa. I was exhausted by this point. I had cried so much and been in horrific pain. Im good with pain, but pain that is so strong that you cant use your lungs properly...thats impressive.

Mum said "its fear and scary and not knowing what to do isnt it"

both mum and dad have had spasm in the back so knew what to do

i think its from laying on the grass yesterday

mum and dad left me to recover

eventually i was up and moving and found it less painful to be moving around

Jack helped me with my soup, I supervised him cleaning Oz out as hes never done it before

as soon as I had lunch I went to bed for an hour

since then I supervised Jack nailing down some floorboards and moving stuff for carpets tomorrow

he didnt want me doing anything, and I dont think I could have as even tho I could move my back continued to twinge with pain that would last a second.

He didnt mind cleaning Oz out tho and Oz inspected it ^^

mum came over for a 4pm brew which I was happy about. I am so grateful to her for today

I did dinner whilst Jack gamed, food was good

after I ordered my new desk! I am not doing any exercise tonight as I actually feel unwell so I am not going to push my body any further

were gonna have a bath and sit with Oz and have an early night. jack says I look like im gonna collapse and look like death 

tomorrow

NEW CARPETS!!!!! I can not wait, its not starting til the afternoon tho so not sure how I will pass my morning.

just hope my back is back to normal tomorrow as its all very sore and tender 

A picnic in the park

 Evening

I slept ok but the noise of Jack chewing on his teeth kept waking me and he squished me again ><

We woke up at 8am and left for our weekly food shop

shopping was ok, we picked up stuff for the picnic and stuff for gardening

We got back and Jack unpacked

From there we kinda just rested really, didnt do a lot as we were meeting Harvey, Theo and Brandon at 1pm. But I did make the effort to sit with Oz for half hour as I knew he would be locked up for a few hours. Before we left I heated my soup up as that was gonna be my lunch. I brought some fruit and a biscuit I made last night

we sat outside til 5pm. I made 1 trip to Harveys. He wanted water and I needed a wee. Apart from that we were just out in the sun. I started in the shade but the sun came round so I hid under a blanket I bought. So I was sandwiched between two blankets, with a cushion to sleep on, I took my pain killers at 4pm and had a bit of a nap as theres only so much nerd talk I can take XD Jack ate a fair amount with the guys. I obviously couldnt cus of my diet.

We left them around 5pm and got and had a cup of tea whilst airing the house, it is so warm!

I had dinner but Jack didnt as he said he had eaten enough but when he smelt my dinner he regretted his decision XD Still, he sat with me whilst I ate mine as we have started digimon season 3 - tamers - today :)

he cleared up and I did some clearing up too. He is now gaming with the guys. I am with Oz. I would like to try some dancing or exercise when Oz has gone to bed. Making sure hes getting fuss and he seems full of energy XD We have changed what we put down in his toilet area in preparation for the new carpets on tuesday and he has done toilet on it so thats a win!

Tomorrow

we have got to move some stuff round because the carpets are being ripped up on tuesday

so we have a few squeaky floor boards to screw down as well. I have Oz to clean out and my soup to make as well. Mum wants to see me too. So it will be another day of not getting any time for myself!

I have enjoyed my day tho. Its good to see people. We are going over to Harvey's on thursday as that's his and theo's takeaway night, jack hasnt had takeaway in months and we can actually go in each others houses now so we're gonna do that cus if it ends up being a late one its fine as we dont have work the next day :) and in regards of food for me, I will take my own food over but join in for dessert!!!

Jack's skin is a bit pink from the sun I hope he will be ok.....

What came of the doctors

 Konbanwa~~

Yesterday I could not face writing up about my day, so here I am today!

Yesterday I got through school, it was such an achievement as on Monday I was in the prep room crying as I could not see how I was going to get through the week. But I did it

I managed my practicals and managed to clear everything away so stuff wouldnt be there to greet me when I return 7th June.

We got home without Oz which was very odd. We were gonna sit out and have a brew but didnt as Oz wasn't home and its comfy inside. I did a quick work out then did us some dinner

after dinner Jack went upstairs on his PC to play D&D and I left to go see my family

I sat out in the garden with mum and my brother, talking and watching the pigs, Oz was so happy to see me it was very very sweet, he was so giddy. That made my evening just seeing him so happy to see me. I am needed in life :)

Me and mum set off the for doctors. I did not want to go. Luckily we were not waiting long - which makes a change I will say!

Inside the doctors room, I felt defeated. i had had enough. 3rd time I have been doctors this month. Its just showing that things just are not right. Which makes me feel quite crap to be honest

I cried through pure frustration as I felt he was not helping. This was when my mother stepped in

she knows that for any help in this country you have to fight for it. Thats not how it should be but it is how it is. That's not just my GP ether its 99.9% of british health service. Mum has been fighting along side me for 10 years now. She knows the game

she said that I needed a plan of action that I am not stable and can not be left like this

so here's what I got out of it

I need to give a urine sample - I can't remember what thats being tested for

I need to give a stool sample - to be tested for a particular protein 

I need to give a blood sample - yes another blood test!! some are repeated tests as they came back positive 2 weeks ago but he said in the past they have come back negative so he wants to retest them. He is also testing me for rarer things and Lupus

He said he doesnt want anything to come back positive as he said its not going to be good.

He has referred me to my psychiatrist I saw 2 years ago. I am not happy about this but I did not argue it. I think we all can see i need some form of help

he would not give me any more medication and said to take my meds after I have died on the toilet as I wont be absorbing them properly.

We left there and picked Oz up and mum dropped me off home. Jack was gaming, I went and had a bath then I sat with Oz. I stayed up til 10pm looking at clothes online. Jack finished up gaming just after 10pm and came to ask how I got on, but at 10pm I did not want to talk about it

so instead we put Chobits in and watched that with hot chocolate!  I can not believe how perverted Chobits is! Jack was amused and liked the anime >.> men 

it was funny tho and I will continue with it

I had overdosed last night as i didnt want to lay there with my thoughts

I kept waking up in the night, sometimes cus jack was snoring and a couple of times because I was being squished by jack! >< he goes on side then rolls onto his back but rolls to far and I get squished! he ends up a bit on my side too T^T 

this morning we got up and went to the post office and then we went range, and hobby craft. i picked up a few bits ^^ nothing massively exciting just restocking and things were reduced and I got some clay to make something for Jack - a chimecho clay chime!

On the way home we went for a walk round a park, we havent been for a while. It was quiet too. It was quite humid! I told Jack all about the doctors and he was as supportive as ever and sees things in a different light. Things I see so negatively he sees it a different way and its very helpful. He is taking me for my blood test on thursday :)

we got back and it was near enough lunch time. So we had lunch watching digimon then I went for a sleep as I was exhausted but pleased with how much I had achieved

I woke up and we sat outside with Oz but it was very hot so we came in and Oz hid in the garage as its cool. I cant believe how hot it was!

Dinner was good and I have since been on my laptop upstairs, bought a few clothes for work really and some chimes to take a part for Jack's present.

I have a bit of exercise to do, think its like 20mins long thats all I am doing then I will do some drawing possibly but got to see what time I end up with as its 8:40 now! here's how far I am with ninetails tho

Tomorrow

we are doing our weekly shop then for lunch we are going to meet in a park with harvey theo and brandon and have a picnic :D it should be good :) I just hope I am mentally ok for it.

We are almost there, I have done well to make it this far. Missed out on more cake!

 Evening

I slept well last night after having my hot chocolate which was amazing ^^

I felt ok about the day and didnt die on the toilet ether!

School was quite long and dull. I helped out in two lessons, the Maggots and Bacteria.

Got it done~ just got 1 last maggot lesson tomorrow

I sorted my plants out and gave a sunflower plant to a teacher :) 

head of science gave everyone pastries and cakes/cookies. I resisted the temptation but once again Jo misses out T^T

I enjoyed my lunch but felt drugged up after my pain killers, they have been effecting me a lot today for some reason

I txt mum to say I just need to be quiet, I am mentally drained, so we picked Oz up and sat out in the picnic blanket, He harassed me for my banana chips and sultana and of course got them >.>

We did dinner as I was starving, so food was good.

I now have some time for some drawing then I will go do some working out, bath then Jack wants the bath after me so I might get him to spend some time with Oz.

tomorrow is the last sodding day of school. Thank bloody god. What an achievement it has been to get this far into the week. I also have my 3rd doctors appointment of the month. I wrote down my long list of symptoms for the doctor to suck on. So mum is going with me to that lovely appointment. I feel it will be a waste of everyones time involved....