my go city centre tomorrow - first time in 10 months

 Evening

I had such a bad night T^T I had stomach pains and stomach rot from pain killers. I wanted to face Jack in bed as that side felt ok to sleep on compared to the other side - my left side - that hurt 

But he was thrashing in his sleep and kept squishing me and was snoring and robbing covers and ughhhhh I got up twice, even made a bed on the sofa but decided that I couldnt stay there so came to bed after overdosing. I had an awful dream and woke up wet through, so glad it was bed change day. Even Hammington was wet...I woke Jack up and started to peal the covers off him and stopped...

"are you naked!?"

he said "No!!" and pealed the covers down further

I said "thank god, felt sick then. Thought id been next to you naked all night"

poor Jack, thats how he was woken up, me repulsed by the idea of him sleeping naked next to me XD

I felt so out of it this morning. My morning consisted of food and sleep -____-

I went over to my mum's at 10:50am, we had tea and a chat and my brother came to chat which was nice. I said that im having waffles tomorrow and I said to him if he washes and cleans my car (as he does a pro job) that Id buy him a waffle. Cleaning my car wipes me out but its effortless to him.

so he did that after lunch, after we had lunch mum dyed my hair so its all fresh, I also epilated and shaved in the shower so I feel  fresh, then we sat with the girls which was nice. I was home for 3pm

I had fruit loaf when i got home, we went for a walk, then made biscuits and then did dinner. Had Oz in as it was thundering and lightening so I wanted to make sure he was ok. Its totally blown over, 1cm hail stones and all, now its sunny!

So I might do a bit do a bit on my drawing then watch anime with Jack and Oz

tomorrow

we are thinking of going into the city centre - early

I havent actually been in the city centre for about 10months, yup its sure been a while! But with covid, I cant say I fancied it and also everywhere was in lock down!

But more and more people we know are going and say its ok but I am unsure....nothing I need really I just miss going. But I am gonna see how my anxiety is in the morning. Heck my parents have been to the city loads! if they can do it I can! But we shall see. We also have takeaway in the evening with Harvey and Theo. 

I need to plan my weeks so I get the most out my holidays

if I dont go out tomorrow then im working on my drawers

Finally bloody finished this year and got Dedenne!

 Evening

my god thank you sooo much! I have finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like a dream come bloody true

So last night I slept pretty well really

This morning I was parading around saying how much I didnt want to go!!

I hurt

I know why tho. I did something stupid yesterday. I did weights and exercise for 25mins then had a cold bath which I wanted but what I needed was a warm bath to soak and relax my muscles. I had got so cold in the bath I had goosebumps which made me tense up after a work out. Not a good idea

so I hurt

We left Ozwald at home today

At school

as we entered the building we went straight to the cafe for our free breakfast cob

I got bacon and Jack got sausage - he ate both 

I made us both a tea which was was meh tea 

it was a total scrimped out breakfast tho as the tea and coffee wasnt good, no biscuits, 2 rashes of thin bacon and the sausage - when jack bit into it he showed me the inside and it looked the same colour and consistency as the cob....he was effetely eating a cob sandwich 

still, he ate it

we sat with chris and Julia and Karen

nice start to the day, not that anyone was socially distant.....

we went upstairs to the prep room to start the day

I got some more tidying done~

we got given presents and cards of appreciation which was lovely, but Jo cant have any of it. As its alcohol and sweets/chocolate. Jack does well out of my diet!!! But the cards are nice :) And its nice to feel appreciated. 3 out the 4 biologists came up to me individually to thank me for my hard work this year ^^ you can guess the only one who didnt >.> no surprises there

we had lunch with the science department as we may as well and there was leftover fuddle food which Jack took part in. Then about 40mins later it was home time. So easy day but I still found it difficult and tiring just because I was aching so much really and I think yesterday had taken it out of me.

I was glad to get home and go to bed but before then.....Dedenne! jack gave me my Dedenne plush!!!! Its sooooo very cute I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

I woke up and 20mins later mum came over for a brew

then an hour later I did some dinner which was good

I did a 15min work out and had a warm bath

now I think we are gonna sit with Oz and have a bit of an earlier night as I am just done. But we can stay up more tomorrow anyway~ we have the whole holiday!!!

So bloody glad

tomorrow I am going over to mum's at 11am for a brew, then lunch, then dye my hair!  

Managed my first full day in weeks!

 Evening

I slept ok but didnt wanna wake up as I knew it would be school

I did wake up like 2 mins before my alarm so I cuddled Jack who said he had a bad dream and didnt sleep well. He said his dream was that he lived in Harvey's house and there was giant ants there.

I said "you probably dreamed that as you upset me and Harveys is where you would end up without me" XD he was like "yeah probably" XD

I did my yoga before school, Jack went to see Oz and came in saying "he was on the garage floor when I walked in?" huh?

I worked out what had happened. I had put Oz home in the dark and hadnt seen/noticed that his door was locked it was shut to but not locked so he had obviously nudged it open in the night and then it has swung closed on him and hes not been able to get home all night....safe to say he was STARVING my god that rabbit was hungry. And he was off to mum's today! mum's flourishing garden T^T

we took him over to mums and I just hoped I wouldnt get angry txt messages from my mother...

school was hard but not as hard as it has been some days

we gave Julia her bday card and her plant present, we were given chocolates from a trainie teacher and the biscuits from the art technician so it was gifts all round. We had the 'fuddle' and I took my own food in and no one said anything, Jack enjoyed his food. I did my 1 practical for just 2 students. I got in contact with Occupational Health finally as I kept forgetting. But said the woman is out of office til 29th. I got loads of washing up that has been piling up. I have a bit more to do but ran out of room on the drying board which is saying something.

Tomorrow at school we start the day with free bacon/sausage sandwich. I will go down for it but I wont have it. Theres usually tea and coffee so I will have a tea~ Jack says he will eat my sandwich on my behalf >.> he benefits greatly from my diet at times! We finish at 1pm too. We have no lessons~ I just hope the day doesnt go dead slow.

We picked Oz up and went home and a brew and snack

then I wanted my dinner as I was hungry and tired but I had my breakfast meat to cook otherwise it would go out of date TT^TT that was a kick in the teeth as I really thought I had zero cooking to do tonight but i got it done. We had dinner and I fell asleep on my bed for half hour.

Now I am here and I need to do some form of exercise if I want to sleep tonight

so tomorrow is half day at school really and then when we get home I get my plush that Jack hid away in the wardrobe and I will give him a new earring. I can't wait for new plush!

Not sure what else I will do with my day as it depends on how tired I am

picture of the fish cakes I made a few weeks ago and I of course made the chips too

because once again he doesnt communicate

 Evening

I could not be bothered to do my diary last night

so yesterday I was tired and achy, I was disappointed that I wasnt able to do all I wanted but I did get some stuff done

we went to a local town in the morning and I got some new earrings from a jewellers theyre just little hoops as my hoops for my ears were just too large. I got paint for my drawers too. The whole shopping experience was tiring tho as I had bad anxiety everywhere! I felt totally fine all morning but as soon as I was in a shop I was just overwhelmed with it all without even thinking about anxiety! So frustrating

We came home and I went to bed

had lunch and then had a warm bath. I didnt have the energy for exercise so I decided on a warm bath

we set off for one last shop as I wanted a canvas to sit and do during the holidays then from there

 we went over to Jack's mums where we had 5 hours with his family and a BBQ it was alright I dont mind seeing them I just find it exhausting having to look well and happy for that length of time without a break! Its intense! 

I drove us home as Jack wanted a drink with his sisters which is fair enough.

we got back around 8:30pm which I was glad about as I had had enough. I was just aching bad

so I managed 25mins of exercise and then we had Oz in whilst we watched Inuyasha then we went to bed and we both slept pretty well

this morning we got up and went food shopping and I was ok today I wasnt anxious

I was tired tho and achy

we unpacked and I had a tea then crawled up on the bed. I knew I had stuff to do but couldnt face it all. However I did pick myself and went to make my soup with Jack, cleaned Oz out who enjoyed helping and then cleaned the bathroom. Had lunch and went to bed

When I got up I couldnt be bothered but I decided to go a walk, using my strength i drove us to the river for a walk round but Jack hardly spoke it was no fun at all. I was really disappointed that the only thing I had actually had time for myself for was a walk with my boyfriend and I had pushed myself and done the river walk for it to be a total grumpfest. 

We came home and I went on the bed

he wanted my opinion on some tshirts and i ordered a couple for myself then went back on the bed and cried as I ached, my pain killers had done nothing all day. I was tired. Jack was in a mood.

He came and we talked about it and he felt bad for being grumpy but it turns out it was cus we had been talking about his birthday and he doesnt like his birthday and doesnt want any fuss made over him. I knew that but I didnt know he hated his birthday so much. I was looking forward to going out for the day with my boyfriend and he doesnt want to. I said "so once again its me upset because you havent told me how you actually feel!" he always bottles up how he feels about something and then I have no idea why hes not happy, think its me and yeah. He needs to work on that. he was sorry and said he doesnt mind going out for his birthday but said to leave it if it doesnt make him happy. I said "we best actually go places in the holidays tho right?" he said "yeah we can go places" we best >.>

i was also fed up as I had biscuits and food to make but was too tired and drained but i got it done somehow

dont want to go school tomorrow ether

just cant face a full day T^T not done a full day in weeks

its also the department "fuddle" where you bring food in and have a bit of a get together

I am bringing stuff in with Jack but I wont actually be having any of it as I cant face that

I just want to get the day done

Oz will be at bunny day care~

photo of stew dinner

 Evening

thank god the week is done

last night I could not sleep. I had awful awful stomach pains like my insides were rotting and burning. I had no idea what was up. But it was keeping me up! I needed more pain killers but once I took them my stomach felt even worse. So I was just up and awake by myself. It went on and on, til I took some more pain killers at 3am and went back to bed

so when the alarm went off at 6am I was dead.....I was pale with bags under my eyes and my lips had no colour at all. I didnt want to go to school and was half tempted to not go

But I went

I managed everything but left at 11:30am as I just felt like death

I came home after dropping Mia's card off and had my lunch and went to bed

I was a bit disappointed as I had planned to go buy art supplies on my home but didnt feel well enough - mentally and physically to do so. Jack felt better knowing I was going straight home too and not going round a shop by myself

I slept for 2 hour and felt better

I had also been to the toilet multiple times and felt better in that respect too

I finished Jack's sister birthday card off it looks really good and hes really pleased with it

I had tea and fruit loaf, Jack came home

We had dinner which was a simple matter of using a microwave to heat up leftovers! woo!

it been cooler today its been 24c not 30c so thats helped matters!

I might do some exercise now then go and take Oz over to my mum and dads as jack is gaming til 10pm so I will be by myself anyway and my parents have been out for the day. I also said I would help mum with tilly's meds too.

So I will do some exercise and have a bath~

tomorrow

we are popping to the shops in the morning, I will try get some chores done too maybe and then in the afternoon we are going to the shop I was so suppose to get art supplies from today on the way to Jack's parent's house where we have been invited over for a BBQ at 3pm. It could rain tomorrow so not sure how it will go but its his step dad's birthday so there might be cake and if there is I cant eat it T^T

Keep meaning to show one of my stew dinners I make

took tilly vets

 Konbanwa

I slept ok again despite the sheer heat....

I was ok about going school too

I did so much at school! I got the physics booklet cover done and it was well appreciated by head of physics, Hannah and head of KS3 ^^ I was happy my work was appreciated like that :D

They look really good too. I was just doing it for the year 7&8 but everyone has said they want them for 9&10&11 too but I plan to do them separate covers which theyre fine with me doing but they want the year 7&8 ones on the rest of them in mean time as it will take me a long time to do the older year group ones. I am happy they have gone down so well!

We  managed to tidy A LOT of the prep room too, I am no longer so stressed about the state of the prep room. I was exhausted tho. Doing so much manual work in that heat and humidity is awful. Half the kids arent even in due to covid or people keeping their kids at home so they wont have to self isolate or get covid even before their pre-booked holidays during summer. cant blame them. but literally cant see the point in being in. As no one can teach as they sometimes have 5 student in their class so they just stick a video on. A video they could watch from home!!

I came home for lunch, my last lunch with mummy as she wont be coming over tomorrow. 

I showed her the stuff I got from TK MAXX last night, she likes my frying pan of all things XD

typical mother

I went to bed for an hour and woke up hungry as I didnt have much soup left over

so I had tea and tea cake, did some designing of my drawers and then Jack came home

I saw him for a short time as mum came to collect me to go to the vets with her, she thinks Tilly has got a UTI as of last night so mum wanted to get her sorted ASAP. As it goes I couldnt wait in the vets with mum so I was stuck in the car for half an hour with no phone or ipod T^T then mum came out without tilly, mum couldnt go into the vet's room with Tilly! She said if she knew this then she wouldnt have dragged me out like this but I didnt mind supporting mum and tilly

the vet couldnt actually find anything wrong with tilly

but covered all grounds with antibiotics and pain killers just for a week

I hope shes ok

I came back and did dinner which didnt make us sweat too badly

after I did some more Jack's sister's birthday card its looking good ^^

worked out for 30mins I was dripping despite it just being weights, then I remembered I had done 15mins of yoga as well this morning. >< didnt need to have made myself so hot and sweaty

I had cold bath and Jack had it afterwards

now were gonna sit out with my lad

Tomorrow its friday

and thank bloody god that it is

just no more school please. Too hot there

making cards, more pumpkins and fibromylgia videos

 evening

Could not be bothered to do my blog last night

but my day was ok, busy but ok I guess. Hot of course as this week its just 30c all the time

and no where has AC T^T 

I had mum over for lunch and I started doing mia and engagement card as well

I tried doing a yin yoga video for fibromylgia and I found it too easy. I would say it would suit those who are really poorly but I have progressed.

Today

I slept well, dreaming of vampires and demons wanting to recruit me to their clans. I mean just take me now and give me an interesting life! Damn that alarm for waking me!!! ><

didnt want to go school as I finally had those praticals to do from the other week >> and i did them and I did them bloody well. I was sweating making up those chemicals. Luke thanked me and appreciated what I did. Cant be said for other people who literally talk to me like crap. I bit her head off back earlier. I was hot and bothered, in pain, and did not deserve to be spoken to like that. She looked quite shocked but I dont want to be someone who gets walked all over.

I didnt get the physics books done as I have had other work to do :/ but maybe tomorrow

After I had mum over for lunch I went to bed but didnt sleep for long as my body was getting warm >< just too hot to even sleep!

I got up and finished Mia's engagement card and sent Jacks mum some ideas for Jack's birthday which she was grateful for :) 

Dinner was good as I did pulled pork and totally winged the recipe but it was so good. As we didnt have to cook I suggested going to TK MAXX tonight for Jack's step dad's birthday present. His birthday is this weekend. Jack being Jack hasnt brought anything or thought of anything so I suggested a tshirt for him. So Jack said we would go shopping saturday morning

but its more busy then and also we are seeing them that day and I will need all the energy I can get I dont want to be wasting it round a busy shop.

So we went tonight

we got a new frying pan as ours is knackered from Jack's uni days

we got a thermos for soup and a cool bag so we can go on picnics in the holidays

Jack got a tshirt for £4.99 - always determined to buy that guy clothes.

we were unsuccessful in getting James a birthday present as I didnt realise they didnt sell up to his size.....

however we did get something bloody amazing!!!! We got 2 glass pumpkins. Yes I did jump up and down with happiness and excitement in the shop =>.<= Jack said I could have whatever. So I picked a matching one for the one I picked up last year for the kitchen windowsill and I picked a dark glitter green with a goldish stem for the fire place. I was so damn happy. Jack was happy seeing me being happy.

we got home and I I tried to 10min fibromylgia video but that was too dull and slow for me too. then I had a cold bath whilst Jack brought James something online. So he is sorted now. Jack's sister's birthday is in August. It's her 16th so I have started drawing her a card not told Jack yet as I have never made a card for any family members before of his. Im sure it will be ok. I suggested ideas for her birthday too. Honestly its just me organising everything here T^T

I need to do Julia a bday card too as its hers on 1st August. Whats with all these birthdays lately ><

I will do more work on the card tomorrow.

We will go sit out with Oz again tonight as too warm to have him inside

he is enjoying playing out in the evenings

tomorrow is school   

gonna be hot again T^T but might be able to have some actual drawing time who knows