Both headachy from the vaccine

 Evening

I managed some digital drawing last night but im not sure how it will turn out yet!

We played pokemon together in bed but instead of being cuddled up with one another we were turned away from one another - like we had had an argument or something! But it was because we had sore arms!

I slept tho ^^

Which surprised me as I spent a lot of time in bed....

When we got up we put the korean stew in the slow cooker...dont know what it will be like. i think it smells weird but jack says it smells nice

This morning we were both really headachy. My head felt like grand canyon trying to form in my head and my head has pretty much hurt all day Jack seems ok after taking paracetamol 

I suggested to go for a walk to clear our heads this morning so we went for an hours walk at 9:30 which was nice and as we got in it was starting to rain so good timing! We had a cup of tea when we got in. But that walk wiped me out! jesus. I was done

my mum came over at 11am and she had a cup of tea and wrapped my brother's 1 present she had stored over here as it was too big for her to store secretly at hers. We all ate lunch together including Ozwald

then mummy left us and I put Oz away as I wanted to get on with some chores which ended up just being dusting for me. I did one window but as I had my right arm jabbed I really struggled so I got Jack to do the other window in the bedroom. I dusted bedroom, hall, living room, craft room. Jack then hoovered up. So we have tidy house for christmas. I will clean the bathroom tomorrow and I will give Oz his usual saturday clean, just because its christmas doesnt make it any different. My boy still needs clean home~

I flaked out on the bed and fell asleep for an hour >< wasnt the plan but yeah I had flagged

I got up and had a cup of tea with Oz and Jack

then went on my laptop watching idols

Now I am gonna do noodles to have with the dinner. I find that odd, stew + noodles. But I want to try.

Then we will have a shower later~

tomorrow

in the morning we are going over to jack's mum's for 10am and shes doing a 'breakfast' we dont know what this entails but I have been stressing about this so Jack said I will have breakfast as normal with my meds in the morning then if I want anything at his mums I can or can just have a cup of tea. She wont mind. So pressure off. But his brother, nan, aunt and uncle will be there >< hope they dont think I am weird or difficult. I will maybe wear something cute or just go in comfy wear I shall see how I feel tomorrow.

Then just bathroom to clean

stressful booster

 Evening

I was up til midnight with jack as I was stressing about jab as of course I was

I was also stressing about having breakfast at his mum's on friday

I did eventually get off to sleep but kept waking as I was cold. It was -2c last night!!!

This morning we got up at 8am and had a rush round to get out the house for our jab appointment at 9:10am. However what was the point of an appointment!?

we may as well have gone a walk in centre...

we joined a snaking que that was literally playing musical chairs, we had to keep getting up and moving down the chair line. And what a line....we were waiting almost an hour......

But what made things worse was that no one was socially distanced, we were sandwiched next to one another, no window or door open and the air con was on

SERIOUSLY!?

we've been so careful with covid but felt like we were going there to literally catch it not get a jab for it

eventually we got called up and jack told the nurse that im prone to fainting so I got special treatment with Jack XD a doctor did us in her room away from everyone and I got to lay down having it

we then went to the shops for our last shop before christmas, I had brought a sweet biscuit with me to revive me and I somehow got the job done. It was soooo busy but as we only needed a few bits we were very fast and got out quick

We got home at 11am and from then til 7:30pm Oz has been inside!!! I knew he wouldnt want to play out today and Jack has been in the living room all day so they have been together in there

I have been lazing on my bed

just one of those day I need mental and physical rest and to write the day off

we had a shower and dinner 

and yeah ive done no exercise or anything today

literally monging out on my bed which is what was needed -_____- waste of a day

I just hope that we are ok tomorrow after jabs

so far we feel fine just a bit achy arm

tomorrow mummy is coming over in the morning ;)

made 3 christmas presents today

 Evening

After taking 18 zapain....I about conked out....

So I was in bed for 8pm as I was so tired, I took my final tablets of the day and it finished me off! I was playing pokemon in bed and I couldnt keep my eyes open. I vaguely remember Jack coming to bed which would have been like 9:30pm. I then fell asleep til 8:20am....Jack said in the morning, that I spoke something that didnt make sense when he came to bed then just fell asleep XD yeah I dont remember that! Jo was drugged....I just needed a day without pain

This morning I told Jack to let Oz outside rather than bringing him inside as it was light out

but Oz sat on his fort - his way of saying " I wanna come in!" he didnt even do toilet outside he wanted to be on his warm blanket and do toilet >.> spoilt bun. He also wanted his morning carrot...

So after all that I put him outside and he sat on fort again so I went out to him and he almost leapt up me. I brought him inside and told Jack that he could be with Oz whilst he did his wrapping. 

All I could hear was Jack talking to Oz and telling him how much of a pest he was

he walked all over wrapping paper, pushed gifts around, chewed wrapped presents....beast >.>

I on the other hand was in my craft room, sewing!

when was the last time I did any sewing!? 

I made dad a mask for christmas not that he asked for one but mum said he lost the only one he had which was one I had made for him. I know mum would prefer it if he had a mask instead of using disposable ones. I also made mum her bumbag shes been wanting for ages. She doesnt use it in the winter so I havent sweated about getting in done and asked her if I could make it for her christmas present and she said it was fine. It tested me a bit as I had to think about it but I actually got it right and it came out ok. She can wear it ether side and one side is guinea pig fabric the other is bunny fabric.

I am sure she will be dead pleased with it. No other reason than it has guinea pigs on it. I have NEVER in my life come across guinea pig fabric but I randomly found some on ebay a year ago and hid it away, not telling mum. I cant find that fabric online again, really weird. So I only have a small piece left. I cant wait for her to see it ^^

we went for an hours walk and ended up at mum's for a cup of tea as she was going to come to us anyway. I saw my brother for a bit too.

then we walked home, I have started cutting out a mask for jack, he could be doing with one more mask. So I will make it for him as an extra for christmas it will be bunny fabric! Im sure he will like it X3 I will finish it in bit when my Oz has gone home for the night.

I had a shower before dinner as I couldnt stop sweating and I was just feeling grim

did dinner

and just with Oz now as Jack is gaming with theo. He said hes gonna come off around 8:30 so we can watch anime and play pokemon in bed as hes missed doing that with me. 

Im hoping to finish his mask before he comes downstairs

tomorrow

I dont want tomorrow >< got my booster at 9:10am then were going shopping straight from there T^T we dont need much so if I cant do it I can wait in the car whilst Jack shops. It is an option. Mum should be shopping the same time as us so may bump into her

so tomorrow is jab really and recovery T^T

booked my booster jab

 Evening~~

I couldnt sleep last night, so I was up til 2am...I was so done

My alarm went off at 8am as we both needed to get up and out for 9am

Jack went shopping with his younger sister he didnt get home til 1:30pm

I went for a 90min walk with mia....sweet jesus

And I  dont think I spoke on the whole walk! She just spoke about her life and wedding stuff. She even wanted to walk to the next town so she could see if the pharmacy was doing booster jabs. Not once did she ask me "am I ok? do you mind me doing that? can you walk that far? do you have time?" it was a case of we are doing this end of.

I was dead when I got home. She did however get an appointment for an hour's time 

so I thought it was best that I also arrange my booster. I have booked me and Jack in for weds morning

but I am not sure what I even got out of seeing mia. Like I said I never got chance to speak. She also said she hadnt brought me much for christmas as shes not really doing gifts this year as they need to save up for their wedding. I said to her "I wish I had known!! I would have quite happily have wrote christmas off this year!" But as she had sent me a txt last month saying her a rob were going christmas shopping in manchester I assumed everything was as normal...jeez

But anyway, she has her gift, ive seen her. Probably see her on her birthday. She said I can bring Jack too if he wants to come

So I got home and had a cup of tea then booked covid jabs

did some jacket design. Then mum came over for lunch and a chat

when she left Jack txt to say he was on the bus home

So he came in and he had kindly brought us both a doughnut. Mine was pretty plain just icing and no filling. His had apple sauce in the centre....thats disgusting. He said it was weird. I was having a war in my head about what I was eating but I was telling myself that Jack had brought it for me and it was an act of kindness I shouldnt turn away. I had done a big walk. So yeah the war was hard. i ate it but hours later - still hating myself for it.....

I went on the bed to rest for an hour and Jack played on his switch next to me

we got up and I ran a bath, Jack was with Oz in the living room. After he had a bath we had dinner. Hes now gone to play with theo online again. I dont mind as he said he would be off at 9:30pm to play pokemon in bed. I will take Oz home soon then maybe work on the numerous sewing project I have...I have 4 sewing projects to do...Or I might do digital drawing....

Jack has finished his christmas shopping now hes just got to wrap it all up. 

I have taken A LOT of medication today as I had had enough of aching and feeling. Needed to be numb

tomorrow

not got anything on so I might get some arts and crafts done :)

wonder if I will sleep tonight

reluctantly put the tree up

 Evening

I didnt sleep too bad last night I guess

I woke up at 8:20am and woke Jack up too

I started eating my breakfast but had to get up to go die on the toilet

good lord I died

Then we had food shop

we managed to get a fair amount so hopefully wednesday's shop wont be too horrendous 

we came back and unpacked and brought Oz in for morning carrot whilst we had a cup of tea

then I made soup, cooked meat, made biscuits, marinated fish for tonight 

finally sitting down with my lunch

I went to bed after I ate my lunch as I was just done

When I got up I didnt do a great deal as I am just flat. My energy is non-existent

Jack motivated me and got the christmas decs out the roof so we put the tree up which didnt take long as we dont have much to put on the tree. I couldnt be bothered so its not my best effort. Still, I am glad we did put it up in the end. We decided against the christmas lights tho as we knew Oz would just hound the cable.....Oz didnt help much with putting the tree up. Hes been in the loaf position most of today, hes not feeling it ether

i drew out ideas for my hoodie but my brain is too tired to think about making a hoodie so I cant figure stuff out. Jo is too flat. All I wanna do is sleep.....

I made dinner and whilst it was cooking I rang my mum. She said theyre fine after their covid booster. We spoke of Karen who is now home. They have said anyone can come at any time so visit her. But Im not sure I have the strength to see her in her final days....Ive seen it with my granny and it does haunt you. I only saw karen about 6 weeks ago she was so full of life and its how I want to remember her. Besides she had loadsssss of friends and family so I know shes not alone and will have A LOT of people visit her. I know I wont be able to keep it together round her. But I also feel selfish for crying in front of her. Me and mum said we would think about it. Mum saw her sister and her mum die of cancer and saw them in their final hours. Mum still has nightmares about it. It does stay with you. Maybe its selfish to protect yourself from further hurt and bad memories. I am not sure. its a tough one. If she was alone and wouldnt have many come see her then I wouldnt hesitate to go see her. 

we had dinner and I luckily didnt receive any further stomach pains as every bit of food ive had last few days has hurt.

I didnt exercise yesterday, I feel I SHOULD do some tonight. I am hoping I get some energy from somewhere to do a bit. Who knows...

Jack is going to go and game in a min with theo and possibly harvey

so I will be by myself tonight. I am still with Oz right now. 

I will do my nails after my bath and maybe play pokemon in bed

tomorrow

i am suppose to be seeing mia tomorrow for a dog walk and present exchange but not heard from her in over a week so who knows

Jack will be going to the city centre with his younger sister to do last minute christmas shopping. He probably wont be home for lunch so mummy is going to come over for lunch. 

we're at home now

 Evening

totally forgot to do my diary

only thought about 9:30pm and by which point I was in bed and couldnt care less!

so anyway we have broke up for christmas!!! woobloodywoo!!!

yesterday at school it did feel somewhat like a wasted day for all involved. I didnt do much

i simply attended and couldnt wait to finish

on our way home we popped into TK and I got a candle its not christmasy as there wasnt much to pick from christmas candle wise and the ones that were selling themselves as christmas were grossly scented. I got some body oil and body wash

We went to B&M bargains and it was busy in there so we were like ninjas and I got my blankets, its a baby pinkish colour so thats what I am going with this year! Not sure on the design yet of my jacket

We got home and I went to bed~ I was DONE

I got up and was with Oz and had a bath then did dinner then jack sod off to go game. Last one of the year. So I was by myself all evening

I cleaned the bathroom and wrote shopping lists and food menus and did 30mins of yoga. I had no energy but pushed through I guess

I was in bed playing on my switch. Jack usually finishes gaming for 10pm but didnt finish til 10:50pm...I didnt say anything as its school holidays and last one of the year

I slept through the night as I was exhausted

I woke up at 8:20am and I just felt knackered

my body screaming at me to return to bed

I left Jack in bed he woke up at 10am

I had been with Oz, had breakfast and cleaned Oz out

then I went to mum's at 11am for a brew til 12;10 came home for lunch, had a shower and went for a hair cut. I wasnt in the mood but I needed to go 

Jack left the house before my shower he was off to see his family. But because of my hair cut he had to go alone. I am going over with him to see them on christmas eve.

I came home and I went to bed. I didnt fall asleep tho. So I simply rested in the warmth for an hour

I got up but my brain was still tired and fried. I still felt like I couldnt be creative so I decided to grab my bunny, it was 3pm by this point, and I wrapped all my presents! Done. We spent 3 hours doing that bugger of a task but its done now......Oz 'helped' I ended up bribing him with kibble as I was afraid I was gonna wrap him!

Jack came home after 6pm and we did dinner, he had brought treats back with him from his mums which is nice so we have home made scones for pudding!

hes having a shower now and I am just doing my diary

I almost put my tree up today but couldnt be bothered when I thought more about it

people at work said to put it up otherwise its just depressing but I feel so detached from christmas this year. I just cant seem to find any joy in it

I just keep thinking about karen....how theyre getting her ready to go home and die.

and it all feels so pointless. so materialistic 

my greatest joy this holiday is not going to work. but I dont want to spend my entire holiday simply recovering to go back and work I want to do things I enjoy so I can feel some sort of joy and happiness. 

Im off now til 4th january I think it is

tomorrow

its usually our weekly food shop, however because next sunday is boxing day and not even sure shops are open then, we are going to do another shop on wednesday with my mum. so tomorrow's shop is a 'mini' shop to tide us over til wednesday. so that shouldnt be too bad.

still have soup to make, meat to cook and biscuits to bake

I might do some drawing or maybe sewing. or even design my jacket~

we have both consumed today......

 evening

I attended school

I even slept! I got up for a wee but on the whole, I freakin slept! 

I actually felt ok about school this morning too, wasnt filled with anxiety and feeling sick 

so that was all a positive change!

I started to flag tho around 10am T^T I was so disappointed 

I mean what had a expected really? id been away from school for 2 days not 2 weeks

I found my lesson boring and hard not to actually fall asleep in!!

I struggled with the rest of the day but we didnt have much on so I actually didnt do a lot really

However.....

several people brought in A LOT of baked goods. I mean homemade baked goods not just store brought crap. Oh my god there was soooooo much. And I was struggling for energy. I was thinking "we arent going to any school christmas dues, we havent gone out for takeaway/pudding in ages and arent going to any time soon. This will be my christmas food treat". I simply consumed XD after my lunch I had 2 biscuits, 2 cup cakes and a slab of brownie. I was on the floor in a ball with the hot bag on my stomach - in pain. My stomach hated me. I had to make a trip to the staffroom toilets....all day since then my stomach has hated me and made so much noise even when I simply drink

but what was really lovely, was that Julia had brought us both a christmas present - we had given her chocolates. She gave Jack cider, and me....a house plant!!! I bloody love it!!! Its leaves are so pretty. It doesnt flower it simply grows these 2 tone green leaves. It likes humid places so I have put it in the bathroom and it looks great I am in love ^^

We came home and mum was already over, had a brew with her. Oz pestered her for treats and fuss >.> bloody rabbit. But hes happy bun today and had a clean bum, hes been drinking his probiotic too so Im hoping we are making progress!!

I did my work out to just dance not that I could be bothered. Then had a bath. Then I put Jack's pizza in the oven which was almost double the size he usually has - it was reduced. I had a piece of gammon but that was it for my dinner and even then my stomach hated that!! so I skipped dinner really as I wasnt hungry, id eaten plenty today, knew if I shoved food down me that I would have awful tummy ache + be kept up all night with food thoughts. As it is now I just hate my body but I dont want to diet myself too badly and all that jazz. Jack, despite me saying "dont need to eat it all you can have some for lunch tomorrow cold" ate all the pizza....he only had a biscuit and a cake at school. So he hadnt had as much as me but I was still surprised at how he managed to eat it all.....

so basically we both consumed today!!!

dear god we ate!

so we are both full and are skipping the hot chocolate tonight and were off to go play pokemon in bed at its 8:20pm and we finished up with food at 8pm so yeah were just gonna play pokemon in bed.

tomorrow

last bloody day

thank you LORD

jesus it has been hard

we finish at 1pm tomorrow

its christmas jumper day tomorrow

I dont have a christmas jumper. so i am wearing a white dress with blue stars on with glitter tights. and maybe boots. I havent told jack, I just said I will stick joggers on as who cares XD 

but after work we are popping to B&M for blankets for me to rip up to make a jacket and TK for a christmas candle. Then I am coming home and beginning my 2 week coma~~