New Just Dance games!

 Evening

I slept pretty well

but today felt sicky and anxious for whatever reason

I was also tired

school was ok

I went to see Lizzi and ended up being with her for an hour for one thing and another -_____-

I couldnt do a simple working out of how strong a chemical needed to be because all I could think about was my weight, how fat I look and feel, to skip lunch, to not eat when I get home etc

It was doing my head in - literally! 

Found it so frustrating. mentalness just been bad today I guess

I got the day done tho

Mummy is still poorly

Julia said her daughter is off school poorly, she sounds like she had the exact same bug as mum actually. My poor mummy T^T

we got home. I was so so dead honestly

I had bad aches which I had at school, I was shattered and had a splitting headache

but the show must go on, I had dinner to cook 

then I was determined not to do any exercise tonight

but I knew after how my head had been today that I would end up killing myself if I did no exercise. I would be full of self hate and not sleep

so I managed 15mins of just dance but I really didnt try

dont think I was even sweating afterwards

went for a bath and when I came out I decided to look for just dance games on ebay

and wooooooo they had 2016 AND 2017

2016 is the one I need next and is usually £25 pre-owned in shops

I got it for £12 pre-owned. Then 2017 was only £13! such bargains needed to be had

Jack is having the new pokemon game this month so I need something XD

I have wanted another just dance for ages but never want to pay out for it

I know I wont play them every night but theyre a good alternative to weights or work outs in general. I only play whilst wearing weights now tho XD

now I might get some drawing done whilst Jack is in the bath, he takes ages to even get in the bath. Never known someone to spend so long on the toilet -_____- 

tomorrow is school

and hopefully seeing mum after school too!

I couldnt weigh myself

 Evening

I slept ok and got up for Oz at just before 8am

we had a bunny with attitude to deal with this morning >.>

We got the shopping done and I did the shed load of cooking

had lunch, had a rest for an hour on my bed but didnt fall asleep

then I felt flat all afternoon my body is physically TIRED but I hate resting

I spoke to my mum on the phone then my brother

I attempted some drawing but I hardly did any

did dinner then I was gonna skip exercise but I managed to do 20mins on just dance

I am shattered now tho

I used the Wow dream coat on my hair for the first time and my hair actually feels thicker and is shinier its strange! I hope it last the 4 days like it says, I would do it again!

Got school tomorrow T^T going dressed as a school girl XD

this morning

I asked Jack to weigh me. Just to tell me Muscle mass. I did want to know body fat percentage but thought best not push it.

however

as soon as I held the scales in my hand. I could the pull and hold they had over me

I WAS GOING TO OBSESS

I told jack how I felt. He took them and hid them! He actually hid them!

He said its not worth it

I agreed

I mean as VERY tempting it is to become leaner and skinnier - it is not worth making myself poorly. I have walked away. I can tell where I am right now with my mental health that it would just be a downward spiral.

I told mum and I think she was relieved

yeah its not worth it

at the end of the day I exercise to better myself mentally and physically. Not to be bothered about numbers. I need to stick to this belief

dont wanna go school tomorrow T^T

Gave mia her Todd canvas

 Evening~~

Last night I got a lot done and waited round for Jack who said he would finish gaming at 10pm. I got into bed at 10pm and I didnt noticed him come to bed.  I fell asleep like straight away! i was just that shattered. Jack told me in the morning he wasnt long after 10 to bed XD I was just tired obviously. 

I woke up at 7am and considered going back to sleep but I didnt want to same mistake to happen as last saturday. Instead of over sleeping and and mum knocking at my door it would be mia. So I decided to get up. I got Oz in and had breakfast with him then I scooped him up at 8am and he came with me to wake Jack up. I sat with Jack for a bit then went to clean Oz out. mia turned up just after 9am for a walk

I gave her her birthday present finally! And she LOVED it said it was the most thoughtful birthday present she had received. She was off to her parents house afterwards to she said she would show off her canvas of her past dog - todd

we went for a walk and it was nice to see her. She talked about weddings and things. I still feel no jealously or desire for marriage. I truly am happy where I am in life with Jack. I dont think if he asks me to marry him that he loves me more. Or that the reason he hasnt asked me to marry him yet is because he is unsure on the relationship. I think we are both content and if we chose to get married we will know when the time is right. Mia was asking what I would do for my wedding but it all depends on my health - how much I can handle, and money - how much we want to pay out for. Weddings are too expensive. Mia is going registry office then renting a venue for a big party. As its far cheaper and she wants to spend the money on a holiday to florida rather than spending the money on the rental of a wedding venue for a few hours. Literally she could rent a wedding venue for several hours for £5000 or go to florida for a full on 2 week holiday for the same price. Sickening 

I got home and had a cup of tea I was a bit cold as it has been like 0c today. Mum phoned so I spoke with her for a bit

We had lunch and I went to bed for an hour reluctantly but I was really tired. The cold walk had taken it out of me.

Then I cant remember what I did then but we decided to go to the next town for some bits. I was getting it out the way so I could see mum tomorrow. but she txt me later on saying shes felt so poorly and been in bed for 2hours :( my poor mummy. So I wont go see her tomorrow.

we came in and had a tea to warm us up and brought Oz in

I chose what nail art I wanted to do then went for a bath, we did dinner and had that in pyjamas which was nice. I was soooo hungry. Now I am doing my diary but I will do some drawing soon then do my nails before bed!

Tomorrow

is weekly shop and the load of cooking I usually have to do >< 

did pussycat doll dances

 Evening

I got off to sleep around 10pm, I woke up a few times cold in the night tho as it was like -2c

Oz was happy to come in and frisked us for carrot

School was ok and Jack was fine about going, he said he was going to apologise to head of science about how he went about what he said but doesnt take back what he said kinda thing. But I was glad he wasnt worried about going anyway. 

School was busy tho, how has this week been so busy? just never ended. I got to talk to julia's daughter for a bit tho which was nice. I think she looks forward to talking to me now ^^

We came home and brought Oz straight inside, originally I was gonna let him out but the fog from this morning has not budged all day! its sooooo thick. I couldnt see the playground at school. So everywhere is cold and damp and didnt want to put Oz out in that to be honest. He was happy to come in. We had a cup of tea then did an early dinner.

My mum usually sees me on a friday but she txt to say she was full of cold and didnt want me to get it. She had also done a covid test last night and this morning and shes ok. It is just a cold. But you can never be too careful these days >.> so I didnt see my mummy. But I told her that depending how she is at the weekend I might come see her.

We had dinner then jack went to wash up and have a shower as hes got gaming to attend. I was with Oz and very tempted to sleep. I was shattered

But I got up and exercised. I did a pussycat doll dance by growithjo it was good actually. I wore weights and then this song came on I used to do at zumba years ago! I had no idea what any of the songs were at zumba but obviously one was pussycat dolls. So I challenged myself and I could infact remember the choreography! I mean it is well easy but I did surprise myself! Then I did the kettle bell video so I did just over 30mins of exercise

took Oz home after I fussed him. Then cleaned the bathroom, had a lovely leisurely bath and pamper. Then doing my diary. I am gonna have a hot chocolate and be quiet then go bed. Jack can come to bed whenever. He says he finishes at 10pm but its never on time its ether finish before or after so I just do my own thing I dont wait round for him.

I am tired and ready for bed

tomorrow I am seeing mia for a dog walk at 9am. I am hoping its not freezing as its still -2c out there. I get to give her her birthday present! then I have Oz to clean out as well. Might have some time to myself!

I did a bit on my drawing last night

Jack got a telling off

 Evening

it took me a while to sleep last night, I mean we were in bed for 8:30pmm with the intention of playing on switchs but when I got into bed I was just so done. I fell asleep around 10pm. Poor Jack going to bed so early tho ><

We did covid tests this morning as it was still hard for me to breathe. Could be cold weather or the black mould who knows! But we were both fine

So this morning our living room was still trashed from Oz, so we left earlier in the hopes of getting into school early - leaving early - getting home in time to tidy up before mum comes over!

I walked into the prep room and it only felt like a couple of hours since I had last been there. Jack said "well if you think about it youve not had many waking hours away from here" tis true. Feel like I live there sometimes

School, I got plenty done

I went to my lesson which was an hour of Luke talking -____- too much information it was very hard going. It was also FREEZING in that classroom. I was so cold even with my coat on.

So I got to my office, shut the door and window, put the heating on and laid under coats for 20mins as I was just so numb. I was not feeling good

Jack came back from wherever - I had hardly seen him today - he came back and said he had just had a go at head of science in front of a biology teacher....my stomach flipped and I no longer wanted lunch. Jack has been stressed and pushed and today was a bit like breaking point.

So he was told to see head of science at the end of the day. I was tense as I was hoping Jack would keep it together and not kill him. I did not want things to be bad at work

He got back and said he had been told off - not formally. And that stuff after 2 years of asking is finally going to be changed. I think it took saying it in front of someone else for it to get done.

He got told off for having a go at him in front of another member of staff but i think he didnt like that because its made him have to actually do something whereas usually he fobs Jack off and nothing gets sorted. So I think stuff worked out ok. I am glad Jack didnt rage off at him.

we got home and had a mad clean of Oz' stuff! Mum came over and I had a tea with her and jack too a whisky up to his computer....

I had dinner with him and he had chilled out. I used my kettle bells and went to epilate before my bath, had a bath, took Oz home who has trashed the place again T^T its not being naughty hes just enjoying his toys but its making mess!

I might do a bit of my drawing tonight as I only got 2mins at it yesterday

yup a whole 24 hours and i got 2 mins to myself !

but this is it so far

tomorrow

last day of the week thank god...

messy bun

 Evening

I fell asleep so fast last night, I was shattered -_______-

I woke up at 11pm needing a wee, got into bed and slept until the alarm. That weighted blanket is amazing I love it and prepared to worship it.

We got up and I did the stew, jack changed the bed. Oz waiting in the living room for carrot XD

School was busy and I was struggling to breathe, I have no idea why. Just really bad asthma day. I was using the inhaler A LOT I was feeling dizzy as I was panting so much. It was wearing me out if I am honest! I wanted to go home and rest but I had far too much on for that. I couldnt leave Jack to all that. I got all my work done and even provided a bit of support in Luke's lesson with his bottom set class doing a practical. I was dead at the end of the day. But Lizzi came down to see us which was nice

We got home and we hoovered up where Oz plays, put a clean blanket down - still warm from the radiator and brought Oz in. The MESS he has left is untrue. He's had too much fun making mess there. Menace bunny he is at times. I did some bunny yoga for 40mins. He kept licking me. 

I had a bath and we had dinner with Oz in our pyjamas 

I might get round to a bit of drawing now. 

This is my rough doodle of what I am drawing. I am unsure how it will go yet

tomorrow

is school and see mummy after school thats about it really

actually managed some digital drawing on a monday night

 Evening

I managed a tiny bit of digital drawing last night before bed!

I did my work out again last night, had a bath and was in bed after anime for 8:50pm

I think I had fallen asleep by 9:30pm. I was shattered. I slept well too

that weighted blanket is a gods send 

This morning my intestines hurt still and once again I have a headache. Not sure whats up with me

we went to school and I had plenty to be getting on with. The day was ok on the whole but I just wasnt feeling it you know? Like just not in the mood for it all. I even went to see lizzi just to escape science talk. I had had enough of science talk and school talk. So I went to talk to lizzi for some normal convo

after school mummy had arrived early to let Ozwald out so he got to have a hop round and did toilet outside. He soon sat on his fort - his way of saying he wants to come inside >< 

mum stayed til 5:30pm I booted her out telling her I wanted to have my dinner

dinner was so easy and soooo tasty. Jack helped me too :) 

Now I might go on just dance for a bit. No more kettle bell for a day as it hurts to walk damn it!

then I will have a bath and stuff, the usual

tomorrow

its wednesday so stew morning and changing bed sheets before school! its always a rush on a wednesday but worth it. Got a few practicals as well tomorrow