I got a new chair

 Evening

I couldnt sleep. I was tired but it was like I was wired. I was just there laying wide awake listening to thoughts. I got up in the end and Jack got up with me. Think we probably fell asleep around midnight.

I woke up to find jack was up and had got Oz out ^^

This morning I started to get bits out to make mia a wedding card, then at 10:15am I went out to do some errands. Jack offered to join but it would mean shutting  the house up when it was hot. So I chose to go out by myself. Got my medication and posted Miho's baby presents.

I then called in at home to see mummy, and I had a cup of tea with her which was nice

then I came home to my Jack for lunch

I went to go make Mia's card which was challenging me I have to say. I just kept screwing up! I think cus I wanted it to be good. Usually people keep their wedding congratulation cards so I wanted mine to be decent you know. I walked away from it to cuddle Hammington and after half hour the door went. My new craft room chair had arrived! jack built it for me ^^ I have a new fancy ass chair~~~its pink! It cost £120. All my chairs in my life have been cheap £30 or under. This is my first really nice chair. So why am I still sitting on my old one whilst I type this?....

I finished mia's card then I went to make dinner which was bomb. So damn good.

I then cleared up my mess in my craft room, to say I was making ONE card, there was mess all over the floor and desk ^^;

I now need to do my work out, and luckily tonight it is a lot more bearable it only reached 27c today and I dont feel its too hot tonight. I will still need the fan on tonight but it wont be horrendous like it has been. 

Jack's Mum's friend died this morning. I cant believe how quickly that happened. Jack said he would go to the funeral. I had picked up from the post office a will for me and jack as we need to do that really. Cus of Jack's surname, if he dies, all of  his assets would go to his dad. His dad would have more of a right to jack's everything just because they share a surname. 

tomorrow

it's jack's sister's 17th birthday so I guess we will need to go over and give her her present! I hope she likes the card I made her

Tonight it is suppose to have thunder storms like massive thunder storms. I hope Oz and the girls will be ok ><

He was off his face

 Evening

So last night I delivered my Jack off at Harvey's for their night out. I offered to take my phone off silent for Jack in case he missed the last bus at midnight but he said he would be, he usually is. My phone goes on silent mode at 9pm so I dont have it going off.

I came home and made sure Oz was ok, I put him to sleep eventually, I did some drawing, I painted my nails and then played pokemon in bed. Yeah normal evening for me

At 1:30am I woke up for a wee and thought I would check my phone to see if Jack was on his way home

I had 14 notifications....

13 messages from Jack

1 missed call at 1am from my family house phone....

WHAT THE HELL HAD GONE OFF!?

I read Jack's messages, all saying "help" "lost" and some that weren't english....

I rang him immediately, my heart pounding and my stomach had dropped to the floor. He eventually picked up, everything was flying through my mind at this point.

He was off his face.

He said he had got lost but think he knew where he was? I asked him where he was. He couldnt tell me. I asked him for what he could see. What he described I worked out he is at the local shops. So he was almost home. I offered to pick him up and he said no he would walk.

I put down the phone and texted mum just in case she was awake worrying about Jack

I could feel a panic attack happening

I couldnt bare the wait

just what had happened? why hadnt he got a taxi? had he walked from the city centre?? 

I stood in my short pyjamas at the top of my road at 1:40am waiting for him to appear at the bottom of the hill and he was there but running...Jack doesnt run. But instant relief flooded through me. A part of me wanted to rage off at him in the street but I was filled with too much relief and gratitude 

he barely spoke walking to the house

We got inside and I could tell he was plastered.

He went straight to the bathroom, leaving me waiting for an explanation. At this point I cried

I had not been breathing properly like my throat had constricted and the adrenaline had passed as well so tears came.

He came out the bathroom and I asked "did you miss the last bus?" he said "must have done"...

what sort of an answer is that? hes not usually like this when hes drunk

I said "why didnt you get a taxi?" he said "thats a good question"...

this was very weird behaviour. He said "I think your mum called me" 

I wasnt gonna get anything out of him tonight and he was very affectionate. Not like forcing anything just showering me with love, Jack is an emotional drunk. I said we should get to bed. Where he cuddled me - in the heat - and kissed me head lots, I moved away from his arms and stuff cus I knew that any minute this guy was gonna pass out. And thats what happened

I had to calm myself down and try and sleep.

I woke up at 8am and saw to Ozwald, I let him play outside. I stayed out the way of jack and let him sleep. I was doing jobs, I can do anything as he sleeps so deep.

My mum rang me and filled me, she said jack had rang the house phone at almost 1am saying he was lost and had no clue where he was.  My family had all had a drink and were asleep. They couldnt drive to get him due to drink and mum was asking for landmarks and worked out where he was, he was somewhere near our village but not quite there. Mum talked him through the way home and she could tell he wasnt right but kept him talking as she was worried he would pass out in the street. She asked if his drink had been spite but i hadnt spoke to him yet. I apologised. But she she was just happy he was home safe. We were both wondering if at this point he had walked two hours from the city centre to home. Its a long walk. its 40mins on a bus for gods sake

I was then doing my skin care and I heard Jack and went into him to find him on the floor crouched over, I thought he was throwing up. No. He was looking for Oz under the bed XD Oz had come through the patio, through the lounge, through the hall and into the bedroom. Jack had woke up to a bunny under the bed XD

I sat him down and he looked rough with pink eyes. Last night his pupils were big. I asked him to explain his evening. He had little memory....he couldnt remember anything. So I worried if he had been spite. it was like he was on drugs. But then he said "matt had been pouring my drinks so I wasnt watching how much I was actually having" he took over about half a bottle of gin. Which I think he polished off in 3 hours and what with 30c heat. It didnt go down well.

I looked after him, made him a breakfast cob of bacon and egg, got him coffee and a paracetamol and gave him comfort.

Then Matt txt 'did jack get home ok last night?'

so i told him what I knew

he then filled us in on the evening

Jack had got very drunk at Harveys, was being difficult about getting a taxi into the city from Harveys. matt had given water at Harveys to sober him and brought him bottles of water once they were in the city. jack was turned down from places for being too drunk and thrown out of another place for being too drunk...Harvey picked a fight with a crack head (harvey is a gentle nerd he goes aggressive when drunk but would not stand a chance in a fight) Matt and brandon then tried to put Jack in a taxi home with Harvey but he wouldnt have it, Harvey took a bus home but before all this matt got headbutted in the face by the crack head as he was trying to pull harvey away.

They put Jack on a bus to our village, not the bus we use but it would get him near home.

At some point drunk jack realised this is not his route so got off the bus, thats when he went to ring me but called my house phone a.k.a. my family phone. Thats where mum came in. So he hadnt walked all the way home thank god but far enough he must have been knackered. 

Theo asked me how he was and if he got home ok. he had had too much

hes spent the whole day on the sofa. 

I am just grateful he wasnt mugged or anything and he did get home. jesus jack.

I have done chores today, seen to Oz, went to my parents house and told them Jacks story. My dad was smirking the whole time as hes had loads of drunken action in his days. 

I told him he owes me for worrying me and making me almost have a panic attack >.>

His mum rang him saying her best friends husband has had a stroke and has a massive brain tumour. She was upset. That happened in the night hes only in his 40s. Shes just rang again at 8pm saying hes being taken off life support. That escalated! poor guy. He has a wife and 2 young kids. awful. Jack didnt reveal his emotions to me. I dont know how he feels about it. He knows the guy very well tho.

Its a bit cooler tonight thank bloody god. Its been 32c again -____________-

Tomorrow its warm again then in the evening it says the whole night will be thunder storms! 

Oz learned a lil trick

 Good Evening

Just who is sleeping in this heat -_____- I got up for 2 wees yet again. I think its cus I am drinking my weight each day and peeing for Britain. It is annoying. Also I kept hearing things and getting up to patrol the house. Doesnt take much to wake me I sleep lightly. There was nothing there. I think the house just makes sounds when its cooling down and it just sounds weird with a fan on all through the night. I wish we had AC.....

I woke up at 6:15am. I did contemplate having that extra hour of sleep but then I thought about Oz, who has been having a rough a time as all of us, he hasnt been able to do much as its too hot and he certainly hasnt been able to play outside. So I got up and let my bunny roam outside in the lovely cool air. There was a thin layer of mist outside the sun hadnt managed to burn through yet so it was lovely outside. Why couldnt it stay like that. 

At 7am I woke Jack up who also hadnt slept well. We are all so tired in the UK were trying to sleep in 28c heat.....it did reach 33c today. We got ready to go out shopping and left the house just after 8am. I bumped into mummy in the shop as she had got out early to beat the sun. I ran over to her not carrying who sees and gave her a cuddle. 

we did our shopping and were home for 8:55am~

My mission was just open everywhere cus we obviously have to shut every window when we leave the house and man is it hot! Jack unpacked. I bought Oz inside.

Oz tho...my Oz has learned a new trick.

He was inside and I was just sitting there thinking "where is he?" I felt sure I hadnt seen him run out the room he sometimes likes doing >.> so I checked the lounge. no rabbit. I then checked the whole house TWICE. No rabbit

where the hell was he!?? I didnt panic as logically he couldnt have left the premises. I didnt know where else to look and then I looked outside into the garden through the patio window to watch him through himself on the stones in happiness in the shade...he had gone OUT the patio door. He has never done this before. In a way I am not surprise as I put him out that door enough times. Hes finally realised that he too can use the door as we leave it open whilst its hot and were home. Its right next his toilet area in the lounge.

I went outside to fuss him and I thought I would show him he can go back inside. I then went inside with him and sat by the door, he then, on his own terms - went in and out twice and then licked my nose as if to say "I understand now!" He understood how to use the door. Bless him. So yes after that he decided he would take himself inside or outside. But he did decide to stay inside as the sun had some on the garden and temperature was hot so I am glad he was being sensible. 

We had lunch and at 2pm someone came to see us about our pavement and driveway as we want the pavement lowered and drive half done - dad insists we get it done courtesy of his wallet. Hes a bit obsessed with it...

I havent been able to get motivated with anything today. Like I think its cus of the damn heat but yeah I can not get going with anything and cant think straight. Its hot and I am tired. Im too hot to sleep in the day as Oz has our only fan in the lounge....

I looked at wedding card congratulations ideas cus I want to make Mia and Rob one.

I did a 20min work out and sweated to death it wasnt even that hard.

I then did dinner right away, ate it, and had a bath cus I needed to get Jack out the house. He was going out with Harvey and a load of friends. I thought about going but nah no point. I think it does Jack to unwind without me there. I am only a liability really arent I. Besides I cant drink and I hate loud and busy places! So I dropped him off at Harveys. He is catching the last bus home which is at midnight. I have told him when he gets home if he feels the need to have a shower, then to have one. Its still mega hot out, he will be round a lot of people in places its bound to get sweaty and I rather him be clean in bed then gross and dirty not to mention hes getting a bus from harveys into the city then one home. It might help him wind down for sleep too. So I imagine I will be up in the night. But it cant be helped. It is a joint birthday thing for him and Harvey and I want him to enjoy himself.

As for what will I do tonight? I have put some yogurt and chocolate drops in the freezer to get cold not frozen for a bit, I have eaten loads this week T^T but all well~ I will do my nails too and hopefully do some drawing ><

but god I hope I get some damn sleep. I woke up so much last night. Need sleep....

Tomorrow

I am making Jack his hangover breakfast~

I need to clean the bathroom, and cut up a load of pork shoulder and marinate it to cook on monday~

Acquiring things I like :)

 Evening

I woke up AGAIN for 2 wees. Peeing for Britain. but I dont think anyone in Britain is sleeping deeply right now. Going to bed when its still 25c isnt nice. Its been 32c today and 33c tomorrow -____- suppose to have thunder storms on monday! I just hope it aint humid as well >.>

I woke up at 7:30am and I left Jack in bed, he was struggling with his 5 bug bites on his body when we played pokemon, they were burning and itchy and feel bruised. So I wondered if he hadnt slept great. So I left him to sleep and saw to Ozwald

Jack eventually got up but I was all set to go out. Mummy took me to TK and it was so good to actually get out the house!

I picked up a mini pumpkin ornament as they had loads of halloween stuff in I lOVE IT. I also got a pumpkin rug for my craft room just cus I loved it ^^ there was loads of stuff but some stuff it tacky and some stuff just too expensive. I got a cocoa pumpkin candle, skin stuff, and birthday present for Jack to give to his sister as he wasnt able to get one yesterday. oh and a plant pot too :) mummy got some bits as well mainly clothes. I had had enough but mum reminded me I needed to go boots for some bite cream for Jack so I walked my corpse over there and got him some cus I love him.

We came in and I handed Jack the cream right away, he said it really relieved it. Its not bad when you have 1 bite but he has 5 and theyve swelled up and gone dark inflamed red they also hot to touch. I hardly ever get bit but Jack seems to be taster than me. I think its cus of all my meds, my blood probably smells rotten XD

Mummy had a brew then left us, I sat talking to Jack then I finished his sister's birthday card. We had lunch and yeah pretty much not done a great deal today other than make sure Ozwald is ok. its too hot to do any damn thing

I did make a 'cake' i winged it and it came out okish I guess. I have been so hungry on my period that ive eaten the house out so had no choice but to make something XD

Jack put up my painting in my craft room ^^ I ordered a new plushie ^^ its been a good day of acquiring things, in saying that, my new chair from Wayfair was suppose to come today and it hasnt. Best not come when I am at shopping in the morning >.>

I managed a 24min work out after dinner, I sweated loads it wasnt even hard as i knew not to be stupid and do a hard work out in 28c evening. I had to peal my top off me for a cold bath....

I need to try do a bit  of digital art tonight tho. 

Tomorrow~

early morning shop, wanna get out before it his 30c anyway. I cant believe its gonna be 33c...its gonna be another wasted day. Literally cant do anything in this heat. 

I have Oz to clean out too. I have other jobs to do and later I am taking Jack over to Harvey's as theyre all going out for drinks for Harvey's 30th and Jack's 29th birthday :)

I said I would make him hang over breakfast sunday morning

Massage, Bridesmaid dress, Art, Melon Pan

 Evening

I just have been hot and dead really

I had a massage on Monday afternoon, I also started my period on Tuesday night. This just wrote me off. I had deliberately come off my pill at the weekend so I would have a period during my massage recovery. If I am gonna spend days dead from massage I may as well just write the week off -____-

Dont get me wrong, the massage was nice I had a whole hour on my back as my neck and shoulders were BAD. 

Monday morning I saw mia!! I havent seen her for weeks so it was good to see her and we laughed so much. She bought over my bridesmaid dress, she said it is mine to keep! I wasnt expecting that >< I tried it on and I felt like an actual female. its the most feminine clothing I have ever worn 0.0 it was so fitted but so comfy as its just stretchy and wrap round. Yeah I was so impressed. Mia was happy as I liked it and it also went amazing with my hair colour.

I showed her the accessories I had bought to wear on the day and they all passed inspection ^^ She talked to me about the day a bit, she also told me theres 3 bridesmaids now not 4....some stuff kicked off with her friend. So its me, her older sister and cousin. Which I am happy about as I dont particularly like her friend but I accepted Mia wanted her. So I was kinda glad in a way. 

I have since bought some mini roses to go in my hair and I kimono handbag as I needed a bag for the wedding and I do not have womens bags....

The rest of the week, I have still been setting myself 3 jobs to do each day but it hasnt been anything much and I havent left the house since my massage. I have just been recovering

I did make Melon Pan on Tuesday totally from scratch and they turned out really well for a first attempt, I know how I would adjust the recipe if I make it again. We ate them all tho! 

I finished my Wooper painting, and started making Jack's sister a birthday card. I have been trying to keep Oz cool from the heat as its been 30c+ this week....luckily next week is suppose to be rain!

Jack went out with his sisters today, I wanted to go but I was dead and someone needed to be there for Oz as it has been 32c today and to leave him to go play mini golf is beyond selfish so I told Jack to go and I would stay home for the loaf. Jack has just come in and hes had a nice time, extra happy cus he beat his poor sisters >.>

Tomorrow

I am hoping to get out the house, I need to get out you know? So mum said she can go somewhere with me. Not sure what else I will do, I have some baking I could do. I have the shopping list to do as well so yeah just another day really

Our first BBQ

 Evening~~~

I cried another time yesterday before I went to sleep. My eyes felt so swollen but I was struggling with negative thoughts, a lot about my dad.

This morning I felt very flat and energyless, great on a day youre suppose to be entertaining!

So we got up and we tidied up a bit, I did a work out and had a shower then cleaned the bathroom. Jack went to the shops once they were open for BBQ meat as we couldnt store it in the fridge as we have a caravan fridge, we couldnt put drinks in the fridge ether cus no room 

His family came over just after 12, I had been laying on my bed for half hour, making the most of being quiet. 

Jack had lit the BBQ but the food should have gone on earlier as I was struggling to cook the damn thing, I got some thinner things cooked but the rest was just being lightly steamed --_____-- I kept saying it to him and in the end he decided to give me more charcoal T^T finally!!! I then could cook and I cooked everything so damn well too~~

Oh but whilst we had been outside something massive happened....we have new neighbours!!!! The house next door to us has been empty about 6+months and today the new owners showed up, some chaved up woman. Yeah they look classy...just hope they havent got brats and dogs. Oh my god the dogs behind us wouldnt shut up all day. The whole morning none stop they barked but then I think the owners did realise we had guests so brought the dogs in. But what they do you see is, rather than take them to the park 1-2mins walk down the road they lock them outside to bark and bark and bark as they are full of energy and dont appreciate being locked out their home. Then once they come inside you can STILL hear them barking and the owners telling them to shut up. Why dont you take your dog for an effing walk huh!? why do people have dogs if they want nothing to do with them. I lose my patience so much to that household. Its the dogs that suffer. but they literally have no control over them and theyre big dogs too.

anyway ^^;

We went into the lounge because it was getting warm outside and my garden has zero shade in the afternoon, so we sat round indoors, I didnt want people to burn despite the sun block 

We had cake they bought round and just talked, it was nice. I was getting exhausted from being social for 4 hours straight 

They eventually left at 4:30pm and then we had the clear up to do which wasnt too bad as we had used disposable forks and plates, they were some Jacks mum had already so we thought it would help with the washing up. 

I went to chill out in the bath and I couldnt wait to rid myself of the smell of smoke as I had been cooking in it. Jack went into the bath and I threw all our clothes in the wash with the towel wash I had delayed til this evening as I usually do it in the morning but I didnt want clothes festering of smoke for days. Jack is gonna do the washing up now. I might do some painting but I just want my bed. I am tired. Its been nice tho and Jack thanked me for today he didnt need to 

Oz tho, my goodness that bun, he was just being overly bunny cute and getting attention. He did find it hard at the start as hes never had a BBQ here before and hes not really used to having people over he did eventually tune off and go to sleep in the room with us

tomorrow

got another long day ahead, do I get an easy day!? -___- suppose to be holidays damn it

should be seeing mia in the morning to do wedding prep

then 4pm I have a massage, mum will probably want to see me between those two.

but not got to cook as theres so much BBQ meat left!!

Panic attack induced by my dad

 Evening

I slept pretty well, think I kinda woke up to Jack coming to bed. I was playing pokemon til 10pm I was so tired tho -____- 

we woke up at 7:30am as I set an alarm so we could get going with the day

by 8:20am we were on our way to shopping~ we got to the second shop and the key wouldnt come out the car ignition. Jack wouldnt just let me leave the banger like that so made me stay with the car whilst he shopped >.> stupid crappy car

we got home and Jack sprayed WD40 in the ignition and the key released. I swear something goes wrong in that car everytime we use it.

we unpacked, I cleaned Oz out, had a quick cup of tea, 25mins on just dance, shower. *pant pant* I was constantly on the go! I had a lot to do >.> so now that it was 11am I needed to go up to my dad's garage. I did not want to. Jack offered his support but I thought I would spare him and leave him at home he also had  a load of stuff to do.

I txt mum to say I was going up and she said she would meet me there

I saw my dad after I had pulled up, he said to bring the car onto his ramp - instant anxiety. I have never drove a car on a ramp before. So I am trying my best and my dad is pointing with his finger but I am trying my best and looking where I am going and he yells at me whilst showing me his pointed finger

"DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!? IM POINTING!!"

I got out the car and said "I havent done this before!!!"

he said "I had a bloke drive into the ramp post" I said "well I wasnt THAT bad then"

I walked off after he passed me the other car keys

got round the corner and had an anxiety/panic attack

I couldnt breathe and I thought I was going to throw up right there and then, tears streamed down my face I was panting and hyperventilating and of course this is the moment my mum drives into my dad's garage car park. She sees me in a state and was like "whats wrong!!?" I said between gasps and pants "I will say in a minute" I was trying to catch my breath I managed to get out "he shouted at me, I had to go on the ramp and I havent done it before"

mum was annoyed. That dad just cant be nice for 5mins. if she had been a little bit earlier she would have been there. So she was annoyed at how rude dad is. So I sat in her car with the air conditioning up and blowing my nose and wiping my eyes. I WAS DRAINED

but I had still to test drive the car....

so mum came and sat in the seat next to me and I drove for like 2mins just for a test drive

It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much nicer than what I had been driving round in -___- it doesnt feel like too much of a down grade from my previous car. Its got a nasty car tax unfortunately, because of its engine size so I am gonna guess the insurance will be nasty too. But the rid is nicer, the seats arent knackered and it looks better. Its baby blue~ I should get it soon, dad just has a bit more work to do to it.

I came home after thanking mum for her support

I cried when I got home cus I was telling Jack about it all, he felt so bad for me. I said "it seems like no big deal but I have years of physical and mental abuse from my dad so it doesnt take much for him to trigger me"

We had lunch once I had calmed down, then I had to wait til 2pm so bid on some rockery stones online and I won them. I then went to bed for almost 2 hours. I was so drained, I had cried a little bit whilst falling asleep. I get annoyed at myself for letting him get to me. 

Once I was up I had a cup of tea with my boys, I went outside to water the garden, then did the dinner and now just doing my diary and I will do some art

the key is stuck in the ignition again, it was stuck when I got home from dad's yard, but I was so done at this point I just walked into the house. I can not face seeing my dad and asking for help as Jack has tried to free it but its not happening, I have text my brother to see where he is and if he will maybe come fix it. If not it can stay like that, I dont care. Dad fixed one problem on it today and I feel it has another.

Today has been hard....

Yes Jo has daddy issues

tomorrow

ahhhh tomorrow I have another hard day ahead. Jack is going food shopping for the BBQ in the morning then his family is coming over around midday for a BBQ, so I will be entertaining for hours. It is gonna be hard and draining but I will get through it.

ahhhh I have had enough