Jo poorly, I hate having no voice

 Evening

I did not sleep well. I was aching A LOT, sweating, cold. Yeah just generally not well. I felt shattered in the morning. I woke up at 5:30am as I needed a drink, it hurt to swallow. I stayed up then and woke Jack up for school.

Considering I had NO VOICE I decided not to go today. My head felt like it just contained tumble weeds. So I didnt work from home ether. I had the day off sick. I hated not having a voice. It took everything I had to whisper >.>

Jack left for school, I texted mum to say I would be home today and that I was going back to bed. Slept well for 2 hours. Like the dead.

I did literally nothing all day. Nothing

I was capable of nothing

I couldnt think, I was tired walking round my house, I was a useless mess. I hated it

Mum kindly came to see me and lunch and brought the girls to cheer me up too.

I wrote my shopping list for saturday, early, but it was all I felt I was up to.

I took all my plants outside and watered them with feed and let them enjoy the sun. I also inspected them to see if any were ready for repotting and two are! That was as energetic as it got today

I did do 30mins of yoga just gentle stretching and I went to lay on my bed for an hour afterwards. Today sucked

mum came over later and bought us cakes she had made

Jack came home and we prepped the stew and I did dinner. I did a different dinner than planned as I needed something plain. still gave me bad tummy ache >.>

today has felt like one big punishment

but its not covid. I did do a test at 6:15am and I was fine. not even a faint line.

my INKBOX tattoo has arrived! it looks soooo good! I am so excited to put it on. However i need to not sweat for 6 hours after I put it on. And at the moment my temperature has gone mad, I am cold then hot then sweaty. So unfortunately it has arrived at the wrong time, I will have to wait til I am better before I apply it TT^TT another kick in the teeth

I still feel like complete crap so I have said I need tomorrow off too. life is not fair

however OFSTED are in school tomorrow so I will be kinda glad to skip that as it makes the teacher SO stressed. Theyre in thursday too and I hope to be back by then but at least I am missing 1 day of it.

god knows how I will pass tomorrow. Maybe feel up to painting??

I'll be doing a covid test in the morning~

 Evening

I still slept last night. Jesus. How much can I sleep lately!? I must say tho I didnt turn off my switch til almost 11pm cus I was determined to get those stray beads XD think I am like 90/100?

I woke up at 9am Jack had been up 2 hours!

This morning, Jack was suppose to be at mum's at 9am. However he had really upset tummy so didnt go in case he had a virus as he doesnt want his nan to get it. So I had him home

I went for a walk with mummy at 10am, went to hers and sat with the girls, trimmed truffs then my brother dropped me off home

I had lunch then I sat doing more stray beads. I felt so tired and wondered why I was punishing myself and at 2:30pm went to bed for an hour. When I woke up I cuddled hammington for half hour

had a brew with my jack and was starting to feel a bit crappy. Like my nose and throat are burning as if I have water up my nose. Its horrible

and as the evening has gone on I feel poorly. I swear the one time I go out and socialise and I get sick. I am gonna do a covid test in the morning cus i have symptoms

If I am honest I am secretly hoping its covid so I can have 10 days off work at it doesnt clock up time off sick youve had off cus its covid! but yeah we shall see. Jack says if I am poorly then I dont go school even if its not covid. He is right. I guess.

I drew a bit on my canvas and ordered some gold leaf. never worked with gold leaf and I would like to try it. 

gonna paint my nails tonight and die quietly in bed.....after more stray bead hunting

dont wanna go school tomorrow, had 5 days away from that awful place!!

oh also I havent seen a single second of queenie's funereal. 

like in a 48 coma here

 Evening

I didnt think I would sleep last night after the sheer amount I had slept through the day.  But after playing okami til 10pm I slept. I woke up at like 9am too....dear god. Jack had been up for 2 hours with Oz and was worried if I was gonna wake! XD

I got stomach ache after my breakfast cus I just do now.

We did go out to B&M and TK MAX in the morning as we wanted a few bits from B&M and I wanted to look round TK for halloween stuff but sadly there was next to nothing left of halloween stuff as  they had made way for christmas T^T we havent even had halloween yet! heck it aint even october!!!! so that was a bit depressing. We did get stuff, I was happy with nail varnish and plant pots~

We came back. I was dead. Honestly dead. I had to cook my lunchtime meat tho. So I got on with that. After lunch I didnt bother going to sleep as I couldnt bare to spend any more time in my bed! however, I am so tired now that I feel I should have just got on with it and gone to bed >.> I did manage - somehow - to clean the bathroom 

Then, as I had little mental capacity, I was on okami on the sofa looking for the stray beads. I have decided to do that saga....foolish XD 

I then looked at shelving on Wayfair. The ones i wanted tho Jack said are far too big >.> so I need to rethink. 

I did the dinner which was very nice. Korean spices which were actually making me cough cus it burnt my throat and made my nose run. Jack on the other hand had no such issues....damn him.

I havent done any exercise since thursday. I still dont feel up to an awful lot. However I need to do something. I was gonna do yoga but I dont feel up to it. So I have suggested to Jack that we do a short walk, come home and put Oz to bed then have a bath and maybe get him to massage my back and just watch anime and play switches in bed. 

tomorrow

Jack's mum rang him today and said theyre going to birmingham for his nan's birthday tomorrow and we're invited. I do not have the ability to do that in my current state. Jack said he would go and I am glad hes going. Its important to see grandparents. But he regretted saying he would go after he foundd out the day would be watching the queen's funereal....poor poor jack. 

so I will be home alone but mum says she will come try see me as she wants to hear about the wedding. I would like to do some damn painting. I am hoping come tomorrow I will be less corpse-like

I can not believe how much I have slept tho since the wedding. I feel I could spend 24 hours asleep. 

My Mia got married!

 Evening

I can't remember the last time I had to spend so many hours in my bed. 

Yesterday was a  day!! The recovery has been long, Jack had to the food shop without me

But I am so grateful I got to experience yesterday

Yesterday my friend of 26+ years got married to the love of her life, Rob, who shes been together with for 12 years now, coming 13 I think

So thursday night I drugged myself up massively so I would sleep, and it worked!

jack left for school, i had an easy morning and mum came to keep me company

I had a bath then she dried my hair for me whilst adding the various hair care products to give my hair a shine. I then went to add the band round my chest (part of the dress) and it wasnt staying, I dont know if it was because of the material or because I was wearing nipple pads and not a bra but it was bothering me and I felt like I would be very conscious of it all day. I took the nipple pads off as they felt uncomfortable - i have never used them before, and i wouldnt use them again! I got red nipples and boobs! so after I sorted them out I had to find a suitable bra, mum then had the job of safety pinning the band to my bra...poor mother.

she dropped me off at mia's I was an hour late. Luckily I had already done my base make up

the girls were there

sophie - mias older sister

sammi - mia's cousin

amelia - mias friend there to help for make up purposes.

so we just got chatting and got ready. I thought 5 hours was over kill. no. we were getting ready to last minute. I was last to be done and I was glad I had done some stuff at home! As sammi is a hairdresser she did all our hair and she did a fantastic job! i was so impressed

Mia's dad turned up to go in the wedding car with mia, however, our bridesmaid taxi did not turn up. Nor would the company pick up the damn phone! in the end sammi rang another company and mia and her dad set off before us so they had to wait round the back of the reception hall for us.

we got there tho

me and sophie felt sick. it was anxiety i know, nerves, and excitement

we had to wait for mia to in for her 'interview' to which I was like "what the heck is that about!?" she was being interviewed by 3 people!! 

her dad explained to me it was because they have to make sure the marriage is real and not forced into it, paid into it, that kinda thing. I had never thought of such awful things.

mia came out then it was our time to walk in!!

we all looked stunning, honestly. 

so sammi walked in first, then me, then sophie, then mia and her dad

mias mum and aunty were already in tears bless them

the vowels were said and I couldnt take my eyes off them. i was stunned. I was so happy, proud, amazed.

and was doing my best to not cry and ruin my make up and tire myself out! but I wanted to cry. I was so proud of her and so happy. she looked amazing and did all her vowels right. Rob did so well too bless him.

we then had photos outside, the vintage bus turned up. it was from like 1950s. it was a white knuckle ride, mia loved it. I felt like being sick. It was old and many hill starts. Sophie sat next to me and we were both white knuckling and making jokes. I get along just fine with her as Ive know her as long as Ive know mia.

we got to the reception venue which was Cozy Club, a victorian buliding in the city centre. It had old portraits on the wall, marble staircase - that kinda vibe! very old and fancy

we all sat in a small room for a quick drink and speeches. I offered in front of everyone to give a speech for mia as sophie was too nervous but mia suddenly thought about how much I would have to say and told me to sit back down XD everyone laughed. 

eventually the second room opened and other guests started to arrive

during the day  my mum had kindly spent time at my house keeping my loaf company, gardening with him and doing some cleaning up. I was so grateful. She was still there when Jack got in from work. Jack did his jobs and was late leaving due to fussing that loaf, but to be honest it meant that at no point did i worry about Oz as I knew he had been well looked after that day ^^

Jack turned up and we were mainly with sophie and her partner george as none of knew anyone else there. The second room was so loud. My throat hurt from raising my voice just to speak. I could barel hear people. Mia was up on the dance floor loving life. This is what she excels at - partying and being the centre of attention and taking photos. Shes like the perfect wedding host honestly!

there was a bit of food and I had a bit of cake but that was it, i had carried biscuits in my bag to snack on as i knew id need something but on the whole I didnt eat there. I ate when i got home.

it got to 9:30pm and I was struggling to walk by this point and knew I needed to get home. Mia had a room of 80+ people she wouldnt miss me going. so I told i we were off

I told her how lovely the day had been, how proud and happy i was for her and rob and that i want to keep supporting her. Rob came and said bye

truly a lovely day. it was perfect, well apart from dick taxis but yeah perfect. I am so thrilled for her. it was everything she wanted and she did it her way too.

we walked through the city centre to the bus stop and i was struggling to walk and breath as I was cold even with jack's suit jacket on and i hadnt brought my inhaler. we took the bus home, walked home which felt like miles. I had more drugs when i got home, hot hot hot bath to thaw out, an episode of anime, BED

sweet sweet bed

we both went out like lights and slept for almost 9 hours

it was a brilliant day.

she was staying in the pent house suite in a hotel in the city with rob last night I hope they had a lovely night together just the two of them. I cant wait to see her again

shes a wife!!!!

if i am brutally honest, whilst waiting for Jack to come to the reception, I sent him and my mum a text message saying

"I do not want to get married"

after seeing all the attention on mia, the photos, the social interactions, the everything

i just thought its all too much and i would HATE that

i would hate the attention and the party

it wouldnt be for me

but just has since talked to me and said we wouldnt have to do anything like that

we could just go to a registry office and be done with it. And privately do meet ups with people to 'celebrate' so that made me feel better. I hate my photo being taken but mia is like a model and lapped it up whereas id want to fall through a hole in the floor

id suck as a bride! mia excelled at it!

so yeah anyway

im gonna go now and hope that im not so much of a corpse tomorrow!

i will upload photos soon!

Sod it I'm working from home tomorrow

 Evening

I was so tired last night -______-

I slept well, still tossing in my sleep. But I did sleep.

This morning I once again woke with a headache and stomach ache - due to stress. I know it is. I once again, ate breakfast and ended up in the toilet. 

I am fed up of it all

I am fed up of walking in the prep room and having run round like a blue arse fly. Teacher wanting stuff when I AM CLEARLY DOING IT AS FAST AS I CAN

I do feel like a slave sometimes

also teaching bitching about not having equipment so I pointed to the side and the sheer amount of washing up bowls and said "theyre there. dirty. as I dont have time to clean up." so people grabbed dirty ones and took them to their labs. They might start to realise that  WE ARE STRUGGLING AND SNOWED UNDER. Head of biology was my main thorn in my side. She had the audacity to ask where he practical was - the very practical me and jack were rushing round to get out - jack turned to her and said "you'll get it when you get it" go jack

she also complained about not having any spotting tiles he said "your whole department has used them this week and we've not had time to wash them up" sweet jesus.

I was glad that Jack stood up for us. Between new technician darren and jack, a lot of washing up did happen today but other things suffered like the chemical order that needed to be in on friday and its wednesday.

I was stressed

you could hear my tummy it was screaming in pained knottyness

after the mad hour of getting all those praciticals out on time I sat down for my break, but had an extended break as I felt fainty. I know how I get when Ive been stressed out running around for an hour, so I stayed on the floor, Jack made me sweet tea and I ate my snack and I did get going again but it was time I did not have spare

I was so busy, we had another fire alarm as the kids in PE sprayed too much deodorant and set the fire alarm off. More time I didnt have to spare

it was 40mins before my home time and I hadnt even LOOKED at tomorrow

jack told me to leave and that he will do it

but I hated that

but then I felt how I was feeling, my legs were starting to twinge in pain, I was tired, in pain, headachy and had enough

I said to jack I would take work home to work from home tomorrow in case I am bad and he said "thats a great idea, work from home" I said "no work from home INCASE" he said "No, work from home" and hes right. Im gonna have nothing for mia's wedding at this rate.

so yeah sod em. tomorrow I am looking after myself and working from home

i got home and had lunch with Oz and mum and went bed - my daily routine

got up, hung washing out, did 40mins of yoga, bleached and dyed eyebrows/eyelashes, had a bath and now we're gonna have dinner then Jack has gaming with his brother. He's not had it for a month!

dont know what I will do

tomorrow

im working from home, and the windowsill guy might have a spare minute to do my windowsills or he will do them saturday

but thats it

i am done

MerPer

 Evening

I slept well last night, although I was throwing myself in my sleep a lot. Maybe I was aching in my sleep. Yeah probably.

I didnt want breakfast, ate breakfast, in toilet

same of crap

literally XD

so I am there travelling to school with the hot bag on my tummy and all I wanna do is be in a ball on my bed.

school was hard going. Practicals. so many practicals. Im so over it. I look at them and think "whats the point? this is practical for the sake of doing practical" My washing up pile is growing as I do not have time to give out practicals and wash practicals up. I have warned teachers I am gonna run out of glass wear soon!

I was starving at school. Like mega hungry. Not sure why. I couldnt wait to get home and eat and I have eaten a lot through out the day~ we all get days like that. 

so after I had seen mummy for lunch

I went to bed for 90mins and felt like I could have slept for longer if I am honest but I knew I needed to sleep tonight kinda thing. So I got up, I painted the pole for the 6th time, I am so over it. Also cleaned out the girls cage, also cut up the veg and meat for tomorrow's curry, cooked Jack's sausages for his lunch and that was it. Nothing for myself.

Jack said I had done too much. I didnt feel like I had done much but he said it was a lot and so when he came home and had dinner with me, he did me a list for the next two days. He says I might benefit from being structured so I am not doing shed loads. 

I was gutted that I couldnt watch overlord whilst eating dinner as it turns out we've caught up with the latest episode! I had no idea! So gotta wait for that now >.> we started watching another anime but I found it slow and dull but I will give it another episode then make my decision. If not I wanna watch the rising of the shield hero season 2!

I did a work out after dinner whilst Jack talked to his sister on the phone who moved to uni on saturday. Then I had a bath~ the water was a great temperature but I was too restless to allow myself to soak in it T^T 

Tomorrow

school and stew/curry morning. Should see mummy after school. Gonna dye my eyelashes and eyebrows for the wedding as well. 

dont wanna go school tho >.>

been thinking of doing another painting. I have been really struggling with my digital art. Just really not enjoying it to the point where I am thinking about buying an ipad so I can sit and draw on that to see if that helps my creative chore. But I could do a painting in the meantime whilst I am thinking about buying an ipad. Here is the last painting I did, the MerPer (mermaid wooper)

I think I've always been a spaz and always will be

 Evening

I slept last night, I turned off my switch at 9pm I was DEAD. My alarm went off but I needed more sleep than that so I did feel allllll of today but I have a job to attend to >.>

School, my anxiety was BAD like really bad. I had practicals period 1 to do and jack supported me all the way. At 9pm the new technician showed up so Jack was looking after him. I was managing stuff myself tho somehow. I remembered to take my breaks too. We had our fire drill and whilst waiting outside to have our names called a teacher said to me "what you doing jigging around" I hadnt noticed

back in the day 15 years ago, my form tutor at school would tell me off during fire drill saying "stand in line Joanne! keep still"

I havent changed in 15+ years? ^^; youd think I would know how to behave XD

I blame it on the ADHD

its easier and less tiring on me to just let my body run with the ADHD than to bottle it up and look like a 'normal' person. Im beyond carrying what people must think of me at work now. 

I came home to find mummy already and had let Oz out bless him. He came in for lunch. Mum stayed for lunch then left me to collapse on my bed for a whole 90mins the only reason I woke up was because I thought someone was knocking at my door so I bolted up and ran to the front door - no one there of course. But I was up now

I managed an hour of yoga~ what an achievement 

I wondered where the hell Jack was from warhammer but he had got on the bus home but forgot to txt me he was travelling home.

He got in and I did the dinner and he ran the window guy whos coming again at the weekend, we needed to confirm a few things.

we had dinner, I was glad we ate together. i wanted to eat with him and watch anime. I dont feel like I have spent much time with him lately and I wanted to at least have dinner with him.

I did a 5th coat outside on the pole and it is looking good I think a 6th coat will finish it to be honest then I will paint the wall~

I had a nice hot bath

Not sure if I will do any drawing not really in the mood

I havent been enjoying digital art lately for some reason

tomorrow~

school ugh

school again. Got some hard practicals too. Mummy should be seeing me after for lunch

And here is the birthday card I made for Jack's youngest sister last month - its of her bunnies Skyler and Thumper, she LOVED it