So poorly yesterday that I threw up - first time in 14 years!

 Evening all~~

so yesterday I was not good

I achieved NOTHING with my day

I was the same old in the morning, saw mum for lunch, did a short walk with her. Felt exhausted and dizzy and had zero brain cells. But all morning and afternoon my thermostat was broken - I was having so many hot sweats followed by goosebumps. Also I was STARVING like nothing touched my stomach. I ate and ate and ate, followed each and everytime going to the toilet!

 

then at 2:45 I suddenly felt poorly. I was in my jumper and thick joggers, in my winter dressing gown under my duvet which had a fleece blanket over the top. I had my laptop playing next to me videos on youtube to do with food.

I was aware I was dripping with sweat but I couldnt bare to get cold and I had goosebumps. I felt very poorly. I wanted to eat as I felt starved but I couldnt tell you what food I would want to eat. I watched endless food videos.

Jack came home at 4:30pm to find me in the same position with tears running down my face. I didnt know what to do with myself. I just wasnt well. I could tell Jack was worried. Eventually at 5pm I picked myself up, knowing dinner wouldnt happen without me. Luckily it involved microwaving 2 things and making 1 omelette so it was simple enough.

I ate the food knowing I would end up in the bathroom afterwards. But I couldnt go as I dont think, after 8 times, I had anything else to give!

I wanted something refreshing and found pure orange juice in the fridge.

I drank a glass whilst Jack was doing the washing up

as soon as I drank it I thought "I shouldnt have had that"

I walked in to the bathroom feeling sick

said to Jack "Jack I feel sick"

then next thing I knew I had my head in the toilet and chucked up 3 times

bye bye dinner

Now I havent been sick since July 2008. Very specific date huh. Thats because I remember it so well, I had caught a dreadful sickness virus from  my mum and missed my art GCSE! Luckily I was able to sit it a week later. But I have not been sick since then no matter how many times I spat into the toilet thinking and feeling I was gonna chuck up, I never did. Despite the amount of medication I have been on and my bad anxiety. I am good at keeping my guts in. I also dont drink so I have no alcohol fuelled vomit to speak of.

I honestly thought the next time I would be sick, because it has been so long, that I would go into shock or cry or have some sort of reaction.

I threw up 3 times, sat on the floor in the bathroom and felt this instant calm and relief wash over me. I felt SO much better for being sick. It was instant relief.

Jack doesnt do sick he says if he sees it or is near it he will also be sick. So once he heard I had done he got me cold flannel and drink of water. He looked at me with concern and said "do you think we need to have you looked at?" I said "nah I wil be fine" of course I was slightly concerned as to what the hell was wrong with me but I knew id get better, right? ^^;

so I rested but the adrenaline wore off and I felt rotten again, my stomach aching from being sick.

I managed to have a bath then I asked Jack to do my meds

He said "Jo you didnt take your morning medication, its still in your pill pot".....oo...hh....

crap

well at least we know what was wrong with me! I was sweaty and shivery due to withdrawal!!! Not sure what the sickness was about and we will never know really.

So I caught up on my meds and felt better for that! the dizzyness and sweating went.

It took me til 11:30pm to get to sleep. Poor Jack had a gin, think I had stressed him out.

He came home to find me a sweaty shivering mess in the bed, threw up, looked like death

so today

I slept through the night and made sure once I was up I took my bloody meds! wasnt going through that again!

I felt better

honestly today I do feel more myself

I still get intestine pain when I eat but i havent had to go toilet today as I have nothing to give right now! so  today I spaced out my food as best as I could so not to overload my stomach all at once with food.

I managed some painting, I had 2 sleeps, when Jack came home we did a bit of a walk and got rained on T^T and i had booted Oz out whilst we went and he got wet! He doesnt have the common sense to go under cover....

so yes today I definitely feel much better! I am on the mend

we have talked about my stomach issues tho as I hurt each time I eat. So Jack would like me to go on the diet this coming week so I can maybe help my stomach before we go away as any pub food or desserts will finish me off. i cant wait to have a better tummy I must say.

so thats been me

I have ruined my 14 year record tho T^T hopefully I will improve from here. 

Tomorrow I am having a go with gold leaf on my painting and seeing mummy.

right now cus I know that diet is days away I am eating anything i damn well want! I am scoffing loads cus I will miss it so bad soon!! 

My 3rd week off -_____- my brother got covid

 \evening/

I couldnt sleep last night cus I have to make frequent visits to the toilet and I was aching. I told Jack to stay in bed when he came to bed at 10pm from gaming with Theo. He would have got up with me but I told him I have all day to sleep he does not.

So I was up til midnight just going to the toilet constantly. Its so frustrating. I was so done and tired

I woke up at 6am so I woke my Jack up with a cuddle ^^ I had breakfast with him then went to bed whilst he got ready for school.

My day was long -____- I rang for an extended sick note this morning I really really hope they are kind enough to give me one

I did do some painting this morning and then mum came over for lunch

my brother has covid! he tested positive this morning at work. hes okish but yeah hes got covid

I gave my mum distance, but didnt know my brother had covid till she was telling me in my kitchen -____- all well! 

Once she left I did some yoga, I transferred stuff into my new handbag, I put new songs on my ipod and did a bit more painting. Apart from that I did bugger all. I was waiting for Jack to get his arse home. Didnt leave school til 5pm cus he was staying extra late for warhammer it seemed. Takes the pee. I as starving! Dinner was good and gave me tummy ache but not chronic pain. 

I went for a bath then doing diary. I can not wait for bed. My head is splitting.

I am done. My days are so long and dull T^T

I am getting further with my painting it is looking good :)

tomorrow just another pointless day existing

I talked to Jack when he came home. I told him that since end of August i have had stomach issues and for the last 10 days my poo has been sticky so i thought to google it. Apparently its because I am not absorbing fat properly and left like this - and fat soluble vitamins will not be absorbed. My stomach is hurting after every meal so I said to Jack the problem is getting worse not better to the point where I have stopped digesting food properly. I need to go on the Paleo diet once again to heal my intestines. So I said after my holiday I will go on the diet T^T for at least christmas. He was supportive. I told him I wont make him suffer the diet too I will still serve him actual food. I will suffer alone.

He might need to weigh me each week to keep an eye on my weight s you drop weight going on the diet cus its no diary, sugar, carbs. But if I weight myself I will obsess I know I will. So I asked him if he will weigh me and he says he will :)

Looks like it will be week 3 off being off work....

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, my stomach was off so I was having to go make frequent trips to the toilet, combined with bad aches and I was struggling to sleep without Jack there. He came to bed just after midnight and I was playing on my switch after being out of bed for a few hours. We played on switchs til 1am and I did sleep then.

waking up at 9am to have to go again to the toilet. I have the same pain when I have leaky gut....

so this morning I felt tired, whats new

I got motivated and wanted to go out with my jack but he ruined all my plans by telling me I wasnt well to go out T^T everything I suggested he wouldnt let me do. He was right. Hes not being controlling he just knows me very well and knows I take too much on and push myself!

so I felt deflated and then suggested a lil walk round the block - this I was allowed to do. I was glad as it was sunny out ^^ But that walk was enough -_____- I was exhausted. I had a quick sit down with a tea then somehow cleaned my bathroom. No matter how I am feeling I will not miss a weekly clean of my bathroom. I love my bathroom. So grateful for it.

we had lunch then I fell asleep for 90mins 

I got up and I sat on my laptop for half hour, Jack came in to me and said I look waxy and ghoulish and that I wont be going school tomorrow....so thats me told by both mum and Jack now. But to be honest the way I feel I know I cant work. I am gutted.

I went to make a cake then had a lot of meat to cook and did the dinner. Thats the trouble with sundays - I am in the kitchen a while but it makes cooking for the rest of the week much lighter for me. Id rather cook a lot on a day I havent been working.

dinner was good and didnt hurt too much to eat, which I found strange. But then i realised the foods I had eaten were 'safe' foods.

I had a bath and a pamper then doing my diary, I am gonna do a few stretches now. My Jack is about to go and game with theo again as they really enjoyed it last night so god knows when hes coming to bed but I am gonna have myself a hot chocolate and play on my switch in bed

tomorrow

well I had it in my mind that I would be back tomorrow!!! sweet jesus! it is not fair!!

so I will have to ring the doctors tomorrow and ask very nicely for a sick note. I feel so guilty for doing that. Poor Jack and Julia. I feel like such a let down of a technician. But Jack says to not have those thoughts, that I am a good technician and I am having a rougher time than anyone at work.

I guess. I still cant help but wonder what people must think.

disappointing, frustrating, fed up - thats me

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night due to stomach pains and aches. It sucked. I somehow ended up being up til 1:30am. I was dosing myself up on everything, nothing would knock me out!

I woke up to my alarm at 7:30am as I wanted to get up early for food shopping. Yes I felt a bit deathly but I was to damn determined to go!

We pulled up at the first shop and as I was getting out the car my mum and brother were there and mummy gave me a hug ^^

we did the first shop and I was struggling to think but I managed it. to be honest at this point I had had enough but we still had a second shop to do. This was when my brain power turned the mush its been for 2 weeks, I had no clue what we needed despite looking at my damn list!! it was like nothing was computing in my head. In the end Jack took the list from me as he could see the computer had crashed in my brain XD so he took the lead and we finished the shop but god I had had enough.

that 45min shopping trip made me go straight to bed when I got home -______-  I woke up to find it was lunch time!

we had lunch then i laid on my bed with a bit of stomach ache and told Jack how disappointed I am cus I knew I couldnt go out for cake and hot chocolate like we originally said. I was frustrated by it all as its going on and on!!!! whats wrong with me!!!!!?? yeah fed up

then I was stressing out about work cus lets face it, can i work on monday!? In my mind I was going on monday but doubt started to sink in. So jack told me I could work from home if needed. I felt a bit better but thats still me not in the school doing my technician work. 

He helped me clean out Oz as I was not up to the task. I noticed when going to the garage earlier that the rat hole we patched up a few weeks ago with expanding foam had been nibbled....then I noticed the bit under the fence (where is backs onto a public footpath) had a fresh rat sized hole dug out the earth...so I told Jack this as he was finishing up the cage then just at that very moment a rat ran behind me and shot down the hole!!! I didnt squeal like a girl, I just gasped in shock. But that was enough to annoy Jack.

as soon as he finished the cage he went nuclear and dug down to the concreate under the fence and wedged it all with a load of brick and rubble. We said once it had stopped raining we would put outdoor wall filler on where the expanding foam is (only brought some this morning) hopefully that will stop the rat as clearly it had gone into the garage last night, jumped up to Oz's food which is high out the way but its surrounded by empty plastic plant pots and I found 2 plant pots on the floor so it had jumped up for the food, knocked the plant pots off and ran off as Oz's food was fine and the lid still on it. Bloody things. it will be an on going thing with this house as we have the public footpath. Our neighbour suffers the same thing.

I felt quite flat after everything. Life is not going how I want it. I rang my mummy

she told me straight "youre clearly not right. what good are you to work? can you work? I think you need to ring the doctors on monday for another doctors note. If you go to work youre just gonna make yourself worse and you need to get better first before you go back"  0.0"

well that put life into perspective XD I told her I would see how I am tomorrow >.> 

I have pretty much done nothing alllllllllllllllllllll afternoon

cant do anything i am spent, exhausted, couldnt even do any painting as I felt I couldnt get my head in gear for it. 

I did dinner

died on my bed after dinner with stomach pains. Yup I ate food and paid the price for it. Seems to be the daily thing lately. 

jack went to game with theo

when I finished dying I fussed Ozwald then took him home, had a shower then did 30mins of slow yoga stretches cus I am tight from sitting on my heavy ass. 

Now I will do my nails and go play my switch in bed, by myself

tomorrow

not sure whats happening as I think I am obviously still quite sick so anything I wanna do will have to wait. I will have another boring day at home. Life sucks so bad. My auto immune system is on the floor. I might have leaking small intestines and my immune system is struggling to fight off the remnant of this virus. I think I am about there with the virus its just made my long term conditions have a flare up as they feel they havent had any attention what with the virus moving in

I am going out the house tomorrow!

 Evening

I slept ok til 3:45am and I woke up needing a wee, my mouth tasted like death so I brushed my teeth too and of course I felt like death so I was up then. I was just up.

I decided to stay up to wake Jack up around 6am as it always nicer being woken with a cuddle than a loud alarm right. so I did that and we cuddled up in bed for 15mins. Making sure not to fall asleep!  I had already eaten my breakfast but I sat with Jack as he ate his breakfast. Then as soon as he left for school I went to bed til 9am

I got up and did some painting, I keep working on it in bits and pieces and it is coming along~

I didnt do much else with my morning, kinda monged out online I guess. I find it all so boring. I can not wait to leave the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided I would do some yoga for half hour then rest then walk to mummy's after my lunch. That short walk was ENOUGH. I stayed for an hour and had a sit with the girls which was nice and then mum kindly drove me home as I didnt feel up to walking and it was raining by this point. 

It rained heavy for 3 hours! jeez. And its the start of Goose Fair, first time since covid I think? its on longer and earlier this year anyway. I NEVER go. In fact my dad would give me and my brother money to NOT go. He said it was a rip off. Not to mention the sheer amount of pick pocketing that goes off there. I think he was giving us money to not go to keep us safe. Its in a shady part of Nottingham too but sooooooooo many people go. Its a shame day1 is pouring down tho. Feel sorry for them. But it made the traffic worse for Jack coming home.

I had a sleep this afternoon for an hour after mums

and did some more painting

had a bath before dinner, so we are gonna eat dinner in our pyjamas! I love having dinner in my pyjamas theres something so comforting about it ^^ Just hope I dont sweat too much eating Korean noodles ><"

Jack has got gaming tonight so i will miss him tonight but I am glad hes doing it as he hasnt gamed for over 2 weeks due to mias wedding and a funereal last week

tomorrow

I am hoping to LEAVE THE HOUSE and do food shop. Id like to do more than that but honestly I just gotta see how I am feeling

Cut off is 30th October

 Evening

I slept ok to be honest. I didnt get up with Jack tho as I felt I needed more sleep but also getting up makes my day even longer. So I woke up at 9am

I had a splitting headache and felt tired. Yup STILL getting better. But getting better nonetheless~

I didnt do much with my morning. Maybe a bit of painting but nothing much

I went to bed in the morning, had lunch, went to bed. Then woke up to mum coming in XD

she came to check on me and I appreciate that so much.

I managed a bit of yoga

I made another cake

I did dinner and had MEGA painful stomach after my food. Like was instantly in a ball on the floor after I finished eating. My stomach was hurting during the end of my meal but I was determined to finish my food. Jack warmed my hot bag for me and I put that on my stomach. Honestly felt like a rhino just charged into my stomach. awful. The Palo diet is looming on the horizon. I am wondering if I have leaky gut again. I cant bare it. I said to Jack the cut off is 30th october - the end of october half term. I aint ruining my half term!

That was my day

nothingness

I wanna go to work but sound like a load of crap right now. Jack seems wound up with it all.

whipped out my winter pyjamas

 Evening

I had to get up til 11:15pm last night to take pain killers and have a hot chocolate and cake! But then I did manage to sleep. The alarm went off and I thought "balls to this I aint getting up!" but then I remembered - its wednesday - I have to get up so Jack can change the bed and I need to put the slow cooker on TT^TT but once Jack left for school I crawled into bed whilst the washer was on so I didnt have to listen to that.

I did a bit of painting when I got up but I found it a bit hard to motivate myself cus I am still a corpse....

mum came to see me before lunch and took me out for the short walk. It was cold and windy so I didnt like the weather but did feel better for getting some air. We had lunch then she left. I went to bed for a bit. Then watched youtube videos, and ate a lot. I havent eaten much last 2 days and I made up for it today.

I havent done much else really. I did a bit of stretching cus I felt tight. I cant wait to be better. I am hoping to be back on form for the weekend

Me and Jack had korean noodles for tea, we were both panting, sweating and red lipped. If you walked in on us youd think we had been getting up to something. But it was just hot XD

I had a HOT bath afterwards to become a lobster and burn those aches off!!

Did some painting

now at 7:30pm I am pretty much ready for bed! bed again! all I do is sleep lately. What is wrong with me T^T so slow recovering T^T I will get there

I got stickers in the post yesterday for Lizi, I bought her stickers to give to her students (cus shes doing her teacher training now) and I gave them to Jack to give to her today ^^

I ordered a pokemon Psyduck pen for Jack to put on his school lanyard as he always carries on but always loses it. I thought if he had a nicer pen he would keep track of it. Its also to thank him for putting up with my sickly ass

He got 3/6 clothes that i ordered today. He loved both pokemon tshirts but the trousers were restrictive so I might use them for work. 

tomorrow

another day recovering

got my long sleeve pyjamas on for the first time, winter is on its way