big spending and stomach isnt well

 Evening

As I sat on my laptop last night it was about 8:15 and I was thinking "I feel sick, no way do I wanna take tonights meds if I already feel so sickly" by 8:30 I was out my seat and feeling like I was gonna chuck up. Jack saw me and asked whats wrong. I didnt dare answer him in case I was sick whilst speaking. I was then on my knees spitting into the toilet some yellow saliva. Wasnt pretty. Jack got me a cup of water and I sipped on that and sat on the cold bathroom floor. I came round after 10mins. But yeah wasnt nice. It was the same feeling as last week when I was gonna be sick.

We went to bed after watching the start of season 4 of highschool DxD 

in bed, I got that awful stomach/large intestine pain and had to get up with the hot bag. Jack chose to get up with me but I told him he didnt need to. We were up til 11pm anyway. I did sleep after that as I took extra pain killers to knock me out

Jack got up at 7am and delt with the sour dough. I got up at 8am and had to go toilet straight away to find my poo floats. My stomach and intestines has one job to do and thats digest. Sodding digest would ya!!!! its not doing what its suppose to do >.> No wonder I am exhausted, Im not digesting properly so I am not getting everything from my food T^T

this morning we got ready to go out anyway as we needed a lot of stuff from the next town/village

I needed to bank a cheque

we needed 2 pet shops

we needed the supermarket

Jack needed a weatherspoons voucher for his sisters birthday present

I needed a voucher

we needed some stuff for physics

and we needed 3 other stores

man it was a lot!!!!!!!!!!! 2 hours later and like £200 later. We were done

so very done.....

we've needed that stuff for a long time so the list had grown!

we got in and unpacked and then had a brew and had lunch

I really wanted to just go bed but I said I would go see my mummy. I took Oz over with me as I thought it would do him some good to refresh his mind on that garden. He looked up at their high rockery and i could see the doubt in his eyes - he used to be able to scale that rockery no issue - instead he took the stairs! mum said it was good he did that instead of hurting himself. He then spent the entire 90mins I was over, loafing under a tree T^T he did not understand the assignment 

I sat talking to my mum. She bought Jack a slab of flapjack and me some bunny socks as I cant have cake right now. it was nice of her ^^

i came home with loaf, he did very well travelling I have to say. He then loafed in my garden.

I sat resting for almost an hour as honestly my eyelids are red I am so tired

I got up and cleaned the girl's cage out before it got too grim

I then sat doing Jack's sisters birthday card, its somehow turned into a manga kinda page! I hope she likes it considering she doesnt ike comics! Jack says its good. I will finish it tomorrow

Oh and last night when I was looking at accessories online. Originally my basket was like £82 but I got it down to £60. So yes. I have ordered £60 worth of accessories but I got 15 accessories for that. that shop just sold so much I liked! I am excited for them to arrive! I didnt tell Jack. But my money anyway.

Were maybe gonna book train tickets tonight to go birmingham for the day next week. It will be a bit pricey to do but we have done nothing as a couple all year - mainly cus of me. So I said to Jack it will be nice to do. We're only doing it for Jack's sister who has moved there last month for uni. So we said we would go visit her and have lunch with her. Id like to do that for her. Shes settling in well it seems :) and we can give her her birthday card I am making.

Think I will dye my eyelashes tonight as my eyes are sore anyway why not sting them further XD

I will go for a bath and watch anime then play switch in bed and finally conk out. I am knackered

tomorrow

we are putting the stew on in the morning and having a more relaxed day for me, before we go away. 

river walk with a brew

 Evening

I struggled to sleep last night, I couldnt shut my thoughts off. Its so annoying when its like that. So Jack got up with me whilst I took pain killers as I ached from laying there for too long.

I slept from there and woke up at 8am. Got up for my loaf as I didnt want him shredding his clean hutch. I put the girls outside. Yes it was a bit wet out but I cant have them in really and Mum would have put them out if they were at home

So we got ready then we dropped the piglets off with their morning salad at mum's so she didnt need to come for them - then I could avoid seeing my dad! We then headed down to the river trent at 9:30am so it was still a bit chilly but the sun was out and we had a walk along the river. The river is about 10metres at the side of us so its nice. Then we grabbed the flask from the car which had herbal tea in it and we sat at a bench by the car and had some tea in the sun. It was nice and peaceful as not many people were out. Then we came home.

But I was so done after that!! god yeah, that did me in a bit. So I basically sat round til lunch. I had lunch and went to bed for 2 hours! 

I got up and was drawing Jack's sister's birthday card, I havent finished it. I went to then make a cake for something to snack on but it didnt make that much mixture cus I didnt want to use all my bananas up. But its something to eat I guess. Then I sat looking at accessories online, I am yet to place my evil order X3

We did dinner which was salad, my salad looks so small in comparison to Jack's as I cant have half the stuff we usually put on it T^T he still ate his faster than me tho! how!?

Oz has had so much fuss today. he is doing well on my diet XD he keeps getting little bits here and there. He likes it when I do art in the living room with him ^^

Right Im gonna go for a bath I think then maybe order stuff

we booked the bikes as well for when we go away this week. Jack did the very foolish thing and dared to look at the weather forecast for when we're away....yup rain all 3 days! its been so good for weeks and when we go away. IT RAINS. but this is british weather forecast. They struggle and fail to predict the oncoming hour so I am not sweating days in advance cus it will all change and probably be wrong!

tomorrow

mummy says she will see me as she has something for me and a flapjack for jack. she knows I cant have cake so I wonder what she has install for me. I didnt know she was picking us up anything. 

But in the morning we are going to the next town/village 10mins away for a lot of shopping. Just stuff you need to run a household not fun shopping. But we have needed to go for a month! but havent been able to cus of my health. I also need to bank a cheque and go pet shop for Ozwald. Gotta spend some money on the loaf

so how have I not lost weight?

 Konbanwa~~

I was sleeping last night then was awoken at 11:40pm with awful awful stomach pain. Like the actual stomach part. It HURT. I didnt know what to do with myself. No position would help. So I got up and sat in a ball/mushroom position on the sofa with the hot bag on my stomach and simply waited for this pain to pass. It was 1:30am til it eventually eased off enough for me to lay down. I have no idea what that was all about. I had to spend quality time on the toilet when I woke up >.>

Jack weighed me this morning like he did last saturday. He said I had maintained my weight....how

how is that possible considering what I have been surviving off. I said "youre lying" he said "no Im not. Youve maintained" I think  he was lying so not to trigger my eating disorder.

little does he know that lying had the opposite effect on my head

it massively messed with my head

why havent I lost weight?

surely I am still eating too much

if I wasnt on the diet and eating normally, what weight would I have gained? 

that kinda thing

I tried not to pay it too much attention and told my self that I have surely lost some weight this week. Not that I am on the diet for weight loss, but the suffering I am enduring, losing weight would make me feel better about the suffering. 

We put the pets out

put them home and went food shop, got fuel, got a parcel. I was knackered

we sat down then made soup whilst soup was cooking I cleaned Oz out and cleaned the bathroom. Ate lunch and died on my bed. I was done

when I woke up I went for a half hour walk by myself as Jack was gaming with Theo

then sat on my laptop and bought Jack and jacket as I noticed today his has gone a bit sun bleached. 

we did dinner, had a bit of stomach ache after dinner of course but I still sat with the girls

I cant believe how jealous Oz gets when I pay them any attention tho. He doesnt like the attention not being on him! I could never bring another bun home, it would upset him massively! 

I had a bath and now doing diary

basically didnt get time for any ME time today so tomorrow I am doing what the hell I like.

might go for a walk with Jack in the morning and make some cards for people after that.

getting a letter home about my absence...

 pyon~

Well done to me I have made it through my week ^^

I couldnt sleep last night cus I ached ><  so I got up with Jack just til 10:30pm to take pain killers. I then fell asleep. I have been sleeping pretty well this week.

I woke up this morning and felt so done in, but I could no face working from home. Especially with such a randy bunny >.> so I went to work~

Work was ok

Head of science pulled me aside and said I would receive a letter home in regards to my 14 day absence. I instantly panicked but he said it would be about an informal meeting happening between me, him, Jack and someone from the trust. He said its just to check in with how stuff is. Nothing to worry about it. I shall choose to believe him.

I got my day done anyway. I came home to find sows! I squeezed them I put them outside with Oz. Oz came in when I went to bed but I left the girls out as they were safe and happy and even after my 2 hour sleep they were still out and eating the grass. They must have been full of grass!

My brother and his girlfriend came over to borrow the switch dock cus she forgot hers and they stayed 40mins. I then was trying to plan next weeks menu which is hard when I have zero brain cells and a dull diet....

Jack came home and we talked on the bed a bit then did dinner.

Jack told Oz off for humping me the 3rd time today XD he is randy bunny today

Its 6:15pm and I havent done any exercise yet today! my body is so tired tho i am unsure what I can even do >< but I might sit with the girls first then ether exercise or bath

tomorrow

food shop in the morning and got Oz to clean out

I am so glad I was able to do this week

last day tomorrow and I get the sows!

 Evening~~

I slept pretty well again last night and woke up just before my alarm - I prefer it this way, I hate waking up to an alarm, I like waking up on my terms

I could tell when I got up this morning that I was running out of steam. I wanted to go school but knew I would struggle with my fatigue today

Got to school and had my first practical to do since returning - there has been other biology practicals to do but Jack did them for me. I managed it, I felt it took me longer than normal cus I needed to get into the swing of it again like making up chemicals etc but Jack was there for me ^^

I helped a bit in one class too

and did sitting down jobs and got all my jobs done but I had had enough. Jeez Id had enough

I keep being hungry 45mins into my shift T^T so i have one snack then an hour or so later I have my second snack ><; 

I came home and had lunch with mummy and Oz

Then went to bed for 2 hours as I was so tired ><

woke up and did 30mins of yoga but it was hard going I had no energy. Its hard being on this diet and still recovering your digestive organs as I am not eating energy rich foods and not getting everything from the food I am eating. So life is very hard right now! But I have to try and do some exercise each day. 

Then I made lunch for Jack he has such a good lunch tomorrow! made a start on dinner. Ate dinner far to quick as I was ravenous so I had bad tummy ache after my dinner I know it wasnt helped by how fast I did eat but I was just so desperate to have food in me! Whilst recovering on the floor with my hot bag I watched Jack and Oz groom one another its so sweet. jack using a brush obviously! 

Im gonna have a bath then slather steroid cream all over my face and neck as my eczema is so sore now. 

Then it will be anime and switchs in bed.

tomorrow is friday, last day of term and also the day the sows come!

Jack has said I can work from home if needed but I really dont want to. I shall see how I am tomorrow if I feel I can get through the day and safely drive home. Mum will drop the sows off mid morning

i dont want to work from home but I also need to be grateful at how well I have done this week. I have done much better than I thought. I went from nothing to being back on my 4 hour shifts   

made an olaf

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night. I woke up at 5:50am to the sound of Jack 'screaming' in his sleep. Did not know he could go so high pitched! I woke him up as I thought he must be having a nightmare. And he was. So I was glad I woke him. I decided to get up tho as I knew if I fell asleep Id be annoyed at the alarm in a short amount of time.

So we had a leisurely morning~

school was ok I guess. Julia had had all on with her cat in the night, she looked shattered. Jack ended up taking her home with a cage from a science teacher so she could lock the cat up. Her cage hasnt arrived yet and he needs to be locked up for 6-8 weeks bless him. I felt sicky anxious when he left as I was worried about people needing stuff and I didnt have him there to help. So I hid in Julia's prep room for 15mins as I knew he wouldnt be too long

Then a teacher came to say she was needing to make a big Olaf for her daughters birthday this weekend so she could play pin the carrot on Olaf. I offered to do this for her ^^ I enjoyed myself. I left it for her as I had to go home and she was in lesson. Jack said she LOVED it, well worth doing. I didnt take as many breaks as I was bit fixated on doing the Olaf art >< also Jack was upstairs in Julia's prep room like the whole time disposing of chemicals so he wasnt around to tell me to go for breaks. I got all my other jobs done, I was doing Olaf all morning but it was fun to do. I took a picture so I will show it one day

I got home and mum was here, I sorted my thai curry out I had put on before school, had lunch with mummy we talked about ADHD and autism, as you do. I waited for the washer to finish so I didnt get to bed til 2pm and then when I woke up it was 4pm. I went in the garage with Oz to make up the girls cage as theyre staying on friday ^^ cant wait

Jack came home and we watched the teaser for scarlet and violet which wasnt anything great I have to say....then we had dinner. I got tummy ache from food. 

I need to have a bath and maybe do some yoga, done no exercise today! Im not getting round to art today cus I keep sleeping for 2 hours! but I am so tired ><

Oz has demanded so much fuss today its been lovely. Think I have had 3 full face washes from him. I love him and always give him fuss if he wants it. I never ignore him. 

Tomorrow

school and seeing mummy. 

putting myself down, getting upset cus I am hungry and tired

 Yo~nn

I was struggling last night. I was looking at jobs and decided I couldnt do any of them due to my health or even if I did get the job that they would be disappointed me as Id no doubt have time off cus of my health. Then in bed I started doubting myself as a technician. Saying I was crap and a let down in the team. Jack cuddled me and told me how good I was as a technician. Bless him, its always me in the relationship with the emotional breakdowns, making his tshirt wet with tears. He said "I feel you have a lot more to be upset about than me. Youre poorly after all" hes so understanding and amazing. 

At the end of the day I was simply tired and hungry. Thats what triggered all this off -____- not my proudest moment. I had to get up for more pain killers as being upset ramped up my pain and my head was killing me.

this morning I woke up 10mins before my alarm so I woke Jack up with a cuddle. Kinda didnt feel like going school ><

school was ok tho. I got a txt from Julia saying her cat had broke its leg last night so she was having to take him to the vets. So we covered for her. She came in at 10am and her phone rang - the vets saying she needed to collect her cat and take him to a specialist vets to have plates put in his leg. Poor kitty. So glad she has pet insurance as its costing £4000.....eye watering

so she went and never returned cus she needed to get across town in a taxi

I went to see Lizi and the new art technician Kimberley! shes so lovely  and so young! shes 21 and from hong kong originally. I am glad shes wanting to be our friend ^^ Jack said she felt comfortable enough to come eat lunch with him and chris joined too. I was glad Jack hadnt been alone all afternoon

I had lunch with mummy then went to bed, woke up at 3:15pm. I went for a 20min walk I wanted to g longer but that was the most I could manage. I have zero energy!

I got back and made Jack's lunch for tomorrow again. I dont have to but I like to try make his life easier and he says I always make tasty lunch ^^ i love doing things for him.

I then made a start on dinner as I was hungry and wanted to eat as soon as jack came through the door.

I really should do some art but unsure what to do and I am so tired. Maybe I should just be grateful I am back at work instead of putting extra stress on myself.

I will go for my bath now

Oz is cute. I love him. I spend so much time with that bun. I hope Julia's cat will be ok

tomorrow school