we told Jack's family today :)

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, I was too achy and felt a bit sicky too. So I was up til 11pm, Jack came to join me after he finished his gaming.

I then, after the bed was fresh and Hammington was fresh from her bath, had a nightmare and therefore sweated in bed -_______- my hair felt wet when I woke up from it. So come morning I felt quite grim to be honest. 

We went for food shopping and I bumped into mummy ^^ she told me my dad was happy with our news :) 

Once we were home, I had a quick bath to help with my aches and also to make me feel less grim cus yeah even my hair looked greasy from the sweat.

I got out the bath and made myself look presentable and then we headed off to Jack's family's house

we were there to give his sister her birthday card and gift

after everyone was chatting Jack just dropped the bomb shell of "we're engaged"

His family was so happy especially his mum. She said "finally" finally? we've only been together 3 years ^^; how fast should we get married? I think there were hoping for a wedding soon but I said we were gonna wait a bit.

We left at 12:50, I was so hungry and tired

We did lunch as soon as we got in then I went to bed. I was tired.

I got up at 3:30pm and had a brew with Jack

I made some tomato sauce to go with my dinner

sat on my laptop a bit then did the dinner, had a quick bath but didnt both washing my hair again. It will look a mess tomorrow but im not going anywhere.

Jack is off to play with Theo online, he messaged his friends on the group chat to tell them about the engagement and they were happy for us but also made fun of him saying "someone actually wants to marry you"

so im by myself tonight which is fine, I dont mind. I cope. I finished Okami, again, last night so I will have disgaea4 to play tonight. I havent done any exercise today tho so I might do some weights in a bit not sure yet. I really should do some digital drawing but I havent found the motivation

tomorrow

seeing as I didnt do my chores today (I thought as we've been away from the house for 2 days things werent too bad) so I have meat to cook, soup to make, Oz to clean out, bathroom to clean. Fun day tomorrow isnt it!

I got engaged =^^=

 I am home~~~

So saturday 19th of October was a full on day!

We got all ready to go away for our second holiday ever. We dropped Oz off at mums. and Jack drove us off to Matlock - derbyshire

we arrived just fine, we walked up round the old unique houses and pubs to a bookshop Jack wanted to go to. It was full, from ceiling to floor of books and 3 stories! Not my kinda thing but Jack enjoys it. We then went back to the car for a quick lunch

We then drove to Lumsdale Valley. Which is one my favourite places! It has water falls! We had a slow walk down the bank cus its very uneven and covered in leaves. Jack helped me every step of the way in case I fell. My legs were becoming weak and tired and shaky. I was also using my inhaler a lot which adds to the shakiness.

We eventually got to the water fall. Jack sat me down on a rock by the water fall and asked if this was my favourite spot. I said it was, I was using my inhaler and trying to catch my breath. Jack sat with me and once I was ok he told me how much he loves me, wants to spend the rest of his life with me, how happy I make him everyday. Then he whipped out a box. Yup. This was my Jack proposing to me *0* 

I obviously said yes as I love him to pieces and live with the guy. He put the ring on my finger and freakin fitted!!!! its a lovely pink ruby and diamond gold ring. I will have to take a photo of it. But it was so private no one was around, it was so perfect. I was massively in shock haha

We then walked back to the car. Drove back to the Matlock bath and went for tea and cake which was heaven in my mouth. The best toffee cake I have ever eaten.

Then we could check in at the hotel. I rested for a bit. We talked about telling our parents and we said we prefer to do it in person. So I had to keep that a secret til I got home!

But it was still sinking in that he proposed to me, by a waterfall on my beloved Granny's birthday ^^

I asked him if he asked my parents permission, he said he didnt as he was gonna ask but then worried if he asked then actually bottled asking me XD bless him.

He had the ring since May and was dying to give it to me but because I have been so poorly, we havent been anywhere for him to do the proposal. 

We went to dinner and I had a korean chicken and a few chips. I didnt push my luck and over eat as I didnt want to upset my stomach. Jack had a beef burger topped with pulled pork and bacon. He was more happy with his mulled cider XD

We went back to the hotel, I was struggling to walk but the pub was well within walking distance it was great. We had a soak in the bath then called it a night, both of us done in

I didnt sleep well due to pain. I had face ache from not having my pillow, aches from not having my supportive bed, aches from walking. The pain was that bed it was like I could hear the pain. I woke Jack up cus it was pitch black in the room and I needed pain killers and to move. At home we have the diffuser on all night and it lights the room a bit, we also have a street lamp outside our bedroom window lighting the public footpath. All in all, we can see quite well at night. 

We got the next morning and we had paid for bike rental for a local lake cycle path. But as soon as I woke up I could hear the rain. It was hammering it down.....our plans ruined. We were gonna go out for breakfast but we did not fancy going out in that! so I had a nice bath to help my aching body. Then we went to reception and asked if we were allowed to have breakfast. she said it was fine and made a quick note of our room number as it would cost £10 each. She said she would stick it on our room.

we walked through to breakfast. Literally being the youngest there XD I had 1 and a half muffins and some fruit as I didnt fancy much else.

we went back to the room and I flopped on the bed deflated. I fell asleep and woke up at 10:30. When I woke up Jack motivated me. Said we would go out and get wet on the bikes. I couldnt bare the thought of how cold and achy I would get but decided to go out and get the lunch and hope the rain passes. We were gonna drive to Matlock for the sainsburys and buy a meal deal to eat at the lake. But when we arrived I realised you got 3 hours free parking so I suggested we just have a chill day and do the shops and have lunch in a cafe

so thats what we did. All the shops are unique and independent no chain shops to be seen! we found a little cafe run by an elderly couple. I had the best carrot and corriander soup  i have even eaten. we looked round odd little shops. i did see things I like but it would be buying for the sake of buying. I did find a coat in a charity shop for dad and I bought that. That was the only thing I did buy!

Id had enough, it hadnt stopped raining the entire time. It eased but didnt stop til 4:30pm

at 2pm we drove back towards the hotel and had an ice cream. I had a scoop of oreo and scoop of Malteser. then we went back to the hotel. I was relieved as i could barely walk. I fell asleep as soon as we got back. When I woke up we went for food. We went same pub as it was so quiet there, cheap, and Jack saw drinks he wanted to try. I was fine going same place as we didnt go for the food we go to see places. It also relaxed me as I knew what I would be eating! I decided to have same korean chicken as I enjoyed it. Jack had beef lasagne

he had a couple of drinks and I was just on squash. We managed a dessert! i had toffee pudding with ice cream jack has tiramisu. We stayed there a while then did a walk by the river - the river faced the pub. It was all lit up with fairy lights - the walk called lovers walk X3

we went back to the hotel for a bath and bed, Jack kindly massaged my legs before bed and it helped massively

I slept better think the massage helped. We went out for breakfast which wasnt anything amazing as most places opened at 10am. So it was ether wait round for good food or eat anything and get home to Oz and hour earlier. We both missed loaf and loved all the photos and videos mum sent me.

we packed our stuff and gave the key back, the woman didnt charge us for breakfast! so that was lucky, made me feel better about the wasted bike money.

Jack drove home and as soon as I got home I started unpacking everything. Not sure why! just did it. Of course I had been to see Oz as mum had kindly dropped him off a bit earlier. He was happy to see me, gave me licks, ignored Jack XD

I cooked sausages for Jacks lunch then we had lunch

mum came over and she stayed almost 2 hours.

I showed her my ring. She was shocked! I wasnt sure if she was happy at first but it was just shock bless her. she was happy. 

Then once mum left I monged on youtube, went for an early bath, had dinner, now here. Jack has gaming tonight. So I am by myself tonight but i think I will fall asleep rapid tonight. I am exhausted....

we might see jack's family at the weekend to tell them the news ^^

I am so happy about it all. But there is ZERO rush to actually go down the aisle. We are in no hurry and will just do it as and when I am ready basically. Kinda want a new kitchen before blowing my savings on a wedding! 

I feel loved and wanted ^^ I am so grateful to my Jack. Hes been so brave.  Its a massive thing to do and hes been thinking about it a while bless him!

I have had a lovely holiday with him too, yes not everything went to plan but it was lovely all the same. We both enjoyed it and enjoyed getting out, just the two of us. I am grateful to mum for doing top notch bunny care. 

so yeah thats everything I think ^^

I have only told  mum and even when I have told Jacks family

we will not be posting it all over social media cus we're not like that. I will message a few people who arent able to physically see me but on the whole I am just gonna wait til I see people to tell them. I prefer to see reactions. Then posting it online and receiving cold likes

love you my Jack~

On the second card

 Evening

we had  to get  up again, cus of me, again. My stomach. Just doesnt like laying down at night for some reason. Really painful. We were only up til 11pm tho.

I woke up at 8am Jack was already up with the loaf and had cut up the stuff for the stew! Amazing how during the night I am a light sleeping but come morning or  during the day I am a heavy sleeper. 

So I was doing the stew first thing when I woke up.

Then I did some leg and arm weights for 15mins. That would be my exercise for the day.

I got dressed and then we started packing stuff to go away. We needed to sort it all out.

I then sat doing Jack's sister's birthday card. its finished and i hope she likes it!

We had lunch and then I sat painting my nails then I went to  bed.

When I woke up I took Oz outside with me and rang my mum. I was gonna see her but shes full of cold so I dont wanna catch that before we go away. I have told my brother hes welcome to my house to work from home if he wants. 

I was sooooo hungry so we had dinner for bang on 5pm

afterwards I started doing a card for my brother's christmas present as I bought him a voucher so I want a decent card for it.

Then I had a big pamper in the bathroom. I feel so clean!

I might do a bit more of my brother's card tonight

Oz has been demanding bun and chewing up the garden...dread him going mums and savaging her garden....

big spending and stomach isnt well

 Evening

As I sat on my laptop last night it was about 8:15 and I was thinking "I feel sick, no way do I wanna take tonights meds if I already feel so sickly" by 8:30 I was out my seat and feeling like I was gonna chuck up. Jack saw me and asked whats wrong. I didnt dare answer him in case I was sick whilst speaking. I was then on my knees spitting into the toilet some yellow saliva. Wasnt pretty. Jack got me a cup of water and I sipped on that and sat on the cold bathroom floor. I came round after 10mins. But yeah wasnt nice. It was the same feeling as last week when I was gonna be sick.

We went to bed after watching the start of season 4 of highschool DxD 

in bed, I got that awful stomach/large intestine pain and had to get up with the hot bag. Jack chose to get up with me but I told him he didnt need to. We were up til 11pm anyway. I did sleep after that as I took extra pain killers to knock me out

Jack got up at 7am and delt with the sour dough. I got up at 8am and had to go toilet straight away to find my poo floats. My stomach and intestines has one job to do and thats digest. Sodding digest would ya!!!! its not doing what its suppose to do >.> No wonder I am exhausted, Im not digesting properly so I am not getting everything from my food T^T

this morning we got ready to go out anyway as we needed a lot of stuff from the next town/village

I needed to bank a cheque

we needed 2 pet shops

we needed the supermarket

Jack needed a weatherspoons voucher for his sisters birthday present

I needed a voucher

we needed some stuff for physics

and we needed 3 other stores

man it was a lot!!!!!!!!!!! 2 hours later and like £200 later. We were done

so very done.....

we've needed that stuff for a long time so the list had grown!

we got in and unpacked and then had a brew and had lunch

I really wanted to just go bed but I said I would go see my mummy. I took Oz over with me as I thought it would do him some good to refresh his mind on that garden. He looked up at their high rockery and i could see the doubt in his eyes - he used to be able to scale that rockery no issue - instead he took the stairs! mum said it was good he did that instead of hurting himself. He then spent the entire 90mins I was over, loafing under a tree T^T he did not understand the assignment 

I sat talking to my mum. She bought Jack a slab of flapjack and me some bunny socks as I cant have cake right now. it was nice of her ^^

i came home with loaf, he did very well travelling I have to say. He then loafed in my garden.

I sat resting for almost an hour as honestly my eyelids are red I am so tired

I got up and cleaned the girl's cage out before it got too grim

I then sat doing Jack's sisters birthday card, its somehow turned into a manga kinda page! I hope she likes it considering she doesnt ike comics! Jack says its good. I will finish it tomorrow

Oh and last night when I was looking at accessories online. Originally my basket was like £82 but I got it down to £60. So yes. I have ordered £60 worth of accessories but I got 15 accessories for that. that shop just sold so much I liked! I am excited for them to arrive! I didnt tell Jack. But my money anyway.

Were maybe gonna book train tickets tonight to go birmingham for the day next week. It will be a bit pricey to do but we have done nothing as a couple all year - mainly cus of me. So I said to Jack it will be nice to do. We're only doing it for Jack's sister who has moved there last month for uni. So we said we would go visit her and have lunch with her. Id like to do that for her. Shes settling in well it seems :) and we can give her her birthday card I am making.

Think I will dye my eyelashes tonight as my eyes are sore anyway why not sting them further XD

I will go for a bath and watch anime then play switch in bed and finally conk out. I am knackered

tomorrow

we are putting the stew on in the morning and having a more relaxed day for me, before we go away. 

river walk with a brew

 Evening

I struggled to sleep last night, I couldnt shut my thoughts off. Its so annoying when its like that. So Jack got up with me whilst I took pain killers as I ached from laying there for too long.

I slept from there and woke up at 8am. Got up for my loaf as I didnt want him shredding his clean hutch. I put the girls outside. Yes it was a bit wet out but I cant have them in really and Mum would have put them out if they were at home

So we got ready then we dropped the piglets off with their morning salad at mum's so she didnt need to come for them - then I could avoid seeing my dad! We then headed down to the river trent at 9:30am so it was still a bit chilly but the sun was out and we had a walk along the river. The river is about 10metres at the side of us so its nice. Then we grabbed the flask from the car which had herbal tea in it and we sat at a bench by the car and had some tea in the sun. It was nice and peaceful as not many people were out. Then we came home.

But I was so done after that!! god yeah, that did me in a bit. So I basically sat round til lunch. I had lunch and went to bed for 2 hours! 

I got up and was drawing Jack's sister's birthday card, I havent finished it. I went to then make a cake for something to snack on but it didnt make that much mixture cus I didnt want to use all my bananas up. But its something to eat I guess. Then I sat looking at accessories online, I am yet to place my evil order X3

We did dinner which was salad, my salad looks so small in comparison to Jack's as I cant have half the stuff we usually put on it T^T he still ate his faster than me tho! how!?

Oz has had so much fuss today. he is doing well on my diet XD he keeps getting little bits here and there. He likes it when I do art in the living room with him ^^

Right Im gonna go for a bath I think then maybe order stuff

we booked the bikes as well for when we go away this week. Jack did the very foolish thing and dared to look at the weather forecast for when we're away....yup rain all 3 days! its been so good for weeks and when we go away. IT RAINS. but this is british weather forecast. They struggle and fail to predict the oncoming hour so I am not sweating days in advance cus it will all change and probably be wrong!

tomorrow

mummy says she will see me as she has something for me and a flapjack for jack. she knows I cant have cake so I wonder what she has install for me. I didnt know she was picking us up anything. 

But in the morning we are going to the next town/village 10mins away for a lot of shopping. Just stuff you need to run a household not fun shopping. But we have needed to go for a month! but havent been able to cus of my health. I also need to bank a cheque and go pet shop for Ozwald. Gotta spend some money on the loaf

so how have I not lost weight?

 Konbanwa~~

I was sleeping last night then was awoken at 11:40pm with awful awful stomach pain. Like the actual stomach part. It HURT. I didnt know what to do with myself. No position would help. So I got up and sat in a ball/mushroom position on the sofa with the hot bag on my stomach and simply waited for this pain to pass. It was 1:30am til it eventually eased off enough for me to lay down. I have no idea what that was all about. I had to spend quality time on the toilet when I woke up >.>

Jack weighed me this morning like he did last saturday. He said I had maintained my weight....how

how is that possible considering what I have been surviving off. I said "youre lying" he said "no Im not. Youve maintained" I think  he was lying so not to trigger my eating disorder.

little does he know that lying had the opposite effect on my head

it massively messed with my head

why havent I lost weight?

surely I am still eating too much

if I wasnt on the diet and eating normally, what weight would I have gained? 

that kinda thing

I tried not to pay it too much attention and told my self that I have surely lost some weight this week. Not that I am on the diet for weight loss, but the suffering I am enduring, losing weight would make me feel better about the suffering. 

We put the pets out

put them home and went food shop, got fuel, got a parcel. I was knackered

we sat down then made soup whilst soup was cooking I cleaned Oz out and cleaned the bathroom. Ate lunch and died on my bed. I was done

when I woke up I went for a half hour walk by myself as Jack was gaming with Theo

then sat on my laptop and bought Jack and jacket as I noticed today his has gone a bit sun bleached. 

we did dinner, had a bit of stomach ache after dinner of course but I still sat with the girls

I cant believe how jealous Oz gets when I pay them any attention tho. He doesnt like the attention not being on him! I could never bring another bun home, it would upset him massively! 

I had a bath and now doing diary

basically didnt get time for any ME time today so tomorrow I am doing what the hell I like.

might go for a walk with Jack in the morning and make some cards for people after that.

getting a letter home about my absence...

 pyon~

Well done to me I have made it through my week ^^

I couldnt sleep last night cus I ached ><  so I got up with Jack just til 10:30pm to take pain killers. I then fell asleep. I have been sleeping pretty well this week.

I woke up this morning and felt so done in, but I could no face working from home. Especially with such a randy bunny >.> so I went to work~

Work was ok

Head of science pulled me aside and said I would receive a letter home in regards to my 14 day absence. I instantly panicked but he said it would be about an informal meeting happening between me, him, Jack and someone from the trust. He said its just to check in with how stuff is. Nothing to worry about it. I shall choose to believe him.

I got my day done anyway. I came home to find sows! I squeezed them I put them outside with Oz. Oz came in when I went to bed but I left the girls out as they were safe and happy and even after my 2 hour sleep they were still out and eating the grass. They must have been full of grass!

My brother and his girlfriend came over to borrow the switch dock cus she forgot hers and they stayed 40mins. I then was trying to plan next weeks menu which is hard when I have zero brain cells and a dull diet....

Jack came home and we talked on the bed a bit then did dinner.

Jack told Oz off for humping me the 3rd time today XD he is randy bunny today

Its 6:15pm and I havent done any exercise yet today! my body is so tired tho i am unsure what I can even do >< but I might sit with the girls first then ether exercise or bath

tomorrow

food shop in the morning and got Oz to clean out

I am so glad I was able to do this week