Good Evening all~
Man I so did not want to wake up this morning!!!!
I was having such a cool dream but I know I couldnt wake up
i was making noises to try wake myself up
mum came in the room and i managed to mutter "i cant wake up"
so she spoke to me and I came round
I started to work on my hoodie :D
I got quite far today actually I made a lot of progress
but realized id made quite a big mistake so i had to correct
it which took up time and then i packed it up as i was too tired
to do much else and i didnt want to go wrong
besides theres plenty of time no rush in making it
I did a lil bit of dancing in the afternoon
I finished a dance and went to record it but im not sure
if im pleased with it. Second time this week i've recorded
a dance then deleted it and re-done it another day
I started doing a halloween picture
I want to have an attempt at one cus usually mine suck
but i found a lot of cute images on the internet so im hoping
i have some good inspiration to go on :)
My parents went and collected granny's death certificate and got
back granny's stuff she took to haywood house with her
mum didnt want to touch it she couldnt bare to
she couldnt bare to touch the clothes granny had last worn
they then went into town and registered her death
I rang up Randstad Education something ive been meaning to do all week
but ive been so nervous about doing it, im not sure why
i guess i thought with not hearing from they that they werent interested
in getting me work or struggling to find me work
but the lady Kin who i spoke to was lovely and said its my references they've
had trouble with, mad science for one were being right gits apparently,
then my other reference is college but theyve had trouble with getting
hold of anyone from the college so Kim assured me that she was gonna ring
me and tell me how it was going, i told her i was nervous about ringing
she laughed and "dont worry we havent forgotten you" :) i felt so relieved
after i made that phone cal, what was i even worrying about?
its because ive been struggling to cope with most things lately
cant think how else i passed my day haha
im gonna do a lil bit more dancing tonight
then watch googlebox :)
my nails i did this week
bunnies!
Evening all~
Mum woke me this morning as I had got an appointment
at karen's for 9:30am
i didnt wanna get up damn it ><
It was nice chatting to Karen
we talked about various bits as always
and when i was leaving she gave me cakes, flowers and a card!
so i passed them onto mum, well i did the flowers
thats the 3rd bunch this week, i always do the flowers
then i went up the shed and planted my new plant
its all happy now and so am i as its colourful and pretty :)
we went out into a town down the road
went round charity shops and stuff picked up a few bits
nothing special. all i got was a fruits basket manga book
it was £1.25, i plan on ripping up manga books and doing a collage one day
so ive collected the odd manga book of series i know but got them reduced
so it doesnt feel as bad when it comes to ripping em up
got home went to bed
which is usually what i do when ive been karens
just exhausts me for some reason
i told her that i hadnt been yoga for 2 weeks!! god i miss it
rang lynn up for 30mins seeing how she and den were
theyve invited me up for sunday dinner next sunday ^^
cant wait to see em both
went for a walk with mia and helina at 6:15pm
my god was it dark! could barely see!
and i was frozen but it was nice to see em both
i keep looking at the ring i have on, makes me think of granny
even mum says it reminds her of granny
ive only shown it karen, mia and helina
not showing off or anything i just thought id tell them
But I thought Id show you the jewelery i have been wearing of hers
this was granny's eternity ring from papa
and this is a necklace I assume she got from papa
but it has hallmarks on it so today i actually googled "Uk hallmarks"
and I managed to work it that its
sterling silver
made in sheffield
made in 1977 - the queen's silver jubilee
so its 38 years old!!!! its older than me!! shocked
ive not shown it anyone, i keep it under my top
it sits between my boobs, hence why i took of picture of it in my hand ><
I did some more of my hoodie
but not much sadly
painted my nails last night ^^
and tonight on TV is "paul O'grady's for the love of dogs"
i watched it last week its a new series i love it :)
tomorrow i wanna sew god damn it
but i think mum wants to go out ><
Evening all
Im gonna hopefully make this quick as id like to paint my nails tonight ^^
I slept rubbish waking up a lot then having to get up at 8am
and leave at 8:30am
got to the doctors at 8:30am he was running late...already!?
anyway i got my yearly dose of sleeping tablets, allowed 28 pills per year XD
theyre just there incase of emergencies when im having a lot of trouble
sleeping like the other week i took one as i hadnt slept through the night
in 2 weeks so i take on to sleep and break the not sleeping cycle
I also got to go back on the pill. finally. its been a year since ive been
off them, good job i dont use them for contraception isnt it!
he wouldnt let me have them til my thyroid was under control >.>
periods make me so poorly =.= pathetic i know
anyway got home had breakfast and cleaned the pigs out
we discovered pinky was bleeding
massively...
we know she bleeds she has done for the last 18 months id say
just on and off bits of blood
but this morning it was bad, literally gushing out we had to bath her bottom
i rang the vets up but they said they were booked up but to come down and squeeze
in between appointments so as soon as we finished up cleaning them out
we took her down, we were seen too very fast, i thought we'd be there like an hour
the vet said to try her on anti-biotics or spay her
now i know shes had anti-biotics before for this, in fact when it all started she had
anti-biotics and it didnt do anything. that was a different veterinary clinic
now this one suggested spaying her...poor girl. but he didnt give any indication
on if we spay her she'd be cured kinda thing
mum went for anti-biotics, not wanting to get pinky in an operation
its not so bad castrating, but spaying, they get opened up
so we'll see, we've been checking her through out the day and giving her her meds
and plenty of iron rich greens
i started planning out my hoodie but i felt really poorly randomly
went to bed then when i woke up mum took me to a garden center to get
a new indoor plant :D i got one! it was the only small one there and its pink!!
i said to mum "this baby was waiting for me!"
im gonna pot it tomorrow i forgot to do it today ^^"
started sewing up my hoodie, cant say as i got very far
but im taking my time, making it nice and neat
see what tomorrow brings~
Evening all~
I woke up at 8am having a really bad night
i was having bad dreams and aching an awful lot
i cant believe how painful my body can feel when laying on a mattress
my hip and face is the worst
anyway i started designing my hoodie
i was having an awful lot of trouble with it
i was trying to use up fleece remnants i had, i have a big piece of black
so i was thinking of doing a black hoodie
i saw all these designs i like, but when it boils down to it, im not comfortable in them
i have certain things on my hoodie for example
a zip as way of open and closing
pockets are a must
and a hood
so in the end i was getting rather annoyed so i looked at exactly what fleece i did have
and realized i had a few more colours than i first thought
so i ditched the black and when i did i was suddenly able to draw a design!
i think it was the black that was doing me
anyway i did a quick doodle~
It's going to be a bunny hoodie
i was torn between cat & bunny but i am a big bunny fan X3
bunnies suit me more than cats
so I cut that all just now actually, all over the landing and in the way of everyone XD
no space in my room tho to lay it all out!
my parents went over to grannys to do some more clearing out
i went to bed nakerd from lack of sleep and just feeling crummy
when i woke i found they had brought me stuff back from grannys
craft pieces mainly things to do with card making
i was shocked, as i had helped package everything up a year ago from grannys house
and i hadnt come across them, and i know for a fact she hadnt used em since being
in her new house, so where the hell were they? anyway i'll put em to good use :)
i also cleaned up grannys jewelery the pieces that are real silver & gold
mum had ago placing some rings on her fingers
i think its sweet she wants to wear them in granny's memory
grannys engagement ring for example. it looks like a ring to most people
but its very sentimental
i told mum which ring reminded me of granny the most and it was a blue stone one
so i tried it on and got it on god knows how with my fat fingers
im currently wearing it - granny's eternity ring- i'll see how i go with it
im not really a ring kinda girl, ive never been able to get along with rings
so if i cant handle it and it annoys me i'll put it with the rest of granny's things
just seems sad not to wear it, when it holds memories and its pretty
oh and speaking of cleaning granny's jewelery i cleaned the silver necklace
mum let me keep and it came up a treat so im wearing it round my neck today
im gonna see if i can sleep in it too - without strangling myself ><
ive never inherited jewelery before
i did some dancing and got very hot very quickly
then i felt wiped out after a short time
guess im still not up to full strength from my cold
but i did manage to get a dance done for today thank god
dont know if i will get one done for friday in time tho!
ive given mum my cold =.= shes unwell and not happy ^^"
oh yeah i went to the dentist today
ahhh i was so nervous, i think i was more nervous in case my filling was really bad
and i had to have tooth out but thats me over thinking
mia met me in reception and she told me she had chose the colour for my filling
to match my teeth, which i thought was nice of her
i was in the chair for 15 minutes with major mouth ache haha
the needle didnt hurt and mia was asking what it was like but i was like
"there's worse pain in the world than that" shes got to have 4 teeth out you see
so they finished up and i was glad that i had got it sorted sooner rather than later
mia says she will see me for a walk on thursday :)
came home and tried to have soup and a cup of tea without
spilling them down me with my numb mouth XD
tomorrow i have doctors at 8:40am, gotta get up and go >.>
im in two minds whether to mention my head or not
anyway thats me off
Good Evening~
I woke up at 7:05am i thought "sod that" and turned over XD
next thing I knew it was 9:10 =.= man I hate getting up that late >.>
I made pumpkin soup in the morning didnt take long as the pumpkin
was in chunks ready, defrosted from last year's pumpkin XD
I was also working hard on dom's doctor who piece
and im pleased to announce that i got it finished! I worked solid on it
im pleased with it and my family thinks it is good
with presents for dom, its difficult. as its ether gotta be Official doctor who stuff
or its got to be very neat. dom is very neat with his work, so to not use the right
measurements,equipment, colours etc just doesnt go down well with him
so when ever i make something for him i have to make it very neat
i mean i know he'd never say anything but i know he thinks it
as he used to say about my college work when we were in college together XD
he'd be like "for god sake just use a ruler" haha
anyway its more time consuming being this neat with my work
but it needed to be good i didnt want it to look like a 5 year old had done
im hoping he likes it. its not official doctor who but i put many hours into it
i'll upload it tomorrow
and this is the hot air balloon shirt i did the other day
basically when i brought it it was just a long sleeve shirt
luckily i had some hot air balloon fabric in stock of my own :D
so i've changed the buttons from white to yellow, black and blue - the balloon colours
i changed the pocket to my hot air balloon fabric
cut the sleeves down and used my fabric once again to make the cuffs
and Ta-Da its a different shirt
im pleased with it ^^ gonna wear it for work~
In the afternoon i went over to granny's house with my parents
we just went to go see what needs to be done. we bagged up a few things
but not much doesnt feel right delving in and chucking out her stuff
less than 24 hours of her dying
i found more of her jewelery, and the necklace ive always loved of grannys
i should photograph it. i dont know what draws me to it but i like it and was relieved i found it
mum has let me keep it. ive also kept a necklace she loved dearly from my auntie - her daughter - who died a few years back from cancer
it always reminds me of her as she wore it so often so im keeping hold of it
i doubt we'll hold onto all of her jewelry, some is worthless and doesnt hold sentiment
but some can be worthless but remind us of her, im not sure how much mum will want to keep
i understand keeping wedding rings but its things like earrings, do you keep them?
anyway we'll see
my cousin sophie who lives her life through facebook posted grannys death on there!!!
why!? why would you do that, other than to try gain sympathy from others
ahh makes me sick. id never do that. theres a lot of stuff in life that facebook doesnt need to be involved it =.=
i came home and framed dom's doctor who thing and took a photo.
the frame was a bit annoying with what i was trying to do
so my brother took a look and we decided on a plan of action
millie and tiffin had a little kiss outside today
me and mum are sure it was a kiss X3 and everytime alice and millie went up to him
he would sniff them or kiss them then they'd run off all giddy XD
i texted mia last night to say my filling is starting to hurt
im booked in nov 5th to have it re-done and im sure i can wait til then
but if she had any cancellations could i come earlier, so she rang today
and said she has a 25min appt tomorrow at 11:25am so im booked in :D
im mega nervous tho silly i know and im so glad i have mia there
gonna come home talking like idiot with my numb mouth XD
anyway thats all for now~
Evening
Today it is the day I lost my last grandparent
Granny left this world today
I'm so glad shes finally able to be pain free and rest and be re-united with papa
i know they will be together right now thats the kinda people they were
married for 50+ years and loved each other dearly
they even held hands when they went to bed at night which i thought was sweet!
Yeah it happened today...mum and dad went to visit her at about 4ish
mum said granny's breathing was very noisy and she just didnt look good sleeping
in the end my mum even had to step outside for some air, it was all getting to her
so they said their goodbyes and went home. as soon as they got home
mum decided to text granny's friend - just let her know how granny was today
at that moment mum's phone rang. it was the nurse they were with 30mins ago
she rang to say granny had passed on in her sleep
all i heard was mum sobbing coming up the stairs, i had no idea what
had happened, so i went straight away to mum who collapsed on her bed
she told me granny had gone.
in that moment i did shed tears but it wasnt for granny it was for mum
well i usually cry at the sight of her crying ><" but i felt sad for mum
she was now parent-less like dad
she kept saying "i cant believe shes gone. are they sure they have the right person?
she looked so peaceful and i was only there less than an hour ago. she didnt
look like she was dying to me"
so i cuddled mum and told her
"it was granny's time mum, i bet she waited for you, she held on til you came to visit her
this afternoon. then she waited for you to leave. granny didnt want you to see her pass away. thats very much how granny is right? she was granny to the end, selfish-less granny"
mum told me that when they arrived at granny despite granny being asleep
a tear fell from her face and her nose ran, some mum wiped her up
i said "i bet she was crying in her sleep, maybe of relief that you had finally come or maybe she was sad to leave you" we will never know as granny hasnt been conscience for us for a few days
mum was upset and sat and comforted her, since then shes just been randomly crying but shes allowed. i havent cried since when i saw mum crying first. ive been ok surprisingly
maybe because ive cried so much over these last few weeks
or maybe i may cry later on
it probably sounds cruel to say that im glad shes gone today
but i mean it with good intentions, she wasnt happy towards the end
it was no life for her.and she was becoming in pain and uncomfortable
so now i know she can rest, no more cancer, no more meds, no more pain
i will always love her, granny and papa were an awsum team i will never forget them
it feels a bit surreal right now that im never gonna see em again
theres just 8 members of the family now...8
dad made a few calls to friends, distant family and my uncle
filled them in, mum had to go out the room whilst he did it
as he does it in such a cheery manner it makes us feel sick
i know he's soulless but come on
dad did something very strange earlier - well 2 strange things
1. he came into my room
2. he asked if i was alright
0.0 what odd behavior! but then he went on and told me he'd rang around
this morning anyway i woke up 9:15am >.>
i have been sat drawing ideas for a hoodie. still havent decided on a design
its annoying me now!
i sat and did some of dom's thing. ive done 4 doctors out of 12 :D
i went to get my passport photo done with mum and dad
those photobooths are awful, i mean what do they do to your face!?
i look like a freakin convict!!! and i have a fat face
so now i have my original passport were im 5/6 years old looking like a gorm
my driving license were im 17 and i look like the grim reaper
and my new passport to be were im 23 looking like convict =.=
i give up
but seeing how fat my face was sent my head into over drive
mums face looked fat too, gave us like a hamster face :/
anyway
i went for a lil walk for some fresh air
then got the news and ive just been in my room sorting hoodies and stuff
i took a photo of my hot air balloon shirt too :)
anyway thats all for now
i wonder if any of us will be able to sleep tonight
ive told mum im gonna support her through all the crap thats got to come
i will always love my granny
my final words to her were "i love you granny"
Otsukare~
I have been busy today ^^
I slept pretty well last night to say i cant breath XD
This morning I cleaned the pets out, then bathed lily and pinky
as the smelled like farm yard animals XD
so they have been in all day drying
So when they were settled I went upstairs and started crafting ^^
I made a start on dom's present
doesnt look like much to anyone i know, but to me its a plan - a layout
and i sorted it all out what colours i would be using ect
so i have all pieces of paper scattered round my room X3
Then mum reminded me that I had her new joggers to take up
shes such a short arse im sure i take up every trouser she buys these days >.>
but i dont mind doesnt take a lot of doing and she does so much for me
so I did that, then started on my hot air balloon top
which took a bit of time but i got it done pretty quick
im pleased with it and mum said it was one of my best alterations
i didnt finish it til 6pm so i'll photograph it tomorrow in better light
i went to sleep during the day too as my energy levels dropped
thats what i did yesterday afternoon too but i forgot XD
when i woke i went for a short 15min walk just for some fresh air
but i didnt have the energy to walk far
and that pretty much was my day, it feels good to get jobs done
i worked whilst watching cinderella girls anime
and eating banana cake ^^
We watched gogglebox last night - celebrity version
luckily there was hardly and celebs on ^^
but it did show you videos of real people telling you about their losses to cancer
how they lose family to cancer, its awful and im going through it twice
it made me think "what if i too had been told i had 12 months to live?"
what would i do? i mean right now i dont have anything
no money, no house, boyfriend/husband, children. i wouldnt leave much of foot print behind
so i decided the first thing i would do would be to get pregnant
random i know. but my parents have always wanted grandchildren. so it would be great
if i could give them children, also it would be like a little part of me would still live on
even if i didnt get to raise the child long, and the child would be motherless i would still do it
i would feel like i would have achieved something and left a footprint behind
but with no boyfriend or husband id probably have to ask a good friend of mine to do
the deed shall we say ^^" well getting it done artificially would take too long and you need 9 months as it is. so yeah haha that what was going through my mind whilst watching gogglebox last night
tomorrow i think me and my parents are getting out passport photos done
my brother did his last week, my current passport is well out of date
im about 5 or 6 years old on it. and i hope to not look like the grim reaper like do on
my driving license XD passport is a good form of ID but i think my family would like to
go abroad, the last time any of us went was 13 years ago
but who would look after the pets?
anyway ive yacked on enough~
