Evening~~
Otsukaresama deshita
I slept....I actually slept like a normal person
I literally had worn myself to the ground tho yesterday
I went for a 20min run, loved it but was tired
I woke myself up at 7:05am gotta love body clocks
School I was a lil dull if im honest this morning
I was then later told there is a job going to be advertised at that school soon
ready for September and to keep an eye out for it!
I will be sure to check it out as I want to see what the position is for
It was maths and english in the morning anyhow
came home for lunch
after lunch i was put into year 3 which were feral honestly
working with teacher who you can just tell doesnt like me
she was the year above me in secondary school, small world!
then it was break time and I was allowed to go out on duty in the nice weather
then I was back in year 4 working with a child with behavioural issues
but i was told if he kicks off then the teacher and TA is only next door and theyd come
but i winged it like i had all afternoon and he was fine with me
we were doing Spanish and i was so impressed with the TA who was taking the lesson
she could flit between english and spanish effortlessly
i wish i was that good at japanese but i dont try hard enough i know i dont
I went home then
since then I have just been on my laptop really nothing special
feels good to get this day done with
i might go for another run tonight as i do believe it helped me sleep
and its a good night for it again
tomorrow its school, there will be parents in the classroom in the morning
so im hoping that doesnt mean its gonna be too slow and boring for me
after school i am seeing adam at his for a brew and catch up
hes gone out tonight with his work mates, i was invited but im not going
i know i should but im not
i got this top in the post, new from Bodyline :D
Ostukaresama deshita~~
I didn't sleep til gone 1am
mind was going 100mph
I have no say or control on my mind lately
Mum woke me up at 7am and I could not be arsed with my day
but I got on with it as you do
My morning was fine really just maths and english which both bore me
especially sitting one to one its dull
I like to be moving around
I went home for lunch i had left over BBQ meat and a yogurt
then had stomach ache typically
I arrived back at school just as the kids were getting back into class!
I was working with the head teacher he was teaching but i didnt feel shy or
intimidated cus ive gone past the stage of caring really XD
My afternoon was a lil better as there were colouring crayons involved
there was assembly and then play so for 40mins i had nothing to do
so i gave myself jobs to do as i couldnt sit in the staffroom twiddling my thumbs
id be bored outta my wits
End of the day came and i was happy id finished my day
I got home and sat with Oz for a lil while but its so warm i didnt wanna make him warm
I designed nails for this weekend coming
here are this weeks~
My mind is so busy but my body is tired so im trying to give myself jobs to do
I made myself salad for dinner
whilst i was eating my mother had done the washing up...i was peeved as its now MY job
i told her cus i wanted her to know how much it annoyed me and that i dont appreciate her babying me by doing it. shes gotta learn. tough love and all that.
Now im sat in my room wondering what to do with myself as its not even 6pm yet
and im already losing focus with it all
i cant see the good work ive done today all i see is what could i be using my time for now
its really difficult
Ive made an appt with Nigel for acupuncture on friday straight after school
as i think i want to try him for some help to calm my mentalness down
tomorrow school again
i should be then going out with adam and his work mates but im not going
Evening
I didnt go to bed til 1:30am
seems like I couldnt shut my brain off
Not sure how much I can hack this for
I woke up at 7am and thought "sod that" went to sleep til 8:45am
when I got up showered and got ready for the day ahead
I took me and adam to a park 13 miles away
we pulled up, £3.50 they wanted for the car park
robbing sods
we had a walk round and adam treated me to lunch I had cheese on toast
then after lunch I noticed they had an ice cream
they had white choc chunk...seriously...
no one ever has that flavour!!!!!!!!!!!!! its my freakin favourite!!!
so I said he was having ice cream whether he wanted it or not!!!
it was amazing and worth any stomach issues id incur
We finished our walk then i drove a mile down the road to a place my parents
took us as kids its a little stream about 3m wide and 20cm deep and i took my flip flops
and towel and off i went, i walked in water which is so satisfying and soothing to my soul
to be in natural water is a calling to me
must be because im an Aquarius
adam eventually coxed me outta the water
i could be there all day X3
we went back home to his house
and we spent some time alone in his room i think he was missing my affections
i try but im just not that affectionate, in the end i played 'thumb war' with him XD
bring him down to my level haha
im not good at expressing that kinda stuff and never had a need for affection
i gotta try i know i have
i can see its important to him
I did his mum nails we had a brew and talked about park run
so yeah it was a must needed leisure sunday
as we havent really done much together as of late
i came home for my dinner
tonight id like to runt through some dancing, get ready for school
and watch Jekyll with Oz
tomorrow i have school all day
i can see it being a chore at times but i will get it done :)
songs that im currently into and big motivators are
Kalafina - Sprinter
Monogatari - Re:born
Onepixcel - Howling
Otsukaresama deshita~~~
I slept!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god i slept like a normal person
I was shattered in bed but usually that means nothing but this time I did nod off
and I didnt wake up ether til mum woke me this morning
Now my morning
different for me~~
I went and did park run with mummy ^^
I have been wanting to go since like december but what with the winter and awful rain it just didnt take my fancy to start at the worst time of year
now the weather has picked up I thought id go
So we set off at 8:25am and were one of the first there (so we can actually get parked up)
and I did some stretches with mum and mum told me a bit about where we are starting and such
he 'crew' i call them showed up
they all have their group tshirts on like a lot of the people there
must have been 200 people there
every saturday come rain or shine people go to parks all over the UK to take part in free runs that are usually 5km long. It is run by volunteers and its just fun
I had promised mum I would walk the first one as I didnt know how id cope
and i couldnt picture oh far 5km was
we set off I had my ipod in
my ipod is pictured here~
and just set a good pace - walking of course - and mum was surprised by my pace and said "were gonna be doing this for a good 45mins you know" i was fine actually and enjoying it, if i can dance for 45mins straight i felt confident i could walk for that long at a good pace, we got round the first lap and i could feel myself losing strength simply due to stiffening up.
we jogged by a few people as they were in the way. just jogging loosened my muscles so as we got closer to the finish i said to mum "ive gotta run" and thats what i did
i enjoyed it actually as im an active person anyway ive always loved being active and doing sports so i will be going again! I got to the end and mum and waited with mum for her crew. They were saying how many park runs theyve done this year i said "ive done 1"
a woman turned to me "if this is your first then you MUST ring the bell"
I got her to explain that at the finish line theres a bell (i didnt see it) that you ring to say its your first park run ever. I said "nah im not sad" a park run official then heard about this and told me to ring the bell.
So not to make a scene of myself or show mum up i walked to the bell
a woman said "can i take your picture?" i inwardly sighed and said "yeah"
I picked up the bell and stood and rang it, people applauded
I said "cheers" like a bloke XD
we went back to the car and that was my park run done!
After Id had a shower i texted adam
"done it!" he said well done and asked my time
i said "i havent a clue what time i did, but ask your dad im sure he's looked my time up"
turns out I did it in 44mins! i was quite impressed with that
and next time i know the lay of the land so i know when i can run
not to get competitive with it tho
adam wasnt seeing me today he'd got work at 12pm instead of 5pm
so my day felt a bit long today if im honest
as my exercise was done and dusted, it was roasting out there
so i got mum's cushion finished!!! its very cute and we both agreed it was the best one I have ever done yet, shes pleased with it so im happy.
I did some drawing toying with the logo i want for my doodles
I fell asleep on the sofa for must have been half hour whilst everyone was out
i had a dream that i had woke up in a foreign house and i was panicking as
i didnt know where i was or how id got there
i woke up for real with my heart pounding
Might try and dance or run though a dance just to keep em fresh in my mind
but we've had a bbq today so we're a bit late eating making it 8:30pm right now
and i wanna watch episode 3 of Jekyll with Oz as we watched episode 2 last night
tomorrow is like the only full day im having with adam as of late it would seem
and im sick of not doing anything or going anywhere
weeks are going by and were not doing anything together
so im thinking of driving 25mins away to a park i like and then going to a stream to walk in ^^
Evening all~~
I got around 7 hours sleep last night
I just couldnt face my night alone
I was struggling with being alone
So I got my Ozwald inside and we watched BBC's Jekyll from 2007
I can remember the series first being aired and loved it
and I came across the DVD this week and thought Id give it a rewatch
and I enjoyed it, I would watch another episode tonight but Im not sure what time i have
as mum has reminded me that a new episode of Friday Night Dinner is on
I aint missing that! Its rare comedy is on tv and one I like
This morning I had a splitting headache and felt dizzy too
I felt rough almost like id been drinking the night before
I took a paracetamol and hoped for the best!
I sat doing some sewing, and did some lunch
then I got a text from mia "so we need to meet up at some point"
i text back "haha guess it was that good then huh?"
she said "yeah you need to hear this"
so i literally dropped everything I was doing and went over XD
we sat for 2 hours talking about this wedding of helina's yesterday
and I can't say im shocked to hear what went off
we were both hurt though to find out that when she originally said
"no friends are invited to the wedding, family only"
so that was originally a blow to us to find out we werent invited
but mia found out last night she did in fact have friends attend the wedding...
so she chose to not have us there
friends who have known us the longest and been through everything with her
we've seen her parents divorce, her mother suffering with cancer and alcohol, her mother dying, going through education, meeting boys, meeting her now husband, moving out. So many big hurdles we have been there with her and she chose others over us.
Its cus i think she knows we dont support her in this
but it still hurt
I was more hurt for her when i found out what a arse wipe he'd been to her at the wedding reception.
i could never marry or be with someone like him
Both mum and mia said
"good job you didnt go" to me
guess they know i would have laid him out
mia said it was hard for her to hold back
I left Mia's and went for a walk with mummy
we came back and i had an attempt at dying my brother's hair XD
never done such a thing before
i missed a tiny patch when he'd washed and dried his hair so mum fixed it up
mum might as well have done his hair!
Then i finished off sewing where I wanted to get to today
its looking good
and I edited photos of the dragon I stitched this week
Not bad huh
Its for adam's mum's birthday next month.
Since then I have been getting stuff ready for tomorrow
my first park run!
I will be walking though
ive got to mega disciplined on myself
not to run not to run
gonna be hard
so i printed out my ID and got my clothes out
charging my Ipod as we speak
Then I AM SEEING ADAM
as theres a bet from his dad im gonna be too knackered after park run to come up
but i am i will prove him wrong!
i best not be knackered anyway
Then might do some doodling
been thinking of what id like to call my creative drawing business
thinking of
Lunatique Project
Konbanwa~~
I got four hours sleep last night
I was up til midnight drawing/writing this
I decided to do what was in my head my busy head
and I did kinda enjoy it
it probably looks like the ramblings of a mad man tho XD
and I went to have a hot chocolate after to relax me
but I was still struggling to sleep, had a hay fever attack and was back in bed
for 3:45am -_____- I was shattered
Mum woke me at 8am now usually she cant even get past my door frame
without me sensing her presence and waking but she got all the way to me!!
she was next to me! gave me a heart attack
that never happens
she told me i looked so peaceful and didnt want to wake me
i was sleeping with a shirt adam gave to me yesterday ^^
I got up and got ready to go to karens
it was good to see her and she told me about her Edinborough trip and how much she enjoyed it
she told me how well she thought i was doing too
shes got a new car...a fiat 500 id kill for one of them!! lucky her, 18 plate too *drools*
I came away and had a shower when i got home
then I cleaned up, prepared my lunch which was noodles!!
i ate noodles and died of stomach pain
me and mum went to 3 shops and i felt exhausted
i came home and spent the next 3-4 hours curled up in bed
i felt terrible. i know the massage had just simply hit me quite hard is all
doesnt usually tho
I got up and had my dinner and cake afterwards and i havent died yet
i cut some fabric out ready to start sewing for mum's cushion
cutting stuff with a 60 degree angle has been a new one on me
now im unsure what to do
its 7:30pm
i havent done any exercise today
my body feels like a dead weight
ive been dosing all afternoon
i feel lonely
so all in all its setting up for quite a bad night...
i have a feeling its gonna suck big time
i dont like thinking negatively but i can kinda predict these things!
Helina has gotten married im guessing
the reception party started half hour ago
it feels that far removed from me that its like me trying to get happy and involved
in this so called 'royal wedding' coming up
i mean i hope it works out for her i guess.
still happy with the decision not to go
id probably say something id regret later on anyway
or knee him in the groin
ether works XD
tomorrow not sure what im gonna do
i should be cracking on with something productive
Oh I got my £2.50 book in the post today
its massive...
like huge
its like a harry potter book
im gonna be there for ever
i had no idea it was 915 pages 0.0
best be good!
its "i know this much is true" by Wally Lamb
Evening~~
Didn't do my diary yesterday! It kinda fell off the page some what
anyway still not sleeping great
but yesterday I attended school til lunch
it went fine it was easy really and i always enjoy my time there
from there I went home and I saw Adam in the afternoon
we went round a couple of shops and we sat and had a brew in a cafe
as we havent done that in a long time
because of me
then i came home for dinner
went back out to mia's house were i stayed til 10:20pm
my body was feeling tired but i knew it was another case for mental head
i had a good yesterday anyway
Today I woke up at 8am
by 8:10am I was cleaning my pets out
just wanted to get in there before mum could beat me to it
its a job i can do so why she does it for me sometimes i dont know
I wasnt too bad, mentally, this morning
but it has crept up on me as the day went along
i was laying on my bed and i could feel pain and tiredness trying to set in
and i was willing it away as i dont want it all back, why its kinda vanished in the first place i have no clue but i dont want it back. Even if i am having a hard time adjusting to being able bodied.
so i pushed adam away told him i was moping on my bed
he got his dad to give him a lift over -_____-
we sat had a brew we sat with the girls, millie sucking up to him
we went out to pets at home for some guinea food
went for a short walk and i saw baby ducklings like the size of hamsters so cute
must be that time of year huh.
we went to his house for 20mins as he showed me his new pokemon cards
and his dad gave me some sport sunglasses he no longer wanted so i can wear them when i start doing my park runs with mummy
i came home and had dinner with my family like as in eating what they are eating
i had stomach ache anyway so i couldnt see the harm in it really
mum had made cake also and i ate that too!
probably regret it when ive got stomach ache keeping me up til 2am
i started doing a daily job ive chosen to do in order to give me more responsibility and helping others ive got to do the pots after dinner each day. today it was started!
Earlier today I drew out a design for mum's new cushion as she wants a new cushion cover for the living room, this must be cushion number 3 ive done now
but i thought id give her a guinea design over patchwork triangles so i drew a piggie today
sweet huh
its gonna be orange and white, took about 5mins to draw if that XD
tomorrow...tomorrow
my friend or what feels more like ex-friend is getting married
a girl ive known for 24 years and was very very good friends with and lived next door too
but sadly she met her partner and shes become a shell of the person she is now. I havent seen her in over a year despite her living 15mins away now.
Shes invited mine and mia's family to her wedding reception. thats wedding reception not wedding. I refuse to go as i dont support it or want it for her. id be going for all the wrong reasons. So were not going as none of my family like her partner or want her to marry him. So were not going. Mia im not so sure of she says she was gonna have a rethink as i only told her yesterday that im not gonna go. were also not gonna go yoga ether.
i dont see her anymore but i still care for her and want more for her. so i feel a bit sad about tomorrow.
