Evening
I was woken up in the night at 2am by my brother clattering and banging around
honestly
then I woke up at 6:30am and been awake since
went for a walk at 7:15am as I was aching and felt the need to go out
My morning consisted of looking for jobs
I applied to just 2 and i dont expect to hear from them
despite spending 90 mins filling out the forms
its the way job hunting goes in this country for some reason
i was a bit bored and fed up of what to do today
i was struggling to find motivation as i was tired and achy
just how do people veg out in front of a screen? i dont seem to be able to do it
I did watch Nastume Yuujin Chou after lunch whilst cross stitching
Mum came home and we went for a walk
another walk
i didnt do any dancing today as i wasnt feeling it really
compared to yesterday i was really into it
but today im not enjoying anything
even food feels like its lost its taste
not understanding any of this
adam rang but couldnt be arsed to talk to him long
think i was on the phone 2 or 3 minutes
just wasnt in the mood to speak to him
glad i didnt see him today
he was in a mood with me last night cus i didnt see him last night
but i dont chase after people
im a hard ass
i designed nails i want to do for france
rummaged out a korean hair care product as my hair is so dry lately
not sure whats up with it to be honest
just dry and tangles
i havent dyed it in months and that usually conditions it
but i quite like the colour so im gonna use this hair thing on saturday
hoping it revives my hair
i spend a lot of time drawing today get my blood girl finished
well its finished so far but may edit it in the future
got yoga tonight
i hope she doesnt kill us off
might get some japanese done before i go in half hours time
so yeah bit of a dull day really
tomorrow i am seeing mia for the first time in nearly 4 weeks
we never leave it that long!
says i can see her til 11am so that doesnt leave it long til lunch
so god knows how the day will pan out
but will do me good to see her
glad im seeing her before france
heres the picture i should be working on next
Evening~~
I did some Japanese last night ^^
I slept pretty well despite blowing my nose for a whole hour
before bed, its Oz''s fur it gets everywhere it would seem!
I woke up at 7:30am
I was sneezing and blowing my nose loads
so mum kindly cleaned the pets out for me as i think the
hay and sawdust would have finished me off!
I had the house to myself for almost an hour so for 45 mins i danced
after only 20 mins I was dripping so after 45mins i was wet through
i dont stop i just keep going and going
im enjoying it tho especially learning a halloween dance~
I weighed myself this morning and what little weight id lost id put on
I showered and went on my laptop
then did some drawing
i did drawing for quite some time actually
got this far
i experimented on photoshop with it but didnt like the results
i will keep trying with it
mum went out with me we walked through a village and then went for
a brew at this garden centre that does incredible tea it really does
so that was nice and we talked about this and that
then came home
thats when i messed around on photoshop
adam didnt want to see me today he'd had physio in the morning
and said he was resting it off
what that basically means is do nothing all day
his dad has massages and does nothing all day and so does adam it would seem
so i left him to it if he wants to waste his day let him
he said he'd see me tonight for a walk and so i can tell his parents
but screw it
if he cant be arsed why should i?
besides ive decided since this afternoon that im not telling his parents about my mental illness unless i start showing signs of it whilst we're away
it would have been nice to go a walk with him but yeah like i said i aint running around
so next time i see him will be france~~
i will do some japanese tonight
maybe dance maybe another walk who knows
its only 6:50pm so i have time to kill
tomorrow i usually see adam after his shift but he's going into the city centre
for a new 2DS and the euros then to pack as he wont get any time now
as friday and saturday he is doing 12 hour shifts
i have yoga so we said on the whole we'd leave it which im cool with
so not sure what to do tomorrow mum is working all day
i might be by myself at this rate
i will get through the day
Evening~~
I did some japanese last night ^^
Im trying to be disciplined
I also started a lil drawing
Its gonna be a drawing of a girl enjoying the rain
but the rain will be blood
and its gonna say
"when it rains it pours"
just a random idea I had
my ideas can be a lil weird at times i know!
I took sleeping tablets so I would sleep
as last night my god did i ache!!
seriously hurt after chiropractor
this morning i woke up at 7:15am
my first word being "jesus"
my body didnt feel my own XD
I couldnt be bothered with the day if im honest
felt like crap, it was raining and i knew i had a drive to do i wasnt looking forward to doing
but i got ready regardless
didnt dance as i didnt have the energy today just really didnt
so i went to adams at 10am
spoke to him and his dad about chiropractor and stuff then we set off
i could tell adam was nervous and anxious that he didnt know where we were going
he didnt like that
his dad told me so as well XD
i asked adam in the car why he was nervous (enjoying him squirm)
he said "cus its gonna be something i dont like"
well thanks
i said "am i that evil and spiteful?"
he said "well this is you we're talking about here you do have these sides"
once again, thanks
felt like not bothering but in all honesty i could see his angle
so i set out on our drive
we came near the building and he said
"are we going to an antiques store?!" i could hear his hopeful tone
i said "yup, 3 floors of tat coming straight up"
i could see he was relieved
honestly am i THAT bad?
we looked round the tat
smelt weird in areas and was full of low ceilings so i felt sorry for adam
what him being 6ft 5
he brought us lunch there he had scampi and chips i had soup
he brought a coke cola sign i brought some cheap fabric from the craft section
then we went to my house
we had the house to our selves
we sat had a brew and fussed Oz then we went to his house
went for a short walk which i found exhausting
my muscles hurt almost like theyre brand new and not worn in
perhaps im using them differently now theyve been placed differently
who knows
but damn hard work that is for sure!
we sat and talked on his bed and i came home
that was the day
gonna do my japanese now
then i may go for a walk ive eaten 2 cookies today and its not sitting right
mentally with me so maybe i walk will cool stuff off
even tho im shattered
tomorrow not sure what im doing really
mia contacted me and said i can see her friday :D
Evening~~
I just didn't go on my laptop yesterday ><
So yesterday I got up and got the downstairs all in order
I went for a walk
and then got ready to see adam at 11am
we sat and talked I turned round on the sofa to yell something
in his face as per usual and as I did my jaw went with an almighty crack
....was not impressed
this is the 3rd time in 2 years its done this and it takes ages to go back
fully into place it took i believe 2 weeks for it go back in last time
we went up for food which i wasnt kicking a fuss up about
i had beans on toast but struggled eating it as i couldnt put pressure
on my teeth like to clamp down
so it made chewing painful to say the least
we went back to his house and i did his mum's nails
afterwards baring in mind it was 1:15pm and we were leaving at 1:30pm
adam said "you gonna tell my parents about your mental condition?"
i know i said id do it that day but we had what 10 mins?
plus the fact his dad was painting the kitchen and i do want people to look
at me when im baring my soul
so i told him no and he wasnt too impressed but could see my reasoning
we left for taras
we started playing bucket of doom which wasnt too bad not as good as i first thought
then we talked, saw her cute hammy
we went on her wii and play sonic and mario at the olympics
which made my joints hurt but i didnt announce that
i won anyway XD
we had dinner which tara had kindly made for us
she made pulled pork, stuffing, chips and cobs
it was really good
then we said me and tara would finally play just dance
and the boys would play on the PS4 on some car game
me and tara hadnt even left the room and they totally blanked us talking
about cars!!!
sod em we walked into the other room and cracked just dance out
just dance came out many years ago
ive only played it once and that was when it first came out
i was shockingly bad like terrible bad and the friend i was playing with was
soooooo much better than me it seemed pointless to even play
but last night i not only kept pace with tara - the girl who lives on just dance -
but i actually beat her a few times too!!!!!!!!!!!!
and i wasnt doing it for points as i was too focused on the dance to look at
how many points we each had
so i was really shocked but totally LOVED every minute i truly did
as i was dancing with someone and it was fun
tara who loves those games was over the mood that she found someone who matched
her and really enjoyed it as much as she
the only issue i had was my other personality
the night times become the 'night shift' so i have real issue with keeping a lid on her
and when theres stimulation from others and there was dancing and competition
yeah i went into the back seat and it felt like someone else was me
we came back into the room were james and adam were
james said "the energy difference of you two, tara looks drained and Jo looks, well, high...you two havent been doing cocaine through there have you?"
i was totally climbing the walls
i tried to play fight with adam in the end he restrained me and it did help ground me a bit
i said sorry when i had calmed down somewhat
tara and james said i had nothing to apologise for and that tara had seen me hyper before like when i'd had sugar rushes. they dont know whats up with me
we left at 8pm
i went to take adam home and he said
"are you gonna tell my parents?"
and i did tell him that i would do it after we'd been taras but i didnt think i was gonna be THAT late so i said "no as its late ive got to get home, shower and sit with Oz AND calm down before bed"
he had a bit of hissy fit at me saying that I said I was gonna do it and they need to know yadda yadda yadda. I told him id see him one evening for a walk and do it then
yeesh
its finding a free point that both his parents are there and we have enough time for questions as i wasnt gonna just dump it on em and leave
adam can be dim witted at times
i got home showered and sat with Oz
saw my parents for an hour then went to bed
theyd had an alright time in Norfolk
today i woke up at 8am
i had managed to sleep as i took sleeping stuff and pain killers
wasnt taking any chances in not being able to calm down
i did some dancing for half hour
then i got my wii out to see what was what
my wii was made in 2006 so one of the first i believe
i was hoping to find out what software was on it so i could play the disk that allows you to play japanese games on it.
i didnt get that far as a piece in the back where you plug cables into has literally perished and doesnt work. so i grabbed it up and took it to CEX and asked if it could be mended
you can buy a wii these days for £20 - £30 believe it or not
to repair mine would cost £48
i walked out not knowing what to do
ive never had a broken console before heck my PS1 still functions!!
i was gutted in a way but £48 is a lot of money to me
but do i want someone elses wii?
i came home and went for a walk
feeling quite crap about myself that schools have gone back and im still on the outside not making a difference or having a proper job
just dont have work colleagues or a life outside the house
and its sad
im lost and goalless
i came back and had a brew watching Nastume Yuujin Chou Roku
then I caught up online
and 4pm came round where id be going for my first chiropractic appointment
i got there and she was running late as usual
i was the last appointment so it was dead there
she got me doing a few things to see my symmetry and flexibility and strength
i told her my jaw was out of place and hurts to eat
i had all sorts done to me but she said she wouldnt go crazy because of all my health issues
by the end of the session she said "i did more than i was going to"
i was glad tho as its not cheap and i can deal with anything thrown at me
she went to crack my back by making me breathe in, then out then she'd press her palm hard down on my spine. it cracked in 5 places at the same time
it surprised her as she said "It usually cracks once or not all, that was big"
my reaction "that was gross!!" and laughed
she found my reaction strange considering i crack my joints but i told her
never has someone else done it for me and done so many joints in one hit so to speak
i had her finger in my mouth i kid you not, to stretch the muscle for my jaw
she cracked my knees without meaning to
and afterwards i could move my spine so much easier i have even more flexibility
im going back the day after france
i got home and felt cold and crippled
the lady said that usually people feel the after effects the next day but because of the coniditions i have i could feel them the same day
boy can i feel them, jesus like being hit by a car but it feels like things are sitting right
i told my parents i had acupuncture needles and her finger in my mouth
in the 10+ years my dad has been seeing her never has he had her finger in his mouth XD
he says ive raised the bar
i had a hot shower and ive got heat packs covering me as im cold and achy
got to get comfy in my bed and sleep yet!
got to do some japanese today as i didnt do any yesterday as i didnt have the time
id like to do some drawing
tomorrow
seeing as i havent done or got much for adam for his birthday which next monday
i thought id do something for him
so ive told him im taking him somewhere he doesnt know where tho muahahaha
im taking him to an antique shop which has 3 floors of sodding boring smelly antiques
as my sad boyfriend likes british antiques T^T
ive been once before, not my thing but theres a cafe for a treat afterwards
so im taking him there as im hoping he will enjoy it
he might have been before but i know hes not been for long while
and he should enjoy it ill try not to moan too much XD
the manga i got last week~
got some good wolf pictures in it i want to draw~
Evening~~
went for a walk last night
happily creeping myself out
its not nice hearing and seeing stuff
some days its worse than others
last night was bad
i was seeing shadows hearing whispers
proper creepy i tried not to entertain them but i could feel my heart racing
After my walk I came in and put Kill Bill Vol.2 on
I still hadn't watched it!
Didnt realise it was 2 hours long T^T
takes a lot for me to sit still for that long
for me to watch a film, its an achievement!!
turns out the film sucked
I wasnt a fan of the first one I just thought Id see it through to the end
This morning I could not be arsed but as usual i found the motivation
I cleaned my pets out and managed to put them outside
its nothing but rained here and when it stops for half hour it comes
back with a vengeance so I havent been able to chance a walk yet!
I played a children's Japanese game on my DS Lite
I did some dancing which I enjoyed actually
Im currently learning I do believe its 5 dances...not sure why
im putting 5 dances on myself but hey im getting there
slowly
god knows when i will be able to record something XD
I sorted out some bits for tomorrow so I havent got too much to do tomorrow
i made myself a salad for lunch and noodle broth for dinner
been on my own practically all day
ive gotten through it some how
not been too mental or anything
I planned out a cross stitch i wish to do for mum for christmas
thought id start it now seeing as she's away so no disturbances
i drew it out so it matched her current two and then sat in front of 3 episodes
of Natsume Yuujin Chou Roku whilst sewing
thats how far i am
done eyes ears and feet
looks a little weird but even this far i can see where the rest of the two pigs are going
i will continue when i can~
i used to be really good at designing cross stitch
ive gotten out of touch with it its been so long
i had my girls in as they couldnt play outside
they did bugger all
maisy is always cuddling up to millie tho
tho millie isnt arsed
alice forever on her own in her own world
I suddenly decided that i wanted to learn a Halloween Dance
and now is the time to start it I feel
so i had a think through what i could learn
and out of all of them the one I enjoy the most is
AMB48's Halloween Night
such a fun dance
im tempted to ask mia to join me but i doubt she'll be committed enough
I havent seen her in 3 weeks
Tomorrow~~
mummy and daddy come home XD
well adam said to come up to his at 11am
which leaves the tricky business of lunch...
right now food is incredibly hard work for me
i get mentally beaten up everytime i eat!
so im dreading food tomorrow -____- shouldnt dread something as simple as lunch
from there I am going over to Tara's for 2pm
we're playing Bucket of Doom card game me adam tara and james
looking forward to it
and i get to hold her hammy ^^
tara is doing food for us but i think im ok with that as i know what were eating
so it takes the stress and anxiety away
it does mean i wont be home til late
and i wont see mum til late but i'll catch up with her at some point im sure
done so much dancing today
my joints actually hurt
if i do too much they hurt
not to mention i did 20 mins of yoga as well today
such clicking
i noticed today that my hip actually moves around whilst dancing
my joints arent supported hence the pain
monday im going chiropractor
ahhh its 8:25pm its dark
a part of me wants fresh air now its not actually raining
but not sure
Evening
I was up til 1am
had cereal, pain killers, hot chocolate and sat playing
pokemon crystal til 1am
was just aching and couldnt sleep
i managed to get off to sleep and woke up at 8am
my parents were leaving for Norfolk today
my brother was off to a skate park
and i wondered what id do with my day
so i popped off to the city centre by myself
there wasnt anything i particularly needed I just thought
id go check the sales out now the kids are back at school
and man was it quieter!
I went round quite a lot of shops
but didnt really buy much
i got 2 bows and earrings from Claires that came to a total of £5
gotta love sales!
Then Blue Banana had a sale on and I picked up a t-shirt for £10
usually £10 is my top end for t-shirts but that is still cheap and the stuff
from Blue Banana lasts a long time and the design was too cute to miss up on
a deer and peter pan collar!
I did wonder whether to eat in the city or to have a brew
or to go home
i saw the bus home and decided to get on it
made the decision for me i guess
i came home to an empty house
i sat and ate my lunch i made which was rice noodles and veg
it was good actually
i went on my laptop for a short while
i actually watched 2 episodes of anime!
I chose to watch the latest series of Natsume Yuujin Chou as I still havent seen it
came out ages ago and i LOVE Natsume Yuujin Chou
took me a while to find somewhere to watch it as my laptop is having
trouble loading anime videos
youtube videos are fine but anime isnt really on youtube
temperamental thing
I got my manga book in the post
Vol.1 of Wolf's Rain
simply cus i want to draw the wolves out of it, not to read it XD
was only £2.44 and came out in 2003!!! Oh my god i had no idea is was THAT old
no wonder it was so cheap XD
I got the £200 I need to pay adam with for the Euros and French holiday
I drew a chibi on the envelope im putting the money in X3 got too much time
spoke to the agency and emailed 2 other agencies
basically want work here fellas!
I did some dancing for 30 mins
i actually recorded myself practising and i know it wasnt a good practise as
id had enough quite frankly so the dancing sucked
I ordered a DVD online, new for £3.70
found it second hand in a shop today for £4 so im glad i waited and brought
it new online :D
its called 'the girl who leapt through time'
been meaning to watch it for years!
i put a bid on 'your name' as i want to watch that also~
my parents got to Norfolk alright and said the room isnt up to much
and the weather a bit iffy but apart from that ok
ive been ok i havent needed company
but i know i will feel it tonight
so i have an idea tonight
i think im gonna out
just walk to the pub and sit and have a drink and just sit and doodle
then it wont be such a long evening and its stimulation in a way
not done it before so kinda looking forward to trying that
tomorrow got the girls to clean out
and im not sure what to do as the weather is set to be pouring down like all day
so guess i'll have to find something to entertain myself with
got to do some japanese tonight as i didnt do any yesterday cus of yoga and stuff
Evening
I slept~
no morning walks for me~
The sheer amount of moods I have gone through today
unreal
The floral design work i did for my brother
wasnt to his liking ive offered more help but hes given up
I danced this morning
i cleaned my room
I went out and whilst i was at hobby craft
despite telling him THREE times where i was
adam still caught the bus to my house!!
it kinda annoyed me as i felt i had to come away from my little outing
to come home to him!
i felt quite annoyed but tried to see the positive in the fact he'd come to see me
it was hard but the mood did shift eventually
we didnt do much as it was pouring down outside
we went up to his house and i played Okami
i was able to have a bit more of a play with him now his back is more recovered
i mainly wore his bed duvet as a cape all after noon as i was damn cold
i came home for yoga
yoga was damn hard it was leg movements as we were aiming for splits
ive wanted to do splits for a long time
i cant do it, my ligaments scream at me
and karen says its my hyper mobility syndrome its the way it is
but it may improve over time
i want to be able to do splits! my body isnt taking anything else from me!
i had to demonstrate a move for her i can do as easily as breathing
due to my hyper mobility
my nails this week
tomorrow mum and dad go away for the weekend
im gonna miss mum
heck i''ll miss company as i can see me spending a lot of time by myself
over the friday and saturday
hate it
every night im lonely like a pathetic loser
last night i drew a picture of my dream in my little book
and then i watched the new series of Task Master ^^
From Hobby Craft I brought 2 A5 sketchbooks
one for france
one for tenerife
and a new sketchbook for when my other one runs out
and some birthday stickers ive been meaning to buy
