Evening
Today marks the 10 day counter til I go abroad!!
cant believe its only 10 days away!
Could not sleep -____-
just couldnt really even tho i was tired
woke up at 7am and got up to do park run
but it was still incredibly windy from yesterday
probably worse today actually
We got to park run and mum came
she was happy to see her friends and told them briefly about her holiday
i went and pegged off
i was determined towards the end to just get the bloody race done with XD
i waited round for mum and was surprised to see her come running round the corner
with her friend, they were running well actually
luckily mum's friend waited for the rest of the crew so we were able to go home
got home and waited for mum to shower
then i showered
felt done in and tired
got my times through
i was 88th place out of 243 people
11th female to finish!
and a new PB of 27:03 which like 3 seconds quicker than last week XD
not sure how i get 5k done in 27mins if im honest
mum isnt sure ether XD
i made porridge for lunch
it was all i wanted really
left it in the microwave cooking whilst i went for a quick wee
the wee ended up being long!
so i dashed out the toilet to find dad stood in front of the micowave
watching the porridge as it bubbled up to the lip of the bowl just
as i pressed stop
he said "why do you think im stood here? i could have done that"
so why didnt he? why did he let it get all the way to the tip of the bowl
if you ask me, and this is something he'd do
he was gonna wait til it bubbled over then tell me off for being stupid
leaving something in the microwave
sad i think that about my own dad but that is how he is
last night i went on just dance 3 for 15mins
enjoying myself whilst dad was on the computer
this was the first ever time my dad had seen me dance or play just dance
mum told me today he'd said
"what sort of 26 year old dances on a wii?"
mum said "its actually quite popular to do that kinda thing, besides its dancing. its fitness and a skill at the end of the day"
dad said "perhaps im wrong then"
i said to mum "he doesn't approve of anything i do"
she said "i think he thinks every thing you do is immature"
i said "he just doesnt like me mum, ive accepted that"
mum and dad went out shopping
i did some baking
i wanted to do some the other day but didnt get my chance
so i made white chocolate chip cookies
they seem to have gone down well :)
i ate the left over mixture and a hot cookie out the oven
luxury that i really wanted!
i went for a 50 min walk
through the woods
the wind had fallen a tree so i had to extend my walk a lil as it literally went over the path
there was a felled tree in the park run as well
wind is so destructive
i came home and my dad helped me fill my form out for my job
its all the stuff i need to be employed but never done it before
as the 2 jobs ive had ive been sub-contracted never fully employed
went and did some drawing
didnt come out too badly
i havent done any digital drawing in like a week!
just not had that urge to do any
designed my nails as well this week
hoping ive got the brain power to do some japanese tonight
ah my body is tired
hopefully i will sleep better tonight
Ed isnt comign tomorrow as he doesnt fancy riding his motorbike through the awful weather we have forecast
god knows what i'll do tomorrow cus my god the weather looks awful!
and i dont have anything else really to do
i havent even got any anime to watch
im trying to get into another one but havent had any luck
but i have only tried 2 i guess
my piggies again
Evening~~~
I slept ok and woke up at 7:45!
lay in for me it would seem but i think its because
a part of myself said to myself last night
"screw waking up early phone doesnt ring anyway"
I got up tho and continued with the day
still in my pajamas and eating my breakfast at 8:50am my phone rings
course it does
a school 20 mins away wants me
i said "i can do it but i wont be there before 9:30am"
they said it was fine
so yeah i put my girls away
left my brother a nice note basically saying clean up duty was to him
grabbed my satnav and went
i was worried i wasnt gonna find the school because it wasnt showing
on my satnav
i found the school, but found the whole area was permit only
so i parked a lil while away seeing as the school had no car park
not that i used school car parks as believe it or not sometimes you have to pay for them!
i got to the school and they were all very welcoming
lovely building very very old, like brick work everywhere and incredibly high ceilings
i was put in foundation so aged 4-5 years old
and literally just read with children all morning
teacher was nice but had such a prompt teaching assistant that there
wasnt much work for me as she had done it day before!
i sat alone in the staff room at break
and continued reading at lunch
went for a walk in the rain at lunch and eventually found my car
ate my lunch which consisted of biscuits, apple, and grapes
as it was all i had time to grab this morning!
went back to school as i was cold and made myself a tea
after lunch we went outside for a bit just to let them run around
they had show and tell
then assembly were i was asked to take down a wall display so that was something more stimulating to do at least
then it was break time i was on duty
then pretty much home time
very easy money
i came home then
no one was home as my brother had gone to fetch my parents from the airport
so i did a bit of dancing and put my girls out
mum and dad came in and it was good to see mum
bit disappointed she'd brought dad back with her
but we cant have everything in life now can we
i heard a lot about their holiday
i was so tired i wasnt in the mood to hear it or talk back
but did my best
motivated mum with having dinner as no one seemed to want dinner
but i hadnt lived off much today so i wanted dinner!
so i helped her do pasta
then i laid on sofa
just in the quite
got up and went on Just Dance 3
theres a song ive been on 4 times now and on my 4th attempt i got 9821 points out of 10,000!
well impressed at that fluke!
then went for a shower
i got my paper work through the post to sign my job form basically
a lot of paperwork for a proper job it seems!
my brother did a great job of tidying up ^^
and didnt mardy over it ether
mum and dad are safe and have had a good time
but unsure whether they'd like to go away again would you believe!
some things theyve said puts me off about going away with adam
speaking of which i still havent responded to him after yesterday him being jerk
he has txt me 3 times today but i couldnt be bothered with him
tomorrow is park run
hopefully motivate mum in to going
shes not keen but i think its cus shes tired
it was good to have work today
it was all day work too
makes a change
but its making me wonder how much i will be able to hack my new job
im hoping i will get into the swing of things and get into routine
of a normal life really
ive lost in 2 weeks 4lbs so im pleased with that
which is about 1.8kg
Ed is on about maybe seeing me this weekend but shall see
i took some photos of my guineas this week
Konbanwa
Couldnt be arsed to start the day
it had taken me close to midnight to drift off
i felt stressed about the teaching assistant position and my dad
dad can usually stress anyone out
and jobs and money are prime topics for him
when id been on the phone to mum yesterday
he was chipping in, in the background
so when I woke up at 7:20am i just couldnt face it
and stayed in bed a whole 5 mins! XD
I did start my day
did a bit of dancing
my collar bone really hurts im getting pain up my neck to my ear from it and down my arm
must be a good muscle to create that much pain
then i went for a shower
i went out to the shops as we had no sugar
i looked round charity shops as well
but nothing good
then came home
sorted washing out
ended up washing my brother's headphones he'd left inside a shirt
so yeah he was ok about it as it wasnt my fault
he should have taken them out
i had some lunch in front of my laptop
then i went for a 45min walk which was alright
i did some dancing and Ed was messaging me on whats app
he asked if he could watch me practice my dancing
so thats what i did!
felt so weird and nervous showing someone my practice
as i havent even finished or perfected the dances!
but he said i did well and impressed i can remember all the moves
felt weird tho having someone there but not
video calls are strange things XD
adam txted me
felt like he was saying things to try and upset me
it was along the lines of that whilst we are away people will see me in a bikini
yes im aware of this which is why i havent brought a revealing bikini
he said "people will stare and try touch you and put their arms around you"
i said "no they wont, wont you help?"
he said "i will if they get too grabby but its different now im not your boyfriend"
so i said "thanks like i dont have enough to worry about and enough anxiety and now youre telling me stuff like that and that you wont be much help. why you telling me these things?"
he said "just to prepare you, for your sake i hope it doesnt happen"
i refused to txt him back
i felt quite sick
i was tempted to ring my brother who has been greece this year, and ask him if this behaviour does in fact happen. but i told myself i would wait til he got home
Ed message me so i thought id tell him what adam said
he said "if it actually happened youd hear about it, the most you will get is stares. you will be fine dont worry about it"
did make me feel a lil better
i havent text adam back cus that was totally not needed
and im surprised he said that
he knows i dont feel comfortable around men
what did he think i was gonna do? take him back just so hes my boyfriend on holiday?
like hes trying to get back at me or something
who knows
i made myself some dinner which wasnt good really
did some yoga in front of a dvd
my brother came home so i told him my concerns and he said
that doesnt happen when youre away and if it does you just knee em in the balls
he says the sooner i ditch adam the better
he says even tho ive told adam im not leading him on that my relationship with him is weird and cant last. i told him what i keep telling everyone else
i have a holiday to go on, i dont want it to be hard work so im being nice now for the sake of the holiday, when i come back off holiday i will be starting my new job and wont see him as i wont have time anyway.
today has been very very slow if im honest
ive been in one of those moods were i wouldnt mind doing something
but i dont know what i feel like doing
i did do some japanese today as i didnt do any yesterday
too fried
oh i did the ironing as well today
tomorrow mum and dad return
cant wait to see mum i feel like i need the reassurance of her presence some how
need a hug and catch up with her
just seeing her will make me feel better im sure
they should be home around 3 - 4pm
im gonna clean up
and make some cookies too in case they want anything to snack on when they come in
maybe see mia at some point
but she hasnt txt me back
not sure how well i have coped with my parents being away for a week
ive eaten less knowing i can get away with it
mentally ive struggled as i feel like ive tuned into any interaction i can get
so ive been very in tune to my other half
its been so loud like having another person in the room
just because i have no company
shows i couldnt live by myself right now
god knows what would be left of me
some anorexic schizo
Evening
ahh it was nice to wake up at 7:30 and lay in til 7:40 XD
honestly it did make a change
but id had enough of just laying there so I got up
dont do lay ins its something i seem to suck at XD
I got ready this morning for my interview
and interview i really wasnt in the mood for!
usually i have mum there wishing me luck
I set off and allowed plenty of time
i got to the school and it looked alright really
i was told to wait in reception and watched all the students
come in from play
i got plenty of stares XD
The head teacher called me through
it started to feel real then
in the room interviewing me was the head teacher who was lovely
and 2 governors who were quite elderly but nice enough actually
they told me to relax as they understand how i feel as theyve sat
in the hot seat at some point themselves
i had a total of 9 questions
questions that we easy if im honest
i sold myself best i could
im so used to interviews now that my confidence has grown
i know it has
i was only in there 20 mins!
they said id know at some point today
i drove home feeling a lil drained
i got in to an empty house
and decided to clean my girls out, i bathed them as well actually
as they stunk and it did quite warm today
really nice day actually and the pigs dried
with in the hour of me finishing my interview
i had a phone call
it was the head teacher, saying she was very impressed with my interview
and would like to offer me the job...
sorry wait im gonna write that again
OFFER ME A JOB!
i couldnt believe i got in
it wasnt a job i was dead hopeful for but my god im so desperate to work ill take just about anything at this point! i told her thank you so many times
she said someone would ring later to confirm when i could come in to sort documents out
i rang my mum
as thats what any normal reaction is isnt it
ring your mum XD
she was pleased for me ^^
i went for a massive walk in the sun as i hadnt done any exercise yet
it was nice but exhausting as it was long
i got back and had a sit with a book
then i went on my laptop but found it boring so i cross stitched but found that boring too
im just too tired and drained to think or know what i want to do
i had a brew hoping the caffeine would help me
i got a phone call from centre parcs asking me my shoe size
and confirming when im coming for training
i didnt mention my TA job
later on the school rang
and i found out a bit more information on the job
its monday to friday
8:30 - 4pm
id start 5th November
and to come in on 16th October to sign paperwork
i panicked a lil bit because
5th november is when im suppose to have training at centre parcs
also when could i even do the elf job? weekends?
it looks like im gonna have to let that elf job go
i can see thats the outcome
i mean my god am i grateful for a TA position its just annoying
im missing out on something i really wanted to try
i rang my mum again and told her about this
she said dont say anything to centre parcs yet, sign the paper work at school first
shes right, its just hard dealing with this stuff as i havent been in this position before
and i have had no one around me to talk to
i went on just dance 3 and enjoyed it
wasnt in the mood to do jpop dances
i needed something i didnt need to think hard about
then i made dinner as i was hungry
it was leftover from yesterday really
then i finally spoke to Ed
hes on about seeing me this weekend as he has a long weekend
due to his brother''s wedding
so yeah that would be nice if i could see him
not sure what im doing tomorrow
probably doing a few chores getting ready for mum on friday
apart from that im not sure really
i was disciplined and didnt go running club tonight
i dont think i could of even if i wanted to
after that walk and dancing and the interview and stuff
im shattered!
i will stay up to 10pm watching Task Master tho :)
Oh i took a photo of the tissue box cover i made and designed
its suppose to be eevee from pokemon
dont think its full sunk in that i will soon have a proper job
just like all my friends
i will feel more normal and part of society
and ill have an income!
Evening~~
I woke up at 7:15 feeling shattered from the run yesterday
did not want to get up
but i did
for the phone not to ring
later on the phone DID ring
but for work tomorrow morning and lunch time
i have an interview at a crappy school tomorrow at 11am
so i told the agency id do the shift and re-arrange my interview
rang the school up, the interview was not changable
so i rang my mum
always resort to ringing mum when i feel im not capable of making
the right choice
work for £40 or go for an interview at a school i dont particularly
want to work at
she said to do the work
so i went to go ring the school up but i had an incoming call whilst
on the phone to mum
it was the agency, the school that wanted me now doesnt
he wanted to ring quick so i didnt cancel my interview
so all that stress for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i rang the school to say i was still coming
anyway i did a bit of dancing to get rid of the sheer annoyance i felt towards the human race, ended up pulling a muscle
over my collar bone it bloody hurts it truly does
but its nothing i cant deal with really
i went and had a shower
did some house chores then went to the city centre by myself
i was so fast getting there too!
i went to CEX to check for Just Dance 3 I've been after
found it! £5 which is good
they had number 4 but I didnt want to spend all my money on games
then i headed for TK MAXX to try for a sports bra
and found one I liked for £12
happy with it actually as i didnt think id appreciate wearing a sports bra
but its comfy and will hopefully prevent me from getting Spaniel''s ears XD
i went further into the centre and came across a tea cafe ive wanted to try
for a while now and i saw it and thought "what the heck"
i was the only person apart from two woman in it so it was lovely and quite
proper tea too with sugar cubes and cute tea set
loved it
i took a photo somewhere
then i went to a retro game shop facing it, its new
so much stuff!!!! and theyre still setting up
i brought 2 manga for £2 each ive seen them for £9 before
then a Vans hat for my brother for £4
then i went to get the bus home
were this woman, 58, would not stop talking to me!
literally from waiting for the bus to getting off the bus
she did not stop! like she knew me
dead weird as not many folk are like that now days
quite cynical too i couldnt help but take a bit of a liking to her
i came home and had a bit of lunch which was just fruit
being careful what i eat today as my stomach is fragile
i did weigh my self this morning tho
8 stone 13 pounds!
back in the 8 stone boundary
but only just so more work is needed!
i went for a short walk i had no energy to go for my usual walk
then i came back and went to chiropractor
she is surprised at how much i click and my pain threshold
she is always surprised i dont wince
i just take it
i was a whole hour there as she was half hour late -___-
i came home and made myself vegetable noodles with salmon
it was alright and i will be eating the same tomorrow XD
then I came upstairs and did some drawing id tried to do all day
but one thing and another pulled me away
might do japanese or play just dance
see how i feel about it all
i feel mentally drained so im unsure about japanese
i might still try tho
tomorrow i have an interview at this school at 11am
not really looking forward to it
but it seems easy for a teaching assistant interview
so what the heck really
not sure after that what i will do
Evening~~
ahhhh tired
i went to bed at 9:15pm I was shattered!
I woke up at 3:30am with awful stomach ache
i had to dispel what felt like my entire stomach contents down the toilet
i felt so bad i thought i was gonna be sick as well but i wasnt
just awful, and why at that time of day!?
i laid in bed til 6:30am unable to sleep due to it feeling like i had been
kicked repeatedly in the stomach
couldnt get comfy at all
i fell asleep around 6:30am then woke up at 7:15
what the point of those 45 mins were i dont know
i got to start my day
i was so damn tired but thought id start it just in case the phone rang
it didnt
by 9am i was back in bed and had just under an hour's kip
as i couldnt face the day feeling THAT rough
i got showered and dressed and went out with my brother
we dropped something off at the dry cleaners for mum
then we went food shopping
that wasnt too bad actually
and from leaving the house to leaving the super market we were exactly 30 mins
so we did do well
i came back and unpacked
i went on my laptop and made a few work related phone calls
then i couldnt be bothered but i did a little bit of dancing
i ate some fruit and went for a 45min walk
i came back and went on my laptop
adam came over around 2:45pm
we sat and drank tea, saw Oz and caught up really
apparently his mum has spoken to his dad and his dad is a lil bit better with me now
honestly
not in a rush to go over and see him tho
i got changed and did some yoga stretches
then drove onto the running club, dropping adam off on the way
i could not be arsed
my joints hurt
i hurt
i was tired and i hadnt eaten much as my stomach has been off all sodding day
but i went
god knows why i went
i got into the 3mile group
and i was at the frontish of the group as some people are just too slow
we got to a certain point then this guy leading us just ran off saying
"im running off home now, turn round when you want"
thanks
so this one and only other woman i had been following said
"we will keep going til it says 1.5miles on my phone then back track"
she was so quick tho so i was running in the dark streets by myself effectively
i got back and she said "that was 28 mins"
i had ran too quick trying to keep up with her
my joints hurt
thank god im going chiropractor tomorrow
i dont think i should go running club on wednesday
i think i need to rest up a bit
i came home and microwaved my leftover dinner
sat at it and had a long hot shower
then rang my brother to say i was ok and stuff
ive wanted to do some drawing today but ran out of time
so id like to do that tomorrow if i can
the only thing i have on tomorrow is chiropractor at 4:30pm
i hope i have school but i doubt it
mia says shes brought trainers and that shes a bit sore from running
bless her
wonder if she will continue it
Evening~
I fell asleep so fast last night
shattered
I watched the 4th episode of Killing Eve it was good actually
and nice I could watch it in the peace and quiet
I woke up at 7:15 cus i knew mia was on about going for a run
between 7 and 8am
so i havent had a single lay in til 8am all week
ive ether been awake at 7 or earlier T^T
i texted her but didnt hear from her til 8:20am
i was waiting round wanting to know what i was doing
as i wanted breakfast as i had taken my medication
she said she'd be there just before 9am
then she txt me "rob is coming also"
ok...
shes been wanting someone to go running with for ages
but people bailed on her
the day she has someone to go with and her boyfriend decides he will go?
strange
but yeah he turned up and i dont have an issue with it its more i just couldnt understand it
but anyway he didnt run with us he went tanking off
he used to run but like mia he hasnt done any fitness in a long time
so i let mia set the pace
but i think pacing is something shes got to work at
as literally it was all or nothing
she ran not jogged she ran then walked
but didnt get an awful lot of running done but thats fine
she said shes unfit
she was out of breath whereas i wasnt really
we did a loop round me so its very hilly anyway
we ran to the shop as she wanted milk and cereal XD
and because her sister lives facing said shop
we called in as its her sister's boyfriend who kept bailing out on running with her
she wanted to prove she was able to do it i guess
saw her little nephew with his cousin, never met his cousin before
two little 5 year olds at 9:30am who acted like theyd had a sugar rush
mental
speaking of children a friend of a family had an emergency C section last
night and her little boy, born the day before his uncle''s birthday would you believe
anyway so we walked home
my joints hurt as id thrashed them at park run and doing the jog this morning
my body was sending up flags
i needed to back off
i went and said bye to mia and rob
then had a shower and cereal and a brew
i started the pokemon tissue box cover i designed
did that for a bit
went and recorded a dance outside
wasnt the best but felt good for actually doing it
wish my joints and muscles werent hurting as much as they were at the time
i maybe could have done better then
i want to do my AKB48 Halloween Night before i go away
i came home and uploaded it really
continued sewing til i finished it at 5pm
then went for a 40min walk
muscles hurt but i hate sitting for ages
didnt get any cross stitching done so i might do that tomorrow
i didnt see adam as apparently he was tired
but i wasnt fussed ether way
mum has sent me videos and photos from Spain which has been nice to see
my brother was home a bit today so ive had his presence
tomorrow i will be awake at 7am no doubt
just in case the phone does actually ring! O:
if i dont have school i might go food shopping as we're a lil low on stuff
i have running club but im not sure i will go as joints are hurting now
i feel i may need to take a day off from running
got the chiropractor on tuesday anyway
i will photograph my pokemon tissue box
might do nails tonight
