Evening
Im not sleeping
please someone tell me why i wake up in the night and when i do why am I thinking about school!? its doing my effing head in ive had enough im so damn tired
i didnt really want to go school today
my morning i was in the other class and I was outside to start with which
it was a bit chilly but not the worst we've had so i tried to not to complain there
then it was break time and then computers and lunch
all went pretty to be honest
lunch i did my usual of eating not speaking to anyone
then i did yoga for 20 mins
after lunch it was a bit dull
id had enough to be honest
the job is just relentless and not getting any enjoyment or satisfaction out of it
when i leave that job it will be like the best day ever
its just a true pee take and thankless
i hate it
and hate going
i hate the kids
i just hate it
then when all is said and done
i go on to hate myself
i get told by my head not to eat my lunch that im fat
im constantly told by my head how ugly and fat i am
i cant remember what happiness feels like i really cant
and i cant even think of anything that would truly make me feel happy right now
i came home and mum had made for the first time Nutella cookies
i wasnt gonna eat one but i could tell she wanted me to try one
so i did and i couldnt taste it i was so wound up
that lead to me hating myself and how much weight i would put on cus i gave in
and ate the cookie
ive got running club today
its mega windy out there but has stopped raining as its been raining
on and off today but that wind is strong i hope its not against me tonight
does not feel like a week since ive been tho so thats a lil scary
im so tired mentally and physically that im not sure how 5k is gonna get ran tonight
and its gonna make my muscles feel even more sore than they already do
god id kill for a hot steamy bath
but im hoping the run will make me feel better - mentally
i believe mum is coming and walking it
its a push for her with her bad foot but i know shes trying
and cus of the way i am tonight shes trying for me i know she is bless her
cus its nice having company even tho we dont actually do the 5k together
god im gonna be shattered if i dont sleep tonight
tomorrow just another crappy day at school really
got my groups to do which i dont get on a wednesday
at least i wasnt with nursery or 2 years old today
and i will have yoga after school too
right thats it
i could quite easily go into school tomorrow and tell them they can stick this job up their arse
Wednesday, 28 November 2018
Tuesday, 27 November 2018
Had Autism Training
Evening
I managed a walk with mum last night
and did some more work with Kanji
I didnt sleep that well tho so im tired physically and mentally
and its only tuesday feels like it should be thursday at least!
I got ready for school
it was freezing last night and this morning
so i super dashed round this morning and was able to find time to bring
the girls inside and feed them too
i did well this morning
my morning at school was a lil different
as i suddenly had to cover someone which is what im there for a lot of the time
but got me out of my lesson of looking after the child that screamed down my ear yesterday
then i had a talk on autism
which i cant say i learned anything and brought back a lot of memories with my brother
and there was only parents there who were concerned about their children
so i shared my brother's story and the dept head said to me it was really good of me to share a positive story like that
we've got to have another session as we didnt get through everything
i was so cold tho
cold from covering outside earlier then the hall where the talk was held for an hour was so damn cold i said good bye to the feeling in my toes anyway
then it was time for lunch so i helped feed the children
then went to lunch i was grateful of my hot drink that was for sure
then a woman walked into the staffroom and i knew her
she works at my old primary school! she does 3 days there and 2 days on supply
small world so i spoke to her about school
she said they got rid of a TA last year as there was no money to pay her...wow
no classroom has a full time TA ether
i went back to class and we didnt have P.E. much to my disappointment
the after noon went pretty slow to be honest as it chucked it down outside so we couldnt play out
so that made the afternoon even longer
i didnt have group work ether to go and do
at the end of the day i got a few things ready and helped with display work
then left at 4:01
ran to my car which is becoming a habit but it was also lashing it down
so i had a horrid drive home in the dark and rain!
i came in and sat and had a brew with Oz knowing he wouldnt have been out much this afternoon due to the weather and he was practically sleeping next to me like hes had a hard day or something!
lazy bunbun
then i went on Just Dance 3 for 25 mins
couldnt be bothered but enjoyed it and knew i wouldnt be walking tonight
then i went upstairs and wrapped my cousin's xmas present
god wrapping already
feels so surreal that its less than a month til the horrid day
but im planning on posting my cousin's xmas present and card on saturday
and im not gonna get any other time to wrap now til then
and im sending the xmas cards that need to go abroad too on saturday
so whilst sending my couins xmas present is early it also me not wanting to make 2 trips to the post office so two birds two stones kinda thing
but feels too early to start christmas crap
yet ive seen people with their trees and decorations up!
mia is putting hers up on saturday!
tomorrow is school
and hopefully running club after school as well
im hoping i wont be put with 2 year olds tomorrow but who knows
tonight might do some more japanese
and have an early night really
I managed a walk with mum last night
and did some more work with Kanji
I didnt sleep that well tho so im tired physically and mentally
and its only tuesday feels like it should be thursday at least!
I got ready for school
it was freezing last night and this morning
so i super dashed round this morning and was able to find time to bring
the girls inside and feed them too
i did well this morning
my morning at school was a lil different
as i suddenly had to cover someone which is what im there for a lot of the time
but got me out of my lesson of looking after the child that screamed down my ear yesterday
then i had a talk on autism
which i cant say i learned anything and brought back a lot of memories with my brother
and there was only parents there who were concerned about their children
so i shared my brother's story and the dept head said to me it was really good of me to share a positive story like that
we've got to have another session as we didnt get through everything
i was so cold tho
cold from covering outside earlier then the hall where the talk was held for an hour was so damn cold i said good bye to the feeling in my toes anyway
then it was time for lunch so i helped feed the children
then went to lunch i was grateful of my hot drink that was for sure
then a woman walked into the staffroom and i knew her
she works at my old primary school! she does 3 days there and 2 days on supply
small world so i spoke to her about school
she said they got rid of a TA last year as there was no money to pay her...wow
no classroom has a full time TA ether
i went back to class and we didnt have P.E. much to my disappointment
the after noon went pretty slow to be honest as it chucked it down outside so we couldnt play out
so that made the afternoon even longer
i didnt have group work ether to go and do
at the end of the day i got a few things ready and helped with display work
then left at 4:01
ran to my car which is becoming a habit but it was also lashing it down
so i had a horrid drive home in the dark and rain!
i came in and sat and had a brew with Oz knowing he wouldnt have been out much this afternoon due to the weather and he was practically sleeping next to me like hes had a hard day or something!
lazy bunbun
then i went on Just Dance 3 for 25 mins
couldnt be bothered but enjoyed it and knew i wouldnt be walking tonight
then i went upstairs and wrapped my cousin's xmas present
god wrapping already
feels so surreal that its less than a month til the horrid day
but im planning on posting my cousin's xmas present and card on saturday
and im not gonna get any other time to wrap now til then
and im sending the xmas cards that need to go abroad too on saturday
so whilst sending my couins xmas present is early it also me not wanting to make 2 trips to the post office so two birds two stones kinda thing
but feels too early to start christmas crap
yet ive seen people with their trees and decorations up!
mia is putting hers up on saturday!
tomorrow is school
and hopefully running club after school as well
im hoping i wont be put with 2 year olds tomorrow but who knows
tonight might do some more japanese
and have an early night really
Monday, 26 November 2018
start of week 4
Evening~~
I went to bed at 8:45pm after sitting with Oz and doing my nails
I needed a wee but refused to go
and then i woke up during the night thinking "dad will be up anytime"
he wasnt so i checked my phone it was only 4:30am -____-
i dosed from there really my bladder killing me but knew i would not sleep
at all if i got up for a wee
so im quite tired and have sore eyes
I got ready for school as normal
and didnt feel too apprehensive about going school actually
my morning was busy and group work went ok
but what i wasnt happy with was a special needs kid i got lumbered with
sat crying and screaming in my ear for 40 mins
wouldnt stop it was crazy
other staff tried with him but no avail
so i was stuck with him and an ever growing headache
he was sent home as we believe he was poorly
thank bloody god is what i can say
lunch i ate in the quiet
and then i did yoga in another classroom
for about 20 mins it felt good to stretch out
then after lunch i was in the other class and we joined classes to go have a talk on tools...
yes tools and i dont mean plastic ones ether
im talking saws with actual metal teeth on them and even something
called a Dozuki!! jesus what were these people thinking
theyve brought these tools for 4 years to use!!!!
it was hard to get my head round
just when do they think we're gonna have the time to sit and carefully watch each child not hurt themselves, the guy giving the talk was the groundsman and he made a wooden car whilst we watched and said there was enough for everyone to make one.
when this is gonna happen i am unsure
crazy if you ask me
we werent even tasked with such a thing as 13 year olds at high school!
after that i had my groups to do which went fine really
then got ready for home time near enough
not sure where the day actually goes!
i got home quick too as i signed out 4:01 and light traffic so that was good
i came in and mum made me a brew ^^ and brought Oz to sit with me
then i went on just dance for about 25mins cus i needed to get rid of the tense feeling i felt
then went on my laptop but didnt do a lot really
and had dinner i had left overs so i got to sit by myself in the quiet
now me and mum are going for a walk
im tired but i know i can do it
tomorrow another day at school
i will be attending and autism meeting at 10:30 for an hour
so i will have a different morning
heres a new lip stick ive been trying its alright actually
and doesnt hurt my lips too much
I went to bed at 8:45pm after sitting with Oz and doing my nails
I needed a wee but refused to go
and then i woke up during the night thinking "dad will be up anytime"
he wasnt so i checked my phone it was only 4:30am -____-
i dosed from there really my bladder killing me but knew i would not sleep
at all if i got up for a wee
so im quite tired and have sore eyes
I got ready for school as normal
and didnt feel too apprehensive about going school actually
my morning was busy and group work went ok
but what i wasnt happy with was a special needs kid i got lumbered with
sat crying and screaming in my ear for 40 mins
wouldnt stop it was crazy
other staff tried with him but no avail
so i was stuck with him and an ever growing headache
he was sent home as we believe he was poorly
thank bloody god is what i can say
lunch i ate in the quiet
and then i did yoga in another classroom
for about 20 mins it felt good to stretch out
then after lunch i was in the other class and we joined classes to go have a talk on tools...
yes tools and i dont mean plastic ones ether
im talking saws with actual metal teeth on them and even something
called a Dozuki!! jesus what were these people thinking
theyve brought these tools for 4 years to use!!!!
it was hard to get my head round
just when do they think we're gonna have the time to sit and carefully watch each child not hurt themselves, the guy giving the talk was the groundsman and he made a wooden car whilst we watched and said there was enough for everyone to make one.
when this is gonna happen i am unsure
crazy if you ask me
we werent even tasked with such a thing as 13 year olds at high school!
after that i had my groups to do which went fine really
then got ready for home time near enough
not sure where the day actually goes!
i got home quick too as i signed out 4:01 and light traffic so that was good
i came in and mum made me a brew ^^ and brought Oz to sit with me
then i went on just dance for about 25mins cus i needed to get rid of the tense feeling i felt
then went on my laptop but didnt do a lot really
and had dinner i had left overs so i got to sit by myself in the quiet
now me and mum are going for a walk
im tired but i know i can do it
tomorrow another day at school
i will be attending and autism meeting at 10:30 for an hour
so i will have a different morning
heres a new lip stick ive been trying its alright actually
and doesnt hurt my lips too much
Sunday, 25 November 2018
I painted a pot
Evening
that was the first night in quite a while where i have achieved 10 hours of sleep
but today i felt so worn out
maybe cus i did a lot yesterday :/
ether way i did my best to continue with my sunday
I watched another episode of Sensen Kekken
I plan to watch the series anyway
then I looked at jobs abroad just cus i was curious
looking at nannying and other children stuff
but i never know if i will get the opportunity to work abroad
people who have done it really enjoy it tho
i did 20 mins of yoga in the hope it would get some energy flowing
it helped a lil bit
my parents went out so i went on the wii for the first time in a while
but i felt so done in before i had even started! ><
but i was on there for a good 20 - 25 mins
i was out of practice tho!
then i had lunch and went for a 45min walk
so exercise had been completed today XD
When i came in i got ready to go back out
it was 1:30pm by this point and i headed up to the pot painting shop
right near where adam lives actually
and it was soooooo hard to chose a pot
not to mention they were expensive
and the bigger the pot the more time youre there painting
and i was aware they close at 4pm on a sunday
so i chose a flat disk as i wanted to paint my own design
and i did a penguin
its for christmas to go on the fireplace as thats the only part of the living room
i truly struggle with decorating
decorating tastefully anyway cus theres a lot of tacky ornaments out there
so i happily sat with my ipod and did that
finished at 3pm and went home
from there did some reading
had a brew with Oz
helped mum with the dinner
got stuff ready for school
did some japanese mainly learn some fresh kanji but its hard
i sat and did some digital drawing as well
drew guinea pigs!
now its 8pm i need to sit with Oz and do my nails and get in for an early night
stupid school tomorrow
cant tell you how apprehensive i feel about it
im constantly filled with anxiety when i think about school
and i think about school A LOT
its why i try and be so busy so i distract my mind
should have read some more of the papers they gave me this weekend
but i couldnt face it in all honesty
heres a face pack ive brought as part of tara's christmas present
that was the first night in quite a while where i have achieved 10 hours of sleep
but today i felt so worn out
maybe cus i did a lot yesterday :/
ether way i did my best to continue with my sunday
I watched another episode of Sensen Kekken
I plan to watch the series anyway
then I looked at jobs abroad just cus i was curious
looking at nannying and other children stuff
but i never know if i will get the opportunity to work abroad
people who have done it really enjoy it tho
i did 20 mins of yoga in the hope it would get some energy flowing
it helped a lil bit
my parents went out so i went on the wii for the first time in a while
but i felt so done in before i had even started! ><
but i was on there for a good 20 - 25 mins
i was out of practice tho!
then i had lunch and went for a 45min walk
so exercise had been completed today XD
When i came in i got ready to go back out
it was 1:30pm by this point and i headed up to the pot painting shop
right near where adam lives actually
and it was soooooo hard to chose a pot
not to mention they were expensive
and the bigger the pot the more time youre there painting
and i was aware they close at 4pm on a sunday
so i chose a flat disk as i wanted to paint my own design
and i did a penguin
its for christmas to go on the fireplace as thats the only part of the living room
i truly struggle with decorating
decorating tastefully anyway cus theres a lot of tacky ornaments out there
so i happily sat with my ipod and did that
finished at 3pm and went home
from there did some reading
had a brew with Oz
helped mum with the dinner
got stuff ready for school
did some japanese mainly learn some fresh kanji but its hard
i sat and did some digital drawing as well
drew guinea pigs!
now its 8pm i need to sit with Oz and do my nails and get in for an early night
stupid school tomorrow
cant tell you how apprehensive i feel about it
im constantly filled with anxiety when i think about school
and i think about school A LOT
its why i try and be so busy so i distract my mind
should have read some more of the papers they gave me this weekend
but i couldnt face it in all honesty
heres a face pack ive brought as part of tara's christmas present
Saturday, 24 November 2018
Done my Christmas shopping :D starting a diet
Evening~~
Didint sleep great kept getting up for massive wees!!!
whats up with me man
annoying
and i woke up when dad got up which was 6:55am
so ive been up since then really /:
even took stuff to try help me sleep as well
so much for catching up on sleep
i weighed myself
put on more weight so from today thats it now
no cake biscuits or cereal binge
im done
im cutting back on sugar and food in general
I got up and ready
cleaned my pets out, did 15mins of yoga then went with mum
to park run
i gave it a good go and did 27:30 so i was happy with that
i waited for mum she did 47mins so i waited a while in the cold for her
but it was my choice as i had car keys but i wanted to see her cross the line
we left from there and i had a shower and got ready to go out
by 11:10am i had picked mia up and we went charity shop shopping~
she picked up a couple of LPs and some harry potter books
i got a £2 brand new coat for my dad for work he was pleased with it
but simply because its work related so he's bound to like it
we stopped for lunch which was white hot chocolate and a tea cake
but mia had white chocolate with whipped cream (well gross) and a cake
then i dropped her off home
i had parked up in a park so we had a bit of a walk to the car but it didnt matter
i came back and had a brew and read a bit of my book for the first time in weeks
keep thinking about school which makes me anxious for some reason
cant face going back right now so im trying to be busy
i looked over my xmas list to see what was what
ive pretty much done i just needed a few more bits
so i ordered online an expensive anime figure for mia for her birthday shes wanted that character for quite a while and always looks at them at conventions but never buys herself one so i brought that i was really struggling for her birthday so i can tick her off
tara needed one more item just to round it off
mum needed a couple more pieces and dad well i just need stuff for dad really but dont know what i will do there
at 4:30 i went out to the shops hoping they would be quiet
and luckily there were!
so i spent a good hour shopping
i brought tara rabbit treats so her present is finished now
i brought mum foot cream and nail varnish so that is her ticked off and because i have so much for her i practically have enough for her birthday in January
didnt manage to get dad anything but dont know if i will yet
i picked up warm clothes for school like trousers for when im not in the mood for skirts and such cus i just want to be warm and comfy theyre elasticated waist so im happy with my finds
i went then round a bargain food store and picked up 2 treats for my brother and the rest went to food for school really just stuff to snack on cus i never know what food to take with me
so i stocked up
and it feels good getting presents ticked off
i only need now to do my dad
made my christmas cards so im sorted really
i came in and it was like 6:30 to my surprise
i felt quite tired and drained
so i did my dinner of a shed load of bread and then soup
my family are having take away pizza but theres no way i will be able to digest that so i did soup
so today was a busy and productive day
im just quite wiped out now
might do some japanese tonight
i wrote out a few ideas for mum as she wanted ideas for christmas for me but i cant say im arsed about gifts but she wanted ideas
tomorrow
ah tomorrow what shall i do?
literally what will i do?
im not staying round the house all day that is for sure but i know
mum is wanting for me to rest but i find that hard and boring lets face it
ive got stuff to do online and potentially some drawing
apart from that im not sure i will have to have a think tonight
heres my other necklace i ordered
dont feel like i cut back that much today but i havent had any biscuits or cake or cereal so i suppose thats something, just so fat and ugly i cant bare looking at myself i cant even bare looking at my bare arms so ive been covering my body up
Didint sleep great kept getting up for massive wees!!!
whats up with me man
annoying
and i woke up when dad got up which was 6:55am
so ive been up since then really /:
even took stuff to try help me sleep as well
so much for catching up on sleep
i weighed myself
put on more weight so from today thats it now
no cake biscuits or cereal binge
im done
im cutting back on sugar and food in general
I got up and ready
cleaned my pets out, did 15mins of yoga then went with mum
to park run
i gave it a good go and did 27:30 so i was happy with that
i waited for mum she did 47mins so i waited a while in the cold for her
but it was my choice as i had car keys but i wanted to see her cross the line
we left from there and i had a shower and got ready to go out
by 11:10am i had picked mia up and we went charity shop shopping~
she picked up a couple of LPs and some harry potter books
i got a £2 brand new coat for my dad for work he was pleased with it
but simply because its work related so he's bound to like it
we stopped for lunch which was white hot chocolate and a tea cake
but mia had white chocolate with whipped cream (well gross) and a cake
then i dropped her off home
i had parked up in a park so we had a bit of a walk to the car but it didnt matter
i came back and had a brew and read a bit of my book for the first time in weeks
keep thinking about school which makes me anxious for some reason
cant face going back right now so im trying to be busy
i looked over my xmas list to see what was what
ive pretty much done i just needed a few more bits
so i ordered online an expensive anime figure for mia for her birthday shes wanted that character for quite a while and always looks at them at conventions but never buys herself one so i brought that i was really struggling for her birthday so i can tick her off
tara needed one more item just to round it off
mum needed a couple more pieces and dad well i just need stuff for dad really but dont know what i will do there
at 4:30 i went out to the shops hoping they would be quiet
and luckily there were!
so i spent a good hour shopping
i brought tara rabbit treats so her present is finished now
i brought mum foot cream and nail varnish so that is her ticked off and because i have so much for her i practically have enough for her birthday in January
didnt manage to get dad anything but dont know if i will yet
i picked up warm clothes for school like trousers for when im not in the mood for skirts and such cus i just want to be warm and comfy theyre elasticated waist so im happy with my finds
i went then round a bargain food store and picked up 2 treats for my brother and the rest went to food for school really just stuff to snack on cus i never know what food to take with me
so i stocked up
and it feels good getting presents ticked off
i only need now to do my dad
made my christmas cards so im sorted really
i came in and it was like 6:30 to my surprise
i felt quite tired and drained
so i did my dinner of a shed load of bread and then soup
my family are having take away pizza but theres no way i will be able to digest that so i did soup
so today was a busy and productive day
im just quite wiped out now
might do some japanese tonight
i wrote out a few ideas for mum as she wanted ideas for christmas for me but i cant say im arsed about gifts but she wanted ideas
tomorrow
ah tomorrow what shall i do?
literally what will i do?
im not staying round the house all day that is for sure but i know
mum is wanting for me to rest but i find that hard and boring lets face it
ive got stuff to do online and potentially some drawing
apart from that im not sure i will have to have a think tonight
heres my other necklace i ordered
Friday, 23 November 2018
3rd week done! + saw Mia
Evening
I was in bed for 9pm
i managed to push myself and do half hour of yoga yesterday before bed
dad was up at 7:40am
he gets earlier and we've all moaned at him for it
whats his deal anyway!?
so school went quickly enough
i was in nursery all morning which i cant say i enjoy but i wasnt stood
outside how i thought i was gonna be cus we didnt let them outside
we had quite a relaxing morning
i was made to do an extra group tho and i kicked a kid out the group cus he was
so disruptive and was later told that im not to do that again as it disrupts other groups
so people are alright with my group being ruined but not theirs, about right
during lunch i sat by myself as usual and didnt speak to anyone as usual
then did 20 mins of yoga in nursery
after lunch i was tasked with display work so i did it out the way of any children
so that was alright really
then i was down for having groups at 2pm but like last friday they all went outside for break time at 2pm and i said this so they said do my group work at 2:30pm instead
which was fine but this week i had TA meeting at 2:45pm so i only got one group done
but they were fine with that
TA meeting they gave us a load of crap to do which i dont understand and gonna try get out of doing really since im only there til easter anyway
after home time i got my stuff together then helped a teacher then went home for 4pm
the traffic was awful coming home, friday traffic
i went straight to mia's house
it was nice to see her but i wasnt totally in the mood to socialise
i offered for her to come park run tomorrow as shes been running lately
but she doubts she will come but will see me afterwards for a drink
so that will be nice to do
i came home and showered as i was cold at school and at mias house
then i had dinner and just come on my laptop for my diary
believe me and mum are going for a walk tonight
tomorrow i think i will do park run cus i like doing that
then mia said she would see me
then not sure after that
originally i was thinking of going into the city centre but mia kindly reminded me its black friday today and there for black friday weekend so i will not be going round shops!
i will find something to do tho
a cute necklace i ordered
I was in bed for 9pm
i managed to push myself and do half hour of yoga yesterday before bed
dad was up at 7:40am
he gets earlier and we've all moaned at him for it
whats his deal anyway!?
so school went quickly enough
i was in nursery all morning which i cant say i enjoy but i wasnt stood
outside how i thought i was gonna be cus we didnt let them outside
we had quite a relaxing morning
i was made to do an extra group tho and i kicked a kid out the group cus he was
so disruptive and was later told that im not to do that again as it disrupts other groups
so people are alright with my group being ruined but not theirs, about right
during lunch i sat by myself as usual and didnt speak to anyone as usual
then did 20 mins of yoga in nursery
after lunch i was tasked with display work so i did it out the way of any children
so that was alright really
then i was down for having groups at 2pm but like last friday they all went outside for break time at 2pm and i said this so they said do my group work at 2:30pm instead
which was fine but this week i had TA meeting at 2:45pm so i only got one group done
but they were fine with that
TA meeting they gave us a load of crap to do which i dont understand and gonna try get out of doing really since im only there til easter anyway
after home time i got my stuff together then helped a teacher then went home for 4pm
the traffic was awful coming home, friday traffic
i went straight to mia's house
it was nice to see her but i wasnt totally in the mood to socialise
i offered for her to come park run tomorrow as shes been running lately
but she doubts she will come but will see me afterwards for a drink
so that will be nice to do
i came home and showered as i was cold at school and at mias house
then i had dinner and just come on my laptop for my diary
believe me and mum are going for a walk tonight
tomorrow i think i will do park run cus i like doing that
then mia said she would see me
then not sure after that
originally i was thinking of going into the city centre but mia kindly reminded me its black friday today and there for black friday weekend so i will not be going round shops!
i will find something to do tho
a cute necklace i ordered
Thursday, 22 November 2018
Flu Jab = Almost fainting 3 times
Evening
what a day -_____-
last night i slept ok i guess
feel like dad gets up earlier and earlier
but im awake from 6am anyway
the house is always cold when im up at 6:50
anyway i got ready for school
i had forgotten today was flu jab mum reminded me
she knows better than i do XD
when i got to school i was told id be collected
so i just got on with my day then at 10:30am i was collected with a TA and a teacher
from my group and we went over for our jabs
i said id go last cus i thought just in case i take a minute to recover
i told the receptionist that im sometimes off with it
and i told the nurse too who was a dull sorry case of a woman
so i had my jab and i told her id had to sit there a sec
and i didnt feel so good
the nurse got up and fetched me water
the receptionist came in and i said id go wait in the reception area
as the nurse had 1 more person to do
i sat there shaking and i was told i was grey and that i looked white earlier
she gave me a banana and the nurse came to check on me
she said i looked pale and wanted me back in her room
i sat there whilst she did her paper work
feeling like such a burden and needing to get back to work
then i felt really light headed just from sitting there
i felt woozy as well and asked her if this was normal
so she went and fetched the head TA!!! ahhh not her she sees me in a state enough
the nurse came back looked at me by rubbing her hands all over my face What the hell!?
get off me woman cant you see im sweating
the head TA talked to me and i told her id be fine
so she left and came back to me a bit later on
45mins later from having my injection she walked me to class as i felt semi up to it
it was lunch time and so i took the kids to lunch and served them lunch which
tired me out loads
i went to the staff room and ate my lunch which i cants say i wanted but knew
i had to eat kinda thing
but the noise was doing my head in so i came back to nursery were they all asked me if i was ok
i said i just feel off and drained
i left them to sit in the classroom by myself in the quiet and next to the radiator
the teacher came through and said to come collect the children with her and that
she had a creative job for me to do this afternoon
but all i wanted was to go home
id almost passed out twice and had no energy
we walked to the children lining up outside and one of the dinner ladies
said to me that i looked green
so i could add green to the list of pale, white and grey today
i actually felt like i was gonna chuck up
i turned round and a TA said to me i was white
and i gripped onto her shoulders as i thought i was gonna pass out there and then
she grabbed me and so did the dinner lady and walked me inside
i felt so stupid and like death warmed up
i said sorry so many times today
they took me to the head teachers office -____-
were they gave me my second cup of tea from school today and a chocolate bar
the head TA was called in again
and i said that i needed to go home
they said i didnt look fit to drive
so i called my folks and my brother kindly came and fetched me
i got home and got undressed and went to bed
i felt awful
so i slept for an hour and since then felt terrible and like death
done nothing which is hard and boring
and i have done no exercise and binged on sugar today so the anorexic thoughts
are in high demand today i hate myself big style today
im proper fat today and want to starve myself
i ate my dinner in the hopes it would make me feel better
but it didnt and just gave me stomach ache
my parents went to fetch my car tonight thank god
so i have it back now
im having an early night and i hope to finish the week tomorrow
what am i like
ive never had such a reaction to an injection before
now i feel just poorly
ive got a number to ring in case im unwell tomorrow
but i hope i can get school done
dont want time off on my 3rd week!
heres a make up brush i ordered which was sooooooo much cheaper than buying it from the shops i havent used it yet but its the size i was after and soft too :D
what a day -_____-
last night i slept ok i guess
feel like dad gets up earlier and earlier
but im awake from 6am anyway
the house is always cold when im up at 6:50
anyway i got ready for school
i had forgotten today was flu jab mum reminded me
she knows better than i do XD
when i got to school i was told id be collected
so i just got on with my day then at 10:30am i was collected with a TA and a teacher
from my group and we went over for our jabs
i said id go last cus i thought just in case i take a minute to recover
i told the receptionist that im sometimes off with it
and i told the nurse too who was a dull sorry case of a woman
so i had my jab and i told her id had to sit there a sec
and i didnt feel so good
the nurse got up and fetched me water
the receptionist came in and i said id go wait in the reception area
as the nurse had 1 more person to do
i sat there shaking and i was told i was grey and that i looked white earlier
she gave me a banana and the nurse came to check on me
she said i looked pale and wanted me back in her room
i sat there whilst she did her paper work
feeling like such a burden and needing to get back to work
then i felt really light headed just from sitting there
i felt woozy as well and asked her if this was normal
so she went and fetched the head TA!!! ahhh not her she sees me in a state enough
the nurse came back looked at me by rubbing her hands all over my face What the hell!?
get off me woman cant you see im sweating
the head TA talked to me and i told her id be fine
so she left and came back to me a bit later on
45mins later from having my injection she walked me to class as i felt semi up to it
it was lunch time and so i took the kids to lunch and served them lunch which
tired me out loads
i went to the staff room and ate my lunch which i cants say i wanted but knew
i had to eat kinda thing
but the noise was doing my head in so i came back to nursery were they all asked me if i was ok
i said i just feel off and drained
i left them to sit in the classroom by myself in the quiet and next to the radiator
the teacher came through and said to come collect the children with her and that
she had a creative job for me to do this afternoon
but all i wanted was to go home
id almost passed out twice and had no energy
we walked to the children lining up outside and one of the dinner ladies
said to me that i looked green
so i could add green to the list of pale, white and grey today
i actually felt like i was gonna chuck up
i turned round and a TA said to me i was white
and i gripped onto her shoulders as i thought i was gonna pass out there and then
she grabbed me and so did the dinner lady and walked me inside
i felt so stupid and like death warmed up
i said sorry so many times today
they took me to the head teachers office -____-
were they gave me my second cup of tea from school today and a chocolate bar
the head TA was called in again
and i said that i needed to go home
they said i didnt look fit to drive
so i called my folks and my brother kindly came and fetched me
i got home and got undressed and went to bed
i felt awful
so i slept for an hour and since then felt terrible and like death
done nothing which is hard and boring
and i have done no exercise and binged on sugar today so the anorexic thoughts
are in high demand today i hate myself big style today
im proper fat today and want to starve myself
i ate my dinner in the hopes it would make me feel better
but it didnt and just gave me stomach ache
my parents went to fetch my car tonight thank god
so i have it back now
im having an early night and i hope to finish the week tomorrow
what am i like
ive never had such a reaction to an injection before
now i feel just poorly
ive got a number to ring in case im unwell tomorrow
but i hope i can get school done
dont want time off on my 3rd week!
heres a make up brush i ordered which was sooooooo much cheaper than buying it from the shops i havent used it yet but its the size i was after and soft too :D
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