Merry Christmas Eve Eve~
I didn't sleep well as once again I felt ill in the night
I did however manage to stay in my bed all night
I woke up at 8am too so bonus!
Mum kindly dyed my hair this morning
I now have brown hair
mum says i match the bread board and the kitchen units XD
its fresher and softer
I havent dyed it in months
I cleaned my room which didnt take too long
I like it clean for christmas
Mia phoned me to have a rant XD
I designed some christmas nails which I would like to do tonight
As it never stopped raining til like 5pm today I danced inside
despite feeling rotten I pushed myself to do something
I felt better for doing something
then I sat with my Ozwald
I did a bit of sewing, that robin thats been sat in my floor
ive just got a lot of hand sewing to do on it tomorrow
and that was my day really
tonight is new Cats does Countdown Christmas so im looking forward to seeing that
tomorrow is christmas eve
I dont have any plans tho
probably finish off the robin, go for a walk
ive been meaning to do some drawing but cant find the will to get going with it
maybe cus i feel so off
not looking forward to another night of feeling poorly
here is the Kruidnoten I made yesterday
traditionally theyre suppose to be like round disks but i chose to shape them~
Evening~~
My god did I feel sick in the night
it was awful
I woke up plenty
but I stayed in my bed all night which is something
I got up at 7am to let Oz out then I crawled back in my warm bed til 7:30am
I felt pretty rotten all day
its these new antidepressants theyre horrid
Im trying to stick with them
I fell asleep for an hour this morning I just wasnt well
I made some Kruidnoten which my Dutch friends has taught me how to make
so i was glad i did something productive with my morning
its become a yearly tradition to make these biscuits
I had massage at 12 for an hour
it about crippled me, nice but yeah it did hurt a bit
and i felt sick afterwards
i was so cold afterwards as well
so i came in and showered then mum had warmed me some soup ^^
I didnt do much after lunch i just felt dead not to mention my stomach was off
but i managed to go for a walk with my parents
asi hadnt done any exercise and felt i could tolerate it better if i had company
but i forget how dull it is walking with dad,, jesus
we came back and I had a brew with Oz
then I laid round
its been a bit dull for me if im honest just cus i feel so rotten
im not good at sitting round
I didnt clean my room
but I will do it tomorrow
ive also got the robin to stitch which is still on my floor ready to be made -____-
Here is Millie and Alice's christmas photo this year
cute arent they
just very lazy critters
my parents have gone to a neighbour's for a drink
not that ether of them wanted to go
so i can watch what i like on tv tonight
and i was gonna play on the wii but im too corpse like
im gonna attempt yoga tho
Evening
what do you know, another day were Ive been awake since 4am!
im so damn tired
i felt proper sick in the night i thought i was gonna chuck up at one point
but its new medication which hasnt been that nice but could be worse
I got up this morning at 7am and did my pet duties
went food shopping with mum before it got mental out there
we were in the shop for 8:45am it was quiet cus everyone was dropping
their kids off at school, when we left it was getting busy cus people had
dropped kids off to school
so it was a good job done
i had a shower and waited for mum to do the lamb stew for tonight
then we went for a walk
it was a bit bleak to say the least
we left there and went to a cafe
were i had a hot chocolate and shared a bit of caramel shortcake with mum
that was my lunch XD
we came home
i changed my bed and laid on fresh bed
then went to mias were i stayed there from 2pm til 5pm
we exchanged presents and had a catch up
i came home and did some yoga
i was so damn cold from mia's house tho
her house is cold so it made me ache big style
couldnt wait to warm up so i had another hot chocolate
had dinner and had to wait almost an hour for the burning feeling in my stomach to pass
i havent done much else today
tomorrow is the christmas park run and mum did it last year
and was gonna go this year but everywhere is like water logged so shes not going
and nether am i cus i wont enjoy it
i do have a massage booked for midday which i can not wait for
its an hour long so i hope i can walk afterwards
ive got biscuits to make tomorrow and my room wants a dust over the weekend
i like a tidy room before christmas~
not got anything else planned
might watch a film in the evening as my parents have been invited over to a neighbour's house for a drink which they dont want to go but they are going so i might watch an anime film downstairs as i never did watch the girl who leapt through time ><
Oz's christmas photo this year
god it was hard to photograph him as he wouldnt keep still!!!
cute tho
Evening
My god I barely slept
it was as bad as the night previously
took me til midnight to get to sleep
woke up at 1am to the sound my brother coming home
woke up at 2am
woke up at 4am and been awake since as i was in agony to the point were i was almost crying the aches were so bad and relentless
I got up for a stretch and cereal it was just awful
my head hurt and of course my nose was blocked
I couldnt wait for my dad to get up at 7am so I could dive out of bed
there was no way I felt like school
I looked sick
but I went
cus im like that
I got to school and a few members of staff said "are you alright?" when I arrived
guess I must have looked bad even with the make up
I was in the youngest class and it went fine really
I watched a boy chuck up in the toilet
what timing that was...
I was just doing odd jobs which I didnt mind cus it was mindless and passed time
i got to leave at 11:45am too!
I went home and had a hot chocolate and 2 biscuits
got changed and went to go see Seth
I couldnt be bothered to drive half hour as I felt rough but I went
and I was glad I did
his outfit was amazing and I saw his grotto which I took photos of
this is the walk way to the groto house
cool huh like UV
I talked with him for probably 45mins then I left him to start his next shift
which left me able to wonder the farm and I found cute piggies
reindeer and donkeys too
god the guineas were so damn small and cute!!
Seth gave me a badge to take home X3
I got home and mum had just walked in
she had brought us all a biscuits which was very nice
we went out to fetch my prescription for my new antidepressant which im looking forward to working just not looking forward to the side effects
its called Venlafaxine
we came back and I had a brew with Ozwald
then I googled my new medication just cus mum was curious
then thats all ive been on my laptop today not very exciting cus internet is boring
I had yoga and Karen did her usual christmas routine which was good
then we all had to mindfully eat a cube of dark chocolate
i couldnt wait to come home and get rid of the taste
i forget how gross dark chocolate is
we had pasta for dinner i didnt eat much but still got stomach ache
tomorrow gotta go shopping again with mum
thats 3 food shops in 5 days
she always gets worked up about the amount of food we have in storage over christmas
but im going with it
hopefully we can go for a drink or something later
then at 2pm im seeing Mia to swap xmas presents so that will be nice
and i have finished work for 2018!
Konbanwa~~
I hardly slept
like really didnt sleep
I got up and tossed and turned and yeah just mega bad night
i was sweating none stop, my hair felt wet
I felt poorly in the night hence why I didnt sleep
so this is officially my 3rd cold in 6 weeks -_____- my immune system serious sucks
I felt soo ill this morning
I had a burning nose like when you have water up your nose
my throat was cloggy my head pounded and ache
oh my god the pain
it was horrendous
I had some breakfast - hot chocolate
and went to bed
I was so dead to the world it was all I could do
I got up and had a shower this was 11am and I did feel a little better
felt better for rinsing the night's sweat from me
I ached so much I cant tell you how much pain ive been in
it was like growing pains but much much worse
in the end I pushed myself and went for a walk
im not sure how I even achieved the walk but I did
and I did it in the hopes it would help my pain
no
it made it worse - if that was possible
i started crying cus i hurt so much and nothing was helping
i was running to the toilet a lot and that was getting to me
I sat and had porridge for lunch
I couldnt see karen as I was obviously too sick and didnt want to infect her
so mum went by herself
i went back to bed
when I got up I had a brew and I sat with Oz
i tried going on my laptop but soon bored me
agency rang and said they have work for me at the school i was at last week
just for the morning in the youngest class
i like the teacher in there shes very down to earth, the children go early for lunch, i think i can hack it well i hope i can. Im suppose to see Seth tomorrow
so I will literally be leaving school and driving to see seth
god im gonna be wiped not to mention I have yoga also....
i rang the psychiatrist's receptionist to say could he ring me tonight
and gave her the list of antidepressants ive taken
and he did in fact ring me back!
he is doing me a prescription ready to be collected tomorrow afternoon
he gave me the option of 4 antidepressants
1. similar but 'newer' than one ive had before which helped me
2. one that helps with anxiety but can increase weight
3. one that increases weight
4. many have success with but has a lot of nasty side effects
so i said it was a toss up between 1 and 4 as any weight gain would tip me over the edge. I said which did he think I should go for?
he said "if you think you can handle number 4 then i advise that one"
and i thought 'well ive got the christmas period to kinda get used to it at least and ive been on many nasty medications before whats another'
i cant remember what its called or would even be able to spell it XD
so im picking that tomorrow - something else to do tomorrow whilst im feeling like crap
he given me the lowest dose of 37mg the max dose is 300mg so yeah at least i can build on it
the psychologist wont be happy but that will make me happy
so tomorrow i start antidepressants once again hopefully
feel like im giving in some how but yeah clearly need them
i did a bit of yoga to try and stretch out and help pain
did that for half hour
watched another christmas special we had on dvd
ive been trying to hunt out all our comedy christmas specials
found 5 i think it is now
only time of year i can bare to watch em XD
so tomorrow
school all morning
visit seth at work whilst hes being santa at a farm 30 mins away which is where Ozwald came from
then ive got my prescription to fetch
yoga
man im gonna be dead
id be dead without a cold never mind whilst i feel like this
oh here is some facial products i brought
one is a face pack that says you can use it 4 times a week ive used it twice in the last 3 days and my face is dry so no way am i trying 4 times a week! the other is a night cream to brighten the skin which my skin looks quite dull during winter but i havent tried it yet i might have ago tonight with it
Evening
I woke up at 4:30am and then at 5:15am I got up
I was back in bed for 6am I just needed food and a stretch
I managed to sleep from 6:30am til 8:20am
so not bad I guess but I felt rough when I woke up
I rang doctors up in the morning and Im booked 31st december
then 9th january to see the nurse
basically the psychologist wants my hormone levels checked as he wants to rule that out as it to being the reason i have no sex drive
personally i think it will be a waste of time as ive had hormone checks in the past
but at least then he can shut up about it
I also rang the psychologist and his receptionist actually sighed and said "has he still not rang you?" well apparently not love if im still ringing you! 3 weeks later >.>
I did 30 mins of yoga just to try and alleviate some of my pain
but cant say it did a lot
then i did 25mins of dancing
actual jpop dancing! god i was so out of touch with it
and i stopped after i felt like collapsing
ive still got my headache and felt rough but still i tried
i had a shower then mum came home and i sat with her for 15mins and we popped out to the shops just shops and food shopping nothing amazing
we timed it well as when we got home it started raining and it hasnt stopped since that was at 1pm and its 7:30pm now, horrible weather
i warmed the leftover soup up for lunch but couldnt face it so my brother had for me whilst i had a hot chocolate, so fed up of food
then i read on my bed and fell asleep i just felt dead
i got up and had a brew with mum
tried to get Oz in but couldnt even find him in that shed in the end mum came and helped me but hurt myself moving stuff out the way just to get to him as he didnt make it easy for me
i went on my laptop started planning out a commission of art work
then i sat with Oz for 10 mins
the psychaitrist rang!!! he rang!!!!
we talked and hes fine with me having antidepressants, funny cus the psychologist would rather i didnt have them - its all paper work related and who looks better than who rather than working together to get the patient better. so anyway ive had to make a list of the antidepressants ive been on which ive done now. and he said he will call tomorrow and we will discuss which one to try, so fingers crossed its going in the right direction
had dinner which i just about survived but still had to lay down after food for about an hour
daren't move then i sat with millie whilst mum had alice
now i just feel rotten and washed out
i swear im having my 3rd cold in 6 weeks
suppose i will know for definite in the morning
but my god im in pain now i have been all day, feeling like ive been ran over, so god knows how im even gonna get to sleep tonight never mind staying asleep
tomorrow mum and my brother are doing a big food shop getting some stuff for xmas day in
so ill be home alone for a bit in the morning
then i believe me and mum are dropping karen's xmas present over
but if i do have a cold i wont be able to go as karen's immune system is compromised at the moment due to her cancer treatment :/
i hope im ok in the morning i really do
here are the Bourbon Nutella Biscuits I made yesterday which have all gone now
they were good
and im baking again on saturday i believe, doing some Dutch christmas biscuits
then were having cake on christmas day
so many treats all in a week
its a week now til the day
its almost all over!!!!
Evening~~
Woke up at midnight but managed to fall asleep again
then woke up at 4:30am and I have been awake ever since
so fed up and tired of this
but my nose was like burning water ive had this a few nights in a row now
horrid and not to mention prevents sleep in the early hours
i was aching too so at 6am i got up
i actually turned the heating on as mum had given me permission to do so
the other day if i wake early
as my god is the house cold
ive gotten one of the fan heaters out but as it was so close to the heating turning
on automatically, i thought id stick it on
i had a shower in the morning to help wake myself up
then at i think 9:30am I put Rock n' Buono! 3 in the dvd player and began decorating
soon realised my brother had only gotten one of the two bags of decorations from the roof...
so i grabbed the ladders and went up myself
then i began decorating
and yeah i got the job done
my little 4ft tree is out again!
and finally Oz having a sniff of decorations XD
i had a break at 10:30am and got the pets out for the annual christmas photo
its never an easy task and i will unveil the pet photos closer to christmas
then i finished the tree, i save the tree til last
i dont feel its the best one ive done but still cute and its all sorted now
finished and tidied up for 11:45am
mum came home and i sat had lunch with her
she liked the decorations and so did my brother
dad on the other hand hasnt said a word
then i drove to a rural kinda town for a walk
it was a hard ask but i did it
then i came back and went on my laptop for half hour but as usual it bored me
so i printed out the christmas guinea photo i took and made it into a christmas card for mum which is what i usually do each year
i tidied up downstairs
then i decided to make some biscuits
they were bourbons but instead of faffing with icing in the centre i used Nutella and my god they were good!!! i only had a tiny piece and took photos of what i baked. I made the rest for my family as i couldnt be doing with the mentalness or stomach id get from eating one no matter how good they were and they went down well with everyone
i had my girlies in
had my dinner which i ate alone as it was a night of sorting yourself out
it was exciting soup woooo lucky me but i ate half a slice of bread
and i only got a bit of acid pain so yeah i survived tonight
then i sat with Oz and watched the rest of Hot Fuzz with my brother
might try do a bit of dancing tonight
tomorrow not sure yet what im doing
i dont have work but i cant say i was expecting any work last week of christmas term as its all christmas plays and activity days parents are in and yeah we're not needed as much
mum has the afternoon off so may go out with her
arranged to see Seth on Thursday at work to see him dressed as Santa i cant wait to see his outfit its like victorian styled he looks amazing in the photos
santa is on his way down my street tonight
another yearly tradition
its a charity thing
