Derby by myself~

Evening~~

ahhh so shattered -_____-

so yesterday I didnt get home til 9:45pm and i could not be bothered
to do my diary at such hour

Yesterday I danced in the morning then i showered and got ready to see jack
i had an early lunch then set off really

We went and did his chores round the city centre
he needed to go back to his family's home and i said i'd drive him
and then he said he wanted to bring a load of stuff back with him
i told him its fine as i have a car after all
and to repay he said he wanted to do dinner for me
so he cooked gammon in cider and did some sweet potato with it

i got to see his family's home - where he grew up
i met his cat - queenie and the two bunnies - skyla and thumper
oh my god they were so cute like stupidly cute especially thumper
i didnt hold them as they were a bit skittish and i didnt want to frighten them
so we came back and did dinner
then we sat with Theo a bit then we went and talked on his bed
he asked if i was ok cus i seemed a bit out of it
but then i had only had 3 and half hours sleep
it was an incredibly long night of pain so yeah i was just done in really
i got home later than intended but still sat with Oz as i didnt want him to feel left out
i had god awful stomach pains too
seems everytime lately i eat lunch or dinner i have stomach ache
just dont want to eat

this morning think i achieved 5 and a half hours sleep
i did some dancing then i got ready to go out
i was going to derby today by myself
just for some bits really

i got to derby around 11ish
i went round loads of shops but didnt see much actually
i ended up buying a coat from a charity shop for £2.49 as i was so damn cold
and it was making me ache
i got a hoodie too whilst i was there
got Oz some treats from a pet store i havent seen before, tropical flavour so im gonna see if he likes them tonight
i got some mini straightners from charity shop for £2.99
there was an old sweet store and we no longer have one in our city and jack has such a fondness for them so i picked him a load of stuff - all pink and girly looking sweets XD ill surprise him with those next time i see him
a few dvd's for my dad for his birthday next week which is a good job done
i went derby in the hope the nail varnish market store will have what i wanted but it had gone!!! D: i was so gutted to lose that shop
i stopped for a hot chocolate but it wasnt great but i just needed something to warm me up
i picked up some joggers for running in for £5
and finally some fur to make a molly toy with at some point as mum has requested it
just drinking the hot chocolate gave me stomach ache so i chose not to eat whilst i was out as i didnt want to make it worse
i caught the bus back to my fair city and finally got home about 3:30pm
i was shattered
think id basically burned off more calories than ive taken in recently
so i got into my pajamas and went to bed after having a brew with mum and Oz of course


just so worn out
im dark under my eyes too
i cant think or do anything and literally waiting for bed time to come round

tomorrow not 100% sure on the day yet
originally jack had asked me if i wanted to try a board game cafe literally across the road from where he lives, and maybe eat sweet stuff
then im suppose to be seeing tara in the evening but not heard from her

Fruits Basket

Yo~~~

I've been awake since 4:30am!
I had a rough night of tossing a turning
when I woke up at 4:30am my head was far too busy
so with that and achy i knew I had no chance of sleeping so I got up
but crawled into bed at 6am not that I slept but i didnt want to wake anyone

I did 20mins of yoga
then went for a run at 9:15am
i took the long route through the woods
running through scaring the wildlife like a wild dog XD
good tho
and i wasnt too worn out ether
i came in and showered

Then mia text me to say i could go over for a brew
we had a brew and then she said the new Fruits Basket had come out
the original had first aired in 2001 shocking
just how long have i been watching anime anyway!?
so we watched that together which was nostalgic and also we used to watch anime
together all the time after school and we havent watched anime together
for many many years so that was nice
i left hers at 1:30pm
i was glad to leave as my stomach hurt
just endless stomach issues i feel as of late 

i made a salad and went to sleep after id eaten
i just needed to catch up on sleep really
then ive been drawing
after watching some Chrono Crusade with jack it has made me want to draw a picture of Chrono so ive mad a good start anyway

tomorrow think im seeing jack
hes got to return to his parent's house to feed the pets 
so he said i could go with him as hes got 2 bunnies :3 

painting my nails tonight ^^

Met my parents

Evening~~~

So yesterday I had school~
School went fine
I managed to cut my thumb on a broken test tube
and i poured some sort of acid or skin irritant on my other hand
making burn and itch and go blotchy
jack was concerned XD he bandaged my thumb up and told me to go wash my hand of the acid i think he wonders how i cope with life XD
but literally we were together all day
he did tell me tho that i have to do the whole interview I cant get away with any of it
how skank is that!?
so i have to do the written work, practical and interview
ugh
its on 24th April at like 8:40am

He came home with me so I could grab my stuff
so he met mum
and i told him on the way over i bet i get the food lecture
and yup she embarrassed me with that
she also couldnt help but tell jack an embarrassing fact about me as a child!
i could have died and i could jack loved every minute >.> 
dad came home....ugh could have done with out that but he said hello
and left us alone
we sat with Oz and had a brew
then i had a shower and i left him looking through my book of shadows
then we left for his house

i had a good time we just oven cooked a pizza as nether of us could be bothered
and i didnt care as i wasnt hungry despite not having eaten since 7:30am 
and it was gone 10pm by time we ate
then we watched chrono crusade in bed
til we fell asleep and then we turned it off and went to sleep
but i didnt sleep great 
woke up pretty early too
and i dont think he let me out his bed for ages XD
like a prisoner in his own bed >.>

eventually i left at 2pm and came home and had a shower as i smelt like him
well i felt like i smelt like him not that its a bad thing
but im used to my scent
after my shower i saw mum 
she said that she and dad liked jack and she said she could just by the way he looks at me that he likes me >< i know he likes me but i havent noticed the way he looks at me ><
i fell asleep for 2 hours cus i was shattered
then i went for a much needed walk
not having exercised yesterday or this morning
tomorrow i plan to go for a run or something
need to burn off energy

then thats been it really
not sure what i will do tomorrow
maybe see mia for a brew who knows

2nd Meeting

Evening~~

Last night I didnt get home til 1am O:
i aimed to get home earlier than that but stuff didnt happen the way i wanted it to
but me and jack made cookies
we sat talking to his his flat mate Theo for a while
that guy's arm muscles are insane!! like huge and terrifying 
we went to watch anime but we didnt in the end but im sure he's capable of
watching my chrono crusade dvds by himself XD
I almost lost the control over Eko at one point so he stopped and backed off
he knows what to look out for im amazed how well tuned he is to me
then as i decided at 11:30pm i would leave he went to kiss me 
and i just switched just like that
i woke up and he filled me in on everything
hes still trying to get his head round it all and finds it so strange how different we are
one of the first things he said was that Eko is stronger than me
hows that possible!? we share a body surely strength would be the same
this is the 2nd time he has met her
he said she bit his lip which is what she used to do to adam
and he said she knows what she wants 
so when i came too i was almost hyperventilating, i couldnt breathe
the recovery took a bit of time which is why i was late leaving 
what a way to end a good evening

so this morning i went to bed at 3am
i needed time to wind down after everything
i woke up at 8:45am feeling strangely numb
like i didnt really feel pain
so i laid very very still not wanting the numbing feeling to end
but eventually at 9:30am i really needed a wee so i got up
pain soon came back
i have rare moments like that and its bliss it reminds me of what a normal body feels like

i did some dancing this morning
my god i was sweaty i worked really hard doing hard fast dances 
i waited for mum to come home and made her a brew, told her about my evening even about changing which she never really likes me talking about i can tell it makes her uncomfortable and i know she fears it, but i felt i wanted to share that jack was handling the situation well
then i dived in the shower

i had lunch then did a few errands with mum
one of which was posting my painting ive sent it off now~
i came back and did some drawing for my book of shadows
just a couple of pictures i needed to do

then i had yoga which was good
i was doing hand stands against wall like last week
and 2 other people joined in
i had the most controlled landing tho
muscles! jack is always surprised by my strength XD

im hoping i sleep tonight 
but its a thursday, a yoga night which normally means poor sleep
can never sleep after yoga for some reason
so it will probably be a late one knowing my luck
then tomorrow is school
last day before 2 weeks off for easter holidays!

~~~

Evening~

I didn't sleep great
didnt go to sleep til 3am and got up at 7:30am
great

I cleaned my pets out this morning
then I went shopping with mum
came back and had lunch then i did some dancing
had a shower and then went out with mum again
we went for a walk and had a brew in a cafe which was nice
even if it was trying to hail

i came back and got ready to go to Jack's
grabbed a quick salad
and yeah im already to go now
not sure what time i will be home
we're making cookies~

tomorrow not sure what I will do actually
need to knuckle down with some art or something 

wonder how i will sleep tonight

Pain Clinic phone call

Evening~

Didn't sleep too well but did stay in my bed~

This morning I did 45mins of dancing
i got a bit further on cross road i can now do 2:30
slowly getting there ><
i showered and went to a clothes shop but didnt get anything
i did try some shorts on but they felt too short for me
even tho they were cheap i knew id be forever pulling them down XD

i came home and had a random lunch of a yogurt apple and hot chocolate
then i my phone call from the pain clinic
which was a little bit of a waste of time as i still havent got an appointment
but they understand i need help and will be ringing up to get me in ASAP
i went to bed at this point id had enough of being tired and in pain

i got up and did some water colouring
and i can announce i got it finished!
its ok but im always critical of my work
i want to get it sent off as soon as i have something to send it off in

i sat and watched a bit of tv with Ozwald
as its been raining all day today so he hasnt really been out
after dinner i started learning a dance ive liked for years
momoiro clover Z Otome Sensou and its like 6 minutes long
and i managed to get 4 minutes under my belt!
its a lot easier to learn when ive watched the dance loads and its a song i know
plus its kinda easy too
fairies dance is difficult but i like the challenge 

tomorrow not sure what i will do in the morning 
whether to dance or run
depends on weather and how im feeling
might go out with mum
going over to jack's in the evening
he said he wants to bake cookies so that will be different
ive not baked with someone for ages

i got a korean lip tint thing in the post

i havent had a go yet as my lips are sore so im not putting any cosmetics on them for a bit
theyve been getting worse since my increased dose of antidepressants :/

4/4 guineas done + application form

Evening

I actually slept pretty well last night
no medication or getting up needed and i did pretty well
maybe it did me good to have a night away from my bed?
broke up the monotony of it all maybe
so for the first time in such a very long time i didnt wake up feeling like death!

I did some dancing this morning which was an effort 
just because I ached and my arms still hurt from play fighting
but i still did it
i had a shower and a lazy morning really
i did go to get my water colour out but i can never be creative knowing
i have work to go to it kinda interrupts the creativeness 

I went to work
jack told me he'd just found out that if i wanna stay at the school longer than May then i need to send in an application form...what fresh hell is this
but he says i can use what i sent in before just add on extra about what ive done at the school. but the deadline was today so i would need to do it when i got home
my 3 hour shift consisted of washing up but i wasnt bothered
gave me time to talk to alan and jack

i came home and did the 2 guinea pigs that were left
im not sure about the picture really im just not confident in my water colour skills
i had dinner then i started doing the form
and i got it done thanks to mum for checking it for me as i was clearly having a dyslexic moment...but its done and sent now
i hope i can stay at the school >< 

im tired and very achy 
i need to relax but i always struggle with relaxing 

i booked Oz in at the vets today for 19th april as his vaccinations are due bless him
i forgot to put on my blog yesterday that i had had him 2 years!!
beloved Ozwald~~ 

wonder how i will sleep tonight
tomorrow not sure what i will do
i fancy doing a run by the river some time this week tho