Evening~~
I basically ran out of time to do my blog yesterday ><
Yesterday tho I went to Mia's in the morning from 10 til 2pm
I was there a lot longer than I thought I was gonna be
but it was good and her sister turned up with her son which was nice
Mia and I decided that we would go for a meal on monday with our boys
so everyone can meet one another
I came home, it was soooo warm
I did try and dance tho but made myself feel quite unwell so I stopped
after 20mins dripping in sweat
yeah didnt feel good
from there I basically showered and got ready for my first ever work due!
I got to jack's just before 6pm
I got to see Theo again which was nice and he said how much he loved the cushions ^^
so i was happy
and the stuff those two come out with is grim, proper guy talk and they do it in front of me XD
makes me laugh and its nice they treat me so comfortably too
we set off for the meal and found all the teaching staff already there
we were put at the end of the table like the technicians were segregated
i felt sick with anxiety about having to eat food
i ordered mac cheese as it seemed safe but when it came it looked greasy
i ate 3/4 of it but was so full
rebecca finished off my dinner XD
i was sat between head of science and alan, facing jack
i had a very sweet lemonade and some sugar dips of alans as everyone had pudding but me as i couldnt face more food id had enough looking at what others were eating nevermind my own plate. so skipped out on that
the four of us decided we would go out on a night out next month which will be good
alan couldnt hold his alcohol which was funny but jack and rebecca were also laughing at me on a sugar bend they said i looked high i certainly felt it XD
we took a group shot! our science department, minus a couple
i went home with jack luckily no one was around and therefor didnt see us go home together as no one really knows were going out with one another still
i was high as a kite at jacks i couldnt calm down and i ached from having to sit for like 3 hours
i had a shower and we went to bed after having more laughs with theo
i couldnt sleep. 3rd night in a row now that i couldnt sleep
i was fidgeting in jacks arms but i didnt want to wake him
i moved to my end of the bed and he didnt make a grab for me
i fidgeted and he was like "are you ok?" i said "yeah just cant sleep and i ache"
he cuddled me, exactly what i didnt want him to do...
so i said in the end "im going upstairs for a bit"
i sat down listening to my ipod and did some drawing from one of jack's mangas
it relaxed me and distracted me from my pain
i was wrapped in jack's dressing gown and i grabbed a cushion and curled up on the sofa at 2am, like 10mins later i heard jack come up to check on me it was pitch black and i pretended to be asleep as i knew if i talked id wake myself up and id never sleep and i didnt want to go back to his bed i just needed to sort myself out alone. he guessed i was asleep and left me
by 5am i had grabbed some sleep and woke up
freezing so i decided to go grab some heat from jack
i crawled back in his bed but didnt sleep til his alarm went off at 6:30am
i got up and got ready for work
he did after a while
we got to work
and no one saw us come in together luckily XD
it was weird being there at 8am before teachers are in
and basically i did not stop
felt very labour intensive to say the least
i was shattered
we had fun at lunch tho messing around taking photos
me jack alan rebecca liv and alacia
it was good
and i am so gutted it was alan and rebeccas last day
im so sad to see them go
they loved the cards i drew for them tho
and were gonna keep in contact
does mean now that after half term which is next week, i will be by myself standing on my own two feet my training wheels have gone now
gonna be so weird without them :(
jack is gonna miss them for sure
i came home and felt dead on my feet
id been at work almost 8 hours on 3 hours sleep and no lunch cus i didnt want to eat
i ached enough and was full of anxiety i didnt want to add to it with stomach ache
so i ate when i got home
tried to dance but dad came in so that soon stopped and i was doing really well as well >.>
i showered as i had done nothing but sweat all day
rebecca gave me her polo shirts so i have smaller polo shirts for work now
alan gave me keys to stuff at work as well
i havent done much tonight
just looked at art id maybe like to draw
and seen my pets
almost fell asleep
and put my stuff away from sleeping at jacks
tomorrow im unsure what im doing yet :/
havent decided
guess i could do some more of my quilt
Evening~~~
Ah guess who couldnt sleep last night ><
I had fallen asleep before dinner time yesterday which i shouldnt have done
but yeah couldnt sleep and by 1am i felt sick with pain, anxiety and stomach ache
cus im struggling to eat still
so I had to get up and stayed up for an hour and dosed myself on everything going
slept pretty alright after that luckily
this morning me and mum went swimming
swam for 30 mins
it was sooooo hard i felt so unfit i really did!
i came home and had lunch and fell asleep
i was just done in
i think hayfever is tiring me out
I got up and i did some sewing
i got the last 4 blocks done making it up to 24!
i then laid them all out on my living room floor
and decided where i wanted them which i did in probably the quickest time yet
came together so easily
what do you think? they each need to be bordered tho
thats the next job, then sew them together and then to the blanket
ahhhh still so much work to do
i wanted to do some yoga
but my knee cap is still so bruised! its still dark as well
might as well have broke it for how long its taking to heal
i caught up online as i didnt go on my laptop really yesterday
put some songs on my ipod
then had a shower and a good scrub of my body and face now it all feels so smooth
im shattered tho from swimming i have to say
tomorrow im seeing mia at 10am just for a bit of pamper session - more her than me im simply being there whilst she pampers herself XD
then i will come back and dance, shower and then do whatever
i have my first work meal tomorrow too
im anxious about it ><
tempted to learn an easy dance in my room for a lil while then im gonna paint my nails
i want to do patchwork style nails
It's 9:30pm and the first time I've turned my laptop on all day O:
shows I can live with out internet XD
ill catch up with all tomorrow
Anyway i slept
probably slept a lil too well considering how many plushies were on the floor this morning...
dreaming of fighting pirates, it to be expected i guess
This morning I sat outside in the sunshine eating cereal
a true luxury of mine i have to say
then I did 45mins of dancing
dancing i struggled to do actually
could not breathe
the pollen count was high today and i felt i couldnt get my breath
so i had to stop then pick it up again
afterwards I did some sewing
I got the 5 done I wanted to get done
I went food shopping with mum
had a heart attack as i sat in my room and a pigeon flew into my window
theres a full on print where it hit
it went with such a bang i went "WAHHHHH" like a proper girl XD
I laid out the remaining 4 blocks realising i had more fabric to cut....
ill be glad when theyre done!!!
I saw mia after dinner
we had a 3 hour catch up + an episode of fruits basket
seeing her thursday i think
tomorrow think im with mum
took a picture of a pink mascara i ordered but not used yet as my eyelashes are still tinted and therefor very dark, may as well wait til theyre tint-less then use it
Konbanwa~~
Despite falling asleep during the day yesterday
I did manage to sleep
it did take me a while but i got there! and I slept
once again having weird dreams but keeps me quiet I guess XD
This morning I danced for 45 mins
got to the end of Sexy Cat no Enzetsu which i wanted to learn again
but i need to practice it more yet
im gonna get to the end of cross road maybe tomorrow
i literally ran out of energy today
my arms ached! i ached a lot today and dancing did help but was a strain
I did a bit of sewing before work
then got ready for work
work was alright
prepped biology with the help of alan
did a shed load of washing i dont wanna see another test tube for a bit
then i prepped jack's chemistry stuff
honestly i was doing everyones job today XD
but made the time go
i had the job of cutting grass as soon as i got in so i went outside and cut grass with my back to the path and with my jacket on and black trousers and pig tails
i had two teachers come up to me and ask if i was ok. im sure they thought from the back of me that i was a student not staff... XD
but yeah school was fine
even tho i could have been sick with anxiety before i left
i didnt eat lunch anyway
i came home and had a drink and got changed then went to hypnotherapy
she worked on my anxiety today
which im hoping is gonna help!
i came back and had dinner
then ive been sorting out patchwork really
doing 5 more hopefully tomorrow but realised i need to cut more sodding fabric ugh
doing the grey and the black tomorrow and if i get them done it raises my total to 20 blocks
im hoping i sleep tonight
i should do im tired enough!
tomorrow i plan on dancing in the morning
then i will get on with sewing really
about it
heres my nails from i believe last week i never uploaded
i like this weeks nails i hope i photographed them as theyre all chipped now
i need to do my nails
do em maybe wednesday
Evening~~
Yeah I just haven't been doing my diary entries have I XD
well basically I have still been sleeping
even thursday night which is usually a total curse to me
I actually needed my alarm clock friday morning 0.0
i honestly cant remember the last time i had need of my alarm clock
usually im awake before the bugger has time to chime XD
I got up and showered at 6:30am for work
i felt sick before work i truly did -_____-
work was alright tho
i was none stop busy in the morning
one of my jobs was freezing 52 pig and lamb hearts
a lot of the teachers walked through and were cringing and glad they didnt have to deal with them
im fine with it, doesnt bother me in the slightest
maybe im just abnormal like that
i joked around with alan and got him to add me on facebook so i dont lose contact with him
lunch time came and i had really force the porridge down me
i did it
but got stomach ache
after lunch i had to work out chemicals like translate what NaHO meant and i got it right! i had work out how to dilute 1M acid to 0.4M and i asked Jack how to do it but he gave me a look that kinda said "come on jo you should know by now"
i took a stab at it and got it right
my god sleep does amazing stuff
i obviously know stuff but too slept deprived to actually use my brain
and yeah i got through the day i didnt stop
i came home and rested a bit i was shattered to be honest
then once i picked up i started up cushion making and didnt stop til 9:30pm!!
they were looking so good i just wanted to see them finished
so here we have
Skyrim Imperial Symbol (Jack's) and Mortal Kombat 2 (Theo's)
Pokemon (Jack's) and Marvel (Theo's)
i went to bed and slept
saturday
originally i wasnt seeing jack but because he was still home alone
i took pity on him and decided to go see him
i didnt see him til the afternoon tho
i had a slow morning of doing practically nothing
no sewing i couldnt face it after doing it til late the previous night
we went and did his shopping and got other bits
mainly for work if im honest
then we went to his and i cant remember what we did
but i decided to spend the night so he popped home with me to collect my stuff
we saw Oz who was all over him like a rash >.>
got back to jack's and had dinner he made egg fried rice with veg
then we went to bed at 11:30pm trying to keep with my bed time
my head had been a total mess for the last 3 days
hearing noises and everything and Eko was pent up like a tiger in a cage
so it came as no shock to me when i changed
i dont even remember going
but her and jack had tea together...at like midnight he was making tea and having it with her of course none of us know how she takes her tea so he was experimenting with her letting her try it different ways. Turns out she likes her black with 1 and a half sugars
the thought makes me cringe, black tea
i have mine very milky and half sugar
quite different
very weird
he said it was surreal sitting there having tea with her
i think next hes introducing her to biscuits
having split personality is very strange
but im oddly getting used to it
as long as jack is ok im becoming accepting of the situation
he still finds it very weird at times and finds her very creepy
says we have different voices and different smiles
he says mine is cheeky like im gonna get up to something and hers is downright creepy
today!
i woke up later than jack at 8am
i had to get up tho so i left him in bed for another hour
he said he felt bad but i reassured him my friends are all used to me getting up before them
they know im in pain i have to move and take medication
so i left him, went upstairs and danced, did some doodling and listened to my ipod
then i went to wake him XD
we got ready and ate waffles for breakfast *0*
i drove us to country park 30mins away
went for a walk in the woods which he enjoyed
we ate ice cream it was soooo damn good that was lunch i guess XD
then we left and i went somewhere to an old tea room and we had tea i had lady earl grey, jack tried something random but my god it was good!!! It was Lapsang Souchong tea. It was like smokey and he wrote it down to buy some at some point
we left there and went to his
when we got there i literally fell asleep on the sofa
dont know if it was fresh air, walking, hay fever, driving but i just went
i was so annoyed at myself but jack said i obviously needed it
i was like "why didnt you wake me!?"
he said "you looked so cute" -__________-
i left his and came home at 6pm
ive since had some food and hate myself for eating
sick of hating myself for eating as of late
just dont enjoy eating or want to eat but i do cus i have to
i came on my laptop and i ordered some lapsang tea and a hair clip
and now gonna sit with Oz and hope i sleep today even tho i fell asleep earlier
tomorrow im dancing in the morning
and then I have work
im going in half hour early and leaving half hour early because I have hypnotherapy at 4:30pm and it doesnt leave me a lot of time to get there if i finish work at 4pm so jack said it was fine to finish at 3:30pm then im not having hypnotherapy in my uniform
think shes gonna work on my pain
Evening~
Last night I was sooo ready for bed
but it did take me a while to actually get off to sleep
and those wondering doubts slip into your head "was it a one off? will i sleep?"
but I did eventually and woke up at 4am really needing a wee XD
then I fell straight back off to sleep
usually i cant sleep if i get up
so i am surprised
and very grateful
hopefully it continues
This morning I got up to take mum to the doctors as she was having a steroid injection in her foot at 9am and once she'd had it done it meant she cant be on her feet for the remainder of the day in order to give the steroid the best possible chance of working
so i drove her and told her when she got in
"you're only allowed up for the toilet!"
she had made herself lunch yesterday ready so i wouldnt have to do that for her -___-
makes me feel like im not capable but she said it was just not to trouble me
this morning i didnt dance as mum was in the living room with her feet literally up XD
so i showered and got to work sewing
i got 4 more blocks done making it 15/24!!! im getting there
so today i did hot pink, baby blue, and 2 turquoise
all i have left is blue, green, grey and black
boring colours til last XD
Theo's fabric came in the post at 2pm
so i thought once i had finished my 4 that I would start the cushions
i was so careful cutting it all out
i literally only just had enough fabric would you believe
in the end i got done the pokemon and the marvel one
so i just have the two applique dragons to do
which wont take me long to do at all
i'll have them done for sunday when i see jack
dont think im seeing him saturday think hes watching lord of the rings with his friends
like all the films in a day. i cant sit through one never mind all of em
so i opted out XD
i cooked mum dinner
she requested scrambled egg on toast
and whilst i was at it i made it for dad too
simple dinner mum was grateful for ^^
ive cleaned up today, made loads of cups of tea, fetched things, sorted the girls out
sat with mum as well
i ordered some stuff online as well
went for a walk tonight
and did 20mins of yoga
but couldnt do all my routine as it involves being on knee caps
and at 8am this morning i thought it was a good idea to walk into the back door frame
with my knee cap hitting the corner of the frame
i shuddered in pain my god that was some strong pain
forget having ear pierced and stuff
that hurt
and i think ive bruised the bone
cus i cant put any pressure on it without it screaming at me
*sigh* another stupid this i do that causes yet more pain
tomorrow i have work
gonna shower before i go as i need waking up
last two mornings im half asleep after actually sleeping XD
im taking porridge for my lunch which i havent done before
i think im making something with rebecca as well tomorrow
should be an alright day
hope i sleep!
Hiya~~~
Ahhhh such brilliant news~
after being hypnotised yesterday
i did in fact sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the first time I have slept in my own bed, sleep tablet free, through the night SINCE NOVEMBER!
what a bloody achievement
I am so pleased
I was really hoping for it to happen and it did
felt kinda surreal to wake up and it be...morning
wow when was the last time that happened? and I didnt feel hungover from sleeping tablets
proves theres something in this hypnosis stuff huh
kinda excited to know what will come of it when she works on my pain and other stuff
hopefully tonight will be a repeat!
i didnt wake up with bags under my eyes which was amazing in its self really
so this morning i had a shower and went out with mum
she wanted to spend the day with me basically as shes making the most of me
before i start working full time
we went round a few clothes shops
i got bra, pants, 2 tops and a pair of jeans
yes JEANS
i dont wear jeans but i found a pair reduced from £42 to £4....woah
and theyre charcoal and really baggy and loose like you cant see my legs in em XD
they will look good with a top and converse and for £4 you cant go wrong
i'll give em a go
hopefully i might tolerate them
then we went for lunch we shared a sausage panini and a piece of toffee cake
we came home and put the girls out then went food shopping
i came back and started sewing
got my two purples done i had laid out last night
so that makes my total to 11!
think pinks will be next
i went over to tara's
it was good to see her
her garden looks so good now her and james has finished it
i talked about all sorts with them
we're planning on meeting up and bringing jack along too
i got to my car and realised i had a flat tire....
never in my 10 years of driving have i had a flat tire before D:
i thought my car felt a bit weird driving there
i knocked on their door and said i had a flat
i dont think id finished the sentence before james was out the door
he loves tinkering with cars and worked in a garage for years
so he took my spare and kindly changed it for me *0*
such a gentlemen
im very grateful
im also grateful that of all places to have a flat it was outside james's house XD
i got home and told my dad he was ok with it
i was anxious about telling him
i got in pajamas and made a salad
then did my diary
so not been home much today really
gonna lay out my pink fabric for tomorrow tonight
and do that in the morning
2/3 fabrics have come of cushion fabrics so i can start of them soon
tomorrow morning im taking mum to the doctors at 9am for an injection in her foot
in makes he unable to be on her feet aaaaaaaallllllllll day so i will be home being her legs for her
ive told her shes only allowed up to use the toilet
i will do everything for her
so im sewing and looking after her
also means no yoga but that suits me as it gives me time to work on my sleep
as i never sleep well on a yoga night
wish me luck for tonight
please be a repeat performance!
