Changed my ear ring

Konbanwa~~~

Another week completed!!
Im not sure how I got through today but I have
and it ends another school week
just have 8 more school days to go before summer holidays!

school went quick
but i got to school and realised my lunch - porridge - had leaked all in my bag...
this is the second time that container has leaked on me
so it went straight in the bin
it meant i had no lunch tho apart from some grapes :/
the milk went all over my lanyard and phone...
so i cleaned up my phone best i could but it restarted in my hand...
then when it rebooted it had a headphone icon on it like there was headphones in
but there wasnt...
so im guessing it was milk inside it so i left to drain but nothing came out
and eventually the icon did go
i washed my lanyard in the sink at work as it stunk of milk

I had heart dissections to sort which went alright
I had time to do display work and I have stuff to
put up now so next time Im free I can actually put it up!
i will be sure to take a before after shot i think
I left dead on time
i wanted to get home
i was sweaty in our 27c prep room
and i had also got pig's blood up my arms
i mean i washed it off but i did feel somewhat unclean you know
but it was good to finish and get everything done 
i released the maggots into the wild as well
so i dont have to think about them
need to get more on monday tho :/

i got home
showered
then put my milky school bag in the wash
hand washed my lanyard 
cleaned my phone properly
stupid milk stupid container
i sat up the garden with Oz mum and some food
then i took A LOT of pain killers, more so than yesterday
i wanted to be numb
then i went to sleep for an hour
woke up feeling well off my head XD

had dinner then i mentioned i wanted to change the piercing i had done on 4th may
my brother offered to help as it looked tricky and fiddly 
im so glad for his help as it took 2 pairs of pliers would you believe!
it had seized up and he couldnt grip it
eventually it was out and he changed it for the rose gold wing i brought ages ago
he was so careful with me not wanting to hurt me 
but i told he was fine and not to worry
takes a lot to hurt me
plus the fact i was on so much nerve numbing pills i probably couldnt feel anything
even if i wanted to!
so now i have a pretty wing on my ear :3
i just hope my hair doesnt get too tangled in it!

tomorrow
im dancing in the morning
then im gonna go pets at home to get Oz food and some treats
then not sure what i will do
maybe sleep?
i will see jack later afternoon then we have a lads night out to attend
i do have a strong feeling i will be the only female going out XD
but ive missed the last 3 nights out so id like to be able to attend

and thats it really

Crying and struggling to keep up

Evening~~

I slept pretty well
got up for school
same old really

school was busy
and hot
working in a 27c humid glass house isnt pleasant to say the least
i struggled today
mentally and physically
i didnt want my lunch but after being nagged by jack and julia i did eat
just felt sick with anxiety
i ached god i ached so much
i was finding it hard to think, i was tired, in pain and hot
i just wanted to go home
to be honest i think if the day had gone on any longer i would have cried 
Jack asked me "is everything ok, you're not your usually bubbly self"
i said "i am ok im just tired and in pain"
he said "you know im here for you and if theres anything i can do just say ok?"
its nice hes there but god knows why he cares so much sometimes
i feel like im not deserving of the job sometimes, like he should have employed someone more sciency and healthy
i didnt have to deal with the maggots personally today so that was one good thing
and someone brought cake in so that was a good pick me up
i left at 4pm before  i keeled over

driving home i cried a bit to myself
i ached and was so tired
i knew it was a yoga night
and i knew mum wanted to go and heck i wanted to go
i want to do things for myself instead of work and sleep
but i got home i changed into pajamas and cried
mum listened and was sad to see me like that
but i just hit a wall and had had enough 
as much as i enjoy work it does feel like im punishing my body by going there
im so done in


i feel asleep and my brother woke me as my mum had gone yoga by herself
so i did some food and took A LOT of pain relief
i just wanted to be numb and to stop feeling 
and it worked some what but i feel quite sick

i needed to continue with jack's mug
so i did a bit more on that
and ive come up with a potential design

im gonna show mum and look at it again tomorrow

tomorrow
is school
god only knows how i will get through the day
im coming home  after school im not staying at jack's
i know hes missed gaming and not having the internet so im letting him
get it out his system
besides i probably need the rest
im hoping he rests as he didnt go to bed til 1am cus he was playing games
honestly
like a sodding teenager 
we have a night out with the guys on saturday and ive missed the last 3 due to bad health so im hoping i can join him for that 
just got to get tomorrow out the way

Maggots

Evening~~~

Yesterday I was early for work
so I waited at the tram stop for Jack
we walked into the school grounds together and i moved a thorn bush out
my way with my bare hand
he pulled such a face
I said "whats up?"
he said "it had thorns on it!"
i said "yeah and?"
he said "what if it had hurt your hand?"
i said "its only a thorn bush and look im fine, you worry too much"
he said "what if you had cut your hand, saw blood and passed out outside the school gates"
i said "does your mind actually leap to that kinda thing?"
he seems to ask me a lot "do you not think or just not care what happens to you?"
bit of both I guess XD
nice having him look out for me tho

my day went well
it was probably the first day in a while i didnt actually feel faint!
i got through the day alright
the head of biology asked if i wanted company with going to fetch maggots
i said "no no im fine honest"
she was like "i dont mind"
jack said "yeah you two go together it will be good"
damn you jack for volunteering me like that >.>
ive never had a teacher in my car before XD

after school
i went food shopping with jack as we needed food for dinner
and also stuff for work like 40 oranges
and 40 oranges weighs a lot so i suggested to jack get them whilst i was driving instead of him carrying them on tram
then we went to his and i just relaxed in his pajamas
helped make dinner
then lazed
then he and theo wanted to watch some trashy program called "love island"
i went to bed
he crawled up to me an hour later
i woke up in the night, had the rape dream
not had it for a few weeks
it had a different spin on it this time,, really psychotically weird
i woke up panting and sweaty
jack asked if i was alright, i told him id had the rape dream
and he held me
it was a little strange having rape dream and waking up next to someone and hearing all the noises in his apartment i was struggling not scream to make it all go away
but i just listened to his heart beat and after a long while fell asleep

i woke up at 6am and had a shower
leaving jack half dead in bed as per usual
but getting ready together is nice i guess for school for a change
as we both dont have company in the morning as we're just up too early compared to those we live with

got to school and he was busy prepping stuff as he was leaving at 12:15pm to have the internet installed at his flat after waiting 3 months without it
yeah he and theo were well missing internet 
mid morning i had to go out and get maggots...
i went with the teacher and it was fine
the shop stunk
my god i had no idea fishermen shops stunk that bad
and the guy got half a pint of maggots for us
just seeing them wriggle made my stomach flip
but after i looked at them for a few seconds i kinda got used to it i guess
we got back to school just in time for me to say bye to jack
leaving me in charge of the ship
whilst no one was looking i took a photo of the maggots

my job is pretty gross at times
i was sure to send this to my brother
he responded with "eat one"
i had a heart dissection to contend with but only 4 hearts were used
i went to see the art department for paper to paint on
i spoke to the art teacher for a while
she said i was welcome to come during year 7 art club at lunch tomorrow
so im gonna quietly slope off to that without anyone noticing hopefully!
i did some display work
i hope to do a before and after 
cus my god the display work is seriously crap
chemistry want a lot of display work doing
my god so much work!
but its creative so im not complaining

i was ready to leave
cus it was sooooo hot and humid
i had sweated buckets
i got home and showered, again
i havent heard much from jack since hes been reunited with internet XD
i said "try not to watch too much porn"
he said "ill try not leave myself too drained" 
so sick XD we have a sick sense of humour
and im not sure why i laugh at what he says as most girls would be repulsed 
he finds it great i have such a weird and gross sense of humour
certainly not like other girls

i fell asleep for an hour
had dinner
and then saw my pets
mum wants to take millie vets as her skin is a bit dry and shes got two patches of fur missing which is odd and we hope molly hasnt pulled it out

ive had to order another hair dye tonight
as despite doing mine permanent, you cant even see it!!!
so ive tried another brand

school tomorrow
and hopefully yoga
suppose to rain tomorrow
im hoping that means it will be cooler and not just unbearably humid 

Another stupid blood test

Evening~~

Didn't do my diary yesterday as I didnt go on my laptop!

So yesterday Jack wanted me to see him
even if all we did was laze around he said
so after lunch i went over to his and we just laze around
he asked me if i was worried about the blood test results
i said "no i think i have gone past the stage of caring"
he said "how can you not care? does it not concern you?"
i said "no not really, ive accepted ill never be truly well so whats more health issues"
he worries more than i do
he made me dinner
i didnt want to leave
i felt crap
what i had to go back home to was taking medication i didnt want to take
and a blood test in the morning
im fed up of being sick and unwell
i told him i didnt wanna go home as i have the blood test in the morning
he offered for me to stay over but i knew it wouldnt make a difference

this morning i woke up
knowing what was gonna happen that morning
i felt sick
it felt weird not to getting up at 6am for work tho

blood test
i did so well
i remained conscious but getting up off the sofa thing i kinda went a bit then
but over all it didnt take as long as it has done in the past
so i came home had a sweet tea and biscuits and recovered
then went to work
didnt want to all i wanted to do was sleep

got to work and the first person i saw said "you look knackered"
good start
everyone asked me if i was feeling alright 
guess i looked bad
i mean jack did say i looked like death
i felt like it too
a few times i felt like going home
i felt like i couldnt handle the day
i couldnt think straight
i wanted to cry
id had enough basically
but Jo stuck it out
jack kept me going as he knew how annoyed id be at myself if i gave in and went home
he also brought me white choc chip cookies to keep me going 

i came home
undressed into pajamas
bed
woke up for dinner and ate that
then got stuff ready for school
and thats my life
work and sleep

tomorrow its school and same old really

In bed all day on a saturday

Evening

what crappy day
literally
life is unfair
i have no life lately
work + sleep = jo's current life

I tried to dance this morning
i managed 20 mins but i was so done in
my heart felt like it was working over time and i was incredibly hot
i had a shower and was still red in the face
felt ill
once i was dressed i went to bed
and thats where i stayed til 5pm
kid you not
didnt sleep for all that time
but i was just there
and i was suppose to meet alan rebecca liv and jack for food at 6pm
i hadnt heard from jack til 4:30pm when he asked if i was seeing him before food
i said i had been poorly in bed all day and wasnt coming out
jo missed out once again
so ive been quite low
ive slept so much today as i couldnt bare to be awake today
just couldnt cope with it all
wanted to be numb away from it all

i made myself some food at 6:30pm
ate it and did a bit of drawing afterwards simply so i would feel like
i have achieved something with my day

tonight is Killing Eve 
looking forward to it

tomorrow Jack wants me to see him
but im unsure
if im feeling rough im not ruining his day
i hope i feel better cus im fed up frankly

Work without Jack + dyed my hair pink

Evening

ahhhh im so tired -_____-

i managed school
luckily a load of cakes and chocolates were brought in
so Jo got through the day using sugar 

but my day was busy
and i kept expecting to hear jack's voice or expect him to come in
it was weird not having him there
first period i went into lesson to help out with making shells
i cleared up and talked to head of biology about display work
she's given me a shed a load of work which i really want to do
she also told me theyre gonna train me on A-level (aged 16-18) practicals!
i didnt stop and then i had 2 heart dissections to prepare 
i went into one heart dissection to help out and that went well
then i had both of them to clear up
other practicals going off
and yeah i just didnt stop
but i didnt feel too bad but i think its cus i was living off adrenaline and sugar
me and julia survived
and the teachers thanked me for the help i provided
everyone said how well i managed with out jack XD
they were like "we dont need him" XD
it was a mad rush at the end of the day i could have used his help but apart from that i managed

i got home
and all i wanted to do was shower
cus my god it was hot and i sweated buckets all day as i was constantly on the go
so a shower was needed
but i realised i had got my pink hair dye in the post!!!
its permanent O:
i have never ever used permanent hair dye as i cant be doing with roots and stuff
but i decided to dye the underneath part of my hair 'pink hazelnut' 
so mum kindly did that for me
then i had a shower 
my hair looks nice its subtle which is what i was wanting 
wonder what everyone will think

since then ive been talking to mum and brother and resting
i am shattered
but have remained awake!
i hope to sleep tonight
gonna paint my nails tonight

tomorrow
in the morning i am dancing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont care how the hell i am feeling I AM DANCING
i have missed it terribly 
during summer holidays i plan to catch up with my recording and uploading
so i need to get back into practising!
then i will take it easy as i am seeing jack then i do believe at 7pm we are meeting up rebecca and alan and possibly liv and alicia and going for a meal out somewhere
so that should be nice
then i will sleep at jack's probably

Sourcing Maggots

Evening

I woke up 1 minute before my alarm
beat it~
Got ready for school
as i was leaving the house mum said "i dont want you doing any sports day stuff, theres always next year. be sensible, i know you dont like being sensible" >.>

got to school and saw jack in the car park i said "got literally banned from doing sports day"
he said "yeah, good cus youre not doing it" >.>
school was fine
but by 9:30am i was feeling dizzy and sick so i was on the floor with my feet against the wall 
sick of it
so frustrating
jack made me sweet tea
i was able to continue
spent and hour of the morning trying to source maggots...
yup as it falls on jo's shoulders - the biology technician - to source maggots for lesson
jack said "buy some a store them in your fridge over night and bring them into school"
i said "jack i live at home, do you think my parents want maggots in their fridge?"
wasnt happening
so luckily i found somewhere near the school that sells them
so next week i need to leave during school to go buy some and store them in the fridge at work. thank god it worked out for the best
i dont wanna buy them or have anything to do with them
they stink and are gross

i managed to get through the day
it was hard to say the least
i felt rotten after my lunch too
had a text from mum during lunch 'you best not be doing any sports day stuff'
jesus
we had Liv upset so we comforted her
im so gonna miss her she only had 3 weeks left with us :(
i annoyed jack as much as i could seeing as he isnt in tomorrow
i will be in charge of the ship
so i was winding him up about stuff that i will get up to tomorrow XD
i can tell hes not 100% happy about leaving work
but he chose to go to a nerdy technician meet in York
he says hes actually gonna check up on me through Julia >.> the git
doesnt trust me
he says "julia is in charge"
hows he figure that when shes upstairs in chemistry 
im downstairs manning physics and biology and everything else
therefor im in charge
should be a fun day XD

i got home
slept
mum woke me for yoga
but i knew i couldnt do it
so she went alone
i went back to sleep
woke up for food, my diary and now im gonna sit with oz and sleep

just got tomorrow to do