Evening
Look who woke up on the sofa this morning XD
yup I went down stairs at 5am as I had to eat something otherwise
i felt like id be sick
and i fell asleep it would seem listening to a Predia Concert
guess I was too tired to crawl back to bed
I didnt get off to sleep til gone 2am tho
luckily no embarrassing text messages came my way
I got up for a hair cut
i just had a tidy up really as i want it longer but you have to have it cut for strength and health
then i came home and went to bed!
my day has pretty much consisted of sleep and painting
that it
its been horrid outside, full on winds and raining
so i cant say ive wanted to go out really
and i had a week's worth of sleep to catch up on too
i heard from jack
he was ok
said he got to his room at 2am but was throwing up into the sink so didnt sleep til 4am
he says hes ok and got home safe
no one pulled any woman as there werent too many woman there he said
but i did have a text on my phone at 11pm when i went to bed
"having a cigar looking down at the working class"
i laughed and was glad i wasnt there to see that scene -____- wearing a suit goes to his head i think
ive gotten pretty far with the ponyta painting
just got eyes to do and any other further detailing i want to do
i have a gold pen i brought for this painting but im unsure whether to use it on
the background or the flames
not bad considering i suck at horses
i hope it looks good enough to give to tara for her birthday
probably get it finished tomorrow or in the night XD
so its been a quiet day for me
my mind is anything but quiet tho as i have done no exercise or any movements really
so of course that makes me mega massive
i do ache from not doing anything but at 8:30pm im unsure what i can do really
my ear piercing is itchy i think cus its healing
its looking good tho and the pain is less
ive had it a week now
its also a week today i was rushed to hospital ><
this week has gone quick!
not sure what im doing tomorrow
guess it depends on how i am feeling
i could see jack but i will see
although if i dont see him tomorrow i dont think i can see him til friday
not sure if he will cope with that XD
Konbanwa~~
I couldnt sleep again really
so im tired
i felt a lil crippled after yoga
did some dancing this morning which helped loosen me up
then i had a shower
and~~~~ got to work!
I had an attempt at becoming a Gyaru!
It took me I think I was probably at it an hour in total so thats hair + make up
i enjoyed it tho and i didnt bother watching any more tutorials i just went off memory
from what id learned
and here is what we came up with~~
Jo has a tan!!
my god it felt awful having a face FULL of make up
and just wearing foundation was yucky too
mum couldnt believe it and said i wasnt going out the house like that XD
I took a few photos anyway but these two are the best really
i sent it to my brother and he said id done a good job
i sent it to Ed and he said "wow...weird"
i sent it to Jack and said "I look like my cousin!"
he said "i wouldnt want to meet your cousin, Theo says you look like a different person"
then he said "Theo wants to know what your cousin looks like"....
so I told them who to look for on my facebook
weird them checking out my cousin XD
but jack says im more attractive than my cousin but then hes bound to say that
but it was nice to share the photo with him
i took the make up off
and my god i know im pale but revealing it like that was strange
my skin is like white XD
my brother says i make paper look tanned XD
it felt better to get it all off my face tho i have to say
but what make up should i attempt next i wonder!
it was only a bit of fun :3
i went out to a home shop with mum
then i came in and went to bed for half hour
heard from jack he had made it down to sandhurst with the guys for james's graduation
so yeah theyre at a black tie due and have cheap drinks available
he has prewarned me of embarrassing txt messages coming my way in the early hours of the morning.... hes coming home tomorrow some time in the evening
so im not gonna see him cus i aint nursing that hangover
but im glad hes able to have a good time with the guys as i ruined his birthday last weekend going to hospital and stuff
my arm is still bruised where i had the line put in my vein >.>
i had dinner then looked at things i can have in my new piercing when its healed
i brought a couple of rings to try as theyre only £2 but i cant change it yet
then i sat down and did some painting of the ponyta
i got the body shading done, background done, inner ear done
next will be the outline i think and then the fire mane i think i will do the eye last
i have a gold pen to do gold swirls in the background as i think it will blend with the fire mane well but we shall see. i can see it in my head but creating it is another thing
tomorrow i have a hair cut at 9:30am
pink has stayed some what in my hair
and then i plan to paint for most of the day really
Ahhhh tired
Couldn't sleep
didnt get to sleep til gone 5am -____-
could not sleep
i was aching, thoughts were very busy, wasnt coping with being in the quiet of the night - alone, I can only sleep on one side due to having fresh ear piercings, and feeling sick from medication
I got up at midnight for a hot chocolate and then went to bed at 1am after listening to music -- loud >< i was listening to Predia im quite into their songs currently but their dances are too easy and simple to learn so at the moment im content with just listening to them but i like watching their live performances too as theyre actually idols my age!
i tried to go back to bed but yeah didnt go well then i just felt sick and i got up for 2 bowls of cereal at 4am then tried to go to sleep at 5am
i got up at 8am
and cus i looked like death i didnt bother attempting the Gyaru make up
I went into the city centre with mum
i was so tired and drained tho i have to say
but i knew she had been looking forward to going shopping with me so i went
she told me i didnt have to but i didnt want to let her down
we walked round shops
I got a really cool jacket that was reduced from £60 to £17!!! such good quality
and some shorts for £6 which were originally £22
also got some cute underwear as it was all reduced
mum got a few pieces as well so it was worth the trip
we had lunch too i had something i had never tried before -- chocolate chip scone with nutella spread on it, it was really really good :3
we came home and i went to bed
i was done
then from there i cant really remember what i did really probably zone out XD
i went to yoga which wasnt too hard luckily
then i came home and finally met my brother's new girlfriend she seems nice
i told him last night about my drinking thing and ending up in hospital
and he said "i would have laughed at you, been worried yeah but i bet you looked like right lunatic like that. I wouldnt even drink on paracetamol. well done Jo as i have never ruined anyone's night before"
wow very harsh and brutal i have to say 0.0
i put some songs on my ipod tonight
as i would like to do my painting at some point
its behind my bed looking at me and i need to get going with the ponyta
but ive been unsure how to go about doing it, as i was in the last 2 minutes of yoga i had the painting suddenly mapped out before me how i was gonna do it! sometimes art happens like that in my head >< but im glad i know what im doing now
i just need to get on with it, so i have music at the ready
might do it tomorrow or at the weekend
id like to attempt the Gyaru make up as well soon
i achieved pink in my hair yesterday
im pleased with it as its a nice colour
usually after wash 1 it has practically washed out
but ive just showered after yoga and even tho my hair is still wet i can see pink
so fingers crossed its actually worked this time!
so yeah thats it really
might go shops with mum tomorrow or do art or do make up
didnt text jack yesterday or hear from him and the same goes today
should i be the first to text? it feels weird not hearing from him
im struggling mentally tho
i was told that upping my pain meds could mess with my antidepressant
and i think it is
as im not right
stuff feels not right and messy at times
i cant look at myself - more so
i think i weigh far more
im struggling with people looking at me
i want to cry a lot
i dont like quietness as thoughts feel louder
i have had self harm thoughts too
i want to starve myself
i cant face the nights alone
yeah im not right
but hoping it passes
Evening
I couldn't be bothered to do my diary yesterday
just too tired
i had been out with jack for the day
and just felt like utter death for the rest of the day
and didnt get back til late as i wasnt fit to drive really
today tho
i went food shopping with mum then came home and then we popped out
to more shops where i picked up i think my 4th or 5th pink hair dye?
which i currently have in my hair im hoping it works this time!
i do not want to have to bleach my hair for pink to take to my hair ><
i took it easy today i was just tired and i think hay fever is high today too
we went for a walk in the woods also
ive almost got all my manga in the post
my god i own so much manga now ><
im gonna count i think how much i actually have
one day when i eventually move out im gonna have a book case just for manga :3
I saw make up tutorials yesterday for Gyaru make up
and i fancy a go
i mean i will look weird as hell but i fancy having ago
so i brought £2 foundation today as i need dark skin and its gonna feel awful not only wearing foundation but cheap foundation at that
i dont wear foundation as its awful stuff but i need it for this look
i promised jack i would take photos and send it to him
id like to have a go maybe tomorrow doing that
ive done a bit more on the ponyta painting as she was a bit suntanned XD
so shes pale now but i really need to get to work on it
i have time now as ive not really got any plans for a while
i didnt really get told off after i told my parents about my ambulance night
mum was just concerned and felt sorry that id had to go through that
my dad, and i quote, called me a "piss head"
he wasnt that bothered
but all my life hes told me to drink and get drunk and i feel like saying
"i did and thats what happened when i follow your advise!!!"
hes always wanted me to do stupid things
i think cus he did that in his youth
he even said when i was 16 i was allowed a tattoo!
tomorrow i am going into the city centre with mum
we havent been together for some time actually
i dont need anything but she wants to go for a look around really
then im gonna come home and maybe do the gyaru make up
then i have yoga in the evening
must do my nails tonight too
Evening~~~~~
I've had an interesting weekend
I spent saturday out with jack and harvey
we were getting bits for their black tie outfits for friday
so we were shopping basically
i also got my ears pierced! I got 3 more piercings! all in the same ear
i got two in my lobe and i didnt even flinch i impressed myself
it didnt hurt really, but the rook piercing i got involved a needle like my helix piercing and it did hurt and hurt even more when i was having the bar put through my god that was painful
then we went back to jack's and i left him and harvey to go play pokemon go as there was an event on and i wanted to get ready for the evening ahead and see Oz
so i came home and dropped off the dressing gown I had brought -- it's a man's one ^^ so its massive but its lined with fluffy stuff and was suppose to be £55 i got it for £16.50!! its such high quality, bring on winter so i can sleep in that!
I also got 3 volumes of manga one I havent read before - Yokai Rental Shop
looking forward to reading that
i got ready to go out for jack's birthday
we were gonna go out drinking with about 10 friends
so i headed back to his and ate with him and then people started to come over for pre-drinks at 8pm
a nation of people that before they go out for drinks, have drinks!
insane really XD
i said i wasnt drinking
but one of jack's friends who ive met several times and i like, made me a drink
vodka + coke
so i took it to be polite and join in with everyone who was downing drinks left right and centre
i wasnt fussed on having it but yeah just joined in i guess
then jack tried his gin he's been flavouring with raspberries for the last month
it was alright
i was messing around with people and was the only female there
i did feel a little strange and people were asking if i was alright
i talked to the guy who made me the drink and told him i was on a lot of medication and that i wasnt drinking, he was saying he'd look after me
and he made me another drink but at this point jack asked me not to drink it and drink water, he took me outside and then 2 friends came to see me outside and thats when i cant really remember what else happened
its when the evening took a very different turn
i passed out - from here this is what jack has told me as i cant remember
i was on the floor with jack and he said i looked like i was panicking and i just passed out
then from there i would wake up frightened to death, screaming, crying and passing out, shaking lots and not letting anyone near me, hiding under furniture
Theo rang for an ambulance, jack took the phone and had to tell the operator my details and how often i was breathing and if i was conscious or not as i kept repeating the cycle of waking up, crawling away and passing out again.
the guys apart from jack and harvey went downstairs to theo's bedroom as i think their presence and noise was freaking me out
the ambulance said it could be an hour
it was about 30mins since making the call the ambulance turned up
i was awake when it pulled up which was 10:30pm
harvey went to go let them in
and he said that he was gonna get rid of the guys too
i was sobbing, i was scared as i didnt want anyone touching me or taking me away
a young female medic turned up with an elder guy medic
i told them not to touch me but eventually let the female touch me, i passed out
god my head hurt from all the fainting and hitting my head
i couldnt speak properly
i was trying to answer them but it took a long time to get words out
they asked what i had drank, what meds i was on, if this had happened before, if i felt safe
i didnt want to go with them
but agreed to go but worried about not being able to walk as i felt so tired and shaky, scared about my parents finding out, worrying about how to get home as the hospital is on the other side of town to my house.
i walked aided down to the ambulance and was strapped to a bed
it was so frightened and the medic said she'd make sure that jack stayed with me at all times, we said bye to harvey and he said he would go and find the guys in town
i just about coped with the ambulance journey but freaked out upon arriving at hospital
jack was trying to calm me down and the nurses were told he was to stay with me at all times
i was seen by a nurse who took my blood pressure and pulse and then they wheeled me into a section with a curtain with jack
we waited to be seen by a doctor who came and asked me what meds i take, what id drank, what happened and stuff.
blood was taken from me for tests and i was put on a drip as well
blood pressure and pulse were taken a few times and my temperature, my blood pressure was low and my temperature was high
they said i could have had a seizure and that i would see the neurology department in the future for tests.
it was officially jack's 26th birthday at this point ><
poor guy
he was saying he was not expecting to spend his birthday in hospital
i felt so so bad
i had returned more to myself and could remember what was happening now as i had sleep and fluids and rest.
i promised on the hospital bed that id listen to jack, that i understand he isnt being fun police he is simply looking out for me as i dont always think
he was happy with that
i also pledged on the hospital that i would never drink again
even tho i had only had one drink it clearly doesnt go down well with my new meds or me and frankly im not fussed on alcohol so its no loss and is not worth the stress
id rather have a sweet drink
eventually it was deemed safe for me to go to home
this was at 5:45am
the trams didnt start running again til 6:30am
so we went to the hospital cafe and had a cookie and tea as i bloody needed it
then we had a slow walk to the tram stop
seeing the sun rise together in the hospital car park on his birthday XD
he paid for my tram fare as i had no money or phone on me -___-
we got back to his flat at 7am
i realised that theo hadnt come home so he had obviously gone home with a woman
we went straight to bed and didnt get up for a few hours
i heard theo come home he sat on our bed eating a sandwich telling us he'd pulled at 35 year old woman and went home with her and i refuse to repeat all he got up to with her >.>
jack was like "you best have showered before you sit on my bed"
we had a slow morning
and i drove us to jack's parents house at 2:30pm
he opened cards and presents and we had some food and cake
then because i looked like death and was driving we came away
his mum was asking about his evening and was surprised about how he wasnt hung over
but jack bless him didnt tell her what had truly gone off
i got back to his and fell asleep
i was dead
i woke up on my freshly pierced ear and it felt like i had had it repierced >< the pain!
i left jack's and went home it was 8pm and didnt want to tell my parents as i was tired and it was late so i got into pajamas and sat with oz and went to bed
this morning i did some yoga
and did some dancing with the fan and just a bit of dance practice
had a shower then told mum what had happened over the weekend
she was sorry i had gone through that and was glad i had jack there to look after me
she later told dad but cant say he was that bothered
i told mum i am no longer having a drink
i had originally said i wasnt drinking anyway as my pain killer and antidepressant im not suppose to drink on anyway but yeah im really not drinking now
last time i had a gin cocktail and it made my head messy
but this was something else
this was psychotic to say the least
the rest of the day i rested
i started painting and slept
sat with Oz plenty
i still feel off at times and dizzy but i think its just new meds and tiredness
tomorrow not sure what im doing yet
dont know whether i should give jack some more time to himself before he puts up with me again
he never got mad or annoyed. he even said "its not like i can call you an idiot for drinking on medication because i've done it and a lot of people do it, you didnt know this would happen"
he was just worried and a bit stressed out thinking i would die on his birthday
my head still feels a bit bruised but i will be ok
im glad to have him but i have no idea why he is still with me
i mean after the weekend i wouldnt be surprised if he ditched me and i told him this but he is honestly fine with me
strange boy
doubt i will sleep tonight as my next door neighbour is having her 18th birthday party in her garden with 25+ teenagers
great
Konbanwa~~
Didnt sleep too bad i guess
today i got 2 out of the 17 volumes im expected to get in the post
they were both Noragami
I did a bit of yoga to warm up and then cracked into dancing
i danced for a whole hour!
even my arms were sweaty
i didnt know arms sweated
i was working with the fan to do a dance from passpo
i was getting annoyed with certain bits
i just need practice basically
then i hit the shower
felt good to work out
i went out to run a few errands for mum
whilst i was out i went into charity shops
i got some shorts and some trousers for jack to try they were only £2 so doesnt matter if they dont fit him right
i walked through a park as well
then came home and had a late lunch
did some sewing
mum wanted two pairs of trousers turning into shorts
i also altered my lab coat!!!
its got lace and bows on it now :3
more me and can tell its MINE
no confusing it with anyone elses XD
well what's the boss gonna say huh
i went to yoga
returned after all these weeks off
i walked in "hi karen your star pupil has returned" she laughed
i did really well too despite everything ive done today
tomorrow i see jack
got stupid work and its gonna be soooooo boring
i dont wanna go but know i have to
10 til 3 again -_____-
then im coming home and having a shower and seeing Oz
then going over to jack's for pizza and an anime film with him and i said i
wanted to include theo
its jack's birthday weekend so its gonna be busy
i made him a card the other day~
Evening
couldnt sleep
was in too much pain and felt too sick
my brother was coming home from the cinema late with his girlfriend
he'd been to see The Lion King with her
so i waited for him to come home
then i sat downstairs with him and had a hot chocolate
then went to bed at 1am
didnt wake til 9am
no way did i want to get up
i knew what was coming today
a massage
and i knew she'd find a knot or two
my appointment was at 10:45am
it was really nice but yeah bit painful but im fine with pain
it was the rest of the day that has been bad
my god ive been dead
i came home and had a shower and went straight to bed
i woke up and went TK MAXX with mum
i got some cheap jeans but theyre from Zara and i got them for £6!!!!!
theyre really weird too
i got some hair conditioner and a choker all reduced
mum got loads of bits and shes been and brought some strawberry gin for jack for his birthday
i came home and just collapsed straight onto my bed
just done it and want the day to be over with
i attempted to draw out the ponyta i want to paint
god ive always sucked at drawing horses!
but i'll try to do well when it comes to painting it
then i looked at cosplay for like an hour XD
id buy it all if i could
now im gonna go downstairs, die, then go to bed
tomorrow i plan on dancing and maybe learning a dance using a fan
i havent learned dances in such a long time i feel rusty!
then i might start the ponyta picture and hopefully go yoga for the first time in forever
here is 2 eye shadows i got
i love etude house eye shadow, such a strong pigment and so cheap!
