Made chicken patties

Evening

I watched dracula again with my parents last night
it was good, i felt more happened in episode 1 tho
tonight is the final episode!
mum said she can tell i enjoy it as i just sit still for the whole time
and nothing much makes Jo sit still XD

I couldnt sleep tho
my mind was running a mile a minute so that was annoying
plus I was starting to feel really sick but i think thats just having a cold really
colds make you feel sick and as i havent been eating as much my medication
as really felt strong 0.0 so yeah i felt quite sick
i got up at 1am but its not like i can get up for a hot chocolate or anything is it!?
so thats annoying
i ended up having some pineapple in the fridge
went to bed at 1:45am
so late night really

i got up at 8:15am
sat with my piglets bless them
then i did some digital drawing for a bit
dont feel im getting very far with it really

i didnt have breakfast as i couldnt face the cereal jack made me
theres nothing wrong with it but i just couldnt face it, with a cold
and eating the same thing for 2 weeks
so ive been looking at what else i can eat in the morning
i found a chicken pattie recipe so this morning i made those
didnt use the recipe i just winged it
thats how i like to cook, just use my own judgement and learn from that
they turned out alright, i had that and sweet potato as breakfast/lunch

jack txt to say he was gonna come round so i decided to get out
my pajamas and have a shower
he came over and i showed him my patties 
then we had a brew and talked about japan
as i think we are both gonna do it 
we would like to go during easter!
we're both up for it and i showed him my japanese guide book
and were both gonna borrow it from one another and mark pages of things
we would like to see/do

we went for a walk as the sun was actually out
actually out
its been so cloudy lately i forgot what the sun looked like XD
so that was nice but tiring as im still full of cold and have a sore throat
we came back and had a brew with Oz
he was all over jack like a rash >.>
mum made some 'cookies' from my recipe book
yet another food/meal made of 90% coconut -____- sick of seeing coconut
but the 'cookies' she made were actually alright
first sweet thing ive eaten in days!
then she made normal chocolate chip cookies and jack had one of those
but it didnt bother me as much as i thought it would have

i asked him if i could stay at his tonight
just didnt feel like being at home
but hes got his dungeon and dragons tonight at a friends house and theo has gone to his mums
so he said it would mean me being alone in his flat for a few hours
but i said i was fine with that
so i packed my stuff up and got my different meals/foods i needed and went over

we got to jacks and he got ready to go out and i just laid there
he left and i microwaved my dinner which mum had lovingly made me
sat and ate that then i tidied his flat up a bit just for 10 mins
now im just doing my diary, im gonna draw for a bit then im  gonna watch
the final part of dracula 
by the time thats ended at 10:30pm jack should be home
doesnt feel that weird being here without him actually

tomorrow not sure what im doing 
but i couldnt waste anymore time laying around
despite how sick i feel i need to keep going
i know i need to rest
but theres only a few days of holiday left!

watched dracula and first cold of the year

Evening

me mum and dad watched on tv last night
BBC's Dracula
it was so good! I have never seen dracula but that one was certainly good and weird
i predicted quite a bit of it, and laughed at gory scenes
so im not sure what that says about my psyche XD
it was on for an hour and half too, the next part is tonight~
I didnt sleep well that night because I was having to blow my nose a lot

woke up in the morning with a sore throat and a cold
great
just what i wanted 
so i felt rough this morning to say the least
but then i got going a bit, i couldnt face eating tho so didnt eat breakfast til 11:30am
i did 20mins of dancing very sloppy dancing
then did 30 mins of yoga
my arse doesnt ache today from my exercises which surprises me
then i had a shower whilst mum tried out a new soup recipe which was bloody amazing
tasted just like thai curry i loved it 
i went straight to bed afterwards

when i woke up i went garden centre with her
i wanted a cactus, we also had a drink. i had a 'safe' drink which was alright
mum enjoys fruit teas more than me and its me who has to drink em
we came back and i dont think i did much
i had my left over dinner as my family were enjoying pasta T^T
then i just laid on my bed - dead
i feel so damn rough

so im gonna sit with Oz then watch dracula then go bed
god knows whats happening tomorrow
depends on my health i guess
not many days left off tho so im gutted ive fallen prey to a cold and sore throat T^T

First day of 2020

Happy New Year

Yo~

So yesterday being 2019 I went over to jack's once I got ready
we sat talking with theo for a while then jack cooked me and him dinner
we had chicken and sweet potato which was good actually
and didnt cripple me
i helped him tidy a bit and make his bed
then his friends starting coming over, the usual 5 of them - all from the private school they attended but this time there was extra, one brought his boyfriend - matt, a guy i have yet to meet. he doesnt usually come out because he feels left out the group as the rest all know one another from school and hes just there on the outside. but strangely i have never felt like that with them. i feel a little different but thats because im the only female in the group

the started drinking
and i was good i didnt join in ^^
i was doing well with my diet damn it
we all started playing a really rubbish card game that both me and matt couldnt get our heads round so we chatted about school and digimon, hes a teacher and im an ex-TA so we had a lot of common ground and we both like pokemon and digimon so yeah i was getting a long great with him
we played a drawing game which didnt matter on drawing skill but i still won loads of rounds i actually enjoyed it, the guys were making jokes and drinking but it was nice
it wasnt loud and over the top and drunken acts it was just a nice social evening
they began playing music from the last decade and they could all quote what they were doing in the years, i touch of sadness came over me as i missed out on many of those years as they were snatched from me and i spent them sick

at 11:40pm we decided to walk into the city centre were there was gonna be a fireworks display, personally i wasnt bothered as i knew it wouldnt be up to much
but i put on some warm wear and decided to go out
it was very crowded and loud and im not sure how i even coped as its kinda out my comfort zone really! but somehow i was fine, i had the guys surrounding me
and we watched 10 mins of fireworks which was yeah alright
i just stood watching them thinking "even tho this isnt a terrific display, be happy you're alive.. youre here and alive. you wouldnt have managed this years ago. But what do i want to happen next? what do i want to happen in the next decade?" i pondered this as everyone was enjoying the show
we left, matt took one hand and guided me through the crowds and jack had my other hand so i felt safe ^^ i didnt have to ask, just the guys know i probably need that bit of reassurance 
we got back to the flat and talked til 2am
i was shattered and very much in need of medication
we were in bed for 3am
i had gone past the stage of being tired tho so took me a long time to sleep
jack was talking to me saying we need to discuss what we both want to happen this year

in the morning i woke up at 10am
but didnt leave the bed til 11am
i was trying to get as much sleep as i could as i was tired
got up and had meds and my cereal then i got to have a bath ^^
it was so hot it made my heart pound and i felt dizzy
and im suppose to want to try japanese hot springs! i wont stand a chance XD
me and jack went out for a bit round the few shops that were open
i brought a thank you card for mum as i feel i should thank her for the last 10 years of care she has given me. i brought a japan travel book reduced from £19 to £3! tells you places and what transport you need to get to it, good book to read actually
i got a terrarium finally! and the coolest table runner its a halloween one the print is lovely
and i brought some tea as im struggling without my tea!
i havent tried them yet

we got back to the flat and i had my lunch which was soup
jack brought soup and bread and had that with me
i told him he doesnt need to join in with me but he says hes putting weight on and needs to eat better so whatever i let him get on with it. i envied his bread a bit tho
we did tarot card readings
love starting my year with a reading - i asked "what has 2020 got instore for me?"
mine was basically:
i am good at taking the good with the bad
i struggle to allow myself to enjoy things
i will get through this year and feel pleased with my achievements
my relationship with jack will be very testing as times and cause a bit of trouble
jack's reading for the same question was basically:
get his finger out his arse and make things happen, he is laid back but needs to put effort in otherwise he will lose things
so i said to him "thats our year then, you need to put effort into this relationship or youre losing me"
i said to him "whenever youre playing games too much or not doing anything i will be sure to remind you of the tarot card reading"

i came home then
saw my Ozwald who had missed me but mum said he'd had 3 treats outta her today
eats me out of house and home!
then we sat as a family and had a roast dinner
the 2nd time i have to do it in a year
so thats done with till christmas day
it was nice and didnt give me too much pain

ive got my exercises to start tonight so im gonna do that next
then i will sit with Oz probably and go bed
i am tired!

so that was my first day of 2020
not bad by all accounts and better than last year

tomorrow i havent decided what im doing yet
might go garden centre with mum for cacti 

Last day of 2019

Yo~

bit earlier to when I usually do my diary but I think I'm out tonight

I slept pretty well last night
but didnt want to get up at 7:30am when mum woke me
I had a physio appointment at 8:30am
so i quickly got ready to go out

the guy was really on it, similar age to me and knew his stuff
and explained how my muscles surrounding my hip just werent working
and what i needed to do to strengthen them
and in time the pain should go
im getting pain as theyre not working properly 
he gave me a resistance band - the strongest they have
and he gave me a fair few strengthening exercises to do 3-4 times a week
for a month
he said he can tell by my attitude i would do them 

i rang mum who i knew had just popped to the shop
and told her i was finished
i went down to pets at home as on 7th January my little Oz turns 3
so i went and brought him a new treat to try for his birthday
i stocked up on food and treats when i was there and ended up spending
a whole £14 on my little guy 0.0
expensive taste my Ozwald

mum turned up and we went round TK MAXX together
but i didnt get anything i didnt need anything anyway
then we went home and had a brew
i did some dancing and yoga then had a shower

did lunch which was salad and soup
salad twice in a row for lunch and twice given me stomach ache
despite being a safe food for me
the soup was good tho
then i went to bed where i stayed there for 2 and half hours
ive just got up!

im over at jack's tonight
i cant say im fussed but he wants me there
and i guess i havent seen him in a while due him being poorly
he says hes feeling a bit better today tho thank god
so its just a small group of us tonight i think
im not sure if they are going out clubbing
but i certainly wont be leaving the flat and i think jack will use
me as an excuse to not go out as he isnt keen ether
so i might actually see the new year in this year XD
its annoying tho as ive got to constantly think about food
jack has prepped some chicken and sweet potato for us tonight
despite me telling him i can eat alone at home or he can eat something good
but hes fine doing that it seems
so thats dinner,  i will take my cereal over and i have a portion of soup
ready in the fridge to take over for lunch tomorrow
it is annoying 
i cant even go out for anything to eat really ether or out for a simple brew!

anyway lets talk about 2019
a feel A LOT happened this year
I lost my milliekins 
I got a new job
I went full time with my new job
I got jack
I got 2 new additions in the family - Truffle and Tillie
I finished my mental health treatment 
I got a new car
I got a new laptop after having mine 9 years

yeah a lot of changes
it was strange how me and my brother both got new jobs and new relationships this year
im quite pleased with how the year went
i think on 1st January this year I'd wrote how'd id like a new job this year and to go abroad
i didnt go abroad this year, my health felt a bit rocky for that and I brought a new car instead with the money. I managed to still sell some art and crafts 

As for 2020 a fresh decade
im not 100% sure what I would like to happen really
for a while I thought it would be the year i move out
but realistically i dont think thats gonna happen
so maybe something else big would be nice like a trip to Japan or australia or why not both
maybe it will have to be the year i see more of the world before i settle down with a house and all the expenses that come with it!
so yeah probably travelling
id like to still be with jack if thats possible, without wanting to kill him obviously XD
to keep my job as i know i struggle a lot at times, and it has been suggested numerous times by different people that i go part time, but not happening
i would like to stay full time if i can
and to keep improving my health
i feel like this year made me understand how i worked - mentally
and i accepted that i am different and i do have issues and theyre what makes me, me
id like for physical health to improve tho, theres plenty to work on and i never know how its gonna go its a constant battle and i will keep battling through 2020 decade probably

so thats what id like
to do a big abroad trip
to keep full time working
and to improve my physical health
and for little goals, to keep up with my japanese and art work~
and its not a goal but i wish my pets the best health too

so thats all i think~
this is my last diary for 2019
im about to get ready for the evening to bring in 2020
happy new year all~

first day of diet

Evening

could not sleep last night, was up til 3am...-___-
with bad stomach pains, my fault, id totally eaten the wrong foods
so yeah crap night really

this morning i had a shower and popped out with mum
just food shopping - food mainly for me >.>
then charity shops where i picked up a disney doll as i want to do a doll
in return for my cousin

i came home and went on my laptop a bit
then almost fell asleep as mum made us both a salad
it was alright but mum had tried to add bits were bits were missing
as i cant eat peppers or tomatoes so she put in grape and red onion
the grape i could deal with the red onion was gross i dont like onion unless
its hidden in sauces so that bit was a bit gross

then we went outside to clean cars 
mine was so filthy 
i came in and made soup from scratch
totally winged a vegetable one
its not hard making soup really
ive froze 4 portions for school

i managed not to sleep today which is an achievement
given how little i slept and how tired i am
i had soup for dinner
such a dull day for food T^T

this morning my first brew of the day i made with coconut milk and honey
it was gross
i couldnt  finish it
it depressed me
so when i went shops i chose a green tea with fruits and a fruit tea
ive tried both and both were nice
both dont compare to my usual black tea 
but i guess i gotta get on with it
and tomorrow my parents are having pizza bread T^T
i obviously cant join in on that one so i will source my own dinner damn it >.>

i tried to do some dance practice tonight but im so tired
i will go downstairs and do some yoga tho
then paint my nails tonight

i sat with Oz earlier
and mum gave him cereal in front of me >< damn it woman
she said "he shouldnt have to go without as well"....damn it
i cant argue cus it makes Oz happy
i cut his claws this morning too

tomorrow its new years eve!
the last day of this decade
im never arsed
just a new date to me really
but i think jack is suppose to be having people over, not that him or theo have invited people over yet...i told him if he doesnt feel up to me coming over to actually say
but think he's wanting to see me
theo has returned to him today so im glad hes got company
he still feels rotten tho
so yeah think i might be spending the night there really :/
nothing special
i shall have to make sure i have food with me no doubt

my last day of food freedom

KOnbanWA

I actually slept pretty well
i took the tablet to be with me and watched some predia 
and then read til 11pm and woke up at 8:30am

i dont feel like ive done much all day really
jack is poorly with a rotten cold so i couldnt spend time with him
and i havent felt like doing a lot

i helped take the xmas decorations down in the morning
and looked at skin products online and ordered a couple of things to try
then i had lunch which gave me stomach pains
but i was determined to eat something good
as sadly today is my last day of food freedom
tomorrow i start my auto immune diet....ugh
so ive eaten allllll the wrong things today XD
up yours diet 

i did some dancing and i got hot and sweaty
i laid on my bedroom floor as i couldnt be arsed to shower but i did eventually
then i pretty much went to bed cus why not really
kills some of the day and id killed myself off!

i got up and did a bit of digital drawing but found no enjoyment in it
it got to 4pm and i asked mum what we had for dinner tonight
potato...no no no
not on my last day of freedom!
i checked the freezer, no pizza
cupboards, no biscuits
we had chocolate from christmas that ive snacked on all day
but i was not settling for potato for dinner
so complained and whined and pouted
and announced i was going to the shops for 'bad' food XD
mum caved and decided to come with me and brought me pizzas and biscuits
so thats what we had
pizza and i had some potato with it >.> compromises and all that
im having hot chocolate and biscuits later damn right i am!
making the most of this damn it
as im so gonna miss my sugar 

i was suppose to be on a sugar binge today but my partner in crime aka jack
is poorly and was unable to help me in my hour of need T^T
he feels bad
and cus of how annoying i was to mum, mum was like "when's he taking you off my hands!?"
X3

not sure what i will do tonight
ive done nothing lately
like bugger all
but im just so tired
i might try doing a bit more of my digital drawing

tomorrow not sure what i will be doing
apart from pining for the usual good things in life....
im sure i can do it
its gonna suck balls tho
gotta do it for at least 6 weeks!

Mia's 28th Birthday

Evening

After my rather depressing christmas followed mia's birthday
i went over in the morning with her present
i sat with her rob and walt whilst she opened her many gifts
and we had a brew and talked about our christmas's
then at 12pm i left for home

i had chicken cob which about killed me
i went to sleep to escape the pain of it all
last on i went to see jack
he had presents for me from his family :3
his mum brought me a little cat plush, make up brushes and bunny slippers
his sister brought me make up brushes
and other sister chocolate
his nan treated me to an eye shadow palette consisting of 196 colours...
Jo was almost dribbling over it
its strange tho as only this week has i looked at eye shadow palettes online
and looked how ditched my make up brushes are
glad i didnt buy anything

we made dinner
and didnt do a great deal else as i was shattered surprise surprise
in the morning i had taken over a bath bomb i got in a christmas set from mia
and i had a bath at jacks as sadly i dont have  bath
the water was sooooo pink and sparkly 
great way to start the day
i took over my cereal so i had a safe dinner the night before and safe breakfast
and i had no stomach issues
i fell asleep after my bath, jack got ready and by 1pm we actually left his flat XD
talk about a lazy morning
but its weird when im with him i actually do nothing
a task i struggle like hell to do by myself
so sometimes it does me good i think

we went round a few shops
finally getting jack a new pair of shoes as his are awful
and some food off the market so i could make some more cereal
we ate noodles out - my choice
and it crippled me
but noodles are so damn good -___-
after i recovered at jack's
he taught me how to make the cereal
and this time we didnt give it as long in the microwave 
then i went home
the whole day i was with jack tho his nose was runny and he was sniffly 
so i felt something was up with him

i had told mum i didnt want dinner as i ate lunch late but also
couldnt face more pain
so whilst she hadnt done me any dinner there was cake to polish off
which i did and suffered

today i was rudely woken at 5:30am by my stomach and the need to go to the toilet with crippling stomach pains. i swear life just aint fair
i got a phone call from mia saying her party was off tonight as too many people had said they couldnt make it due to poor health. i felt really sorry for her cus it was her birthday thing
i got a txt off jack saying he is poorly and to stay away
theo is also poorly
everyone is dropping like flies!

so today i went for a walk with mum in the morning
then had a shower
id had my cereal and mum had made me soup from my new diet book which was nice
just a lil too gingery XD burnt my tongue off
then i fell asleep
waste half my life in that bed

when i got up i wrote stuff up on my new 2020 calendar 
polished my room as it was a lil dusty
put stuff way from christmas i still hadnt done
did a bit of yoga
and a bit of dance
the whole time i was so low on energy
my lips are pale and my muscles ache

tomorrow i havent got any plans
probably spend a lot of the day by myself really
as jack has told me to stay away 
and i think people are busy
shops are busy and ransacked 
so yeah might be a dull day really :/ 

here is the card i made for mia
she loved it and loved the dog blanket i made for her/walt