weighed myself for the first time in 2 years

Evening

I slept pretty well
had a dream that someone spat in my face and went after then, spat in their face and punched them in the face...god knows where that came from. 
i got up and did the thing i have been avoiding 
i weighed myself...my god i had no idea i weighed THAT MUCH!
likes seriously it surprised me
i weigh 61kg which when i looked is an ideal weight for my height
but still feels a lot to me
thats how much i weighed at 17
i told mum i weighed myself she wasnt that impressed
but i said i had done it to see if i had lost weight and i could tell the doctor
anyway it was friday!!!
so i wanted to get the day done and start my weekend!

school was alright probably my most quietest day of the week
i still had two practicals
one being bacteria which i nailed
the teacher have been impressed with my work as they said last year the bacteria just didnt work
and ive got them to work!
just have 1 class to go then im done with that crap
i started putting up a display as well ^^
but couldnt wait to finish
id practically worked by myself today as jack was on the computer like all day doing health and safety stuff that bores me to pieces and i was doing actual work you know
and julia was upstairs a lot today

i told jack i weighed myself and he didnt seem impressed with me
but i told him my reasoning
he couldnt believe i weighed 61kg as he weighs 70kg
i havent had that urge to lose weight but i can feel it creeping in

after work i had an actual brew like as in milk, it was so nice
had it with Oz and the girls
then me and mum went for a walk which was nice
i got back and played on disgaea5 which im really enjoying actually
then i had dinner and then i did my physio exercises
after i  went doctors
ugh doctors on a friday night whats worse

i told him about fainting and being dizzy and having high blood pressure
he seemed concerned about this and did some tests
he said my blood pressure is fine, however i need a blood test -______-
im being tested for 10 things and if it wasnt for the blood test a few weeks ago
i would have been tested for 3 more things
he said if they come back fine then i need to be referred to neurology and cardiology...
nothing is ever simple with my body
i told him i havent been digesting food very well since december but he didnt really seemed bothered to be honest with you he said it was late and im last appointment
so that was that
he would have finshed on time and had time for me if he wasnt 15mins late for me >.>
so crap

came home and showered as i felt dirty after being round school and doctors
gotta get those viruses off me XD

tomorrow its saturday!!! woohoo!
jack is out tonight so he will probably be spending his day recovering tomorrow
im thinking of going into the city centre and having a mooch round
i havent done that in ages 
and nothing else really i want to do
if im brave enough ill go by myself and have my ears pierced!

we're almost there with this week

Evening~~

I've had better days at school anyway

but yesterday I went home with Jack
we went to pick up tea and coffee and biscuits for school on the way home from school
then once we were in and had a brew we got dinner on
it was just me and jack
and after dinner he asked me "what do you wanna do tonight?"
i said "anime, then play switchs in bed"
he said "my god that sounds perfect"
so we continued watching Kizunaiver 
an anime about a group of teenagers in an experiment were they share each other's pain
after we finished watching for the night
i turned to jack "would you feel my pain if you could?"
he said "yes most definitely" 
i said "why tho?"
he said "so i can feel what you go through everyday"
i said "mum says if she could take it away for a day she would"
he said "i would love to be able to take your pain away"
i said "i cant remember what it feels like to not have pain constantly there"
at this point he hugged me and held me and i could tell he was shedding a few tears
so i stayed and held on to him back
thinking 'this guy really does care for me'
i waited til he composed himself and i didnt mention or say anything about his tears
he just said "right enough of this despair, do your teeth so we can play switchs in bed"
so i left him and sorted myself out then climbed into bed on my side with Flump between my arms whilst i played on my switch and thats how he found me
he said "so cute! and makes me so happy seeing you like that in my bed"
we played for a while then went to sleep
were i did actually sleep quite well 

school was fine today 
just been busy all week just loads of practicals and not small ones ether
almost done with them tho
and i started another display too

i came home and went to yoga
we had a supply teacher and it was hard work!
came back and had dinner and done my diary thats it really

tomorrow its friday 
and thank bloody god cus ive had enough
although i have cruddy doctors at 7:45pm ugh
really wanna get that out the way

crappy day and dead line for next year

Evening

Did not sleep well
I was so shattered this morning
and didnt to face my day but it aint gonna do its self
i just woke up a complete cripple
my god i ached and usually when i wake up hurting it means its set for the day
and today was no different

i got to school and got straight into my practicals
and it just went tits up it really did
the hours i poured into those bacteria and it went wrong and the most simplest point just due to the fact the technician guide is poorly written and i havent done this before!
i am so re-writing that tech guide after this is done its terrible
so i was annoyed
i didnt get much of a lunch break probably all of 7 mins
as everyone suddenly needed me as it wasnt working
so peeved

i had had enough of everything
bacteria
science
running around
being in constant pain
i had to hold the tears in twice 
being tired and in constant pain and not taking a minute
just a bad combo

i left work 5 mins early
id got alll that i could done
and was done
i have a lot to do in order to make things right
but no one was annoyed at me

i got home and relaxed with my Ozwald
then i did 45mins of yoga to try ease my pain and it did help cus i imagine i have been tense today on more than one occasion
then i played on my switch ive practically done kirby
thinking i might move onto disgaea now actually :/ 

i had a shower to try and relax me a bit
i thought being clean in pyjamas was a way forward
think it has helped a bit
ive got to pack my stuff for jack's tomorrow and do my physio exercises -____-

tomorrow i have 4 practicals
i swear im gonna be dead by the end of this week 
im so taking extra pain killers even if it stops my heart
im not having another restless night

me and jack talked about stuff yesterday
basically his rent is up 1st april
his choice is to sign up for 6month contract paying and extra £100 per month
or sign up for another 12 months
he said "im not saying anything im not gonna sway you ether way its got to be your decision"
and i knew straight away we werent there yet, theres no way we could get out crap together and be out in 6months and besides i wanted to look around the end of the year and move out the start of next year which fits in better with the 12 month plan
so i said "12 month as were not there yet are we"
he said "i agree but i wanted to make sure you were happy and not wanting out of your home"
i am ok being at home and i want the year to buy homey things and to not rush it ether i want to find a house that suits us not because we're struggling for time
we have a time limit now next april jack has got to move out
so year this time next year i could be an actual adult and be a home owner!
we have a deadline

Almost done with Ecoli

Konbanwa~~

Didnt sleep well
woke up at 1am to my heart stuttering
such a strange sensation
i thought "I did take the right medication right?"
not that i take any heart medicine but i know if i overdose i can do my heart in
and i had no idea what was happening
and i thought "am i dying?"
and i just got comfy, weirdly
like i was happy right then and there to just die
after half an hour i needed a wee and got up
when i did the heart thing stopped and i felt okish

this morning i actually had a hot shower
my god hot water a god send
i havent had a hot shower here for months as the shower was a kinda "one temperature does all" for quite some time -____- but dad fixed it over the weekend
such bliss
and i sat with Oz of course I did

work was busy ><
if i see any more sodding bacteria 0.0
but i can safely say i have done all my bacteria making the rest is up the students now i do believe
i just hope it bloody works you know
i have more bacteria tomorrow and heart dissection 
i had ago at jack today for doing nothing towards his driving and not saying anything about being stuck on it, he needs to ask for help cus it pees me off
so i had ago at him
he knew he was in the wrong

i came home and listened to mum how unhappy she is in her marriage which i know and it sucked to come home to listen to her but then i have to think "who else can she rant to?" so i listened
not that i can do anything to help
i left then to go for a walk, it was cold but much needed. needed to clear my head 
i got back and did my dinner which was left overs
then talked to my brother and finally went online and had a brief look at earrings
getting bored of mine i want something different in, i also want my ears pierced too!
im gonna go sit with Oz and hopefully have an early night

tomorrow i have a busy day -_____-
hope i sleeep!

Started my diet again

Yoho~

I have been a rebel and not done my diary in quite some time hu
just could not be arsed
really couldnt

On monday I started my diet again
i began to not digest food properly once again so yeah i have started that

so i've had my first week back at school after a week off for half term
the sunday before tho I let Jack have a go in my car
he has never been behind the wheel before
i drive an automatic so he had it easy
i managed to get him to go up to 3rd gear and reverse too
he did well and i could tell it not scared him but shook him up
he has got his license sorted now so im hoping he will sort out a driving school and theory 
i slept over at his on sunday night as i was bit anxious about going to school

so school was busy
i came home every day and fell asleep i was just exhausted
if im not getting anything from my food and not eating much cus of this diet then i guess im bound to feel exhausted
i have started the bits i wasnt looking forward to doing like the bacteria, but i have surprisingly just got on with it, of course it doesnt help when head of science distracted me and i ended up pourin ecoli all down the skin on my arm -___- so sick of bacteria
head of biology came in and gave me a plush she was throwing out! its a stitch plushie no less!! and its like 18" its big and from disney store so i was well happy
he is living on my desk to cheer me up but he does take up my desk some what
i started doing another display and its looking really good at the moment its almost done ^^
i didnt stay over at jacks this wednesday as he forgot to ask me and remembered at 10pm at which point i was in bed and wasnt gonna get my stuff together then

friday was my brother's 25th birthday he liked the gifts i brought him so i was happy ^^
i then left him to his girlfriend and i went over to jacks
we spent the whole of saturday pretty much doing nothing it was like we were both knackered 
but it was nice we gave each other a back massage then i offered to massage his game damaged hands and he said how much better they feel he was amazed and thanked me loads. they were awfully knotted so i want to work on those and try and make his hands feel better for him
he was going pub with the guys that evening and i didnt fancy doing that so i came home

i played kirby and ended up doing the final boss took me a while but i did it
says i still have 28% of the game left to do so i think theres extra game play i need to go through
then i will play disgaea5

today my god i did loads
all before midday i did
made soup
cooked turkey stakes 
made biscuits
washed my car
helped mum wash hers
did some dancing
had a shower 
god it was full on but good to get it all done
then i spent a few hours burning designs into wood like chopping boards and spoons
finally got them done!
heres the snorlax one i did the other week

i put all the stuff ive been buying to move out with in a box finally so its no longer on my bedroom floor thank god.
i also put two geeko stickers on my car X3
and potted a cactus for my bedroom i got for my birthday - the pot finally arrived

school tomorrow
this week im kinda dreading and wanting to get done
i have on wednesday back to back 3 heart dissections! i will be tired wednesday and jack has already asked me to stay over that wednesday so he doesnt forget to ask me XD
i also have a lot of bacteria work to do this week and it is so time consuming! 
a part of me likes doing it but then i always have this worry it wont work but ive seen some results from the students and i think it has been working
its just one stress i want out the way!
dont wanna go school

right well i shall try not get behind with my diary
did feel good to not to do it tho XD
i have been on my diet 7 days now and havent noticed any difference
mum is wondering if its my tablets literally rotting my stomach and says to ask the doctor for something to line my stomach
im going on friday so we shall see

Snorlax Case

Evening

So yesterday
I started doing a bit more to the place mats in the morning
until mum dragged me out shopping at 9:30am
we went round a few a shops and i picked up a few bargains nothing amazing
but i'd had enough
i was cold, tired, in pain and was trying and failing at not being too grouchy
but i just wanted to be warm and sleep

after we finished shopping we went for a brew
which did help bring a bit of feeling back
not sure why i had gotten so cold
but i was happy to get home
we'd been out the house for 4 hours and i had lunch to sort
so a good chunk of my day had been lost
and i still had so many jobs to do!

I just sat sewed to be honest
didnt do anything else but that!
i got really far with it all but I couldnt finish the place mats as i didnt have any bias binding
i had to get ready to see Jack as well
but i stayed home and had dinner first

i went to jack's and we watched anime together
and then just sat and talked til almost midnight!
i think its cus i knew i couldnt sleep
i was in a lot of pain so wasnt in a rush to go bed
i confessed my sins to him....ihavent digested food for 9 well 10 days now
he wasnt impressed and asked why i didnt tell him, i said it would only make him worry
so on monday mum is putting me back on the diet fully -________________-

i did not sleep well at all
woke up and had to get up a couple of times and felt like i was awake every hour trying to get comfy and to not wake jack although he has said its fine
this morning when i woke i was happy to get up and have some pain killers
jack had brought us tea cake for breakfast :D
i had a bath which made my pain better it made my body throb but it did help

we hit the shops
and i brought stuff to leave at jack's
i found a cute cactus and rabbit plant pot for it! so perfect i was well happy ^^
and brought some paint for work too
jack treated me to a white hot chocolate
and we brought soup and bread for lunch
then we booked birmingham convention for 21st march 
and sat playing on switchs im getting further on kirby but one level has me stumped 
then i left to come home for food and such
well as soon as i came in i saw my Ozwald
mum says hes done bugger all all day
i call him Pork Bun as a nickname X3

i cant believe its 9pm already
still have so much i wish to do!
tomorrow i will finish the place mats now that today i brought bias binding for them
and i hope to tidy my room
and unfortunately get ready for school on monday and ready for my diet..

oh and i took a photo of my switch case with jack's snorlax plush
the case is amazing!

Start of place mats

Evening

I didnt sleep great but I know its cus im sleeping during the day
but I still got up on time I guess
Oz played out for ages this morning which was nice
I like seeing him grazing on the grass
then it slung it down and he made a quick line for the shed
sick of this windy rainy weather its relentless but i guess i should be grateful
i had good weather for matlock

so i started doing a bit of dancing this morning
but just felt dizzy sick and exhausted so i left that one
made some biscuits
had a shower
then i started picking out some fabrics for these 3 place mats ive got to make
i had some lunch and went to bed i was just exhausted and couldnt think straight

when i got up i began drawing, cutting and sewing
and thats where i stayed til yoga basically
but i made a good dent in what i need to do 
here is some of the work ive done

its neat, and good to see i still havent lost my touch XD

went to yoga
it was nice going with actual energy 
usually i go after work and im dead
so i think i enjoyed it more
came back and had dinner

now im gonna see my Oz, play kirby and go bed

tomorrrow
mum is dragging me out shopping to shops across the city so it takes a good half hour to get there but i know shes been wanting to spend time with me 
then i will come back and do some more of the place mats
have dinner and go to jack's for the night
saturday i need to pick up some stuff from the city centre with jack
also some stuff for his place, hes been on at me to leave like shampoo and stuff at his and toothbrush so i dont have to take it over each and every time but i still feel weird about doing that
i feel like im invading somehow
but he wants me to and i have caved in
so im gonna drag him round to go buy girly smellies and pink toothbrush
i will make it look like theres a girl there now hes asked for it XD

oh and i got disgaea5 in the post today
only ordered it yesterday morning!! so fast!
im gonna start it once kirby is finished :3
think im 1/4 through the game?