150mg

Evening

I couldnt sleep but whats new really
got up about midnight cus id had enough
and went back to bed at 1:30am
woke up at 7:45am to the sound of my dad talking very loudly on the phone...
not what i wanted to wake up to i tell you
couldnt wait for him to leave for work
in fact i stayed upstairs til he had left at 8:15am
couldnt cope with him, but then when can i!

this morning me and mum went to walk to the shops
it made a change, it was a little further than we usually walk
and we ended up buying a fair few needed items
i kept reminding mum "we have this to carry home you know, only get what you need"
but i feel it very much fell on deaf ears...
we had 4 bags full
i only needed a candle and deodorant...

i came back and had a brew with my lad
he happily sat on my knee
then i had a shower and i went to bed as dad came home and i could face it
and i was tired, felt better for a sleep tho


i woke up at 2pm and had my lunch
then i worked on my pumpkin cushion which i did in fact get finished
i will take a photo but i dont currently have a cushion inner to put in it
so i can take a photo of it flat :/ 
still it looks good i think

i sat outside in the garden with mum for a short while
i do try to sit outside but i find outdoor furniture very uncomfortable so it just ends up causing me pain. speaking of pain, i was in a lot of it yesterday and took the most cocodamol i had ever taken before....150mg. thats a fair amount isnt it?
no wonder i felt off but i was desperate to be out of pain

tonight my pain is starting up again 
so i did 20mins of dancing in my room just to loosen a few joints
it had helped a tiny bit, i suppose i could do a bit more dancing 

i started doing a doodle tonight for jack
im gonna post him a doodle as a surprise,, i have his address it wasnt hard to memorise when i have seen his post lying around XD so he wont be expecting it or be expecting that i can memorise his address XD but im doing a doodle of stuff i am looking forward to after the lock down 
its nothing great and i havent spent a lot of time on it but hopefully it will make him smile
he txted once today asking when he could video call me
but i havent responded, i all honesty i didnt want to talk to anyone today
and i didnt want to get arm ache from holding the phone up ether
as yes i do in fact get pain from doing simple things as holding the phone up or holding a book open, great isnt it!

tomorrow
i dont have any crafts i can be getting on with as i am waiting for the clay to arrive in the post
so i might do some drawing as i didnt do any digital drawing today, the pen drawing took over but theres no rush i guess. i will photograph my cushion
i might cut truffles fur tomorrow, she looks a mess and she loves it
adds to her attitude
mum keeps telling Oz off for eating her plants...Oz....such a git 
hes so damn cute
im guessing the plants taste good in spring? 

Almost done first coaster

Evening~

Last night I could not sleep
just couldnt get off and then I was aching from laying there, Id been in bed since 9pm
it was about 1:30am by the time I dropped off, woke up at 3:30am in pain, felt sick and thirsty 
so I got up, took some pain killers and stayed downstairs reading, playing my switch, watching jpop. Wasnt really feeling the need to sleep but knew I should
I went back to bed at 6:30am for an hour
safe to say I felt quite rough when I got up at 7:45am

This morning mum wanted to do a walk and I could have quite easily have not gone with her but I knew i should and I should just get on with it, and I did feel better for getting out
I came back and had a brew with my lad then I had a shower and went to bed i was tired

I got up and had lunch
postman had been and i got my fabric - a week late
and turns out it doesnt fit in with the design i had in mind so i put them away and im gonna go with fabric i already had in for the cushion, so technically i could have finished it last week but i wanted to be sure on these other fabrics first
i wasnt in the right frame of mind to sew today so i didnt
i was and still am, in a lot of pain
having an off day
so i have taken extra pain relief which has made me feel sickly and off
i did 30 mins of yoga to help with the pain and it did help a little bit i guess
i also did my physio exercises

so today i sat and worked on my first coaster design
i have done all the mangastudio work next it just needs to be photoshopped and its done

but im kinda pleased with it
its looking cute 
i sent it jack and he thinks its cute and good ^^

apart from that I havent done much else really
my brother told me we have 3 more weeks of lock down so be about 4th may when i can see jack again which is gonna be hard but i will suck it up and get on with it

tomorrow i think im gonna have a walk to the shops with mum
i just want a few items from wilkos
and i wanna get out! 
i will start the next coaster maybe and maybe do my cushion 
apart from that same old probably

just another lock down day really

Evening~

I slept pretty well, reunited with my bed
I woke up at 6:45am to the sound of my dad getting up
I turned over and went to sleep til 8am

This morning I did 40 mins of yoga
as i was aching and stuff and thought it might help my aches
i had a shower and then went out with mum
we just did a couple of odd jobs then went for a walk round somewhere different
which was nice as i havent been getting out much over the last few weeks

I came back and had lunch and fell asleep for a good hour
i wasnt tired i just thought it would kill a bit of my day
as that is how i have felt today, just a bit fed up
i dont feel quite right mentally, like i could crack and cry at any moment
im trying to hold it together but yeah it is hard
i just want my life back to normal again
i shouldnt complain, i know others have it far worse but im just not finding this easy at times
sometimes feel like taking extra antidepressants if it would make me feel better

i havent done much this afternoon if i am honest
i did some cross stitching, sat researching ideas of stuff to make - stuff to keep me busy
did 20 mins of dancing as id had enough of sitting 
sat with my Oz a few times bless him
about it really
its 7:30pm and i havent done any of the drawing i said i would do! i really need to crack on with it but i find it hard to get into as i know im at a bit i struggle with - the hair...
i can get it done im sure...

tomorrow i have no idea what i will do to pass the time
i want my fabric in the post!
i have ordered some clay so i can have ago playing around with clay for a change
but its waiting for everything to arrive

Saw Jack ^^

Evening

So yesterday I snuck off out to jack's X3
I arrived just after 10am at his flat
it was good to see him and be re-united with my companion 

we went and sat with Theo and then went for a good walk as it was nice
when we came back it was kinda lunch time and cus it was easter sunday
and Jack had been and brought a shed load of chocolate eggs for us both
we decided to have chocolate for lunch XD
we sat and played on switchs for a bit
we talked and messed around
we made dinner together which was nice

the three of us settled down in front of an anime film
it was 2 hours long but we turned it off after half hour as it was just grim
about reanimating corpses
and i said to jack "i already dream this kinda stuff, im not sure i should watch this before bed..."
he was like "im not enjoying it, shall we turn it off?"
so we did and i asked to put something on that makes us laugh
so we watched rick and morty
then we went played switchs in bed 
the evening i felt a little off as my brother was sending me messages about how unhappy he was at home, he'd been crying on the phone to his girlfriend - dad had upset him
i feel bad for him as i know he i desperate to move out he just cant afford it :/ 
so i was messaging him but then i went to sleep

in the morning i woke next to jack in just his boxers...
i said "where are your clothes?"
he said "you undressed me in your sleep"
i said "yeah sure id do that"
he said he had gotten too hot and got up to undress, but i never noticed that happened...
he said "you were gone, and cuddling flump, it was very cute to see"
damn him, getting looks at me whilst i sleep >.>
we cuddled in bed for a good hour which was nice, just spending time in each others company

we had hot cross buns for breakfast which was really good
then we went back to bed as i wanted to play on my switch
we fell asleep together
then got up for a shower and i had a bath
had lunch
then went for a walk with theo
then i had to depart from him :( sadly for a few more weeks....
sucks balls man
gonna be long
i wanted to make the most of being with him 
he was always round me and i felt like we touched so much
like he wanted to make the most of me also
it was nice he had brought chocolate tho, i have eaten so much chocolate!
im gonna miss him
he's given me Flump again to look after ^^

i came back at 5pm and sat with my Oz and had a brew with him
he had such a face on him when i saw him
and mum said he'd been in a mood...
but he was soon licking me when i sat with him i think i cheered him up
and he even played out afterwards, mum said he'd not played out since this morning
happy to have me back i think!

then i had dinner, mum made a cake so i had that too....too much food and sugar
now i might do some dance learning or stretches or something 
then sit with Oz again and go to my own bed

it was good to see Jack tho
god knows when we will next meet :/ 

Inu x Boku Manga drawing

Evening~

I was awake til gone 1am
and woke up at 9:30am...woops
I was having quite and intense dream tho
I was helping some sort of spirit/ghost that wanted to host inside a body
a dead body
dead bodies he'd been stashing when he was alive
so i had to go round finding these bodies in the most strangest and creepiest of places
kept me interested tho, which is why i slept in so late! but a good solid 8 hours sleep was much appreciated anyway ^^

this morning I was going to do some dancing but dad came home at 11am :/ 
so that went out the window, instead i managed to get mum to come for a walk with me
we went round the country park it was nice
and just starting to get warm as it has been reaching 20c past few days

i came back and did 20mins of yoga and my physio exercises then had a shower
and had my lunch then i worked on my pumpkin patchwork as whilst i had been out on a walk the postman had delivered 1 out of the 3 fabrics id ordered so it meant i could crack on with it
but i struggled getting my 15" patchwork ruler out and i ended up breaking it TT^TT
my god i was gutted like really gutted
ive had it years and it was a gift from mum whilst i was studying patchwork
i had to order another one which was £21....ouch
to say it is literally a piece of plastic and costs that much
i will have to find a better place to store it obviously 
still i got as far as i could with my pumpkin patchwork

then i did some cross stitch
then i played on my switch then i dosed off for half hour
then cooked the first bbq of the year, everyone appreciates it when i cook as dad charcoals it

now i might just draw for half hour before i sit with Oz and go bed
i have sat with Oz and the girls today
he just sat whilst they pigged into apple
then i watched tillie and truffle groom molly
they love their mummy mole its very sweet

oh here is something i did last week, i did it because i wanted to but then decided i might give it jack for his birthday in august. its a page i have drawn from the manga inu x boku which we both like, so i drew it and used water colours and fine liner to copy the page basically. i think its in proportion and came out ok. i decided to use colour for the eyes tho so it wouldnt look totally like a manga page. 

then i brought a frame for it, its A4. i hope he will like it and that its good enough to give as a gift. 

tomorrow I am sneaking off to jack's for 1 night 
i cant wait to see him, and even theo too
i need different company and i need to get out as my mental health is slipping
i think we are still in lock down? but i need this. then i will hole myself away for however longer we need to lock our selves down for...

Bunny Rabbit Patchwork done!

Evening

Jo was up til 5am
head was far too busy and noisy
i got up at 4am in the end and played on my switch for an hour
came to bed and could hear the birds doing the morning chorus...good start
theyre waking up and im going to bed
woke up at 8am
I could have turned over and gone back to sleep but I hate wasting the day
but also i knew mum wanted to go for a walk in the morning so i got up for her also

we went for a walk round the usual 
glad we didnt do a big walk as i was struggling to breathe due to hayfever
chest was so damn tight
wasnt coughing tho which is good

i came back and did 40 mins of yoga and then had a shower
then spoke to jack
he seemed alright, nether of us have a great deal to say really
but i was cuddling Flump during the whole phone call to annoy jack as he could see Flump XD
then i had some lunch and went to bed for a couple of hours
i was shattered and felt better for it

when i got up i quilted my blanket and got it finished
took it outside for photos, so here it is

backed onto a bunny fleece blanket
jack is pleased with it, its going on our sofa when we move out

then didnt do much else
played on my switch and talked to my brother for a bit
sat with Oz a couple of times, and the girls
put truffs with Oz, she was stressing him out and she kept almost kissing him he growled a few times but was submissive the whole time to her XD no aggression in him what so ever

might do a bit more of my picture then sit with Oz
tomorrow probably exercise and drawing
as i havent got my fabric in the post yet
apparently the postal service is over worked but im not complaining im grateful theyre still even working. it just means i cant work on the cushion

almost done bunny quilt

Konbanwa~~

Couldnt sleep
didnt fall asleep til gone 1:30am :/
woke up around 8am

This morning me and mum went for a walk
we did a big walk round a country park we can walk to from  the house, they have shut the car parks to it so it was really empty it was nice
we came back and had a brew
she then very kindly dyed my hair, my hair had gone light but i fancied just making it fresh and shiny and soft. I picked medium ash blond. i am shocked how dark it has gone!
im fine with it as its soft and shiny now but just darker
then i had a shower

i had some lunch and then went to bed
i was tired and  had been in really bad pain all day so i needed escapism 
when i got up i worked on my quilt
i have attached the patchwork to the blanket all that is left to do is to quilt it
but i wasnt in the mood to do it, so i will start it tomorrow

I spoke to mia on the phone for half an hour again
basically an old child hood friend we've known for 20 years or so ditched us a couple of years back but got in contact with us both and i said i wanted nothing to do with her but mia contacted her and told her she doesnt want friendship anymore (in a kind way) and got it thrown in her face. so i was glad i hadnt bothered to respond to the message. mia is done now, she wasnt upset or anything she was just filling me in.

Oz was in a bit of a mood with me, but turns out he had tummy ache bless him
i dont think he's 100% now but im sure he will be ok
i know what it is, its a food sometimes i buy by mistake and it doesnt agree with him

im gonna try my new physio exercises today
i havent spoken to jack today
he did an all nighter last night as he couldnt sleep so just didnt
guessing hes tired as ive hardly heard from him today
i shall let him get on with it

i got disgaea4 in the post and it came with a poster and book mark

tomorrow
i shall be quilting and doing my drawing
same old