ending is in sight

 Evening~

I couldnt sleep at all, I did however try to sleep IN my bed last night as apposed to sleeping ON it. As thats how I have been sleeping for the last few weeks and I did manage the night in my bed but I kept waking up simply cus I was about falling off the bed! it is so difficult in the end I woke jack up saying hes got to move as I am slipping off the bed

I woke up at 4:30am and kinda just waited til morning really and got up at 5:40am as I had enough

Oz was such a grouch this morning tho! woke up on the wrong side of the bed himself I think XD and all day he has been in mood which isnt like him

School was hard as I had 2 practicals first and second period, the beetroot prac. its hard work and I helped the students clear it up  too and then I had shed loads of washing up. it makes 2 full bowls of washing up. so many cuvettes and test tubes T^T I did some of Julia's washing up too for her

My mum had the job of transferring me her money and in the end she rang me and i video called her so i could talk her through sending her bank information so i could have her money basically. But it didnt work the first time so she rang me back 2 hours later it needed to be done differently and she was so stressed bless her so i talked her through it again and yeah she wasnt happy just cus she was home alone doing this massive thing by herself

I got home and hugged mum and she was happy to see me

she made me and jack a brew and we sat with Ozwald who was still grumpy for whatever reason then me and mum went for a walk i could not be arsed to even keep my eyes open never mind a sodding walk i was sooo tired been tired all day, life just feels like an endurance test. i keep feeling dizzy and my heart is erratic at times. but i know all should calm down once we have the keys 

i fell asleep for 20mins after dinner, mum woke me up and she asked if i would check my bank account to see if things had progressed and they had so tomorrow me and jack are going to the bank in the morning to transfer money and pay for bungalow and then we are done, well should be as this is literally the last bit i feel i can finally see some sort of ending in sight. I am dead nervous tho, this is biggest amount of money i will ever sign away and probably wont see again, but it will be worth it i am sure.

so thats tomorrow, work - bank - back to work - home - die 

still no money

 Evening~

Didn't sleep great, I woke up at midnight after having a nightmare of being chased through fields and once I woke up I was sweaty and got up for a wee and climbed back into my small portion of my bed T^T

We got ready for school pretty early as I started my day at 5:40am - i get earlier -_____-

School went fine it was a bit tiring

I rang the bank up to see if my money had been transferred but no such luck, mum' hasnt been transferred ether, it might be that friday doesnt happen :/ need that money done and dusted by tomorrow or wednesday morning at the latest

I didnt want to go home

I didnt want to talk about the house, or the fact the money hadnt gone in. or anything house related. but luckily i think people sensed that and didnt talk to me about it, and i voiced how i felt.

Oz has a bit of an off tummy from his injection yesterday bless him, hes ok tho he is eating. we sat with him after school with a brew then i motivated myself for a walk and jack came with me and I havent really done much else since then been shattered

tomorrow I have 2 difficult practicals first and second period. I spent 2 hours today corring beetroot for it! I had had enough of doing that I can tell you. But once tomorrow is out the way I dont have to do it again for another year! But the rest of the day doesnt look too bad. just a hard morning. Then I have to ring the bank up again and check if the money has gone in my account to probably only be disappointed. 

so thats tomorrow really

Oz had his vaccinations

 Evening

I woke up in the night with my arms hanging out the bed - hyper extending.....not good for someone with my type of joints. I couldnt move them. I almost woke Jack but the thought of waking him saying "I cant move my arms" sounded a bit retarded. So I slowly moved them and it felt sooo painful. But managed to sleep after that but it is so hard to sleep in that single bed. I miss my plush too T^T

I woke up at 7:30am and needed to move I got right out of bed cus i felt like I hadnt moved in hours and my joints hurt. So i went up to Ozwald and released him into the garden. Then I just laid on the sofa for a bit, heard my mum and dad wake up so i went to see mum as I was a bit troubled by the aspect of taking Oz to the vets that morning. But mum reassured me and stuff. think i just needed to air how I was feeling.

So with a bit of help from Jack we got Oz all set to go~

we had to wait in the car til someone came out to collect Oz from us which is very strange and watching him being carried off by a complete stranger set massive alarm bells of anxiety off inside me

I was called to say he was all well and vet vaccinated him and that I could come collect him and pay for his treatment.  £67 it cost me! £67! usually its £35 I was quite surprised but i can remember last year I took him and they offered me this extra vaccination for £30 and I chose not to have it but they said they have combined the two vaccines so thats why it was expensive >.> but at least he is safe and protected against fatal infections and diseases. The vets were kind enough not to comment on his weight XD

I brought him home and put him in his cage to chill out as he was a bit stressed

from there he has been grumpy and feeling a bit off I can tell he doesnt quite feel right. but vaccinations always do that to rabbits and even us humans, we can feel yucky after being jabbed

me and jack had an hour's walk after that and picked up tea cakes for lunch too then had those when we got home.

This afternoon i brought a few little things off ebay just earrings for jack and a bow for me and hair accessories, as it will probably be the last time i stock up on such luxuries ><

I had a cry to mum just cus I said I didnt want to go to school tomorrow as it feels from there its like the final countdown to owning a house. but she supported me and said it will probably all feel like a relief once we have it and then we can take stuff at our own pace. sick of being such a wreck. i looked like death. jack came downstairs and found me just finishing up my cry to mum and he went to fetch Oz who was grumpy and we had a brew with him which mum kindly made. everyone looks after me and tries to keep me happy and sane.

I've done some drawing as well, ive started my Moltres and Birdramon picture, I do find drawing birds tricky as I am not used to drawing them at all! but I am trying.

I want to paint my nails tonight and have an early night as I am so tired its untrue. Sick of my eyes burning all the time even tho i use my eye drops. So tired. think it is just stressed related. my body is just exhausted.

tomorrow is school and I dont think my day will be too bad to be honest well i hope it wont but as of right now i feel like i literally dont have the energy for it but i know i will get through the day somehow. I might have to pop into the bank during school hours to transfer money tho. As cus of lockdown my bank is only open between 10-3pm mon-fri and i work those hours so i will  have to leave just to pop down the road and sign some papers which should be fine. and hopefully the last thing i will have to do!

Oz as vets tomorrow :(

 Evening

Last night I put Molly to my face - mistake

I forget how much of a reaction I have to Molly

i couldnt breathe my chest was tight my nose was running

and my eyes were running so much but one had a real bad reaction it was soooo red and watery there was no white left on it and it was like that when i went to bed

I woke up a lot in the night and had an awful dream about a rabbit that had half it's face bitten off by a dog and was still alive. horrible

woke up at 8am and felt crippled my shoulder hurt like i had slept funny

I cleaned Oz out this morning and then did 30mins of dancing until I was sweaty

then after my shower I got on the phone to the bank and sorted a few bits out, still got more to sort out tho.

I laid on my bed whilst Jack was using his laptop on my desk to look at bills we would have

I fell asleep and woke up at 1pm wanting food

and after food me and jack went for a walk then sat with Oz

then havent done much else since really as ive been tired and need to rest

we are however watching anime tonight together which we havent done in ages it was jack's suggestion so we chose Haruhi Suzumiya

tomorrow at 10:15am my Ozwald has the vets

where he be told he is quite overweight...I also cant go in the room with him

then I will do a walk with jack no doubt

this time next week I should be a house owner!

 Evening

I slept like crap last night, felt so tired this morning, literally woke up every hour

so yeah quite tired today

school went ok I had 2 practicals, one of which took a lot of work on my part to be honest

and i had just had enough. but got the day done

i had 2 cookies jack brought me and my heart went out of rhythm 

so sick of this! its not fair! I love sugary foods but now it seems like i deemed to suffer eating them

it sucks so much! to the point where i wonder if it is even worth eating them T^T

we showed Hannah pictures of the bungalow today and she really liked it

We got home and had a brew

then I did 40mins of dancing ^^ it felt good to do some and i wasnt even that out of breath afterwards, was sweaty tho and I dont think Jack has ever seen me that sweaty before XD

I had a shower and got in pyjamas and ate my dinner with my brother as Jack had some online scout meeting that went on for 90mins! so he had dinner after  us

I sat with Oz on the sofa whilst he ate his dinner, there was a few fireworks but nothing compared to last night so i luckily havent needed to have Oz in my bedroom tonight

god I hope i sleep tonight im so done

jack is playing on his laptop on my desk, hes online with theo and harvey i encouraged him to play online with them as i think its healthy for him to talk to his friends now. 

i just hope he doesnt finish up too late

tomorrow 

i will dance in the morning ^^ then to be honest I am unsure what is happening

be my last weekend of freedom before i am tethered to a house!

stupid fireworks

 Evening

I slept pretty well in fact i looked at the time this morning thinking it was gonna be 3am and i could stay longer in bed but it was like 5:50am! so i got up

All day i have felt sickly anxious like when youre gonna do an exam

i got the day done at school some how but i kept stopping as my heart was going erratic and what with running around with a mask on, it was making me feel quite dizzy and faint. a few times i felt like if something was to go wrong or someone have a go at me id literally cry. very much at breaking point. my heart goes out of rhythm a lot today, mostly when I think about the house!

im just having an off day im sure

i spoke to chris and he says he has a whole week off work and nothing to do and its literally as we get the keys he has a weeks so hes kindly offered his amazing DIY and electrical skills to the bungalow and to be honest he looks more excited about doing it up than i do! and he knows how to do sooo much as hes done it all before. i hope he can help but i also dont expect it.

I got home after work feeling knackered 

it hurt to walk and joints hurt a lot so i knew i was gonna be doing yoga tonight and not a walk so after a sit with a brew i did 45mins of yoga and felt a bit better for it, helped with dinner but ended up getting Oz and the girls in half way through our dinner as the fireworks out side had reached a loud and stupid point and they dont like the noise so they came in

and its 8pm and Oz his laying under my bed, well happy, and also hot. hes been running around upstairs that much that hes made himself rather warm! but he total forgets about the fireworks when he comes in my room he loves it so much, just cus its such a rare treat for him. literally only bring him in bonfire night and the weekend it is close to as thats the worse for fireworks. keeps it a treat for him something special and distracting 

tomorrow it is friday thank bloody god

dont know how i am gonna get through the following weeks

8 days til i am a house owner..... 

Friday 13th

Po~n

I slept really well, I got up for a massive wee and kinda zombie walked to bed and slept really well dreaming of vampire ghost, and trains, and yeah it was weird but kept me asleep til 5:40am so yeah not bad at all

and the morning was fine just needed to defrost my car for the first time 0.0 cold morning

school was alright, glad the heating is on ^^

I had practicals today and they went fine~

just a tiring day really feel like I didnt stop really

when I was driving home my lips felt tingly and when I got home I realised that my lips were red and swollen and red all round them and very very very itchy 

its now 8pm and i still want to scratch my face off despite cleaning it twice and applying creams...

im not sure if i have chemical on my face from my practicals, its the only thing i can think of what could effect my face like this, sure it will be fine. I looked at 'cures' but nothing really just says it can cause skin irritation.

Not much left of my evening T^T

I had some news today

it has been confirmed that friday 13th November we will get the keys to the bungalow!

the end is finally in sight

thank god

but it also makes me want to cry and panic, i dont feel adult enough to handle this situation 

i guess its good to finally get a date confirmed even if it did end up being friday 13th XD

tomorrow just school and got practicals