it snowed and 3rd night in a row i go to bed alone

 Konbanwa~~~

I once again went to bed by myself. Jack did watch a couple of episodes of Inuyasha with me then I went to bed. It took a while to get to sleep as my mind was quite busy with one thing and another

This morning I woke up at 6am and needed to get up, for a wee and a stretch and once I was up I was  kinda awake, so I walked through to the kitchen and I noticed in the light of the street lamp that it was snowing....0.0 actual snow

I sat around for a bit then went to Oz at 7am I think I woke him up tho as he was very startled when i went to him! I let him out but it was a bit sleety at this point but Oz still went out for a bit. I did 35mins of yoga cus my god I was stiff and I havent done any yoga for several days now >< 

by the point of me finishing my routine Jack got up, simply cus he woke up and decided to come and see where I was. He said he had come to bed at 12:30pm

I said to him "I know its too dark to see but it is actually snowing!"

I got ready to go to the shops, I decided to drive as I wasnt sure what the roads were like and didnt want to give jack that stress. 

We got there fine tho and the shop was really dead. We were back home for 10am

I told mum we were home so she could come over and paint the hutch whenever. That we werent seeing Harvey and theo for a walk as its too cold and wet. she said she would come after lunch

we put the shopping away and the bathroom designer rang us up despite being told we were gonna be rung up at 7:30pm so i wasnt expecting it! I spoke to the guy -- richard -- on the phone whilst jack did whatever. he just introduced himself and told me that its a 12 week waiting list to have a bathroom fitted, that it could cost between £5000 - £7000. He asked me if i wanted to proceed and I said that I did. He then said he was coming over at 2:30pm tomorrow. I was originally told I would have to go to the store but apparently not, he's coming here! So yeah

I told jack and he was like "how can he guess the price given that he has no idea what size our bathroom is and what spec of bathroom we even want. I cant see it costing THAT much"

very valid point. I have no idea why he was able to quote us that. Cus that is a bit steep if I am honest but we shall see. We even went with Wickes cus of their offers on and that its not like high end stuff its kinda just normal average family home value. Hate to see how much bespoke high end stuff is

I went to bed as I had had enough of being in pain with my stomach. I brought some yogurt bacteria drink things to give a go. So I had one when I came in.

When I woke up jack made me eat lunch >.> just simple fruit loaf gave me stomach pains T^T

so I was once again back on the bed with heat packs on my stomach. I rang mum to see when she was coming over. and she said just 10mins

so when she came over we went into the garage where Oz was in his hutch. Mum had brought wood paint so she could paint the 'new' hutch which was at the other end of the garage. I lifted the roof/lid of the hutch and my god there must have been 100 rabbit poos in it....OZWALD!!! I said "you dirty beast! right shown me up in front of mum" so I was there sweeping out all these poos so mum could paint it. I kept her company whilst she did as I was cleaning out Oz's hutch. hardly any poos in there - i wonder why >.> the git

mum stayed for a cup of tea with Jack and Oz and me but I wasnt having a tea as I had stomach ache and didnt want to have anything. She left and me and Jack went for a little walk

since then we looked at bathrooms and I wrote down what specifications we have and any questions we can put to this richard. Then we went and made dinner we had noodles I enjoyed it but my stomach of course hated me for it. Now I am just doing my diary whilst Jack games with dungeon and dragon nerds. Its usually on a thursday night but this thursday is new years eve so they moved it

i said "another night I go to bed by myself then" he did feel guilt but I am not overly bothered. its not like its every night. just 3rd night in a row!

so its now 7:10pm and I am wondering what to do with my time, I might go and dance in the living room I would like to do some dance practice cus I have bits to learn or re-learn. I have the living room to myself and the stupid chandelier has gone too! I might do that, see Oz and then do some drawing then go bed.

Tomorrow 

apart from this richard guy coming over at 2:30pm we dont actually have any plans! so i might have a bit of an easier day tomorrow! 

New bathroom on the horizon!

 Evening

I went to bed by myself last night after Jack had watched 1 episode of Inuyasha with me

I still enjoyed myself. But does feel a bit strange getting into bed without him.

I soon fell asleep tho as I was shattered. I woke up a bit when Jack came to bed but soon dropped off to sleep. I woke up at 7:45am and got up without jack as I knew he must have come to bed late. I let Oz out and had a cup of tea. I havent actually given him anymore dry food since hes been here! he just eats loads of weeds outside, so whilst I drank my tea in silence I watched him graze from the patio doors

I wanted to get on with my morning, I wanted to dance and I knew my parents were coming over so I woke Jack up at 9:15am as that meant I had given him an extra 90mins in bed - I felt this was fair

He was reluctant to get up >.> turns out he went to bed at 1am -_____- 

this morning I danced for 15mins which isnt the usual amount I liked but I need to build myself up again and no do myself in. Also I struggle on that carpet its a lot less grippy than the one at mums and also that stupid chandelier I am also frightened of hitting. I went for a shower and Jack hoovered, he finished just as my parents arrived.

My dad was so good,  he spent like almost 3 hours with Jack putting up the wardrobes. He also took down that stupid chandelier ^^ the wardrobes look good, that room looks so different now it is unreal. We have storage space now so I can bring my clothes over! Mum and dad left and me and Jack had a late lunch cus it just took longer than anyone thought to put that wardrobe up. Dad was determined to get the job done today. Whilst he worked me and mum had gone for a cold walk in 1c coldness, then warmed up with Oz with a brew. She enjoyed seeing him ^^

she has invited me and Jack over for pizza and a buffet on news years eve :)

Me and Jack cleaned the patio doors as they were so grimy and dull and black in places so now they look almost new! they have come up amazingly. We sat and did our meal plan and shopping list. Then I talked to him about getting our bathroom re-done. We both knew that a company called Wickes is having a bathroom sale on til i think 11th January. I said to him "is it ok for me to ring for an appointment?" he said "yeah thats fine" so I did. just got up the courage and rang up right away!

and we have 3 appointments with them this week! good job we're doing this during our time off! 

so tomorrow our designer is ringing me to introduce himself and to tell us what we need for our second appointment and just to see what kinda thing we are after. Thats at 7:30pm

then we have another appointment the next day which is face to face i believe at the store thats at 2:30pm and this designer will show us what we can have for our bathroom and basically get an idea of what he needs to do for us. I think theres the possibility of of a 3D image of our bathroom. This meeting can take up to 90mins i was told

then on the saturday at 10:30am we meet with the designer in store again and we see our bathroom designed on a screen! I was told that even when we get this far we dont have to go with them we can turn this down. But I think they can do literally all of it so that would be fantastic as I need as little stress as possible. 

I felt so proud of myself for sorting all this out ^^ So Jo will now spend this week looking at bathrooms @.@ I asked jack how much of an input he wants. we came to the agreement that he will check my ideas and see if he likes them. designing and planning is not something he is good at XD

I then had awful stomach pains and had to spend some time on the toilet --____--

I fell asleep for a little while as I felt so cruddy

we had dinner when I woke up and now I am just finishing my diary so I can sit with Oz, put him home and watch some Inuyasha with Jack then I will go bed and he will game once again with Harvey and Theo.

Tomorrow we are going shopping early in the morning, sorting out the wardrobes in the spare room, like jack's clothes as mine arent here yet. and hopefully I might be able to do some drawing tomorrow as I havent found any time for myself lately but I have been achieving other things

not happy about how bad my stomach is tho

Hopefully we will get a new bathroom soon tho :D

Look how much you get done when you're high

 Konbanwa~ Otsukararesama deshita

So last night I was restless to be honest, Jack tried to calm me by watching Inuyasha with me and having hot chocolate which once again I couldnt finish so he had to finish for me ><

We went to bed and I just couldnt settle. The wind was in full force and splatting rain against our bedroom window CONSTANTLY it was getting on my nerves. Jack had fallen asleep and was heavily breathing, basically I found it all too noisy to sleep with and cus I had laid there til midnight I started aching.

I got up and took some more pain killers :/ and stayed up on my phone and then on my kindle. I thought I had settled enough and decided to try and go to bed. I stayed there til 1:30am but Jack was having some sort of dream that involved a lot of movement of his body so he kept moving, and robbing me of the covers it was doing my head in! So by 2am I was up and I thought "sod this" I ALMOST decided to go paint the spare room but thought that would be stupid so I didn't. I did decided I would go on my laptop to maybe draw. Didnt draw but instead found new music to listen to :3 So glad Yurina Hirate is back *0* At 4am I had yet more pain killers so this is twice over dosing now. But I just couldnt settle, I felt ready to start my day so I made myself a cup of tea and sat drinking it with some biscuits. at 4:45am Jack woke up for the toilet but discovered I was up. So he cuddled me and I said that now he was here I would try come to bed. I did managed to sleep but woke up at 5:45am so I had hardly been asleep but what woke me was Jack's breathing...it was ether dry or wheezing. I worried. I have never had to deal with asthma. So I watched him sleep, not wanting to wake him as he had a driving lesson for 2 hours at 8am. But I worried too much as he was still breathing like that so I woke him. He was like "everything ok?" I said "actually I was worried you werent breathing right, are you ok?" he got up and had a drink and said he just had a really dry throat. Better to be safe than sorry. Id hate for him to wake to an asthma attack. I dropped off to sleep to be woken at 7am by my alarm. So I had probably had 2 hours sleep. Jack got up and originally I was gonna get up with him but screw that I fell back to sleep instantly but got up to Jack at 7:50am as he was like "making you a brew Jo" nice of him but I also would have liked to sleep T^T but its because Oz was out playing and obviously he needs to be safe :)

I drank my tea and felt like death cus I had been popping pills throughout the night

i couldnt face breakfast so didnt bother really

I grabbed a toothbrush and began to scrub the window frames in the study and spare room as they literally had moss growing out of them. The sun was up the whole time and it was cloudless and it was nice to have such great lighting. I moved on from that and started painting the walls in the spare room.

Jack came back and saw me painting, i felt fine doing it but I was on my 3rd set off pain killers by 10am. He offered to help me but I told him it was up to him as he had just been driving for 2 hours. But he did come and paint the room with me and we got it done!

we had some lunch then went for a good walk and called in a local shop for a few bits to make soup with and came home. I let Oz out to play hes happy boy ^^ I told Jack I was gonna do the white work in the spare room which was the final thing to do. So he went to go game whilst I blasted my music out X3 So I painted the wood work, the door, the radiator, I painted a frame in the hall, the front door frame and the porch ceiling and the porch door. God I got loads done and didnt even feel tired or in pain but I was on so much pain relief. 

I shouted Jack that I had finished and he helped me clear up my mess. Then we had a brew and I scooped Oz in from outside and video called mum so she could see Oz. I told her I hadnt seen her today as the light was so brilliant and long lasting that it was perfect painting conditions. She understood. I told her how much I had done today and that I felt good. My brother came to the camera on mum's phone and said "god Jo how dilated are your pupils!?" i looked and yeah they were BIG! I looked high and I think I was. I would have kept going in fact I wanted to dance but jack was like "i think you should sit, rest. you might hit a wall" so I did take it a bit easier.

Helped with making the cheshire cheese soup which we ate in front of shakugan no shana as we have been eating in front of that. We cleared up and I decided what to do on my nails tonight, simple spots I think. Might try do some drawing tonight but not sure really. I am gonna go get Oz in for a hop round and put him to bed. Jack is gaming tonight so I am alone tonight. No Inuyasha for me

tomorrow

as I didnt see my family today and its bank holiday today they said on the phone today that they would see me tomorrow and give jack a hand with the wardrobe in the spare room. not sure what else we are doing tomorrow really. As we were suppose to be on woodwork tomorrow then wardrobe on tuesday but I just got on with it. Feel I can do more when I am off my face XD Probably best I do not take this as a life style choice as I will destroy my organs. But it got me through an otherwise long and painful day.

 Konbanwa~~

I went to bed after watching Inuyasha with Jack and I still had tummy ache

when I woke up at 3am for a wee I still had tummy ache but managed to get off to sleep

dreamed about dancing in front of an audience ^^;

I woke up at 8:30am - with stomach pains, HOW!?

My god who has stomach pains for that long 0.0

I went straight to Ozwald and let him out for a play which he enjoyed

we think he ate his weight in weeds today XD so much dead stuff in our garden right now so he loves it, he just likes rummaging around.

Today is Mia's 29th Birthday so I got some jobs done round the house in the morning then she came over with Rob, walter and winnie for a walk

I had laid out the 2 cushions i had made for her based on her dogs, on our outdoor seats. So when she arrived I told her to come round the back of the house (so then she wouldn't have to come inside) and that her presents were in our garden, she saw them and she was so surprised and really happy the gifts. 

She couldnt believe I had done them, she was like "they look just like them, did you draw round photographs!?" I said "no I looked on line at whippets and drew them" ^^; I told I her I kinda did them with her caravan in mind, hence the red backing on the cushions as I know she said she had red carpet in the caravan. she said "i had brought rubbish cushions for the caravan and regretting buying them, these are amazing as will go so well" she was dead happy with them and it makes them worth the effort. She said "just when did you have time to do these!?" cus Jo plans ahead so no one misses out, I did them in November before I had the house and had FREE TIME.

I also gave her, her birthday card which I based on the design she was selling, she loved it

we the 6 of us set off for a walk and it was nice, I think we were gone for 90 min just around the area and talked about various things, mia was happy, smiling, laughing so i think she enjoyed herself. Hard having a birthday on boxing day never mind during covid times.

we came home and said bye to mia and rob. Feels wrong not being able to invite them in for a cup of tea but hey it was still good to see them :)

I had stomach ache all the way round the walk but was determined to act totally normal so not to worry anyone. When I got in tho I had a cup of tea and put hot bags on my stomach. I had a few little chocolates and 2 biscuits with my tea and that was tipping point for my stomach. So I said to jack no lunch for me as I cant face crippling pain. So he had a pop noodle by himself.

I went to bed cus I was worn out and I needed a break from stomach pains as I had almost had them for 24 hours which is just beyond abnormal. what the hell was my stomach doing!?

Jack after spending the morning with me and mia was kinda hoping id go to sleep so he got a break XD and he went to game whilst I slept but he kept checking on Oz outside.

I woke up and went to see where my lad was and he was in a ball next to the house so I scooped him up and brought him in for a fuss. Jack noticed and spent time with us. He is really enjoying having Oz with us and says how lovely he and loves him its great ^^ Oz is just so loveable tho, even if half time he just wants a treat out of you.

we had a cup of tea when we put Oz home, I told mum I wasnt coming over for sponge and custard as my stomach was just starting to feel better after 24 hours of pain. I didnt want to push my luck. She was fine with it and says she will try see me tomorrow...think she misses me ^^;

I said to jack I was going to go paint the spare room ceiling, and that he didnt need to help me as I know he didnt want to do it really. So I started to get ready to paint and he came and gave me a hand! I was surprised as I didnt think he would. We soon discovered tho that we had run out of the white paint for the ceiling :/ but i didnt know when we go and brave the shops, as everywhere will be busy with sales. So we had a look what was left and discovered we had some of the very light grey from our hall and kitchen and I said "wanna do it in this? im fine with it, its spare room no one is bothered and its very light grey" Jack thought about it and said "yeah lets just do it" and to be honest it actually looks alright so I am glad we just went and got on with it. So we got it done quickly actually.

we warmed up our left overs which in truth ended up being as much food as yesterday!! my god. It was very very good but once again just so much food. I was struggling massively to find room in me but didnt want to waste it as it would be the last time I eat christmas dinner til next year. So I forced it down me and ended up on the floor in pain for a while but at least it wasnt like yesterday...

I was able to sit in a seat and dry pots as Jack washed up

we had Oz in for a final hop round and fuss which he loved ^^

I put him home and just doing my diary then I will wait for Jack to finish gaming and watch Inuyasha with him :) and go bed

tomorrow

we're up earlier at jack has a driving lesson for 2 hours at 8am so I will be home alone for a bit

I think I will start painting the spare room the peach colour we are going for 

then when jack comes home he will have a brew and chill out, then we are walking to the local corner shop for just a few bits to tide us over til tuesday when we plan on doing a bigger shop from a supermarket. On the way back we pass mum's house so I have told her I might pop in then leave to go have some lunch. Then finish the spare room I guess

so yeah pretty easy day ahead

I have tummy ache I wish it would go away

from here it is plain food for Jo T^T

Christmas 2020 - first christmas in the bungalow

 Evening

So last night, me and Jack watched Inuyasha before bed. 

I managed to get off to sleep pretty quickly

woke up at 2am in pain but tried to get off to sleep and I managed it, but dreamed of being in pain. Being suspended in darkness with red chains moving like snakes wrapping round each limb, tightening then pulling. When they reached my neck I woke up. I woke up at 4:45am and I think I ended up waking Jack up with the way I woke up, he held me whilst I tried to sleep but I told him "i dreamed of pain its usually a sign i need to get up" so we got up, and I had pain killers. We sat drinking tea and I was waiting for my pain killers to kick and said "we could start the dinner you know" after jack had asked if there was anything I wanted to do. He said "we actually could" our choice was to put the slow cooker on for 4 hours on high or 8 hours on slow. Obviously it will taste better slowly cooked. So at 5am thats what we did!

with the lights on in the house we must have looked dead keen from the outside to start christmas XD

we didnt have too much to do, I was in charge of meat tho. .Jack doesnt like raw meat

After that I said "im off to bed wake me up at 8am for Oz"

Jack decided to go game, I woke up by myself at 7:25am having managed a quick hour. I went straight to Oz and he was all huddled in a ball so I fussed him and went outside with him!

He did not know what to do first! his first time in the garden of his new kingdom it was lovely to see. I mean I must have looked so stupid, watching a rabbit so happily like I has never seen a rabbit before! But it was great. I was stood with all my coat and layers on whilst he had this 15mins burst of energy round the garden. He wasnt frightened he literally couldnt explore it quick enough. He kept coming to see me - for reassurance i think - i followed him around and talked to him just for reassurance as well. Until he kept going on his back legs leaning up at me and holding on to my legs - its very cute - so I picked him up for a breather and cuddled him. I put him back down but he didnt move. I think it was Oz's way of saying "I am done" so I took him in for a warm. And jack was coming to wake me up, but I was like "weve already been out!" it was before 8am tho.

He went hopping round the house and cleaned his paws and had a treat to go home with. I left his cage door open just in case he fancied coming out himself.

I mean I didnt think he would as he would have to set foot in the garage, go along the path at the side of the house, leading to the garden and he had only seen the garden. I didnt think he would have to confidence to do the garage and path with out having his hand (paw) held. Me and jack sat down with a brew and jack pointed out the patio windows, he was there!! hopping around! the cocky rabbit! he had done everything himself! So I just kept checking on him throughout the day really as he was fine.

Me and jack opened his family tradition of stocking presents first which were really nice just little things really like lip salves and chocolates. Then we opened each others presents and he loved his from me ^^ considering I had made him a cushion with cats on book shelves printed on it we named it "the Queenie cushion" as homage to his kitty yesterday. He got me....Inuyasha final act on DVD!!!! my god! i was soooooo happy. I have all the episodes of Inuyasha on dvd all 167 of them, and loved it when I was like 14 years old but I never saw how it ended 15 years later with the final act. I wanted to watch it in dubbed, wanted the dvd, both of which i gave up looking for so i gave in. And cus we have been watching Inuyasha, it came up that I have never seen how it ends. So now, in several months when we're that far, I can see how it ends!! it aired in year 2000 can you believe that!? he got me something to hold my kindle and tablet up as I struggle holding them for long so that was thoughtful and he got me a Hokusai mug ^^

I went for a shower at this point after had done our spa treatments XD

then we got Oz in side with us to open the rest of the presents which were all so lovely I cant remember the last time I was so spoiled! each of his siblings and nan got me a present...

I got things like chocolate, a mirror, bath stuff, pyjamas, rabbit ornaments, candles. 

Tara got me face packs in tubs and then a cool tea set with tea to have a go with

and mia got me candles, thumper t-shirt and hot chocolate

I then went to bed, even tho it was lovely and sunny out and I was dying to go out for a walk in it, I was just too exhausted. So went to bed and when I got up we had the job of cooking our first christmas dinner which was a mammoth job but we were massively successful. No arguments or anything it was so calm but lasted over an hour XD we sat down in front of anime. Dinner was amazing. I actuallt cant believe we managed such an amazing dinner it was sooo good and the best gravy Ive ever had.

Jack enjoyed it. I sat on the sofa and my stomach start to gripe - to be expected

so I tried to get comfy on the sofa, no, tried to get comfy on the bed, no

I suddenly went hot and ran out side for air and calmed my breathing so i was panting cus of the pain. Then my mouth filled with saliva and i thought "oh my god im gonna be sick" i thought i had actually eaten too much and my body was trying to get rid of quickly. Jack came to see if i was alright and I literally pushed him out my way to get to the bathroom sink were i was just spitting endless saliva and i was sweating so i took my jumper off. I was on the bathroom floor sat in a ball in my joggers and bra after a lovely dinner, our first christmas dinner in the bungalow and once again my illness had ruined it. Jack tied my hair up as I thought i was gonna be sick, he got me water and comforted me. It was awful, I cant remember the last time my stomach hurt THAT much. It actually felt like i had eaten scalpel blades. Such pain is not normal.

So I told him im gonna sit on the toilet for a bit so he left me. But nothing happened

so I sat on the sofa for a bit and then ran to the toilet. I was in there some time....

I came out feeling like death

I sat on the sofa in a ball, my stomach feeling like it had been kicked. it was bruised almost

Jack's family then video called so i tried to look well but luckily the connection kept cutting out so i was spared

I picked up a bit and was able to sit up, walk 

so I scooped Oz up and me and Jack went to mum's

they were expecting us but not Oz so he got such a warm welcome XD

but my god the whole 90mins we were there he slept! he was shattered!!! very cute tho

we opened presents and talked then left

my brother got me outdoor shoes for the garden to get Oz with ^^ fur lined!, incense sticks and burners 

mum got me a new electric toothbrush, pyjamas, slippers, socks, shoulder pad heater thing, bunny charm for plant pot, 

We got back and I said I still wanted to do a christmas walk despite the cold and dark and cus of my tummy ache and jack's tight chest we did a small flat walk but enough now am doing my diary, theres still pans to wash but we've had enough. My stomach kills still. its unpleasant having bad stomach ache for 5 hours straight. it's 9:40pm and Im gonna watch Inuyasha with Jack now ^^

been a much better christmas than last year, its been good i have actually had a good day ^^ I feel loved and blessed with family, friends and the sheer amount of gifts!

tomorrow

seeing my best friend in the world - Mia for her 29th birthday!

we are going for a dog walk with her and rob and jack just round here really at 10:30am

not got anything else planned~

Oz is officially in the house!

 Evening

So last night we didnt get home til gone 9:30pm and I was shattered

I couldnt wind down ether so we ended up staying up til midnight and we watched an episode of inuyasha, I had stomach ache and just felt quite down and restless but somehow managed to sleep through. Think I was just shattered -____-

This morning my god the sun was actually shining, yesterday it hammered it down the entire day and it was windy too it was just awful. Jack asked me if I wanted to go for a walk before we did jobs so I said I would but mum txted me asking if i wanted to go for a walk. Ah I was torn. So I did both ^^;

I went for a very cold walk with Jack we underestimated the weather, it was sunny but like an artic wind making it 2c outside and we didnt wrap up warm for it....so we were very very cold.

we got home and had a cup of tea and then did some mould spraying, that stuff it horrid its like bleach is spray form so it gets in your lungs and stinks the room out. 

I left Jack to go for a walk with mum, but I wrapped up more for it this time. It was nice to see her

I got home shattered, Jack had been outside the entire time, without a coat on, making the gate secure for Oz. he was freezing. So I told him to get warm inside, then his phone goes. it's his mum.

They had just been to take Queenie the family cat to be put to sleep

I shed a few tears as she was lovely, Jack tried to keep it together but he was upset no matter how much he tried to hold it together. Then he said "i cant breathe" rushed for his inhaler and started using it. Always worries me as I have never had to deal with asthma and the prospect of not being able to breathe. It doesnt run in my family but it does in Jack's. I told him to sit

i did 2 hot bags for him, made him a hot chocolate with whisky in it, made him honey fruit loaf toast and got him so ibuprofen and made him sit. I think it was a combination of the cold air, the mould bleach spray, and being upset. He was on the brink of an asthma attack. I have never seen him have an attack and I think id freak if I saw him go through an attack.

He said he could breathe but had stabbing pains in his left lung. He wanted to do the house jobs but I told him to go on his PC and do admin work then go game - thinking it will take his mind off stuff and its a sitting down activity - i went and did the house stuff. I killed the remaining mould. filled the holes and cracks in the spare room walls with plaster and tidied up. Jo was dead.

My mum and then brother rang me just as I had decided to lay down on my bed, I could finally rest now jack was feeling better and jobs were done but no people wanted to talk to me -___- i was so tired. 2 walks and house jobs and house chores and looking after jack.

Later on dad and my brother brought Oz's cage over, and mum brought Oz over with hay and sawdust and food. Mum says Oz was a bit stressed but as soon as I saw him and let him investigate the living room there was no stopping him and he cheered up ^^

we got the hutch set up and I put him home after mum had sat with us for a bit.

we had our dinner which was soup left overs and gammon cob left overs

Jack told me to open a present from his nan which is tradition he says, so we both opened a gift which was pyjamas, she likes to buy all the grandchildren new pyjamas for christmas eve. She had wrapped mine in christmas rabbit paper!! such a thing exists!? I was given dark blue bunny pyjamas with fluffy socks and Jack just plain pyjamas

then I sanded down the plaster work i had done whilst jack showered. I also finished Mia's birthday card ^^

Got Oz out and he was just so happy and off he went, he had a 45 min run around the house doing about 30 poos in  our bedroom >.> but he was happy and wanted to be with us too. I put him home and he checked his dish for a treat then checked my hand - his usual behaviour when he knows its bed time which i thought was a good sign considering he was in a new place. Hes in his usual hutch but in our garage next to the window for light. 

Then I sat down cus got I needed it, didnt get any rest with Oz in

Now just doing my diary at 9pm I am tired. But I havent eaten much today and done a lot.

I do feel better and more complete for having Oz here now, it just feels better having him here. I think he came at a good time what with Jack losing his cat. He needs fluffy pet therapy. 

Tomorrow morning I am gonna get up and give Oz the best christmas present ever - his new kingdom. He will be shown the garage floor and the garden! So I will be supporting him with that then I think I have to do another jack family tradition of opening my stocking presents at the end of the bed - they have given and filled my own stocking 0.0 his mum went to a lot of effort! Then we are getting the dinner on which we have semi-prepared. We decided to cook slow cooker leg of lamb ^^ hopefully it will go well. Then open presents I guess and have dinner and then see my family for cake and custard as is tradition X3 Just hope I sleep tonight

My picture so far

thats it now

 Evening

Last night think I drifted off before Jack came to bed, but found out this morning he had been up til 1am playing games >.> I woke up at 9am which is too late for my liking.

I tried to do some dancing this morning, I complained to Jack that the other sofa is in my way so he sorted the furniture out in the room and left me to it, he was gonna 'chill' then do his jobs when I went out. I said "no Jack im cracking the whip here, youve gamed for 4 hours every day for a few days you can bloody well get on with some jobs" he couldnt tell if i meant it or not, checked the clock to see it was almost 10am and said "yeah fair I'll get on with it" I went to dance but I need that stupid old chandelier taking down cus I was worrying about hitting it, I had new socks on so I was slipping around so my foot work was terrible. And what was worse was that dances I have done quite literally 100 times I could not remember how to do them...complete mental block like I had forgotten how to dance. Awful awful session. I gave up and did some yoga then took a shower

When I got out I left Jack with his list of chores and went over to mum's she made me a cup of tea and I sat with her and Oz then got on with the sewing I needed to do. She wants two cushion covers making for her friend's bday in January. I worked hard on it but couldnt do a design I wanted so gave up and just did standard cushions. But mum was more than happy with the end result.

I sat with Oz again and the girls as well. I had lunch with mum as well. I remembered that I still hadnt got mia a birthday card. I usually make one but I just havent had time. So I did that as well! taking inspiration from a design of card she designed and sells herself and did my own version of it XD I hope she likes it and finds it funny. Took some more bits over to my house as well

I got back and me and Jack had a brew

he told me he had managed to clean the garage - I havent been to inspect

blocked one end of the garden where Oz could get out but hasnt done the gate as it hasnt stopped slating it down today so he didnt want to get too soaked which is fine

he didnt stick the coving up as he said it's a 2 man job - which yeah fair

and he hoovered and tidied up

brought all the pieces of the wardrobe inside from the garage from Oz's teeth

cleared the spare room so we can redecorate in there

so I was mighty pleased with how much he did

we finished our tea and went to go do the coving, which did take us both to hold up. We had 5mins before 'no nails' set. it took jack 3 mins to actually put it on the coving, we were using his phone to time us. and then we had 2 mins to hold the bugger up! its made of plaster so its quite weighty but its still holding!

we warmed up our left over pasta as well and had that

we finished today what we do in the shadows, glad theres a season 3 ^^

just not sure what to watch next really.

Then we had the job of taking over Jack's family's presents. He thought we wouldnt be allowed in due to covid. I drove us in the pouring rain, it was dark and puddles the size of lakes on the roads. Like I had to use other lanes to get out of the reach of the puddles! Jack said he would drive back but I said I was struggling so her certainly isnt driving back.

We gave them their presents at the door and they welcomed us in....

was not expecting to be invited in. i had my scruffs on, messy hair, crippling tummy ache from dinner and my pain killers were due in an hour

she kept us on the other side of the room and didnt come near us, it was like the family vs jack and Jo XD but i enjoyed seeing them I just ached and had stomach ache and was tired. I couldnt moan too much as we got told that the family cat has days to live basically. So Jack, who loves his cat, it was his last time to see the cat. But he sat her on his knee and fussed her but that was it....like id be in pieces.

we left at gone 9pm and I had to drive back shattered. They gave us a boot full of presents, literally only just fit them in my car 0.0 jesus....

I asked jack how he was feeling about the cat he said he was just keeping it together, he wanted to cry. But I knew his mum was only just keeping together so Im guessing he was staying strong for her. Wondered why he was a bit absent of emotion. But yeah. Queenie is sweet tho. I feel bad for them seeing her so poorly.

I came home ranting about tummy ache, aches, it was 9:30pm and I wasnt in my pyjamas so jack was like "so go sort yourself out!" XD i just like ranting at him

walked into the bedroom and stripped off and caught my reflection in the mirror....

i have gone a long time without seeing my naked reflection

i could have cried. honestly i dont know how i kept it together

I HAD NO IDEA THINGS WERE THIS BAD

I AM FAT

no other words. My body is hideous. awful.

I cant look again. 

i hate it so so so so much. I want to cry

i texted mum saying i didnt know i had let things get this bad

so thats it now. no treats for Jo

it's 10:30pm I still have tummy ache and cant stop thinking about my weight

god knows if i will sleep. i just want to cry and let it out.

typically i have been good today - mentally

tomorrow

christmas eve, have nothing planned other than seeing mum and Oz and finishing Mia's birthday card