Our Bathroom

 Evening

I slept really well after watching an episode of Inuyasha with Jack, he finished gaming with Theo and Harvey for 10pm ^^

My alarm went off at 7:20am, think I mumbled out "let Oz out" and went to sleep. Next thing I knew it was 8:30am!!!! Jack had kindly let Oz out for me ^^

As soon as I had breakfast I was cutting up raw pork for this evening, doesnt phase me

This morning I worked on my display picture and did some chores round the house, cus I need breaks from sitting down.

My mum came over to see me/us in the afternoon and had a brew with us :)

I took her home tho as she walked over and it decided to chuck it down. As it was 4:30pm I suggested taking Oz over too as we would be taking him over in the morning for bunny daycare anyway so he has gone over, mum had cleaned his cage out so hes got fresh cage.

But I always miss him when he's not here!

So when I got back I did dinner as I was hungry T^T sick of being hungry and never full for long. Carbs really do work ><

After dinner I told jack he could go game with harvey and theo if he wanted to. I have a headache and just feel like monging out so I have just been quiet and doing a bit of painting here and there just between coats drying kinda thing. Gonna eat my treat of a pomegranate whilst Oz isnt here. He gets disappointed when I eat something he doesnt like, so usually I eat orange at night with him, Oz does not like Pomegranate.

think jack is coming off his game at 10pm so we can watch inuyasha together and go to bed.

as tomorrow it is school. jack has campaigned against school/head teacher saying he will not be 'babysitting' the children. So he is coming into school same days as me but whereas I am 'babysitting' he will be doing technician jobs. He offered to campaign on my behalf so I wouldnt have to babysit again but I told him I was fine and didnt want to pee off the headteacher...its one of things i got upset over the other day as it stressed me out. I have no clue what I will do during lesson tomorrow tho :/ but I get a covid test should I want one.

so yeah thats tomorrow,  i will be putting a stew on in the morning which I will be totally winging as I have never made a stew before and I havent looked at any recipes ether!

Oh and here is our bathroom, finished in all it's glory. It is bloody glorious as well, LOVE IT!

sadness, 1.1kg, hamster

 Evening

I am back

after a few emotional and somewhat i guess depressing days

just havent been myself at all and have cried a fair amount too

ok truth is i have been crying so much my skin on my face was sore and my eyes stung and even after sleeping my eye lids were still red and puffy. Thats how much i have cried -_____-

I am not even sure what I have been so upset about. I have just been really...sad I guess :/

Just like a dark cloud swallows you up sometimes. I fall victim to it and cant get out of it. I feel next to nothing apart from sadness. My love for Jack disappears. Its so bazaar. The human mind is strange. I think I just close off from everyone. My love for Oz never changes tho.

Not much happened over the weekend, apart from my family coming to see the bathroom which they liked. and got a few jobs done. About it.

Yesterday I felt more myself and got more done and even went out side for a walk

Today I woke up and really had that monday feeling

I feel kinda ok, no where near as bad as I what I was feeling

i guess being on this diet doesnt help! Since wednesday I have lost 1.1kg! thats quick weight loss huh

I am eating constantly!

Today we got the bathroom finished as we needed to paint the ceiling and jack helped me with that

so its finished and I plan to take the photos tomorrow!

I saw my mum for a walk

made lamb mince burgers for dinner which jack appreciated ^^ i have been doing really well with my cooking and I never look at recipes ether 

Tonight Jack is gaming, he hasnt been gaming much as he has been practically babysitting me in my fragile like state...think he dare not leave me unsupervise. yes things were that bad

Tomorrow

just working from home really

might do some dancing or go for a walk

its less than a week until my birthday

people keep asking "what you gonna do for you birthday?"

well its winter and we're in lockdown ^^; I would LOVE to go for a walk in the woods but its all weather dependant isnt it.

then people ask me "anything you would like for your birthday?"

I HAVENT GOT A CLUE!!!! 

Jack has been toying with the idea of getting me a hamster, something to keep me occupied in the evenings XD and to give me some happiness but my mum think it is a bad idea and will give me more to do and stress over. I am in two minds, I think I have Oz who I dearly love but sometimes he is busy or needs to go home, I have enough in my life, but then a hamster is easy and I love them they are very cute and I feel it would make me happy. Just I would need Jack to pitch in a bit as Oz is mine and MY responsibility so to give me two pets seems a bit much but then my friends have had or got dogs! And a hamster is loads easy compared to dogs! I dont know I am still thinking. They are cute and I have a cage. I feel if i get one my mum will disapprove even tho she doesnt live here XD 

We have a new bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Evening

We went to bed around 10pm as I was so damn tired

I ended up waking up suddenly at 2am with awful stomach pains and the need to vomit

not only that but I was cold and sweating. I thought to myself "am I sick?"

I felt really unwell, I left the bed slowly and stayed in the living room for a couple of hours til 4am and when I felt better I went back to bed. I got up at 7:30am for Oz and I knew matt would be coming over.

This morning I felt like death and looked paler than usual for me

I didnt do much at all and couldnt even be bothered to talk to jack, or eat

by 10am I had crawled back to my bed and went to sleep for an hour, felt a little bit better

I kept having Oz in for company and for my mood

Mum came over at 2pm, just when matt was clearing up as he had finished our bathroom!

God the transformation is amazing! I am in love with it and very very grateful 

grateful that we could afford it, get booked in so fast, and for the meticulous matt

his workmanship is utterly amazing. His attention to detail....it amazes and impresses me

doesnt do things by halves anyway. 

But everything is fresh, clean, inviting, warm and ours

it works for us. and helps my health. I am very happy

the ceiling and door needs painting but thats it everything is done. Mum says if she has nothing else to do tomorrow she will come over and clean our bathroom whilst we are at work. We weren't allowed to clean it today due to sealants still setting. We could use the facilities just not scrub them!

So we havent put everything in it yet cus it needs a cleaning down. everywhere is a tad dusty ^^;

I went for a walk with mum we were gone an hour, it was probably a 45min walk but mum walks a bit slower than me. Although she did tell me to slow down today not for her but for me she said my breathing was awful, i hadnt noticed! I think I am so used to weezing! I felt a bit brighter after my walk 

she came in for a cup of tea

then after she left, I ran a bath - not a stupid hot one just a normal one and we took baths after one another then had dinner. I had a leftover from mum - which was safe on my diet - jack on the other hand had some greasy fritters and kieves -____- any chance to have something not home made and full calories and he is there, just like my brother XD He was happy with his food

after dinner we did a couple of jobs, I got my new 60 litre red bin out nicknamed 'postbox' into the kitchen cus god i hated our kitchen bin. youd think a bin is a bin....just no. So thats one less thing in the craft room anyway! slowly clearing that room so I will be able to get it up and running. i suggested to jack last night that we wallpaper the craft room during february half term and he seems ok about that just says it may not be the best job ever XD

So now I am by myself as Jack plays his dungeon and dragons

he wont be done til gone 10pm so I will be in bed before then no doubt. I have however set aside a whole pomegranate for myself. My treat~ so I will eat that after I have had my Oz out for the evening. He is at bunny daycare tomorrow as we are at school doing our pointless babysitting with covid kids XD Jack has a meeting with the head teacher at 11:30am he has already told me he is apprehensive about it. 

first covid test, and testing for asthma

 Evening

Typically I had bad night sweats. Like woke up TWICE dripping with sweat, my pyjamas were damp for gods sake. Typical on the morning I can't use the bath!!!!!!

So when I got up I had to mop my body with a cloth which made me feel marginally better

Jack drove us to school

School was DULL

all the teachers I had bumped into said the same quote

"its baby sitting"

"it's easy"

"youll be fine"

"its boring"

all of the above were correct

I have literally sat in a computer room with about 8 children whilst they did their online learning, I sat and painted stuff for displays. Dull really theres only so long painting grabs my interest

I did however have my first covid test! Jack totally wussed out, he said 'he didnt have time' time out from babysitting? wuss

so yeah it actually wasnt that bad, it made my eyes water but that was all. The set up was more weird. It was the reception staff in the p.e. changing rooms all on their own sector doing different things, then we had to wait in the shower cubicles to keep us separate whilst we waited for the results. Luckily mine was straight up negative :) 

I had lunch with jack and returned to lesson

jack drove us home at the end of the day. We saw matt who said he had not been having a good day. the bathroom had really tested him....still not finished but we all get crap days. 

he stayed til like 7pm tho.....

we left at 4pm to see mum, have a brew with her and Oz

jack waited in my car for me whilst I went doctors

the nurse says it sounds like asthma but to get the correct diagnosis i have to chart my results for a month using a peak flow metre. so yeah. She also took my blood pressure and weight

blood pressure 106/70

weight 68.8kg

thats low bloody pressure even by my standards, and my god i cant remember the last time i weighed that!!!!!!!!!!! glad im going on this diet i fricking need it. bloody chunky beast.

we popped by mums for oz, did dinner but didnt eat til matt left. then I had a very hot bath as I ached like mad from sitting so long in my seat today >< 

then just sat with Oz, painted my draws and did chores. its 10pm i have washing to hang out then im gonna watch inuyasha with Jack

tomorrow just working from home really

Mummy's birthday

 Evening

Didn't sleep to great, kept waking up so I was quite tired when I woke this morning

the snow was still on my car ><

I had breakfast, didnt bother getting changed out my pyjamas, grabbed Oz and went to mum's

She was surprised to see m at 8:25am X3 I managed to see her for half hour before work anyway

whilst she was out I did 20mins of dancing but soo became shaky so I stopped and showered

I got all mum's presents together and cards, made her a cup of tea as she came in and had the girls on the sofa waiting for her. They were all after my banana so I had no choice but to share that with them....

Mum loved her presents from me ^^ I was pleased. I was just sad that i couldnt do much with her. It was raining, freezing and in lockdown.

But we sat and talked and then I said to her that I must do some work. She made cakes and I helped decorate them. Her friends came to the door to drop gifts off. One brought their 2 year old grandson, the first time I have seen him! He is the son of someone I was in class with in primary and secondary school, so seeing his child is an odd experience. But he was very sweet, surprised to say how mischievous his dad is XD I was dreading mum coming away from that and talking about grandchildren but luckily she didnt as children would be in the end of me.

Jack rang before he came over and said that matt had sealed the bath so it was unusable tonight AND tomorrow morning T^T so it meant we both had to shower at mums tonight as we have school in the morning. So he came over, ate cake with mum and had a shower. I sadly had to miss out on cake due to my diet >.> 

We decided to leave Oz there as we would only be bringing him home to take him back in the morning, didnt seem worth it. So I have left him at mum's which always feels wrong to me.

we made dinner when we got in, good job as I was so hungry. This diet is hard. and its only day 2!

then I was painting my dressing table, only painted 2 draws so nothing major.

Jack isnt gaming with anyone tonight so it will hopefully be an early night with inuyasha :D

I miss having hot chocolate whilst watching it tho 

day 2 and already missing things XD

tomorrow

I am going to school to supervise children. I am to be sat with year 7 (11-12year olds) in the computer room and find some work to do. I feel it will be a boring experience for all involved.

I am offered a covid test as well but I will see how i feel about having that done 0.0

then after school at 5:10pm I have an appointment with the nurse to see if I am asthmatic or not. Fingers crossed I am not asthmatic! 

next birthday in the family is me!! less than 2 weeks i will be 29 ><

walking at night, alone in -6c + Diet starts today!

 Evening

So last night....

after being with Oz and then clearing out the craft room, I was set to do exercise

but every time I had been out to Oz I noticed how lovely and peaceful it was everywhere with the several inches of snow.

So it was 9pm and I decided to go for a walk, Jack would be gaming for a while yet and my phone was charging. Couldnt see the harm in popping out for a bit. Didnt think my absence would be noticed.

I walked the streets, my feet slowly going numb along with the rest of me. But I enjoyed it. All the main roads were dead it was silent everywhere. It was so strange but peaceful I loved it. But I noticed my joints were starting to hurt and I was getting rather cold due to it being -6c

I got back and opened the door to find Jack on the other side of it....it was also 10pm....

Jo was gonna get it

So yeah Jack was not pleased ^^; he quietly seethed. He was just worried and said he had no idea where I was and that he'd contacted my mother as he was worried where I was. To take my phone next time. to tell him next time. To not go off into the night by myself...yeah...Jo was not in good books. But he didnt shout at me and soon relaxed. His breathing/asthma wasnt right tho as he had been out to look for me and I thin he had been a bit anxious/panicked.

I ran a bath which caused my body to sting, then have pins and needles, then felt swollen. Was quite odd to feel all that in a bath but jack said it was cus i had been in the cold for an hour and then in a flesh scolding bath. We watched Inuyasha together and I had a milk hot chocolate. My last treat for weeks/months. we went to bed at like 11:30pm

I slept pretty well and when i woke up at 7:45am, the snow was still there.  I txted matt to say we both live in hilly areas and we understand if he doesnt come today. He said his road was bad but he did come at 10am when the sun had been out a few hours which did help with the snow.

He continued working on our bathroom it feels very warm and cozy in there ^^

I was not having a good day, aftermath of walking in the cold at night -_____-

my joints ached and i felt rough so I had a slow start to my day. Not to mention the lack of sugar due to my diet!!! I did 40mins of yoga to try help loosen things along. Jack helped me make my soup for the week. Then once I had eaten my soup my mum came round to talk to matt what she wants ordering for their downstairs bathroom as matt is doing it on monday. Then we both went for a walk it was a short walk as mum finds walking on snow/ice hard as shes very tense, she worries massively about slipping. But I was glad to get out.

When I came back I worked on my picture, made a good dent in the outline

Had Oz in a few times as usual. He is on his diet too and dont i know. He is so food aggressive and throws paddies XD i cleaned him out this afternoon and hes wrecked his cage!! my god. the attitude. 

I had a look at my manga and pulled some pages out to decopauge onto my dressing table. But I realised I need my paintbrushes >< So I need to grab them from mum's so I can start putting colour onto the wood. Jack keeps encouraging me to work on it he says i need to do something for myself. He worries about me as I have been so low and not my self for a few days now....

Tomorrow

IT'S MUMMY'S BIRTHDAY!

I have said I will work from her house tomorrow so that she has company :) I am taking Oz over as well. She doesnt know that am I coming over as early at 8:15am tho! she thinks I will come over after 11am. So yeah I will see her and the sows in the morning :) 

It means whilst she is out I can dance and shower. Matt is ripping out our toilet tomorrow so that will be out of use for a few hours anyway so I am kinda glad I will be over at mum's! Jack said he will come over around 4pm to see mum for a cup of tea and come home with me and Oz. I cant eat mum's birthday cake but I am fine with that. Sick of eating food that hurts anyway. never thought id say id be fine with missing out on cake! But yeah thats tomorrow

my god I have missed biscuits and chocolate today T^T

Start my diet tomorrow...

 Konbanwa 

I slept pretty well last night despite the fact that I bit into my pillow as I dreamed of biting into my dad's hand, Jack told me to "calm down" in his sleep XD

I got up at 8am for my Ozwald

I wanted to get the shopping trip done out the way today so set off at like 9am for the shops, the car park was pretty empty and we got there and the store doors didnt open....yeah what time does the store open? ^^; a security guard saw us and we asked him what time the store opens and he asked if we were teachers or NHS so jack showed his school card the guy let us in! Said the store opens early for school and nhs workers! how lucky was that. But it was dead strange there could have only been like 5 other customers in the whole supermarket! dead weird. the lights were dimmed as well and only one check out open. Weird. but really quiet, we got all we needed dead fast and its less covid chances too.

The shop was a bit more expensive than usual simply because i needed stuff for my delightful Auto Immune Paleo Diet I am starting tomorrow -__________- 

we got back and unpacked and then I had a  bath, proudly announcing to jack that i had been to the shop in pyjama top under my coat XD

Then we did a few jobs really, supported jack with putting up a curtain pole in the spare room so the spare room is pretty much done really. We sorted out a bit of crap in the craft room. Had lunch and stuff

I fell asleep for a bit as I was just fed up with life and had no energy despite there sheer amount of sugar and calories i have consumed today. Making up for the fact i wont see sugar for weeks maybe months!

When i woke up I could hear jack gaming, i looked out my window to see several inches of snow and decided not to go see my mum but to ring her instead and had Oz with me as well

cooked the dinner and cooked all my meat for this week. I also made a tomato sauce just off the top of my head with stuff in it i can eat on my diet so i have something to dip my sweet potato wedges in. tastes ok. and with this diet YOU NEED TASTE as everything is just fruit and veg.

I cleared away then walked into the craft room, i can work better without jack the horder round my heels so i threw out a load of crap and I can actually see floor! he's just gaming so I am just leaving him to it. I sat with Oz for 45 mins the whole time we laid on the floor, forehead to forehead and he just slept whilst i felt his warm breath on my skin. Love my Ozwald. he was happy to be warm I think.

Now I need to do some exercise. Very tempted to go for a walk in the several inches of snow then come in for a bath. Just seems to peaceful and still out there and snow is such a rarity. 

Tomorrow

I start my diet -____- the same diet, the same time as last year. But hey I am looking forward to not having stomach pains after every meal. But good bye to all my beloved treats

I will be working from home, promised jack id ring the doctors to talk about if i have developed asthma. Something I should have got checked out about 14months ago but was being too stubborn about not wanting another condition/label. But sometimes i sound exactly like weezy from toy story 2 and jack wont stop banging on about it >.>