Nailed the bacteria and weekend tomorrow!!

 Konbanwa~~

I managed my exercises last night, once I had finished I ran a bath only then did my stomach decide to die on me. So I sat on the toilet dying, next to my hot bath ready for me. It was like some sick punishment....I was late for bed anyway so I didnt see the harm in staying up later and watching anime with jack. But felt like I needed a more relaxed anime so we watched Fruits Basket and went to bed. I slept well but took me til almost midnight to get to sleep as I was a bit anxious about school

I got up and died on the toilet as thats just how I roll in the mornings

god I felt like death after that

We didnt take Oz to mums as she was gonna come over to see Oz and do some gardening. So we went straight to school and was some how on time

I had a busy day but not as busy as yesterday

I had success with my bacteria

Look at this slope~ Bacteria has grown!

I got it all set up and for the double practical and felt anxious about it all, as soon as it was over I felt so much better! I totally nailed that practical as well~ the teacher (head of biology) was grateful I had done such a good job. I did a bit of reading too and just prepping lessons mainly. Didnt do a lot in the morning as I was like death but my afternoon was much more proactive and productive

we came home and mum was still gardening! she's a bugger she gets too carried away I hope she is ok and not hurting with her back or anything. She came inside for a brew and Jack hit the whiskey as its been that sort of a week. Didnt blame him I was tempted to over dose.

I did dinner when mum left and after dinner went on my laptop and bought a couple of cheap hair clips and then posted my food picture on instagram - Lunatique_designs

Now I think I will do my work out then sit with Oz as he seems busy and happy outside. but I shall see.

Got my exercises to do yet. Jack is playing dungeon and dragons til 10pm so i am on my own anyhow.

tomorrow

thank bloody god it is the weekend tomorrow. To not have to wake up at 6:20am I can not wait.

Depending on how I feel we might go to the shops or I might just walk over to mums and do some painting as I have a couple of birthday cards to make

after that I have no idea what I will do, maybe digital drawing. Its gonna pee it down all weekend again anyway so Im not planning for anything.

my life on repeat

 Evening

I did yoga with Jack, had a hot chocolate and watched Inuyasha then was in bed for 9:45pm I had had enough and slept through the night

Today I didnt have to die on the toilet which was as we were actually on time for school

School was hard, just a  lot to do and a lot of running around, and of course I had my bacteria to do, which had grown over night! I took these cloudy bottles of bacteria to show the biologists - just so they would be happy that I was able to produce results again ^^ Took me ages to get all my jobs done and I was so much pain for whatever reason, pain was just bad today, I also had the headache I have been having for about a week now and of course just being tired.

fed up

I txt mum at lunch saying "think I can manage a tea with you later" but I felt so knackered

got to 3pm I txt her saying "I am done mum, I am sorry but it will just be collection today"

we collected Oz who I had to round up from beneath a heather hes made a warren under. I felt my eyes welling up with tears as I told my mum that I was sorry I didnt have time for her and that I am exhausted.

We came home and jack laid out the picnic blanket and made us tea we drank it outside with Oz who kept running across out blanket as he likes the crinkly sound he can make on it. I relaxed a bit as I had my pain killers. I did dinner whilst Jack showered

I ate dinner and of course had tummy ache. I laid in a ball on the sofa and kept falling asleep, Jack in the end bought Oz in to wake me as he said if I slept now I wouldnt sleep tonight which is totally right and I glad he kept waking me.

So I spent some time with Oz who yawned in my face, did a stretch and poos fell out him  bum -___- incontinent Oz? just gross. Then when i took him home he bit my thumb as he was so quick to snatch the treat from my fingers that he caught me. I know it was accidental so I didnt yell or anything.

Now I will do my exercises as this is my life

I wake up, get ready for school, school, home, cook food, stomach pains, exercises, bath, bed

repeat

and any time I gain at the weekend goes to others and house work

my life

this is my life

I am constantly tired and in pain and have to do things as this my life now

I am doing so well to hold back the tears as I write this

just had enough

I need my body to get better but doesnt seem to be happening any time soon

Jack is gaming with Harvey and Theo, i told him I dont care when he comes off as I will go to bed without him, feel bad keep making him have early nights with me.

Tomorrow is school and thank god its friday. 

I have my big double practical which I will be glad when its over. then it will be the weekend were I have to do all my chores and see family.......I sometimes feel like overdosing just so I can sleep for days but I know overdosing doesnt work that way

well best get on with those exercises

I did so well with my blood test!

 Konbanwa

I had lost the will to live last night -____- I had had enough~

I just felt exhausted and achy, knew I had a blood test in the morning and school and just felt like after half hour dying on toilet that the world just must hate me.

I had a quick shower, listened to the thunder and lightening and went to bed.

Yup I went to bed without even saying goodnight to Jack. He was happy gaming and I didnt wanna put a downer on his evening as I could hear he was happy talking with people so I just took myself off to bed at 9:30pm, he came to bed at 10:15pm but I didnt speak to him I just wanted to be alone.

I slept really well as it goes

But felt totally numb to everything. To say I had a blood test I felt no anxiety. No love for Jack, nothing really, just numb. I still got up with Jack and had breakfast with him and watched him leave. He told me I would be fine and to txt him how it goes. Head of science came to pick him up

I fussed Oz for a bit inside which was nice, then I walked over to mum's at 8:15am, sat with her and the girls which was nice then we went to the doctors. I still didnt feel anything even in the car. I just shut off but cant choose when I shut my emotions to the world.

I was called through as soon as I walked through the doors and I didnt feel nervous. Its so werid as usually I am so worked up by this point

My lovely nurse saw to me and I was sooooooooooooooo good. I actually spoke during my blood test! usually I am mute as I cant even think to talk or im passed out. I spoke and made sense! So strange. This never happens. I also left the room ok too, usually it takes me a while to get into the corridor where I regain myself then I leave. But I didnt need my pit stop in the corridor I just left. I was so good. Mum said I only went a bit clammy as opposed to the bucket of sweat drenched clothes I usually am.

We got home and I had a sweet up of tea as bloody hell I had earned it.

I told Jack how I got on. I sat with mum for a short while then she dropped me off home. I ate some nuts whilst Oz had a quick stretch outside then I gave him a quick cuddle and put him in the garage. I left for school at 11am. Jack and Chris had suggested I had an early lunch at home before I came back to school, however I had said to school id be back around 11am and I did feel ok so I saw no point in delaying it and besides I wanted to have lunch with Jack and Julia. I got to school around 11:20am

I was playing catch up all day at work tho, had a lot to do so I was rushing around and wearing myself out quite nicely. But people asked how I got on - everyone knows Jo doesnt do blood tests. I could actually proudly tell people how well I did. I started my bacteria off as well and got all my jobs done!

I was knackered, Mia had txted to see if I wanted to go a walk but I had no energy for that. I sat down on the sofa, drank my brew and fell asleep for half hour >< shattered.

I was sooooooo grateful I hadnt got to cook dinner as I put stew on before my blood test, the thai stew was bloody amazing.

Jack cleared up, we did some yoga whilst watching Oz in the garden, then Jack sat with Oz whilst I had a bath then he went in the bath whilst I am doing my diary.

We're gonna have hot chocolate and watch inuyasha then go bed

tomorrow got school and a lot of bacteria to be doing

maybe I am improving with blood tests ^^

My work is going into other schools

 Evening

I did 40mins of exercise last night, did quite well! Then had a quick bath. etc

I slept better last night thank god

Today at school, it was an alright day. I did my 50 petri dishes of nutrient agar, so I truly stunk the prep room out as that stuff stinks and had to make up 3 batches of the stuff to make up 50 petri dishes

Chris saw me and said my picture about no eating or drinking was viewed by the senior leadership team of the school, they thought it was amazing and said it speaks for its self no text was needed. Not only that but the sister high school is having and it might go into some primary schools! It has been printed on our printers so far but its getting professionally printed for the classrooms!! I can't believe how well its been appreciated! Jo has done well ^^

Been hungry all day tho

mum bought Oz home midday as she said he neighbour had rented a machine out to flatten their garden so it was so loud and Oz seemed stressed with the noise so hes been playing in tha garage most of the day XD so i havent seen mum since saturday really.

We came home and let Oz out the garage, had a brew and did dinner and also got ready for the stew tomorrow morning, having thai stew!

After dinner I rested on the sofa as I had a bit of stomach ache. Now I am with Oz who is hungry as he's always hungry this time of day >.>

Not sure what exercises I will do yet

tomorrow

oh god tomorrow....blood test

dont wanna wake up tomorrow TT^TT dont want tomorrow to happen

I am still getting up at normal time for Jack, he's getting picked up by head of science in his big black 4x4 XD

I am going to mum's to sit with the guinea pigs and then go for my blood test. I told school I will be back for 11am but Jack says if I need to have an early lunch at home to help recover then do so. he doesnt want me in school like death 

Just dont want to go through any of it as i am already very anxious T^T

No eating or drinking sign finished!

 Konbanwa~~

Last night I did my work out whilst Jack watched trash tv XD

dinner with my ex it was called

where the hell do they get the people to go on this show? Jack makes me laugh how he can watch these things, he says it makes him feel like I better person XD

We were in bed for 10:15pm, I had done my nails so I felt I had done something for  myself and they turned out ok actually.

I didnt want to go to school tho, woke up 5mins before my alarm so it was nice waking up on my own terms and not waking up to the alarm, feels like point to Jo XD

I got ready for school and went a bit punky today with a red & black stripped neck bow, bat wing hair clips and red shorts, black tights. Jack said I looked cute and tempting XD

School was actually ok, my anxieties about the bacteria have been lessened by a simple list.

I wrote down Monday to friday on a scrap piece of paper and wrote down every bacteria step I need to do on each day and then I filled out the other days with other technician tasks. I instantly felt better.

Jack said later on "do you want like a white board were we put up your tasks for the week?"

I said "yeah I do actually, and I will fill out the following week's tasks on fridays then Im not worrying about it over the weekend" so thats what we are gonna do

i did my normal jobs of prepping lessons and then I spent the rest of the day drawing the No eating and drinking sign chris wants, I got it finished!!

He is pleased with it, he is going to put the text on it as I didnt know what was suppose to be on it, I only wanted to do the image. It might go round other schools! Then I drew a G-clamp for Jack as he wanted to do something with it. Then it was home time really.

We collected Oz on the way home, he is so sweet but mum said she had chased him off her plants a few times today >.>

We got home and sat inside with a brew and i had pain killers, I keep getting that splitting headache. had it on and off for 4 days now.

I did the faffy dinner of pasta but it was really good, Jack cleared up and did other house chores cus I had a bit of tummy ache and sat with Oz.

I will do my exercises next, not sure what exercises I will do as my tummy hurts a bit

then bath~~

tomorrow is school

just normal technician jobs and need to draw 100g mass weights for Jack, its nice having the option of doing digital work at school~

No time to myself it goes to others EVERY TIME EVERY WEEKEND

 Evening

I did a good 45mins sesh last night did a HIIT workout which wasnt too bad but didnt enjoy it, had a bath and a pamper then watched Inuyasha with Jack

Woke up a lot in the night cus I wake up to Jack breathing/snoring. I got up at 7:30am and thought "If I get my chores done this morning I will have all day to actually do something for myself"

So I cleaned the toilet, did laundry etc

we went shopping and I cleaned Oz out and made soup all before midday, Jack was fixing a leak I came across this morning under the kitchen sink, he did so well fixing it ^^

So just when I thought Id have some actual ME time

Jack's mum txt can she come over to drop some stuff over.....

cant say no can I when we see my mother so much

So she came over with Jack's step dad, but it wasnt dropping anything over no no it was a come in and have a brew stay.....its lovely to see them I like seeing them and all that. its just I had worked so hard this morning so I could have some time to myself, to draw, to mong out, to not have to talk or entertain people. So that was it then. Afternoon gone as they didnt leave til gone 3:30pm -_________-

I ranted off at Jack that I get no time to do anything for myself, he gets to game EVERYDAY, I have to sit with Oz EVERY NIGHT as hes MY reasonability, I NEED to work out EVERY DAY to help my pain so I lose time to that and for what? doesnt help anyway, I miss out on nice tasty sweet food cus of this diet and for what? doesnt work anyway. Massive rant. I was tired and fed up of life

I have done nothing for me this whole weekend

a whole weekend gone to others.

Jack told me to go get some drawing done so I did, and then I had to break off shortly to do dinner, I didnt even have my 4pm brew cus I wanted to draw. I did have my 4pm tablets and for some odd reason took a sleeping tablet! I was too busy talking to jack and was thinking 'hope I sleep tonight' and took a sleeping tablet without thinking!! I chilled out tho! Pain killers and sleeping tablet really helped me chill out XD

After dinner I did a bit more drawing, so my blood bath girl is coming along but its slow and Im on the bath which I will find difficult. 

Jack is sitting with Oz as he said he will sit with Oz for me, then I will work out (pointlessly) and have a bath and go to bed. To be back at sodding work tomorrow morning where I will have to endure another 5 days before I can recover and maybe do something for myself.

life sucks

why did I move out? do everything round here. Life is no better  

Keep putting on weight, played salon

 Evening

I did my work  out last night which was just over 40mins

I was txting my brother asking if he wanted a hair cut as his getting long and his hair dresser was closed cus of covid, hes got to find somewhere new to go which isnt easy for my brother. So I thought I would offer my services but he said he was fine.

I had a bath but not my usual hot drink and banana as my stomach felt a bit off so I didnt want to push more down it.

I slept ok, I woke up a few times thinking "what the hell is that sound" just Jack breathing....

I woke up at 8:45am by the sound of my phone getting a message from mum. wanting to see if I was coming over this morning. I txt her back saying "you woke me!" it was fine. Jack came into the room and was like "I have just managed to sneak out the bedroom as well" I got up anyway >.>

This morning til about 4pm it has rained none stop. Miserable day -_____-

So I don't feel like I have done a great deal. This morning at 11am I went over to mum's after I had died twice on the toilet of course T^T Oh and I weighed myself. 64.3kg.....how unfair is that. 

I have put weight on

lost a percentage of muscle

and gained a percentage of fat

despite me using weights and not digesting my food for best part of the week

I dont know why I bother!

Jack said "you dont know how accurate those scales are I wouldnt worry."

true true. But doesnt make me feel any better >.> feel like I work for nothing

last week i was 63.1kg I was sure I was finally gonna be in the 62kg section. Maybe need to do more cardio? But its hard and I worry about pushing myself too hard and being too tired for work.

At mums I had a cup of tea with mum and the sows, my brother was in the room too so it was nice to see him as well. Dad was at work but I saw him just as I left at 1pm.

I came home and had my lunch then went to bed, I didnt want to but my body is always exhausted come the weekend so I have to give in to it. Besides not a lot else I could be doing it was raining and dont really wanna go anywhere during covid times

speaking of which it will be no longer mandatory for kids to wear masks in schools on 17th may....we havent even had our first vaccination yet! far too soon for masks to be coming off.

I was woken once again by my phone, from my brother calling

can I cut his hair....I offered man! I was over too! XD I actually dont mind doing it and enjoy it in a way. So I had a quick brew with Jack to wake me up and see Oz too.

My brother came over for his cut which went alright :) He left for a shower

and then jack walked into my salon for his sheering. His hair is so much easier as I dont have to style it I just do the shaver over his head XD He was comparing piles of hair who had lost more, it was easy my brother as its longer. He went for a shower whilst I did dinner

So I feel like I have done something productive with my day even if it was just playing salon.

They both looked better for a hair cut ^^

After dinner just come on my laptop and might do my work out and then sit Oz. He hasnt been out all day so its been nice for him to play outside I kinda dont wanna bring him for a while as he needs to do some actual exercise, he tends to just sit when hes indoors and frisk for treats

Id like to do some drawing later tho as that was what I wanted to do earlier but went to sleep and cut hair. Today I have given myself for others and that is fine :)  its nice to give your time to others.

Tomorrow

chore day isnt it

so shopping, soup, Oz, bathroom, getting ready for school

anything left of the day I have no idea what I will do as the weather is suppose to be bad once again.