wet bunbun again

 Evening

We didnt got to bed til 11pm T^T

I woke up at 7:30am needing a wee and a drink

I left Jack in bed for another hour

I had fruit loaf for breakfast but in total today I ate 5 slices.....woops...greed....

We did our weekly shop but I ended up getting a trolley too as we needed so much stuff for work that it wouldnt fit in our trolley. That wore me out

We had a brew when we came in

then Jack helped me with my soup, I left that cooking and cleaned the bathroom but felt tired, I did it tho.

We had lunch then I helped Jack take the kitchen door off its hinges. We never use it and its so narrow getting into the kitchen, the door does not help its in the way and I have wanted it gone for ages. But it was so difficult!! Its gone and we both said how much better it is for it!!!

I went to bed for a hour

woke up and went to mum's for 90mins for a brew and sit with the girls

I came home and baked some biscuits and then did dinner

after dinner I went on my laptop then did 40mins of exercise, had a nice long warm bath then I had to rescue Oz in from the rain as I was in the bath and Jack was oblivious gaming. Oz doesnt have the common sense to run for cover. So he is in with me feeling sorry for his little self. Hes always sitting out in the rain.....

Might cap the day off with milk hot chocolate as I seem to be having the wrong things all weekend!

Tomorrow is school

I am a bit anxious about it already

and I just dont want to go. simple

first friends to see the house

 Evening~

I slept pretty well last night and got up at 7:45am feeling like death

my body was shaky, I was pale and drained. Almost like I was coming down with something

So my morning did not go to plan. I had breakfast then laid on my bed

at 9:45am Jack made me a sweet tea and fruit loaf to try get my energy going

I felt a tiny bit better but still was not right it was so frustrating

He helped me clean Oz out bless him. Then I asked to go on a slow walk to try get myself going a bit and he came with me and did that

we rested when we got home, had lunch then I went to bed for a bit

when I got up I felt sweaty and clammy so decided to have a relaxing bath before the guys came over

We had been tidying a little bit here and there but wasnt much to tidy as we keep on top of it anyway but Jack was doing more tidying than usual, think he is house proud ^^

The guys came over and had the house tour, I sat with them for half hour then I left Jack to it as I didnt have the energy really. 

I went to paint my cupboard door under the stairs as it got a lot of marks on it from when we had the carpets laid and it was bothering me. So I painted clouds on it ^^

I laid on my bed to recover then Jack came through to ask if I wanted to play a drawing game with the guys. Its one of Brandon's games and its like the only board game I understand XD

their food came - curry - so I microwaved my thai stew leftovers and ate with them

we ordered pudding - I had white chocolate ice cream, vanilla ice cream, white chocolate curls all in a chocolate covered waffle coney thing. I ate all of it!!! Well happy with it and harvey let me have his ice cream which was cookie dough!! So I had my two favourite flavours today!!! <3 lucky me

tasted so damn good

the guys stayed til 9:45pm 

Oz came in a couple of times for fuss and attention and my god did he lap up the fuss. He was swanning around like he owned the place. Not timid in the slightest despite never seeing the guys before he was coming up for fuss and stuff and yeah just cocky.

The guys left and Jack cleared up the takeaway stuff and the pots, Ive booted him in the shower now, he aint coming in my bed without a shower even if it is 10:30pm

Im tired but got tummy ache. Tummy did not appreciate ice cream, but I did~

It was nice people finally got to see the house anyway

need my friends to actually see it! They all liked the house and took interest in things and yeah it was nice to actually have people over. Im glad it was Jack's friends not mine as I didnt have the energy to entertain for hours. I needed time to relax but that gave time alone with his friends and I think its important to have that. We are not joined at the hip after all!

tomorrow

weekly shop and chores >.>

I might add gold to the clouds, see what it looks like when it all dries

mummy liked her canvas

 Evening

I have done the week!!!!!!!!!

I know it was only a half hour week but it is still an achievement

I slept ok, and this morning I was white with matching white lips~ woo

I got to school and was grouchy, didnt want to go to school. However I wasnt anxious. I hadnt been anxious all night and morning so that is a good thing ^^ maybe my meds are helping~~

I found there was a yellow rubber ducky on my desk ready for me to decorate for the science department I was so excited for this!! The school is doing a rubber duck sponsored race down the river trent. Theres a competition for 'best looking' duck - which is what I want to enter!! So I am doing a science space themed duck! I started by using black desk paint and made the whole thing black but the paint took too long to dry so I wasnt able to add to it. I will continue monday. Then a chemist said "we should do one for chemistry, biology and physics" to which head of biology said "in that case we bagsie Jo to do our duck as shes on biology team" XD I have got the option whether to do 1 duck or 3 as 3 could be a fair bit of work ^^;

I got my jobs done and was keen to go home as I had had a cracking headache all morning, adding to the list of reasons why I couldnt think straight! 

I got home and mum pulled up literally 30seconds later

she had brought the girls with her again ^^

We had lunch together and I gave her my therapy canvas I did. She said it was amazing and the best canvas I have done yet!! So I was happy she liked it. She also said she was only looking in the spare room last week thinking how empty it felt like it needed something on the walls so she knows exactly where she is putting this! I am glad it has a good home~

She left me so I could go to sleep and sleep I did as I was shattered

and from there I didnt do much to be honest

I was dead and drained. So I laid round on the bed for hours, getting up to microwave our leftovers then after dinner I found the energy to dust our bedroom, its not a big job but it was enough then managed some exercise, the whole time my body feeling like it weighs double

then had a much needed shower as it was another warm evening

tomorrow

think we are gonna try get our chores out the way in the morning then I think theo, harvey and brandon are having their first visit to the bungalow around 3/4pm

of course drinking and take away is involved! Its all they know how to do! -____- 

Almost done the week and my canvas~

 Evening

I went to bed after a nice bath and hot chocolate, feeling okish, climbed into bed and read my mum's thoughtful card again and the next thing I knew the tears were off! It just made me really miss my mum and want to be better so I can spend time with her and others again

so it took a while to go to sleep last night. I did have to get up in the night for a massive wee like I feel I could have filled a 2L bottle. I got back to bed to find Jack muttering pokemon names in his sleep....yup even in his sleep hes a nerd!

I did my yoga in the morning and all was well so far til it got to about 7:15am and I went to the toilet and stayed on the toilet for 25mins dying. Yeah I didnt digest much! I had awful upset stomach

Not how I wanted to start my day

I did have a better day tho however

I did a bit more myself and less dead. Maybe my meds are helping

I helped out in a lesson, got my lessons sorted as well

I never saw the departments £200 worth of pizza they were ordering as  i wanted to get home as mum was coming over to have lunch with me. She was here when I got home and had put the girls outside too. 

It was nice to see my mummy ^^ she left me after an hour so I could go to bed as I was very tired

but I told her my day had felt better even if my stomach had not felt better

I went to bed for 90mins when I got up I had a brew and a tea cake as my stomach felt empty to be honest. 

I did some more work on my painting and I have gotten to the varnish stage I  am hoping to varnish later so it can dry over night and I can give it mum tomorrow.

We had dinner, I had leftovers and Jack had 3 slices of pizza he bought home from lunchtime

I rested on the bed after dinner as I had stomach ache

then we went for a walk as it had cooled down a bit, it got rather warm this afternoon!

On the walk we saw neighbours and my mum's friend who she is seeing tomorrow actually. Typically I was dressed as a right tramp haha but all well. I just wanted airy comfy clothes.

Our neighbour - who has an identical house to us said that he discovered today that his electrics are not earthed ether! whoever did our houses was a right cowboy I am sure!!!

we came in and had much needed showers

I am with Oz now who is eating and doing toilet, he usual two hobbies when he comes inside -___-

tomorrow

is last day of school this week thank blood god

I am hoping I can get through it

Mum says she will try see me for lunch again and I hope to give her the canvas, I must photograph it before I give it her.

Then I am by myself all evening as Jack will be playing D&D for 4 hours

Mummy is always thinking of me

 Konbanwa~~~

Taking my antidepressant earlier before bed actually really does help
I wasnt laying anxious in bed and soon went to sleep

I did my yoga this morning but felt like I would rather be going to sleep than going to school

we changed the bed before school and put the stew on

School was hard

its just too much at the moment somehow

I couldnt cope, my medication is making me so damn tired, its like a tranquiliser 

I am so shattered, its an fight just to keep my eyes open

I did feel the morning getting too much so I went to hide out in my car! Not the best thing to do but it was quiet, I could shut my eyes and breathe

I came back into school around 10am so I hadnt been gone long and I was just in time for Jack's £1000+ stationary delivery.....the crate weighed 117kg....yeah there was A LOT of stuff.

I told Jack I was struggling but somehow I was able to prep my lessons and finish my morning

when I got home I ate quickly whilst sitting with Oz and as I got up to go to bed the door went, it was mummy! I surprise visit ^^ She only stayed 5 mins as she was on he way back from having her hair cut but thought she would bring my parcels by. Not only that she had kindly brought me a little brown rabbit hanging ornament ^^ and a bunny card that says "Im here for you" it was so lovely I cried and told mum how hard it had been and how I wanted to see her. That I am too tired to do anything and I missed her. She understood and said she missed me and doesnt feel she is there enough for me right now but she is :)

I went to bed for 90mins and felt I could get the afternoon sorted

I sat down and outlined some of my painting which does look better for an outline. Id say I was half way there on the outline stage. Cant believe how long it is taking me to outline actually

think I will give it to mummy when it is done :)

I had a brew with Jack when he came home then I made some banana biscuits and then cooked his yorkshire pudding to go with the stew, the stew was bloody amazing 

Then we went for a walk as it was a really nice evening and you have to make the most of the sun lately as it keeps pouring down!

We just got back and I am gonna have my first bath in a week! Now my ear infection has passed I can have baths again. Jack will sit with Oz whilst I am in the bath then I will sit with him.

Im gonna have a hot chocolate tonight ^^

Tomorrow

it is school T^T and head of science says he wants to check up with me tomorrow or friday

but what is happening tomorrow is the science department is spending £200 on pizza....sweet jesus thats a lot of pizza. I cant eat any!!! Jack will eat my fill no doubt >.> my brother would on the scene if he could...

managed second day

 Evening

Once again I get anxious at night, lay in bed thinking about school. Then antidepressants kick in and I dont feel much of anything and so I fall asleep then

I woke up at my alarm at 6am and got up to do my morning yoga

I felt quite sicky anxious going to school

the morning was one long energyless slog

did not realise I had dropped off to sleep reading my body book.....woops ^^;

Jack said no one saw -_____- he shouldnt allow me to conk out!!

I got all my jobs done tho what Jack asked of me

Couldnt wait to leave tho, I had had enough

I got home and had lunch with Ozwald

then I went to bed for almost 90 mins

did I feel better for it? nope T^T how unfair is that!?

what a waste of time >.>

but I had promised Jack that would actually relax today so I guess it was relaxing

I got up and rang my mum as she would have liked to have seen me but told me to tell her how I felt, so I rang her and said I was knackered. We spoke for half hour which was easier on me than having her over for 2 hours. 

I then did a bit of  painting and Jack came home

I had tea and fruit loaf as I have actually been hungry today but I worry about being greedy. Jack says im not greedy im hungry and it must be draining being tired and anxious all the time.

We decided as it was no long pouring with rain that we would go for a walk! so we went for a walk before dinner which I really enjoyed actually

we came back and did dinner. Ended up literally cutting and chopping for an hour as I had sausage pasta to cook and stew to prep for the morning. It was never ending!

I had a shower whilst Jack cleared up then he had a shower after me. It was like 7:15pm and we had both finished our chores for the day! so that was a good feeling. I sat and painted. Got all the colour on and it just needs outlining now. It does look better actually, still not holding out an awful lot for it tho!

I was with Ozwald, we gave each other lots of fuss

now just waiting for Jack to come off his new game with theo >.> knew he would get carried away on his first play of it

tomorrow

school >< kinda dont wanna go, all I wanted to do today was sleep. But hopefully tomorrow will be better. It was last wednesday I got to 9:30am and cracked hopefully it will not be a repeat of last week

I managed my first half day

 Evening~~

I was a bit tense last night ^^; we were in bed for 9:45pm but it took me an hour to fall asleep

I woke up at 1:30am needing a massive wee but ended up falling over twice in the bedroom!!

Its those antidepressants, they mess with a lot in the head

to say I fell over twice in the bedroom, it did not wake the sleeping Jack.....0.0"

How is that possible? Anyway I took my time and walked slowly to the bathroom

Luckily I fell asleep til morning, didnt want to get up and face the day but I did

I did my morning yoga and gave Oz his morning carrot and locked him up in the garage

no point in taking him to mum for a few hours

School, ahhhhh I managed I guess

I did keep feeling dizzy and heart was beating out of rhythm 

Jack told me if I all I did today was socialise then that is fine. He wants me to build my confidence back up and enjoy work so  I have a positive experience. I did socialise a fair amount but I also wanted to prep my lessons if only so Jack wouldnt have to do my biology lessons. Luckily I only had 1 lesson to do and it was running stuff off the photocopier. done.

I was struggling to get through my 4 hours tho I have to say

but as soon as it got to my 4 hours Jack announced it and said I could go home

I didnt waste any time and was out the door!

I got home at 12:15, got Oz in and had my soup with him. Then I had an hour in bed

when I got up I spent like the next 3 hours+ in the kitchen

I did loads and made lots of mess too XD

I made fish cakes, just made the recipe up as I went along but they turned out great

I made biscuits using a recipe I saw on youtube, but I adapted that.

I cooked my breakfast chicken for the week

I made dinner

did the washing up so Jack wouldnt despair at the sheer amount of pots and mess ^^;

he really appreciated the meal but told me he would like me to actually rest tomorrow. I struggle to rest even when I am tired. I am sure I am ADHD

After dinner I did a bit of painting, I just keep doing bits and pieces to it. I think its coming together but I think it looks like a 5 year old has done it.....

Oz is playing out in the drizzling rain like hes some feral uncared for bunny. 

I need to do some exercise as I havent done any today and I will hear from my body if I do nothing

I feel chubs, Jack keeps telling me I am not fat and I know I am not but I do wonder what I weigh. When I walked past the classrooms today I could see my reflection in the glass doors and I think my legs look skinny. I dont see how they can be. Who knows

tonight just exercise and not sure what else, might do more on my painting

tomorrow

is school~~ I hope I get through the day T^T 

then I will try take it easy when I come home at midday ><