Trying to plan a garden

 Evening

We were in bed for 10pm last night and by 11:10 I was waking Jack up to say I couldnt sleep. He told me if I couldnt sleep to wake him otherwise he would be cross. I tried to wake him gently but had no luck that guy sleeps like the dead. But as I got out of bed he woke so he got up with me for a bit and I took yet more drugs....so sick of drugs lately. But I wonder if the massage had caught up with me. It felt like I was laying on concrete....

I eventually slept and woke up at 8am I got Oz up who had food dust all over his nose, his dish was almost empty. Someone has clearly already had breakfast XD

This morning I had another good headache but I wanted to make the most of the holiday, so we went for another 90min walk round some woods it was nice just hard work and I needed my inhaler several times. We got back and had lunch then I practically ran to bed and told Jack not to wake me. Mum was gonna come help Jack with the gardening.

I was woken....by my mum coming round the bedroom door with my stitch plushie I have had 16 years she said she is finally able to let him come over. She always relates that plush to me and to see it off my bed was gonna be hard for her she says. So I was woken with plush so no volcanoes went off or earthquakes. Jack didnt dare wake me XD

I sat with mum and had a brew and then we all went outside with Oz and gardened apart from me. Jo is banned. Oz does more gardening than me! How shameful is that! Im just there for company.....

we came in and had a brew and I had fruit loaf too~ mum went at 5pm and then we had baths and had dinner. Jack pretty much had to dash off for gaming. 

So I have been by myself

I decided that I would bite the bullet and look at gardens and such T^T its such a chore as I am so limited so what we can actually have as we need to be able to do it, afford it, buy it, lay it, etc 

not an easy task but I found some ideas and I even painted a sketch of what the garden could look like. As mum and Jack have been asking for a sketch. I just feel deflated by it all as I cant help with anything!! I only get to 'garden' by putting plants in and pruning them T^T 

I then ordered some skin care, looked at dances as I want to learn a hard dance for my 30th birthday. I want a challenge.

Then I had Oz in, and I gave him a good grooming, he had treats but kept nudging me for more >.> he is so greedy but he is finally starting to look thinner and I think its cus hes been outside so much with Jack gardening.

Now I am just waiting around for Jack to finish gaming. I might email my cousin back whilst I am waiting.

Tomorrow

mum is dropping off her work trousers she wants repairing and I need to drop Tara's present off and clean Oz out. Jack wants to clear all the weeds from the garden.

I almost dont feel like taking my medication tonight as literally what does it do? I end up needing more at like midnight >.> I hope I sleep I am so god damn tired.

mum sent me this a while ago of truffs trying to escape the carrying case. mum had left her 5seconds and saw that so got her phone out for a cute photo. Shes so feral and ADHD I love her

Tillie Truffle 2nd birthday + new mircrowave

Konbanwa~~

I went to bed at like 9pm last night X3 I was tired and Jack was gaming so why not!

My headache was pulsing against the pillow tho >.>

I was woken at 12:45am by Jack coming to bed, he was quiet but I am a light sleeper

I got up for a wee then slept til like 8am 

woke up to the sound of the grass cutters on the school field behind my house >.> it eventually woke Jack up much to my surprise!

I woke up to photos of the girls on my phone from mum which was sweet

as today after all is their 2nd birthday!!!!

Mum as you can tell made a fuss of them today and did some baking in their honour X3

This morning we went out to the shops and got ice cream and my god, biscoff flavour tasted and had the same texture (apart from being cold) as freshly made cookie dough!!! I needed more! We walked through the park back to the car and I needed my inhaler 3 times on that walk....my lungs were burning. I need to accept the fact that Jo is, indeed, asthmatic. I have said I need to carry an inhaler on the times I dont have Jack with me - he always carries one as that is the type of person Jack is. I saw some plants I liked at Wilkos - £4 for £6!! Bargain so we picked them up and had to carry them all the way to the car which wasnt easy

we drove to the next town for my bank

I paid off my £1000+ dept I had to Jack >< he was ok about it but I wasnt. I do not like being in dept but I just have no way of paying him unless I physically go into a bank which is a chore! So the woman there gave me the usual "do you not have the banking app?" "do you not have internet banking?" the same questions I get asked EVERY SINGLE TIME I go in there >.> and even Jack is getting annoyed by me not being in the 21st century. So there and then I set some stuff up >< Jack has helped me with it at home :) 

We came home for lunch which is obviously my fish soup which I had to heat up on the hob like a loser as god I miss my microwave T^T I went to bed as I hurt from my massage and headache

when I got up I sorted some stuff out in my new drawers finally!

At 4pm I went to mum's for a cup of tea, a birthday cup cake and of course a hold of the birthday girls! Who mum made me cut their claws, poor girls. Molly squeaked on EVERY claw.....but nice to see them. Truffs looking lovely with her short fur. Tillie constantly talking over me. Love them I hope they have many more happy healthy years with us

I heated my leftovers for dinner in mum's microwave XD Jack had oven pizza and txt me when it was almost done so I knew when to do my dinner and come home. Perfect sync~

We sat down watching the last fullmetal alchemist which was good actually. I approved of the ending. Think we are watching "what we do in the shadows" next to refresh us before the new season starts next month!

Then after dinner we headed off to currys to go fetch our new microwave!!! My god it looks so much more modern....I left it to Jack to sort whilst I had a bath as he is more than capable. My god I have missed my microwave and I am yet to use this one. But will after this diary~~

I am gonna get Oz out and then sit with Jack and watch Noragami when Oz has gone home~

Tomorrow

not 100% sure whats happening yet, but I am pretty sure gardening is happening XD 

broken microwave :'(

 Evening

So once again I did not sleep -_____- life is cruel

Jack fell asleep rapid and it was like 11pm and I knew I couldnt sleep and stayed up in the living room til 1am I had taken god knows how many tablets. I went to bed with my headache still pounding on the pillow and Jack still snoring but I somehow got to sleep

I woke up at 5am for a huge wee, went to bed then it 9:15am when i got up ><

I had a real bad headache like every noise in the house was amplified 

Told Jack I didnt want to go anywhere today that massage was enough

I had a lazy morning as I felt like death, but did some digital drawing

We had lunch and just as we had finished lunch mum came over and brought the girls who enjoyed the long grass and Oz enjoyed their company

I went for a massage, leaving mum and Jack to garden....i felt really bad doing that but they were fine

they just got on with the garden and Jack managed to get out like 8 stumps....he said he sweated loads and mum did some weeding

I on the other hand really enjoyed my massage nice being out of pain for that hour! Booked to go back during October half term~

I came home and made them both a cup of tea and I had tea with fruit loaf~

I made biscuits once mum had left and then had a very warm bath, not to make me dizzy but did make me pink~ I cut Jack's hair afterwards and he had the bath

We had dinner which was Thai stew, I havent made it in a while and I feel like I have perfected it, it tasted so good even Jack thought it was good and its his least favourite meal I make in the slow cooker. It was just so good!

I went to use the microwave and it sounded like it was powered by a tractor. I pressed stop and the fan came on, which is what it does when the microwave is HOT it had only been on 2 seconds, why did the fan come on? Me and Jack condemned it. I mean its heavily used and always has been heavily used for its 10+ years of life. Its done so well! We unplugged it. Jack has ordered another which we can pick up on friday so I have a couple of days without my microwave T^T

Jack is gonna game tonight and probably game til midnight or something. Means I can go to bed whenever I feel like it as I am so damn tired. I havent done any exercise today but I damn feel like I have after that massage! So I will do some drawing, have Oz inside and then go to bed~

Tomorrow I hope I am not too rough after my massage

think we are going out for ice cream, doing a walk and going to the bank as Jack sorted out finances today and I owe him like £1200....

I hope I can do everything I want to tomorrow. And that I freakin sleep.....

Big ass root and I slept

 Evening

I went to bed with a pounding headache, could feel my pulse on the pillow. Despite the sheer amount of drugs I took before bed ^^;

I slept

like all the way through the night, without waking for probably the first time in weeks! My god the difference when I wake up! I actually dont feel exhausted! I had a good 9 hours sleep and woke up at 7am with the same pounding headache I went to bed with...we both got and got ready to go to school. Sooner we got off the sooner we could leave school!

So we arrived at school at 8:50am we did 2 hours

I got there and didnt know how to organise myself and didnt have any structure and Jack went off to printing so I went up to art and got a couple of supplies and started doing some water colouring whilst i waited for Jack. He sorted me out tho, got me cutting up paper things and sorting a few bits out. I rang occupational health, we talked to Chris and did some computer work as well. Then left. It was a busy 2 hours but it was good to go in and do that. I am sure it will help with my anxiety next tuesday

We got home and brought Oz inside for some fuss, we had a cup of tea and snack with him. Monged out on instagram til lunch then after lunch I went to bed as my muscles were aching from my work out yesterday, I had a headache, stomach ache. Basically I wouldnt have minded being in coma at that point Id had enough!!!

When I woke up 2 hours later....I found Jack outside still gardening so I called him in for a cup of tea and I sat with that and fruit loaf then I did dusted the living room, bedroom, craft room and spare room after all that I went to cook a load of chicken and do the dinner

after dinner Jack came for a short walk with me, I had still got my headache so I felt I couldnt do the exercise I would have done :/ so just did a short walk

then had a shower and apilated and lazered~

Now I will do some digital drawing as I have been saying it for days now and still havent done any!!!

Tomorrow

not 100% sure what we are doing in the morning we are gonna see how we feel as we might go for ice cream somewhere. But at 1:30pm I have a massage :D

I need a massage after digging up roots last week XD heres one and the hole i had to dig for it

pumpkin candles and going work tomorrow

 Konbanwa~~~

Could I sleep last night? could I bob

I was up til 3am

I tried but my head was busy then of course I am aching so I got up for pain killers and they worked for what like 30mins? then back to aching so I got AGAIN and this time Jack woke up and I told him I was getting up for the second time but I am ok and I walked off thinking he would go back to sleep but he got up with me and we had a nice cup of tea and I took yet more pain killers. My stomach was rotting at this point but I fell asleep

Woke up at 9am feeling like hungover. I had a headache and didnt feel able to drive

Mum picked me up at 10am and we went to TK MAXX I got a couple of candles with pumpkins on and pimpkin spice flavour so I am gonna save them for october, I light candles every night as I find it soothing. Mum lights them a lot and I used to always hope she would light them when i lived at home so I guess having candles lit in the evening reminds me of home. I got a metal pumpkin  to put hot pans on and I got a cool long tie die hoodie with cherries in the centre ^^

we went back to mums for a cup of tea and the lunch then before I left I offered to cut truffs's fur and so we sat up the garden doing that and then mum said she would bath them too. So she had clean sows. I helped with that and got a txt from Jack wondering where I was and if I was ok bless him. He knows what time I have my afternoon nap and I was very late for it!

I came home and went to bed then got up and had fruit loaf and tea with him then I did some exercise for 30mins with my weights on, I got rather sweaty so had a shower afterwards 

Then I did the dinner which was noodles and it was goooooood Jack enjoyed it too~

then I went to finish tara's birthday card, sat out with jack and Oz whilst they gardened together, they had done some gardening this morning too whilst I went out with mum

then came in with Ozwald and Jack has joined us now after his shower

tomorrow

ugh tomorrow

going work, for no other reason than to help my anxiety for when I do have to go back next tuesday....so its just me and Jack for a couple of hours then we are coming home for lunch

not sure what I will do rest of the day really

want to be able to sleep tonight but just realised I never actually took my 4pm pain killers....

Sore face

 Evening

I couldnt sleep again last night I had to get up for pain killers. My mind was busy and I had stomach ache so I stayed up til 12:30 and came to bed. I slept through til 8am

We got up and and did our usual sunday shop

came home and unpacked, did laundry and had a brew 

Jack helped me with my soup god it made 9 portions I have never seen that soup pot so full....I couldnt fit everything in as the liquid was starting to come over XD 

I cleaned the bathroom also

Jack put the handles on my drawers and put them in place for me! finally I can have my craft room back! put when we pulled back the dust sheets it revealed that some paint had bled through and on to the carpet....our new expensive carpet.....

I started sweating and felt sick

Jack told me not to worry

I did have some Vanish carpet cleaned so sprayed it to death and had lunch

after lunch I went to assess and clean the carpet. Luckily out of all the colours used it was the least offensive as it was a light cream not the red or dark pink luckily! I started scrubbing and it did in fact come off! Much to my relief. My god we were lucky there

I went to lay on my bed for a bit and by a bit it ended up being 2 hour as I just felt exhausted and didnt really want to do anything - again

I did get up and Jack motivated me into going for a walk, which I was glad about in a way as I needed air, needed  to some exercise. So a good walk was welcomed

I had a shower when I came home as I have not stopped sweating all day and felt quite gross. Jack said I looked gross too XD

I was happy tho as I found some derma barrier cream in my skin care stocks. As I dont think I reported this on my diary but last week or so I started using a retinol cream for my face. I am not new to retinol or new to that brand. It smelt quite strong of chemical or alcohol I couldnt decide. But used it for a good week. And I had a big break out, dry patches and my skin was just in a bad way. Couldnt work out what I had done wrong then I worked out - I used that cream I hadnt tried before. 

Clearly doesnt agree with my skin. I have binned it. Usually I give products a second chance but this has really hurt my skin and I actually dont fancy using it again. So I have been trying rehydrate and heal my skin and it is a slow process. But finding this barrier cream today will give everything a massive boost.

The cream that wasnt good was Glamfox retinol + collagen 

my saviour is Skin+lab derma barrier cream

I use other products too but yeah

not good and probably wont use anything else by glamfox. I had tried one their products before and that was ok, nothing special. But staying away now.

You know your skin is bad when people feel the need to point it out >.> 

I made some biscuits and did the dinner

it kept raining on and off and we checked on Oz to make sure he wasnt just sitting in it and he was in his cage. Later when it rained for the 3rd time I thought I would go see where he was. In his cage. But wet? so when has he been out!? we've been sat in front of the patio we would have seen him! hes such a pudding hes probably been sat in a ball by the side of the house or something. Hes soaked anyway so I have brought him in to dry off. Hes in early but thats fine. I can do my own stuff later on.

I was gonna do tara a birthday card. I was gonna draw 30 bunnies as its her 30th

challenge!

Might be able to start it we shall see

tomorrow

mum has the day off so has asked to see me but we havent decided on what to do yet. I hope I sleep tonight tho.

Just a bit flat

 Evening

Despite Jack staying up late to game I did sleep but I was also drugged up~

I kinda sensed him coming to bed at midnight but not fully waking

I did wake up later for a wee but fell asleep again ^^

I got up at 8am

Jack helped me wash my hair before my hair cut

I went to have my hair cut and had a good inch cut off my hair and my fringe thinned out

So I felt better for a good trim, but just being 'social' in those 20mins was an ask for me

I got to mum's and put my happy face on for her

I stayed there 90 mins and had a brew and didnt have to do anything with the guineas! mum said they were happy eating their morning salad XD

I came home for lunch and brought back a package from mum's Jacks new jeans had arrived. Both brand new and including P&P cost me £10.19 well the tags on the jeans said £35 each!!! he tried them on and said they we comfy ^^ and they look good too~

We had lunch and then I went to clean Oz out, then I went to bed, I got up for fruit loaf and went to lay on my bed I just felt flat, I didnt want to do anything or talk to anyone I just wanted to be alone and not think

Jack found me at 4pm and made me a brew and brought Oz in for me

it did cheer me up a bit but I said I couldnt be arsed with anything or to make dinner

but somehow I picked myself up, did 20mins of yoga with Oz then had a shower and did dinner which was nice actually. I wanted to eat dinner in my pyjamas 

I managed to varnish my drawers so theyre done once theyre dry~

Then I went to do some art but was really wasnt feeling it so I found the diamond painting tara got me for my birthday and started doing more of that in the living room, Jack played beside on his switch hooked to the TV playing pokemon unite with Theo

Now I am gonna get Oz in as I think theyre finishing up soon anyway and its  going dark

I just havent felt myself all day. No spark in Jo today

but it might be back tomorrow. I hope. Hate days like these

tomorrow

food shop in the morning, bathroom to clean and art to hopefully do