I would like to go school tomorrow!

 Evening

I had to get up just for about 15-20mins til 11:40pm as I needed pain killers and more food. Whats up with me!? literal bottomless pit I can not remember being so starved for days on end. We all get the odd hungry day but this like day 3 of sheer hunger!!!

I did sleep pretty well after that. Dreamed of being a wolf then I had a dream where I went to Mia's craft fair and she asked me to get something from her car, I decided to drive it but I left the handbreak off and it wheeled off by itself and crashed...I didnt know what to do XD so I woke up

I got up at 8am, Tara had messaged me to say she had a great birthday. James had arranged for them to feed the tigers at the zoo! How exciting! That is an experience and a half. She also loved my present. She said she doesnt want to use it but I told her she needs to!!

This morning I did feel quite rotten and didnt have much voice, however I still dragged myself round the supermarket and it about killed me off!! Jack unpacked as always and we brought Oz in for a brew and fruit loaf, our usual sunday routine. Then jack helped me do my soup

He hasnt done much all weekend. He has hoovered and did an hour of gardening but apart from that he has literally just been on his phone. Id be so bored and feel its such a waste of time!! hes only reading too hes not playing games or messaging people. Literally reading crap. Dont know why hes done bugger all this weekend. I didnt have the energy to tell him to do something.

I did a bit more digital drawing for the first time in a long time!!

I made biscuits as I have scoffed them all, I cooked my meat for breakfast for the week and did dinner. So much food!! I have eaten a lot today also. I managed 25mins of yoga. Had an hour's sleep

Jack has said we will see how I am in the morning whether I can go school or not, I have said I am going. He said "we will see" and gave me a look that said 'no arguments' jesus >.> Ive told mum Im going and dropping Oz off for daycare

I thought about Oz and daycare. Mum lives less than 3 streets away, streets that are like 60houses long not 500. She lives a very short journey, no traffic lights ether. Oz needs to suck it up. As if he doesnt go to daycare come winter time, it is dark when we get home from school and before school. I will boot him outside before school as it does get a little brighter towards leaving the house, however I am less happy about him being out after 4pm during the winter. Its cold and dark. So if hes not at mum's during the day he literally will only be going outside for an hour each morning everyday thats it. all other time will be indoors. So he is going daycare damn it. Its for his own well being as he will become lazy and inactive - more so >.>

I had a nice pamper in the bath

we had Oz in for over an hour he loved it

I hope I sleep tonight

tomorrow is school and I would like to go!

full of cold....T_T

 Konbanwa~

despite not being able to breathe I did in fact sleep!

I woke up at 6:30am tho...and felt like death. absolute death

i could barely talk or breathe. I have green snot and a blocked nose

however I guess this a bit reassuring that it is just a cold and not covid!

Oh it is also Tara's 30th Birthday today!!! I wished her happy birthday and I drew for her that picture of Umbreon and Flareon and got it printed on glass kitchen surface protector, I hope she likes it

By 9am I had gone back to bed after Jack kindly did me tea and fruit loaf

I got up and cleaned Oz out, Jack assisted as I didnt have my full strength

he did offer to clean Oz out but its more effort than its worth so I did it with him

Then I cleaned the bathroom which practically wiped me out

I sat with Oz for half hour then had lunch then went to bed

I got up and did my biology work. Then jack insisted we go for a walk so I could get some air. I managed a 10min walk and found it exhausting

The whole day jack has been on his phone or on his PC. He has literally done nothing today

Once I did my homework I then had a look what I had got people for xmas, wrote a list, looked for gifts online ordered a couple of pieces. Mum dropped a parcel over which was actually a jacket for her for christmas not that she knows it! I like to be prepared with gifts

I dont like buying everything all in one day or week, I do it throughout the year and store it. Better on the wallet as it spaces expense out and also gives me time to think about gifts and not just random tat

I designed my nails for tonight as I am gonna do those later

I made dinner which was good 

I enjoyed my bath and now just doing my diary with Oz

Honestly today tho I am a bottomless pit! Im like a guinea pig! I have done like no exercise for 3 days but eaten for britain. Jack says you need calories when youre sick to fight off the infection. My bod must be doing war as it keeps having hot sweats im guessing it is literally heating up to kill the infection XD Im trying not to think about how much I have eaten and the fact I have done no exercise for 3 days in a row now. Not good not good. My mind is telling me how fat I am ect but I am trying to think that I need food and rest!

tomorrow

got food shop, Jack has already said I can wait in the car. Like hell. I want to choose my meat and fish!!! I havent got anything else to do really

I hope I feel a bit better tomorrow

i know first thing in the morning is always like the worst part

Off school already!! 0.0;

 Konbanwa~~~

So wednesday I was complaining to Jack that my throat was burning but didnt think too much of it. Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat, headache and just felt a bit death like

I went to school tho after doing a covid test which was negative

School was HARD

back to back practicals that everyone wants all the same stuff!!!

I also had my 2nd biology lesson which was making onion slides and using microscopes

I actually helped Luke with the onion slides rather than get my own microscope and do the work tho. So I didnt get the work done. It was a lot to take in again....I literally cant read off the board whilst Luke is talking. I can see why I struggled so much in school. Blame it on dyslexia 

The rest of the day was a slog and I kept losing my voice, not completely but it was certainly quieter

I could have cried when i read that I had just as busy day the next day. I couldnt handle it. I couldnt prep it. And just sat under my desk for the last half hour of the day. Jack helped me loads to be honest.

I knew I wasnt right as I was getting goosebumps in a 30c prep room

Mum had been at our house putting plants in and doing too much work. she had been in the heat and made herself feel a bit unwell in the sun. So she had gone home and I didnt get to see her and it was just as well as I got home, had a cup of tea and went to bed til 5:10pm. Jack came in and said we need to dinner. I told him to his own as I wasnt eating

"you cant not eat"

"ill just have fruit loaf"

"you need to eat more than that"

"i wont starve and die from not eating 1 meal. Food has made me feel sick afterwards every time today. I also have no energy or will power to cook"

"Ill cook. I dont mind"

"no youve done enough, you even did some of my work today"

"its fine Jo we are a team and we look after each other"

so with that he left me on the bed and went to make me omelette, wedges and beans. He had kieves and chips from the freezer. He told me I didnt have to eat it all but at it was the first meal hes made me since moving in I made sure to eat it all XD

I laid down on the bed and then forced myself to have a bath. I felt exhausted. I didnt turn my laptop on at all yesterday

On the sofa later I said to Jack

"I actually dont feel well. I dont think I can go tomorrow"

"I dont think you should go tomorrow"

I set the alarm and went to bed after anime, I told Jack I would at least take him school

I did sleep pretty well to say I felt like death. However the best voice I had was whisper voice likemy voice had been reduced to that. I was talking normally but came out as a whisper its so strange how it alters your voice like that. I am normally LOUD XD

I got up this morning and had several debates with Jack about doing display work all day the office at work, working from home, working half a day. I got ready in my uniform then after breakfast I said

"i dont think I can go"

I just didnt feel well as much as it killed me to admit it as I did not want to stay home and miss a day of school on the 2 week of term!!!!

he said "i really think you need to stay home and rest Jo you look sick"

so that was that

he drove to school, I saw Julia in the carpark and I explained to her and she said I looked shattered but I was like "I slept!!" the whole time saying this in my whisper voice >.> she said her and Jack could cover me. But I had such a busy day on!! I felt awful for getting them to cover for me

I drove towards home and called in mums, just the drive back felt exhausting honestly. So I knew I made the right decision staying at home today

we had a cup of tea and I stayed there 9:30am and came home for an hours sleep

I got up and made biscuits which took it out of me. Had lunch whilst catching up on youtube then I sat round and mum rang me saying she was coming over to keep me company before Jack comes home. I had regained a bit of voice by this point. She was getting her shoes on to leave just as Jack came through the door. They made the joke of I go from one carer to another >.>

I sat with Jack and heard about his day. He had a shower and we did dinner not that I wanted it

then after dinner I was sitting drawing nail designs and prepped some paper with tea for tomorrow. 

Throughout the day I have been thinking of xmas gifts and ordered a few things and looked at some things. I have also spent time with my Ozwald. Glad I have him but he didnt want me T_T 

We are just with Oz now before he goes home for the night

I am still gutted I had to have a day off today but cant be helped. I ache a lot but poorly ache so there was no point in pushing myself to exercise also I think I would have made myself very unwell. I feel guilty having two days in a row not exercising!!!!

Tomorrow might do chores, nails, biology work. Anything I want as I dont think I will go anywhere dont think I am well enough to go places

26c at 7:50am..

 Evening

I slept! Lord knows how as it was hot! But the fan did its magic and we somehow slept!

It was set to be another hot day anyway -_____-

as I sat to eat breakfast I had a facebook message from Jack's step mother......?

Ive met the woman once and the only contact I have of Jack's entire family is his mum's mobile number. I have no ones facebook or anything. But she had messaged me

"Jack's grandma has had a fall. We have messaged him but he is ignoring it. Please could you get him to contact us. She is very frail"

I turned him "JACK!!!" He was like "what?" I told him

He looked at his messages and his step mum had indeed messaged him....at 11pm last night

I looked at my message....11;50pm.....so when we were sleeping....thats hardly 'ignoring' is it

but I did think she was a rude woman when I met her. Jack said he would get in contact

we got ready for school and I went to go round Oz up to drop off at mum's

however he wasnt outside like usual, he was by the front of the garage out the way which was odd. I went to him and he ran off and ran into his hutch. He NEVER does that. I opened up his cage and he went all low and submissive and started panting. I took that as "i dont want to go in the car"

he HATES the 2 min car journey to mum's it stresses him out so much. So I told Jack that I think we need to listen to Oz's way of telling us he dont wanna go bunny daycare, and leave him at home

I rang mum when I got to school as she literally had just txt Jack asking if we were ok i.e. no bunny, is everything ok.

I told her that I didnt think Oz wanted to leave the house today. She said it was fine and she would check on him. I said he would be fine. I had locked him up with food and carrot and left the garage door open and window.

I got my morning done, the prep room was soon heating up tho and did reach 30c+ we had the fans on but they do nothing. we sweat just sitting in our seats.....

at lunch my mum kindly went to see Oz and sent me a bit of footage of her stroking him. He looked fine, cool, wasnt panting. I can not believe how relieved I felt. i wasnt even aware I was that worried about him. I knew he was ok, I had been thinking about him all morning and the day felt out of routine some how. But seeing he was ok was really good. Jack rang his grandmother he hasnt spoken to her in a couple of years or so.......I think he said shes broke her hip? shes in the hospital anyway. He only spoke to her and didnt actually ask her what was wrong or what happened...jesus

I got the rest of my day done whilst sweating

we came home had tea and fruit loaf then literally just sat round as it was too hot and tiring to do much else.

we had dinner

sat round after dinner

I managed a 20min exercise and it wasnt anything much but made me sweat buckets

had a nice bath, now just sat with Ozwald

going to watch tenchi muyo with hot chocolate i think tonight.

tomorrow

its school and my 2nd biology lesson ><

I also have several practicals to do!!!! all at the same time!!!!! its gonna be a really rough morning i know it is.

Me and mum have said we will just see how oz is from now on. Its not worth stressing him out. He is staying here tomorrow as mum might do some gardening. So he might as well stay here and help mum.

its like 30c+!

 Evening

I slept

thank bloody god

I did near enough fall straight to sleep too but think that was just sheer exhaustion

Next thing I knew I was being awoken by my alarm.

It was another damp morning which to me is always a sign that summer is on its way out

My day was ok like nothing bad, but for some reason all morning I felt drugged up like I couldnt stop almost falling asleep. Just keeping my eyes open was a fight. I didnt feel tired as such but my body wanted to just be in bed, eyes shut. Didnt know what to do to be honest.

I felt like if I was to push through it as it had been going on for more than 2 hours now, that I would probably pass out. Not to mention it quickly got to over 25c+ today and for the prep room that means at least 30c no fan or air con. So I thought if I do push on I will make myself unwell

I gave in and ate 4 biscuits and had a sweet cup of tea and regular rests.

I did get everything done today but it was a real effort. Only around 2pm so an hour after lunch did I feel like I could keep my eyes open. Its so hard to tell my body "no you cant sleep!!" Im not sure if I did just need food not that I felt hungry.

It was stupid hot tho. Where has this weather come from? and the humidity.....sweet jesus.....it was chronic 

Jack said I looked a mess. So Im guessing I looked bad as he doesnt usually say negative things about my appearance. He was hot and bothered.

On the way home my stomach burned with hunger. Not sure why as I have eaten more than enough today!!! mum brought Oz. I had tea and fruit loaf. Tea just to make yourself hotter! We got the fan back out it is that hot. I was tempted to get it out yesterday but today I have decided no more >< 

I made more biscuits, ate chocolate, ate a biscuit, did dinner

flaked out on the bed after bed as I was to tired, hot, and full.

I havent done any exercise so I do feel guilty for eating bad foods AND not exercising

I am trying to accept the fact that sometimes the body needs rest and nourishing. Today is one such day. The heat is draining. And I just didnt feel up to anything as I felt I probably would have made myself feel unwell given how I had been feeling all day. Didnt seem worth it. Wednesday is usually rest day so I will just take it a day earlier this week.

I hope I sleep tho, my mind is having a bit of a panic about calories and such

I prepped tomorrows stew with Jack then had a cold bath, I had goosebumps! I couldnt wait to get out but it served its purpose of cooling everything down. Jack loved the bath after me X3

Just with Oz, I left him outside til it had gone dark as he hasnt been able to play out most of the day at mums cus the heat. He had the fan on his cage along with the girls. Mum said all 4 of them were sat against the bars of the cage enjoying the fan. Bless them. Hot piglets and hot bunbun.

I hope I sleep tonight. Always harder sleeping when its hot isnt it

I might have the fan yet

Tomorrow

just school nothing special, not got too hard of a day. 2 practicals but theyre easy just messy

its the time of year for food tests so its easy for me but a lot of cleaning up!  

Not a good way to start week 2

Evening

Did not sleep

like that was a BAD night

I was in bed for 9:30pm after watching the first episode of tenchi muyo, showing it to Jack I havent seen it since I was like 14/15. Tsubasa, like I thought when I saw the first 3 episodes when I was in my teens, is very slow and dull. But I said I will watch it

I couldnt switch off, the more I thought about school the more anxious I felt, I decided to get up at 11pm for pain killers, took too many on an empty stomach and felt sick. Really sick and i was back in bed by this point trying desperately to get some sleep before school! Then I started having sweats so I got up to open the windows at midnight and just decided to get up in general til 1:30am.......I went to bed but every time I dropped off I immediately had an nightmare or saw something disturbing. After the 3rd time of it happening I got up and went on my laptop. As it goes I was able to find myself a new hoodie finally and for only £6! I also managed to get some christmas presents! I came to bed at 3:45am but took me a while to sleep. I would have liked some more pain killers but knew I would probably have been sick. I was hungry despite having a cookie and apple. So I just laid there thinking "if I dont actually sleep then fine"

I did get off to sleep and woke 3 mins before the alarm so I think I got just under two hour......

Jack on the other hand slept really well again! I am so pleased. He was not pleased I had not woke him.

He is fed up of me doing things myself and suffering alone. So I have promised to make more of an effort to wake him to get up together.

we got ready for school not that I bloody wanted to go. I felt like death but hey I got on with it

I was even polite to everyone all day

not grouchy

got all my work done

no one would have known I had been overdosing and had under two hours sleep

We picked Oz up on the way home mum said she had told him off a few times today for plant chewing and such. I said I would see her tomorrow

we had tea and fruit loaf when we got home and did dinner which was good and filling even if it was 80% vegetables 

I went on my laptop for a bit and then did 10-15mins exercise as I didnt want to burn myself out, had a bath now just doing my diary with my lad. I have made  him a 'warren' with his tubes, the sofa and my dressing gown and he is loving it X3

tomorrow

is school and I have 1 practical and its very easy to get ready just a bit messy to clean up. Cant have it all ways I guess XD I would like to do some art as well if I can

please god let me sleep peacefully and through the night tonight 

did biology art and diffusers work!

 Otsukararesama deshita

Last night we went to bed with the diffuser for the first time, I put essential oils in it to help Jack breathe and to relax us. I couldnt sleep for whatever reason. But I noticed Jack was asleep but not only that, he was breathing through his nose....like this has never happened in the whole 2 years I have slept next to him!! I couldnt believe it. I was so happy and wanted to wake him to tell him XD

I got up til 1am and when I came to bed he was still able to breathe through his nose! I was so pleased. I slept but was woken by Jack who said his earring had come out and stabbed him then we both fell asleep til 8am. He said he felt like he had slept really well! I told him that he was breathing well. We are keen to try it again tonight!

we went food shopping and managed to pick up 3 outdoor plants that was reduced! poor things! I was a bit anxious going round the shop for whatever reason

we got back unpacked, had tea and fruit load - addicted to that stuff XD

then we did my soup, I cleaned the bathroom, chose my clothes for school. I tried on a jumpsuit I got for £5 off ebay....yeah I didnt feel comfortable in it. Jack said it wasnt suitable for work as he would get nothing done XD left little to the imagine put it that way. Literally saw every bump and curve of my body.....then we had lunch. I threw the jumpsuit out for charity

I rested for 45mins and when I got up I started to do my biology art work but Jack said he was going outside to garden, I could tell he didnt want to so I said I would come out

I got some sun - not been sunny in ages - and I did my exercise for the day which was yoga on my picnic blanket with Oz. Jack got what he needed get done. We are now able to plant some plants if we want to!

We came in and had a cup of tea, well I did, Jack had an ice cream XD

I then did my science work. I just sat quietly with youtube on and did it. Felt I learned it better this time round. and it looks good. Jack said he was very proud of me

I then brought a load of hair bows and clips for my mum mainly as shes come and robbed some from me and having no luck finding any for herself so I thought if I brought a load she could pick what she wanted and I would have whats left.

we did dinner and had that. After that I said I would help him make a character for his next D&D game hes playing. Did not expect it to take an hour.....I was gonna get some digital drawing done too!!

Then I had a pamper in the bath and now doing my diary with Ozwald eating carrot in front of me. I have a face sheet on. I plan on doing my nails later. Good pamper before school.

Tomorrow is school T^T

my first full week in months

last week we had the monday off at least. I have a full week and I know theres plenty of practicals>.>

I hope the diffuser works for jack again!