actually started some painted O:

 Evening

I didnt sleep too bad~ I managed to put Oz home at 9pm as the fireworks had died down a lot. So once he was in bed I did my nails then went to bed myself

I got up for a wee at 11:30pm and found Jack reading his phone, I took some pain killers as I had bad back ache - which I have had since friday - and went back to sleep

I woke up at 7am....7 again!!! But its still a good amount of sleep so I can't complain too much

i had breakfast by myself again, I went to get my clothes from the bedroom but when I walked in, Jack woke up so I had company from 8am XD

I didnt really want to do my shopping but got on with it, and cus we couldnt get witch hazel from there we had to drive to boots, wait 15mins for the shop to open, find the witch hazel and get the hell outta there. I was really annoyed as it was wasting MY time buying witch hazel for school. But its all going down on my time sheet~ I will soon amount those hours up. 

We got home and unpacked and had a tea cake and brew with Oz. Oz again hasnt played out much today. Not sure why. I think its bothering him having work men on the roof of the neighbour behind us. Its unsettling him.

We did my soup and I cooked my meat for the week. had lunch then I went to bed for an hour, I didnt want to but was tired. When Jack came in to me I thought it was only 10mins later but he was like "no youve had your hour" wow, where did that go? So I got up and did some actual ART yes art! I forgot what art was. I started painting my canvas, its going ok. i mean I have no idea what the purpose of this canvas is but Jack said it doesnt need a purpose if I enjoyed it.

We did a walk together which was nice then came in for a cup of tea and then did some more painting, did the dinner, then after dinner I had a bath right away as Jack is gaming with the guys at 7pm so I wanted him ready for then. I did some more painting, also brought Mia a christmas present online so that is a good result. I was struggling what to do for her.

Now it's 7:45pm and I am unsure what to do really, im too tired to do much. My painting is too wet to do any more. Got to have Oz inside. I would like to be in bed for 9pm. I can go to bed whenever as Jack is gaming. 

since 3pm my body has been shaky, I thought it was cus I was hungry. So I ate fruit loaf with my brew and didnt feel any better. I felt sick and thought id feel better for dinner but no. I soon accepted what it is....anxiety. I feel sick and shaky with anxiety...what I am anxious about god knows!!! Its very frustrating being anxious and not knowing what your anxious about >.> I think its because of school as what else could it be!? I told Jack and stuff and he said he would get me through the day. I know he will. I just hate this feeling. So I plan on taking a lot of medication tonight to zonk me out so I dont have to be up all night with thoughts....

tomorrow is school anyway

actually started some art

 Evening

I eventually took Oz home at 9:30pm as the fireworks had died back and Oz was just constantly hungry >.> I cant keep up with that bunny

I then had a hot chocolate by myself and went to bed at 10:15pm. I got up for a wee but apart from that I did sleep til 7:15am, I left Jack sleeping for an hour as I wasnt sure what time he had come to bed. He said it had gone midnight...they had all gotten carried away >.> honestly

So this morning I had breakfast alone, woke Jack up then cleaned Ozwald out, cleaned the bathroom, did my homework. I felt quite tired this morning to be honest and I kept flopping on the bed time to time. I also made some biscuits

We had lunch and I went to bed for an hour which annoyed me as I did all my chores in the morning so my afternoon could be set aside for art. My sleep was encroaching on my art time!! But my eyes were so heavy, I knew what needed to be done

when I got up I went on my laptop and did the background on my canvas.

Me and Jack went for a walk but we got a bit rained on :/

we came in and had a cup of tea and then I laid on my bed til dinner time, I brought Oz inside at 5pm. I did dinner then had a bath. Then sat with Oz as Jack had gone to play with harvey and theo. So its just me and the lad. I drew the outline on my canvas as it has dried. I would like to start painting it tomorrow. I am gonna do my nails tonight, so I have had a little bit of creativity I guess.

its 8:15pm and the fire works are still going. Theyre not as full on as yesterday I dont think. Although it has picked up in this last half hour >.> bet it will die back again around 9pm

Then I will take the lad home and have a hot chocolate to myself and do my nails and go to bed

tomorrow

weekly foodshop, come back and cook my lunches for the week and my breakfasts too. Then I would like to do some art!!!

Each year I hate bonfire night

 Pyo~n

I didnt sleep too bad last night

But woke up tired and achy T^T was not a good start to my day I have to say. I didnt want to go to school! School was full on it was hurting me to stand after a while. 

I had had enough and ended up taking tablets and having my lunch 20mins early. I just needed to take a break and Jack was fine with an even warmed my soup up for me ^^

I had my 'working desk' assessment. Someone comes to assess my working area and any extra needs I might need. The guy was so kind, I didnt qualify for a free eye test but the guy is gonna source me a voucher for one! Hes getting me a foot rest so I will sit at my desk in a normal posture XD I always sit cross legged. He is also printing off any online training so I dont have to sit there for hours to do it. From now on its gonna be printed on green paper, I can read at my own leisure and on the floor. It went really well, I thought it was just a box ticking exercise for the occupational health.

On our way home we went to the range for a few bits. I got a new canvas and some paint. Jack got treats.

We came and had a cup of tea with mum. I was beyond exhausted and in a lot of pain but thought I best see mum as we wouldnt see each other til tuesday

she wa slike "what you doing this weekend?"

I said "nothing. Im not going out anywhere or seeing anyone"

she was like "o..k..." 

sick of pleasing people I want some ME time

I brought Oz in at 5pm as it was dark, by 5:10pm I heard the first fire work. Its now 9:30pm and it hasnt actually stopped yet. 7-8pm was awful tho, like a war out there.

Ive had Oz in this entire time. Hes been fed plenty.....so hungry all the time. Hes had lots of fuss. I made a den for him which he has loved. Anime hasnt stopped playing since 5:15pm, i put Chobits on and left it playing through, just so hes not listening to the fireworks. But he seems quite chill. Mum says she has the pigs inside and they seem a bit quiet. 

I do hate bonfire night

2 reasons

1 - how I do wish Guy Fawkes had been successful in blowing up parliment all those years ago

2 - all those animals - wild and domestic - how frightened they are. I also despise all those owners who sod all their pets to go enjoy themselves. I just hate it

fireworks should be silent

in fact a 30min drive away - near my school - theres a silent fireworks display. This should be the way forward, the modern way to enjoy fireworks. But thats wishful thinking

also, given how much fireworks have been let off....SOMEONE HAS SOME BLOODY MONEY! like jesus, they aint cheap.

Tomorrow will be the same again, it is dying back now. I suppose some people have children to put to bed or just get too cold. 

Tomorrow

do a few chores, got a bit of homework, hopefully do some art

I havent done any exercise today which I feel guilty about but I am so exhausted and I have had Oz in and its hard to exercise with him in. He thinks youre playing XD jack is upstairs playing with harvey and theo. Im gonna have a hot chocolate by myself~

yesterday didnt repeat its self sadly

 Evening

ahhhh I got up for 2 sodding wees last night >.> it is so annoying! I also have no idea why I have been needing to get up for a wee like every single damn night. I havent started drinking more. Where is it coming from!?

I woke up feeling a bit tired and achy this morning, so sadly, I didnt feel as good as I did yesterday T^T

I felt anxious about school but got on with it

School was BUSY, sweet jesus. I was rushed off my feet but got a good sit with my brew

I had my biology lesson which was about microscopes and I found it really quite boring! There was also an activity on anagrams. Well dyslexic me stands a chance against the huh! I have NEVER been able to do them or wordsearches so I had an attempt and much to my surprise I got just under half of them ^^ trust me - thats good for me!

I had to clear  up practicals straight afterwards, I was just exhausted by it all. I told Jack that I needed easy jobs now so he said I could paint if I wanted to and I was actually in the mood to finish my minecraft rabbit. I did almost get it finished and its looking better as I thought it looked really quite crap! But its because I dont have the luxury of spending hours on it and I have poor quality paints and brushes! 

I got home and had a cup of tea with mum, my brother rang her whilst she was over to say he was home from his interview. My brother had his first interview in almost 3 years! He is after another job and he said it went really well. He will be told soon if he gets part 2 of the interview next friday. Fingers crossed. I really hope it goes well for him!

we did dinner, whilst having Oz inside again and we had dinner with him. Its too dark and cold for him to play out after 5pm so I think him coming in and having dinner with us will just be a routine thing now bless him.  He enjoys it as its extra attention and warmth.

After dinner I did a 25min work out. The video was 35min long but I didnt want to push my body as I was already using weights during the work out. I didnt want to wake up crippled in the morning.

I had a bath, now I am just with Oz in the living room whilst Jack has a bath and gets into pyjamas. The usual routine really~ And get into bed around 9pm XD poor Jack. when I first met him 2 years ago his bedtime was midnight....he now has to go bed 3 hours earlier. But I give him the choice of going bed later but he chooses to join me. Unless he decides to game with friends

tomorrow is work

friday thank bloody god

I might pop into the range after work as its on the way home and I dont really want to go saturday morning, I just wrote a list of a few things id buy from there to see if it was worth calling in and I think it is. I want a canvas as I feel like attempting some art work

It is also bonfire night a.k.a guy fawkes night. Not a night I particularly like

id like it better if fireworks were silent. We like them for their lights not noise. So many animals art frightened its horrible. So like every year since I was 13 (when I had my first bunny) I will be staying inside with Oz alllll evening. Until it dies down a bit. hes not too bad usually with fireworks actually but there tends to be a lot on bonfire night and it falls on a friday too this year so I can guarantee there will be shed loads on friday AND saturday. So both night Oz will be in. Jack has chosen to stay in with us.  

a piece of myself returned

 Evening

I was in bed for 9:20pm and apart from getting for a wee, I actually slept really well. I even felt like I had had deep good quality sleep. I think it helped being on top of the covers and well wrapped up. i actually didnt feel like death ether when I woke up. it was a total shock and surprised. I cant honestly remember the last time I felt so alive when i woke up!

I felt a lil anxious about going to school, I had wrapped up warm even tho the heating was on. I just thought I would rather be warm to be honest.

I had a good day. I coped mentally really well and didnt feel exhausted and like death all death. It was strange as I felt like more myself instead of pretending to be myself. It was like a piece of my personality that had been missing had been given back.

I have no idea what triggered this was of being today, I am not complaining, but I would like to replicate it! I am hoping for another good night's sleep. 

I hope I feel good again tomorrow.

We had a brew with mum after school, when she went I made biscuits and served dinner up from our new slow cooker ^^ 

then I did a 20min exercise video, the same video I did monday which totally wiped me out but today I found it so much easier. Just shows how much the cold had taken it out of me on monday. Julia told me today she thought I looked tired and exhausted on monday. I looked that bad huh ^^; I always think I make a better job of looking 'well' than what I probably do XD need to practice on my masking skills clearly!

School is another day of several practicals T^T but Jack helps and supports as usual

we have had Oz in a fair bit, hes in now scoffing carrot~

I am getting used to my new phone as well. Not had a go with camera yet actually, must get Oz to pose for me :3 

so yeah just school tomorrow

going to watch anime with Jack now~

I was off because of being cold!!

 Evening

So last night I ACHED I hurt everywhere. I took my pain killers but nothing touched it. I tried sleeping in my bed in my dressing gown at 9pm. By 1am I had not slept and taken 3 times more pain killers I was suppose to. I quietly wept and had all manner of thoughts. I went to bed at 2am and just laid there and laid there just waiting and hoping for sleep to take me. I looked at the clock....5am....

Every joint hurt. All because I had been working for 8 hours in 14c and it had just sunk into my joints and made me suffer needlessly. I do not expect school to put the heating on for ME but it would have been nice to have known that I needed to wrap up more. 

When the alarm went off at 6:15am I felt like death and told Jack I couldnt go school. To which I started crying and he said "none of this is your fault. If the school weren't such tight bastards you wouldnt have suffered all through the night and have to miss school. Do not worry Jo this will be documented on your return to work form." I could tell he was annoyed and Jack doesnt get annoyed...he rang school on my behalf and said "Jo wont be in today as the school was so cold yesterday its set off her fibromylgia"

I was grateful he rang up for me

I took him to school despite how I was feeling

I was so gutted not to be going with him

I called in at mum's she actually had the day off for a steroid injection in her hip so I had company. We sat with the girls and had a cup of tea. She felt annoyed towards the school as she said it was very unsupportive of them as they know I have an illness which is affected by the cold. Yeah school aint bothered >.> she said it also doesnt do me any good - mentally - to not be at school. shes right

I came home and went to bed for an hour. It was a long day tho

I had lunch with mummy

my new phone came and my case and screen protector! so thats good

I left it all in its box for my brother to put the screen protector on for me as he does an amazing job. Im hoping he has time to sort my phone out. I have left both phones at mum's so I have no way of contacting him to ask!

I picked Jack up which was a massive effort as I was so damn tired and achy. Spending an hour in the car was not fun but I got it done

all day it has been a drag mentally and physically. My body feels tired from not sleeping and too many drugs as well I think

I managed to put a few songs on my ipod, I havent done that in months! So I will listen to them at work tomorrow as I plan to go

Jack said that at 2pm today school put the heating on. So many people were complaining. We had a staff email last night saying staff can teach in their coats. How generous! But now the heating has gone on. I am hoping its on tomorrow as well. But I am wearing Jack's fleece lined trousers regardless. Not taking the risk. Im glad others complained. I thought it was me being weak and sensitive to the cold. But no. when jack told people why I was off today they all said how disgusting it was of the school and how bloody cold it was.

so yeah, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

I have taken another blanket from mum's as I was freezing last night, hopefully I will be able to sleep and be warm. My god I want to be able to sleep T^T

what a sucky day just cus school is tight with money and I have my health issues.

and yeah hopefully as well I will have my new phone with me tomorrow

I can survive without a phone tho XD

put the heating on!

 Evening

I slept ok, got up for one wee and slept ok after that

Did not wanna go school tho :/ Felt anxious like I was gonna sit an exam T^T

School was damn hard. The tight sods hadnt put the heating on!!! Its so cold and damp. It had rained a lot today, the building has been shut up for 2 weeks. it was 15c today and whilst that sounds ok, it does get hard work trying to retain heat after a bit so of course despite my layers I did get cold and I ached. I didnt wear loads of layers to work in thinking the heating would be on but no, so I have been in jack's coat like all day and my cardigan with that! and a sleeveless jumper! thermal tights!

I had to go to the shops too which I wasnt happy about as theres never a thank you and I am short on energy. My day just sucked and felt long really

We got home and let Oz out for a wee then brought him in whilst we cooked and ate dinner, spoiled bun. I did 20mins of exercise after dinner then had a shower.

Ive struggled mentally today with feeling crap about my abilities, self harm thoughts, hearing tunes that arent there...Jo is mental. But probably a bit stressed is all

Sourced some fleece lined trousers of Jack's, so theyre long but theyre warm. Ill go armed with these tomorrow!

dont wanna go

getting in bed for 9pm >.>