We played Just Dance together

 Evening

So last night we gave each other a 25min massage

I did Jack first and he enjoyed it, I asked him if I was hurting him at all be he was fine

Whereas with me I was like 'gentle there please!' my body is mega sensitive right now, my fybromylgia is on hyper sensitive mode. So yeah he hurt me a bit but backed off when I said. But it was nice to not think about my pain for 25mins

We watched anime with hot chocolate and went to bed

When I woke up I felt like I had been ran over....god I hurt. I told Jack I hurt from massage in places, he instantly felt bad but I said it was fine. I just felt like I was covered in bruises. Shows how light of a massage I usually get from Charlotte

this morning it was shopping, we let Oz outside before we set off and it was nice to see him play out in the morning. The mornings are getting lighter ^^

Shopping was alright, I felt fine about it all too. Just exhausted! and bruised ><

we got back and brought Oz in for carrot, unpacked and had a cup of tea

I didnt need to make soup this week but I made biscuits, cooked my breakfast chicken, prepped the fish for tonight and pork for tomorrow. So I was still in the kitchen for a bit. And I was so tired

after lunch I went bed for an hour

I got up and spent my afternoon doing science stuff. Still not finished but I didnt want to be doing it through the evening as I wouldnt be taking any information in. So I will finish it next weekend.

We had 4pm brew with Oz and I worked on my science a bit more whilst Jack sat with Oz

I did dinner, and it was good

after dinner

we played Just dance 2017 together! I asked Jack if he would like to play with me as we usually do a walk together and we didnt this weekend just to preserve my legs. So he played. He did 3 dances with me. 3 I  hadnt done before and he beat me at one. He picked all the stupid dances tho >.> I did a couple more afterwards by myself as he had enough.

I had a bath and a pamper, so I did face scrub, face sheet, dyed eyelashes, put the wow dream coat in my hair. So I feel fresh~~~~~it was effort but sometimes I enjoy taking care of myself. Self care is important. I enjoyed it and doesnt feel like a chore~

Just waiting for Jack to finish up in the bath then I think we will watch anime and go bed. I am ready for bed too -_________-

but its school when I wake up T^T

so yeah just school tomorrow really nothing special. 

I will need to print out that teachers 50th birthday card and get it signed as she doesnt work mondays so I need to get on with it!

had homemade fruit loaf and need a new battery

 Evening

I think I must have just been drifting off to sleep when Jack came to bed and that was it then. Everything was screaming at me so we were up then waiting for the extra pain killers to kick in. We were up til almost midnight. I kept waking in the night just hurting and having to get into a new position. 

I woke up at 8am

I brought Oz in who was harassing me for carrot, he was waiting on the sofa for his carrot. Feeling like a stressed single parent, I woke Jack up for support and showed him Oz and he understood my need to wake him XD

So this morning I cleaned my little boy out, I did a bit of science work which was just painting diagrams. then at 11am I went over to see mum for a couple of hours. She gave me home made fruit loaf which was nice. My brother took my laptop off me to have a study of it. He also jet washed the mud off my car as he was doing his own. He said to wash my car

so when I came home at 1pm, we had lunch, I went to bed for an hour as I had been tired all damn morning then Jack helped me wash my car which was nice of him. I hoovered it out and just gave it a quick dusting inside. So shes all clean~

We came inside and had a cup of tea to warm us up and I brought Ozwald in too. He been very tired all day I am unsure why! but he seems happy enough. He didnt do any humping action anyway thank god

I did dinner and luckily my brother came over on his way to his girlfriends house with my laptop and said I need to order a new battery. That isnt such a bad diagnosis at least! So we could watch the last episode of toradora which was good timing as I was looking forward to it but I am not sure how I feel about the last episode. Think were watching something like magus bride next?

I did some yoga after dinner, I wanted to go on just dance but Jack suggested something a little more sedate :/ so I did 35mins of yoga. Oz didnt join in >< 

I had a bath, cut Jack's hair, finished off my painting for the day

Just waiting for him to come out the bath then we are going to do massages!! I suggested it the other night and Jack was up for doing it and we said we do it at the weekend. Mainly to help me and the aches I have been feeling. So I am doing him first then he will do me. Then we will have hot chocolate, I might paint my nails too tonight.

tomorrow

I have weekly shop to do, not got soup to make as I have 10 portions in the freezer XD so I just have a bit of meat to sort out and biscuits to make and thats it~

Oz tried to hump me

 Evening

I slept like the dead, I didnt even wake to Jack coming to bed. He wasnt even that much later than me going to bed but I was long gone.

I got up with him this morning, but I noticed upon walking to the kitchen, it was so painful to walk. I was so relieved that I wasnt going school. I just needed to take Jack to school

As soon as I got home from dropping him off I went to bed for almost 2 hours

I cant believe how much I slept and how deeply. I think I just had no more to give

I got up and began my work tho

mum came over for lunch but I felt too tired to hold a conversation. She brought the girls over which was nice. She left and I laid down for a bit I just was so tired for whatever reason. I really does get frustrating being this drained and tired. 

I got up and got 1 part of my work finished - a 50th card from the science department. 

People were up for it and gave me ideas about Mel I could write. But I must say - it took a lot longer than I thought it was going to! But I didnt want it to look crap you know?

I brought Oz in and had fruit loaf and tea with him. I sat on the floor. He came grunting over which is day to day thing Oz does. but he suddenly really intently sniffing my wrist as I was leaning on my arm laying on my side. He then started grunting and I could tell he was being frisky.....He let off a smell as well. And it was like he wanted to hump my arm....but didnt quite know what to do....he was kinda trying to do it but just ended up lifting one back foot then the other like he was walking on the spot which is an odd sight for a bunny.

This is VERY ODD behaviour for Oz. Frisky behaviour for a bunny is common - however - Oz have NEVER shown any mating signs/humping/frisky behaviour etc. Even when he still had his manlyhood. He never did it. Which I did find weird as all my other bunnies did it and I couldnt wait to get them castrated! But Oz never did it. I had him castrated as soon as he was old enough as it makes them smell better XD So when he tried this today I must say it did shock me. But bless his cotton socks, he couldnt work out how to do the 'hump' action. No one had thought to tell Oz how to do it XD that was 30 seconds of behaviour nether me or him with ever understand

Jack came home not long after that actually and I told him it was weird for Oz but Jack didnt seem that fussed.  We talked about our days then reheated our leftovers for dinner

had dinner and then Jack went for a shower, I went to fuss Oz on the floor and once again he tried this frisky-like behaviour. There must have been a smell on that sleeve/wrist maybe? as it was only there he was trying it with. This time he grunted and his bum was twitching and he tried to pick a back foot up but once again he just did not know how to do the action and gave up after 15 seconds XD I just hope this isnt going to be a thing with him as I can't stop this 'desire' I have already taken his balls theyre aint much else I can have chopped off!

I felt exhausted, it still hurt to walk and stand but I knew after 2 days of doing no exercise, skipping again wasnt an option as other areas of the body were starting to scream. I didnt know what exercise to do but then remembered my mum brought my post over and in it was a new just dance game! so I went on that for half hour with Oz watching me as usual. It was really good!! the dances are harder thats for bloody sure!

I put him home and I cleaned the bathroom, god I could not face it but it had to be done

I had a 30min bath! i was so soggy XD

now just doing my diary

Tomorrow

got Oz to clean out

car to clean - jack says he will help 

science work to do T^T

it was karen's funeral

 Evening~~

I slept well last night, after laughing at the 'science fell in love' anime

I got up for school and my legs felt a bit better, I was glad I had chosen not to exercise last night

my first thought today was "its karen's funeral" I had even dreamed of my granny and was crying telling my mum how much I miss granny. I think its because granny and karen died in the same manner

school tho, the moment I started walking round school my legs hurt....

yet another day in awful pain

I was keeping an eye on the time. Thinking about mum going to the funeral, about karen etc

I had had enough tho, just being on my feet hurt.

I felt quite flat but was doing my best to keep it together

I got home and found mum here and she had let Oz outside but he didnt appreciate it XD

Jack went upstairs leaving us alone

mum talked to me about karen's funeral. She brought with her the little book you get at funeral with a lovely photo of karen on the front which made me want to cry just from seeing that

it sounds all in all that the family did brilliantly holding it together. Mum said they had painted her casket which was something karen had said to me years ago - before her cancer - thats what she wanted to happen when she died. I was glad her wish came true.  Mum said you could even touch the casket! but mum didnt. She also didnt go to the wake just because of covid and how many people were going! also mum is still recovering from her virus and said the funeral did her in. Funerals are exhausting tho.

I started crying, I couldnt keep it together any longer. I thought about karen, granny, life. Yeah i let it out.

I did dinner when she left not that I felt like it, I just wanted it done out the way

I cried for an hour then after then

the mask I do so well to wear, to keep that brave face on, to pretend all is well

fell off. I just silently cried. Jack hugged me and went to wash up but was keeping an eye on me. He cuddled me after he had finished. I told him I was fine. There was no need to go into the usual thing wrong with me - being long term sick and how it impacts my day to day life. I also felt I had no right to cry today as Karen's family must be going through hell right now.

I couldnt exercise, I was wiped and felt dizzy and headachy. So I decided to grab a quick shower. I wasnt in the mood for a bath, thought it would make me feel worse. A shower kinda brought me out my symptoms. I am just sat doing this whilst sitting with a face sheet on. To try calm the inflammation on my face and swelling

I might get round to drawing. Last night I attempted drawing for a few mins but my eyes were so blurry and tired that everytime I drew a line I pressed UNDO afterwards. I gave up. I was just so shattered that I ended up getting ZERO time to myself and went to watch anime with Jack before bed. But I may attempt it again tonight

tomorrow

I AM WORKING FROM HOME

I have plenty to be getting on with, I refuse to put myself through another day of pain for work. I missed my friends funeral for work, I am in so much pain I do not want to waste my weekend recovering from work. So I put my foot down and said to Jack I would be working from home tomorrow. I had made this decision earlier at school when my legs were screaming at me so I prepped for tomorrow and monday so to take the stress off Jack. Jack is fine with me doing this. Mum said she will come eat lunch with me so it isnt a long day of being by myself.

so it should be a nicer day on my body mentally and physically tomorrow

in so so much pain, it hurts to walk

 Evening

I slept well last night

but this morning, god my body

my legs and lower back KILLS

it actually hurts to walk. To the point where I could cry

all I wanted to do was stay home and sleep. I needed to be out of pain

but instead Jack just told me to take regular breaks

I was on my arse for hours doing nothing. I thought "if he wont let me stay home, I will make it so it is like I was home" XD but to be honest I couldnt do much

but after break time I did start to pick up a bit

but the pain of walking....it was like someone squeezing my muscles constantly combined with growing pains. I wanted to cry. 

So I have overdosed~

I somehow got through my day going from perch to perch

Mum was home when we got in, and I was in such a mood. Cobby and grouchy

but I soon chilled out, Jack left me to mum think he wanted to escape me XD

I went to have a bath

I wasnt going to exercise today as I felt any exercise was going to make matters worse

so I was in the bath ages and massaged my calves with muscle relaxing body wash and it helped a bit.

Then I made biscuits then served up the curry we put on this morning.

Oz has just gone home and I might have 10mins of drawing then watch anime and go bed

I am so exhausted

this is what I have been working on anyway

its for my brother's birthday, if it turns out well I will get it printed as a glass coaster for his new work desk I think

if I feel like this tomorrow and still hurts to walk - i will not be going

I feel i pushed into going school today and really i should have recovered at home

but anyway. the day is done

bed......where is my bed T^T

im walking like a cripple

tomorrow is school

i have my biology lesson and I have a practical to do

it hurt to stand

 Evening

I woke up a few times last night and got for 2 wees, turns out Jack did too! we are like an old couple already haha

I was abit anxious about going school but not as bad as yesterday. It was -1c tho like yesterday T^T

but oh my god

school

so busy

Jack had meetings to attend and other things meaning he wasnt around for support. I was overwhelmed with the sheer volume of work and I was so close to crying. There was so much to do. It was hurting to stand up as I had been on my feet so much. It was a very very hard day. I just wanted my bed so bad

I got home and mummy was home which was nice. We had tea with her and Oz

mum is still feeling poorly but she didnt look as deathly as I thought she was gonna do

She left and I did our noodles which only took like 10-15mins to cook. It was bliss having an easy dinner after a hard day. I had stew to prep for the morning tho

did 20mins of exercise videos and then went for a bath but forgot to take Oz home

usually I take him home before my bath as I dont like going out to the garage with damp hair

so Jack - during my bath - picked Oz up and took him home!! this never happens! It was such a surprise that Oz cooperated and Jack was brave enough! and it went well!

I am gonna do a bit of drawing now! like literal 10mins

I then will watch anime and go bed as bed feels like an actual treat right now....

I am hoping school wont be as bad tomorrow

New Just Dance games!

 Evening

I slept pretty well

but today felt sicky and anxious for whatever reason

I was also tired

school was ok

I went to see Lizzi and ended up being with her for an hour for one thing and another -_____-

I couldnt do a simple working out of how strong a chemical needed to be because all I could think about was my weight, how fat I look and feel, to skip lunch, to not eat when I get home etc

It was doing my head in - literally! 

Found it so frustrating. mentalness just been bad today I guess

I got the day done tho

Mummy is still poorly

Julia said her daughter is off school poorly, she sounds like she had the exact same bug as mum actually. My poor mummy T^T

we got home. I was so so dead honestly

I had bad aches which I had at school, I was shattered and had a splitting headache

but the show must go on, I had dinner to cook 

then I was determined not to do any exercise tonight

but I knew after how my head had been today that I would end up killing myself if I did no exercise. I would be full of self hate and not sleep

so I managed 15mins of just dance but I really didnt try

dont think I was even sweating afterwards

went for a bath and when I came out I decided to look for just dance games on ebay

and wooooooo they had 2016 AND 2017

2016 is the one I need next and is usually £25 pre-owned in shops

I got it for £12 pre-owned. Then 2017 was only £13! such bargains needed to be had

Jack is having the new pokemon game this month so I need something XD

I have wanted another just dance for ages but never want to pay out for it

I know I wont play them every night but theyre a good alternative to weights or work outs in general. I only play whilst wearing weights now tho XD

now I might get some drawing done whilst Jack is in the bath, he takes ages to even get in the bath. Never known someone to spend so long on the toilet -_____- 

tomorrow is school

and hopefully seeing mum after school too!