time with mummy. 1 bun is better than 2

 Konbanwa~~

Im so bruised after my blood test! I cant look at my arm without feeling like I will faint. No word of a lie there.

I slept well after playing on disgaea with Jack in bed

This morning I got up at 8am with Jack, we brought Ozwald inside. I got the Thai curry on 

I had my 'new' breakfast of cereal and yogurt and weighed out what a portion was. Next to nothing! But only 200 calories. made a change to eat I have to say

by 9:30am my mummy came to pick me up. We went shops and I got a few bits and pieces and picked Jack up some treats like fudge, fizzy sweets, toffee apple cider. He was happy ^^

From the shops we went to a cafe, I had a rainbow cake with lots of icing and it was soooooooooooo nice the guy even warmed it up a little and it was just the best. 

Mum brought me home as it was really raining and I was worried about the buns. Jack had txt to say that rather than let him get them in they chose to sit under the rhubarb plant. So i was keen to get them home. They actually we're too wet at all which surprised me. Their feet were wet through

mummy had really enjoyed her time with me and I enjoyed it too :)

We had lunch and Jack asked me if my breakfast had been enough and I said it had but only because I had been distracted by shops. If I was round the house I bet I would have snacked but we shall see.

After lunch I was putting bits away I had bought and doing other bits and pieces but I said to jack I needed to rest my body needed rest but I just find it so difficult to rest lately. He came and read next to me in bed whilst I had an hour. I find it easier to relax with him there sometimes.

When I got up I did an hour of yoga, then dinner which was soooo good

The buns have been able to play out and Oz is inside snoring. I dont think I will bother letting him play out again later cus he doesnt like the wind today.

I am full and tired and have those buns to round up ><

Jack asked if seeing two buns playing outside makes me ever want 2 rabbit

NO

its too much

and theyre not bothered about you, just one another. 1 rabbit you get so bonded to and have a good relationship with. You dont get that when own two. Obviously you have to put a lot of time and effort to gain that trust and relationship and you have to be there more for just 1 rabbit compared to 2

but yeah, just 1 is enough.....

I still havent been able to do any drawing just been too tired

My cousin Remi said Bobows had arrived today! so fast!! she was so happy with the repair job she said she was shaking and crying. I am so relieved that 1 she got it back and 2 she likes the job I did. 

tomorrow

we were gonna go out for the day/afternoon somewhere but the weather doesnt look great so I think we might do it on friday instead. So i told mum I can see her for a cup of tea in the morning.

Done my yearly blood test!

 Evening

I am so tired T^T

I didnt sleep well. I was cold. Each time I woke up cold I felt sick and anxious about my impending blood test in the morning T^T

I woke up at 7,then 7:30am and I got up to get Oz in and I waited til 8am to wake Jack up so I could have breakfast with him

We had breakfast, I somehow managed to get it down me

then we went for my blood test....I was called in straight away I didnt even get to sit in the waiting room! which is fantastic as it gave me no time to get myself worked up

I walked in and my lovely nurse Angie was like "aw Jo youre sweating already" XD thats just me haha I sweat 24/7 I am always drinking and always sweating. 

I was well behaved and didnt pass out and retained my colour too! i told her that I was still struggling with my breathing so shes prescribed me my 3rd type of inhaler but its instead of my other 2. Basically a 2 in 1, I need to go chemist and get it. It was worth mentioning to her ^^ shes amazing

I came home, Jack helped me out the car as I was a lil shaky on my feet.

he made me a sweet up of tea and brought me a biscuit. He is so good to me. I was grateful of him driving home too.

Jack put the buns out whilst I was recovering.

He then cleaned out his sister's buns.

once I was better I worked on Remi's Bobows and did the repair job. I wrapped him up and put some necklaces and hair clips in the bag for her that I dont wear anymore. I have grown out of costume jewellery and cat ears

after lunch, I was so tired but so restless

I have been like this for days.

my body is tired but i cant rest. i feel I must keep going

I lay on my bed, my body needs it but my body and mind desire more

So I suggested to Jack that we go post Bobows as I do not like having responsibility of him and I know Remi is missing her comfort toy. I just hope she likes the job I did >< and we also went oriental supermarket to stock up on noodles and things

we came home and I know I needed  to relax but still couldnt really

I did dinner which was nice and after dinner I put all the buns away. Needed down time

but I went on just dance and got sweaty in 25mins i felt so much better for it tho

like that was what I needed. I was tired but the endorphins kicked in and kept me going 

I had a bath and now just doing my diary

I should draw as I havent been drawing due to being to damn tired and tonight i actually have blurred eyes i am so tired

i want my bed

tomorrow

i had set weds aside for my mother

its only fair she gets some of my holiday time as usually i work and die so i have no time for her. We both thought about the city centre but then thought better about it as Nottingham since covid-19 has just become one big food court. Like next to no shops. Not worth going into the dirty city and dealing with people ugh. I need more quiet setting and less people.

So I suggested going to the shops 5min drive from the house so TK maxx, B&M, Boots, B&Q, M&S yeah just need a few random bits from each shop really then go to a cafe and have cake and tea. I only have my stew to put on in the morning and then I can go out. I should be back for lunch so then I shouldnt be dead the rest of the day - I hope ><

I have a £2 coin size bruise from my blood test! what the hell!!? how have I bruised so bad and its proper dark purple. I cant look at my arm as it makes me feel light headed. so I can not wait for that to pass >.>

I have Bobows!!

 Evening

I was grateful to Jack for coming off his game at 9pm. I hadnt asked him and he was happy gaming with Harvey and Theo but he said he wanted to come to bed with me. I had been playing on my switch in bed for an hour and I was so tired.

I was a bit chilly in the night so when I woke up and crawled up to Jack for heat

My alarm went off at 7:30am as I was suppose to go for a walk with mia at 8:30am however it was raining. So I txted to call it off even tho I really wanted to see her. In the end the rain did blow over but she didnt get here til 9am (could have had a lay in after all) because the dogs were hyper so she went to a field and threw the ball for them to get rid of some of their energy so they wouldnt be pulling on the lead so I was grateful of that

we talked about stuff and she said she doesnt know the full ins and outs of her hen-do but what she does know about ti she knows I cant do or would struggle to do. So she said, as her sister is unable to take part too as its not her sort of thing ether, that Mia would do something with me and her sister. Like and afternoon tea so I was very much relieved and grateful. Weight off my mind!

I got home, grabbed my stuff and went to mum's as I was waiting for Remi's comfort toy 'bobows' but it didnt turn up in the post then, I waited til mum came home, had a brew and did the girls claws

I then went to fetch my meds and then came home to have lunch with my Jack

He had been doing his car insurance which only cost him an additional £150 to his current insurance...how? I know hes 28 and not 18 but when my brother passed at age 17 it cost close to £2000 to insure him. My parents had to pay for gods sake! We werent complaining tho.

After lunch I laid on my bed, tired but restless. Life is not fair T^T mum rang me to say Bobows had arrived so I thought id go fetch that and took jack with me and we went to a shop for some cleaning crap and skin stuff. Nothing fancy but cheaper than getting it from super market.

we came back and had a brew, Oz was being a git indoors so I took him home, I think he just wanted to play outside as he hadnt actually been outside yet but the other 2 need to play out really

I decided to wash Bobows,, as the state he was in.....I hand washed him as he is fragile. But dear god the water...I changed it 3 times as it instantly went like gravy. On the 4th bowl of water I left it to soak in some vanish for an hour. Then washed it out, soaked it in fabric softener and then put him on my radiator. Tomorrow I begin surgery to fix him!

I brought him in after some cool down time and then did dinner which was soooo good

swapped the buns round so Oz is finally outside

gonna have a bath now I think

my legs are hurting so hot bath sounds nice.

tomorrow

I do not want tomorrow to come round

got my sodding annual blood test at 9:10am >.> Jack is on blood test duty as mum is working

after that I dont really have anything planned as I imagine I will be done in from that. We could be doing with going to an Asian supermarket tho

Snappy and upset

 Evening

I slept through the night. I was playing Disgaea4 til late as I was too involved in the item world, youre a bit committed and can't leave ^^; and I bit off more than I could chew but hey whats new!

We got up and I left the buns in their cage but brought Oz in. 

we went for food shop which exhausted me

when we came home we brought Oz in and put the buns out.

Oz was determined to mate with me, I just let him. He tends to mount my arm and grab my skin in his teeth which feels like a very painful pinch. He did this 5 times in same place. Think I might have a bruise tomorrow but the pain was welcomed. To feel something different. I didnt flinch or make a noise but I know it would normally make another person yell out. I welcomed the pain. Almost like he was doing the self harming for me.

I also had to ring my mum as we had a panic as I noticed a leaking pipe coming from our boiler. I bit my mums head off on the phone and after we ended the call I felt instant regret and I cried and cried. I am exhausted, tired, in pain, and the littlest thing pushes me over the edge. This leaking pipe - i couldnt cope with it

I got on with cooking meat and prepped meat. I decided I am gonna have yogurt and cereal for breakfast and chicken for lunch. 

we had lunch but I only managed a hot chocolate and biscuit as my stomach was churned up

my parents came at one, I apologised to mum for snapping and she said it was fine, I told her whats up and that I had cried it out my system. My dad fixed the pipe it was such a small job and I am so so grateful. I had visions of having to change pipes! He looked at the windscreen wipers on my car and says I need a new motor, so yeah hes got that to fix sometime. hes gonna order the part for me.

they left and I went to bed for almost 2 hours. I was drained of life. I was upset as I am just fed up of feeling so crap. 

I didnt fall asleep but once I got up I went for a walk with Jack which was nice but tiring even tho we went at my pace. My legs were hurting.

luckily dinner wasnt too difficult and I was relieved

we put the buns away, shaved Oz's tummy and let him outside for a bit but hes not that active and likes to go home at 7pm-ish, I have no idea how that rabbit knows the time.

I had a nice bath and then Jack did, now hes gone to game with Harvey and Theo, I cant imagine it will be a late one as they still have work in the morning even if we dont.

I might do some drawing but I am very tired

tomorrow

should be going for a walk at 8:30am with Mia and the dogs. Hopefully I can manage it and it doesnt bugger me up for the rest of the day. then I am going to my mums to wait for a parcel. Then maybe go shops with Jack. see how I feel. 

Actually Saw Nigel!

 Evening

i slept pretty well last night

apart from having a cry last night. Just felt stressed about the holidays like I wanted to know what I would get done or get to do during the holidays, didnt want to waste my holidays. What would I be able to achieve? that kinda thing. So I started micro managing stuff, writing lists, doing shopping lists, writing appointments, stuff I wanna do, need to do. I got upset as I just felt overwhelmed even tho this was my way 'helping' the situation I felt I was in.

Jack came down stairs from gaming at 10:15pm and found me upset. I think really what the problem was, was that I was over-tired. But I couldnt settle I felt restless. So we played on switchs in bed and at around 11:30pm I felt I could sleep.

I woke up at 8:30am and woke Jack up to help me with the buns and we had breakfast and Jack looked SO tired. i suggested for him to go back to bed and he actually did whereas he usually just gets on with it. I think the week back had caught up with him, he was recovering from covid, had 2 late nights and had a driving test. I think his body needed rest.

Whilst he was in bed I sorted out the buns, I cleaned Oz out, I cleaned the bathroom, I did 50mins of yoga and then at 11:55am I woke Jack up. He looked much better and said he felt better. So he had an additional 3 hours sleep which was good.

I lazed around for a bit as my body was tired. i felt tired but couldnt sleep

at 2:30pm Nigel turned up! He turned up with his dog and I suggested we do a walk. So I went for a walk with him and Mabel who was so well behaved.

He showed me his camper van and dropped off Mabel and came in to have a brew with me and Jack

he left then I got on with dinner. Really enjoying watching Rise of the shield hero its so good

We swapped the buns round and I got scratched up badly on my hand by Skyler. She doesnt half growl, snarl, scratch. Shes cute but got a lot of attitude. I made biscuits and now I am gonna have a nice warm bath then maybe do some drawing.

It was so good to see Nigel tho, I havent seen him in almost 2 years and he looks well and gave me some good stories. He says he might return in a year's time

He passed his test!!!!

 Evening

I was ok by myself last night, the time soon went by. I was in bed playing Disgaea4 and checking my phone til 10pm and still hadnt heard from Jack so I called it a night. 

I heard him come home but I didnt make a fuss of him as I was quite happy where I was and if I woke up fully and moved and talked id need pain killers and have to get up etc so I left him get into bed 

I asked him to spoon me as I could feel he was cold so i wanted him to come and leach some heat from me. He was soon snoring. Which made think "hes had a drink" I slept apart from that

Think morning Jack filled me in on his evening. He had a cocktail, a burger. Won the 1st game of bowling and didnt do bad the 2nd game. He came home at 10:40pm and he seemed fine and wasnt nervous about his driving test at 2:30pm

I was nervous

I got to school and had an anxiety attack. Couldnt breathe, tears, shaking and dizzy. Think there was just a lot happening today. I had to recover for a bit

then had a meeting with head of science about me going part time

we got the morning done and left at midday which was nice

We got home and put the buns outside with the full run of the garden and they bloody loved it!!!

Oz was patrolling inside as he could hear them two outside but he soon got used it. We had lunch and then I massage the hell out of Jack's bad foot his drop foot and he said it felt the best it had in months and he had so much movement. So that helps towards his test. I got all the stuff he needed together and yeah we set off and we were a bit early but that was fine

People in the test centre thought it was my test as I was so nervous. I had the nerves for both of us!!

The guy came and collected Jack and he was gone like 40mins. 40mins of nervous waiting. 

I saw him pull into the test complex and I wanted to go running out but I thought "let the guy pull up first Jo" so once he pulled up another test guy said "you can go see him and hear his feedback"

I went out to them and he was in the car with the test guy. Jack had his sunglasses on so I couldnt tell him full emotion. He held his hand up in a thumbs up action but does that mean hes ok? hes passed? the test guy held up a pass certificate and I felt so much relief.

I opened the car door and noticed how red and flustered Jack's face was and his little ears were so red. He had to use the inhaler too. After he moved into the passenger seat and took his glasses off I could see how shaky he was. He was drained from the adrenaline and said it was the most stressful 40mins of his life.

I took him home and made him a sweet tea and brought Oz in for bun therapy. We put the buns out for a stretch

Mum came over she had made cakes for Jack which was nice

she left and we did dinner, Jack had a shower and helped me get the buns in so Oz could have a bit of time outside. the buns's feet and bottom were so muddy they had really enjoyed themselves. They cant believe they have such freedom. I am happy for them. its like theyre having a holiday.

Jack has gone to game, hes a bit drained still but I told him to go enjoy his gaming.

I am gonna go on just dance then have a bath I think

tomorrow

think I am seeing Nigel for the first time in almost 2 years as he emigrated but hes come back to the UK to visit people. not sure why hes visiting me to be honest but I am happy to see him. he asked for my address so does that mean hes coming here??

I am so proud of my Jack

its been so hard for him learning to drive during covid

took me a year to get him behind the wheel. It was massively out of his comfort zone

he got lessons cancelled due to covid, he lost one instructor cus he moved here with me so had to find a new instructor who gave him lessons then quit being and instructor. So I was left to teach him and he had to use my car for his test. Its been hard. But its done.  he thanked me for supporting me and pushing him to do these things

The buns' first 24 hours

 Evening

I slept well last night but I was dead. I had nothing to give last night

I enjoyed painting my nails before bed tho as I wasnt in the mood to watch anime. I needed to be quiet. I wasnt in the mood to watch something and laugh and feel emotion I just needed quiet down time

This morning my first thought was "I hope the buns are ok"

They seemed just fine. I didnt hear any thudding as they are on the other side of the wall to our bed and we can hear thudding if it happens but all was quiet.

I gave them a little salad and Skyler just growled XD not Gordon Ramsey standard clearly! We had Oz in this morning. It felt odd leaving the other two cooped up but its what had to be done

School was exhausting. It hurt to walk. I got everything done tho

Jack brought some kinder bars from the shop as I didnt eat any of the kinder doughnut last night. However I looked at them and instantly thought "im not allowed to eat a chocolate bar to myself" thats just how my mind set goes apparently. So I didnt touch them. jack had one later on.

It came to home time and I didnt want to leave my jack but almost easter holidays

I got home, put on some warm clothing as it had been snowing today. Yes. Snowing. We had snow and hail today - several times. It was sunny when I was home so I got the buns out straight away. Oz was left in his cage. Skyler and Thumper I put in the run with tubes and they loved it!!

I took photos but they were only out 20mins when a snow storm came back with a vengeance so I quickly put them home. I was exhausted by this point so I went in for my lunch which was a hot chocolate nd biscuit. i then went to bed. I left Oz inside to sleep on his plush pad as I had had lunch with him and he was happy and content. 

When I got up it was sunny so I put the buns out again and it started snowing again. Felt like someone was laughing at me up there! I left them out as they were happy and it wasnt much snow and soon passed luckily. They  had probably 2 and a half hours outside today? they both  made a break for it tho when I gave them the chance. i wanted to see how confident they felt, and they cant escape the garden. They legged it out the run. So at least I know tomorrow they can play outside in the full garden. I just didnt want to overwhelm them today.

I did some yoga then got Oz in as I didnt want to be raped again. Did 1 hour of yoga. Oz was outside whilst I did yoga as I wanted him to have some outdoor time too. I dont want him to be 100% indoor bun for the next 10 days!

jack came home and literally had a drink, a shower, did my meds and went out

yup im home alone

its the science social night out.

food out - i cant eat out

bowling - i would be in too much pain the next day to work

so i have had to skip but I wanted jack to go

he wil give me a txt when hes on his way home which hopefully shouldnt be late but we will see.

I had dinner whilst he was showing

I put Oz home at 7pm as he was so tired

I had a very hot bath and it was the first time I felt my toes and feet all day.

I am now here and I might just try a few things on clip studio paint my cousin has given me tips for then I might watch anime by myself with a hot drink I shall see. I will certainly play on my switch in bed tho ^^

tomorrow

I have a meeting with head of science to confirm that I want to be part time, I have asked Jack to be in on the meeting too

we are leaving school at midday to come home and get changed and get food then Jack has his first ever driving test!!!!!! Please god let him pass. I cant bare to have him wait another 6 months to try again and hes been driving for 2 years. That boy can drive! I hope he has confidence in himself to do it