glad its 3 day weekend

 Evening

I couldnt be bothered with this yesterday

yesterday was a long day, my stomach was off before school and it made me feel drained for hours after. Jack was late coming home, mum came to see me around 4ish for a brew. 

Today it was another morning of dying on the toilet. Maybe I've been more stressed than I thought I was, there has been more things happening lately, more stresses I didnt need.

I couldnt be bothered with school, wasnt in the mood for the pointless practicals and looking happy for people and talking to people nicely

I just about got through school. I was exhausted. I came home and mum came over with the girls. We had lunch then she gardened. Oz helped - of course he did. I talked to mum and I watered the gardened I also did odd things round the house. She had a cup of tea and left at 3. I then sat with my laptop then eventually started my next drawing. Starting is always the hardest part with me. I procrastinate so much but on day 4 of putting off I finally made a start XD

Jack came home and I did the dinner. then did a work out and had a bath, he hasnt got gaming tonight but is playing with Theo online instead. He did ask me and I said he could. So ether way I spend friday nights by myself I guess. Im never up to much in the evenings so I always say to him if he gets a better offer than me he should go. I am with Oz, he can keep me company

tomorrow

its a bank holiday weekend woop. It means you get an extra day off but also means everywhere busy! as saturday looks the best day weather wise, we said we might go for a walk down the river then we have bits and pieces to do. We may go for a walk and go for cake and have a picnic outside

Shiny Slush Puppy Haunter

 Evening

Forgot to do my diary til late last night so I left it

But yesterday I hadnt slept that great so all day I couldnt think straight. I had to get up and stuff cus I was aching and stressing about work. The day actually went fine. I came home and started on outlining my painting and making a card for Jack's nan who is having an operation on thursday.

I woke up drenched in sweat. Jesus. I had to peal my pyjama bottoms off to go for a wee when I woke up. It was bad. I had dreamed about my dead aunty. God knows why. Never think about the woman. So I felt grim this morning I have to say.

School was ok really nothing special. It feels to good to be getting bacteria out the way I have to say. Slowly classes are getting ticked off. Bacteria is growing too. I have done a good job!

I came home to find mummy gardening. She had done so much she is like an actual machine. we need to pull our weight with gardening this weekend! 

She said Oz was really helping her, scurring the mud and eating weeds and sitting on her spade. She says its such lovely company. He is lovely. He kept checking on the girls as mum had put them in my garden pen. I finished the card for Jack's Nan, I think she will like it. I finished my painting to which mum said she would like it X3 thats fine. I had no plans for it and wasnt that fussed about it really. so she can have it next time I see her.

I did a few jobs this afternoon and had a half hour nap on the bed as I was so drained. Jack was home late again. Yesterday he was late as he popped in a shop and got chatting to someone he knew there. Tonight he just did badly with buses. I had brought him some fake grass for his warhammer models as I surprise. Just cus I thought they looked cute and I want to show I support his hobby even tho I have no clue about it!

After dinner I did yet another work out. Then had a bath. Not sure if I will do any drawing or not. I did finish my Haunter picture the other day. Its quite funky. I had found out shiny Haunter has a blue tongue and it reminded me of when you had Slush Puppy as a kid and it turned your tongue blue so I did a Haunter holding a Slush Puppy. Random I know!

tomorrow is school and it looks like it could be a quieter day - do I dare say??

Mum isnt coming over cus shes got an appointment. So it will be a long afternoon by myself but thats fine it will give me time to work on Jack's birthday painting. He will be late home AGAIN tomorrow as science department is getting together 3:45pm to have tea and cake to say goodbye to a science teacher - a chemist - so hes going to that. Im not as I will be long gone by that point!

massive anxiety before monday morning work

 Evening

I slept pretty well last night and woke up 10mins before my alarm so I laid there a little bit then cuddled Jack to wake him up. He says its a great way to be woken up ^^

My anxiety was through the roof this morning

good god

I had to get rid of my stomach content so I was stuck on the toilet just before leaving the house which made us 20mins late for work :( I was dying and sat with hot bag on my stomach on the drive in.

At school I was shaking and felt sick. Amazing what school does to me!

I was stressed out as the door keeping my bacteria in, the battery had gone on the automatic door lock. Meaning I couldnt get in. Meaning I couldnt get on with my day and start growing new bacteria. I didnt need all this and was on the verge of tears.

head of science came in and asked how stuff was going. I said "its horrendous as Im trying to fit 8 hours in 4 hours" he just said "well I have a meeting with Jack in a minute so Ill talk to him" hes not bothered.

I ended up being to talked to by a lot of people today. Time I couldnt afford to give to people but i gave it and ended up not being able to finish all my tasks today. I think I would have got them done if not for the huge delay in getting into the room. Julia had tried the door several times throughout the morning as its next to her prep room. She managed to get in by fluke and gave me a ring so I went up for my bacteria! the door has been fixed but it just offset my whole morning. It was good to see people.

I came home

exhausted

my mum came over to have lunch, she had brought us yet more garden plants and my parcels. We sat and had lunch with Ozwald. I seem to have all my meals with that loaf.

I tried to not go to bed but I felt so drained. I hadnt had the best starts to the day what with anxiety. Then stressing and rushing at work. I think I just had nothing more to give. So I was in bed for 90mins. I got up and did a bit of painting but I didnt feel very productive with my time off. But I have to accept I am poorly and I will get days like this and this why I am part time. I cant think of as not being productive enough I need to think of it as rest my body clearly needs.

I started the dinner as it would take 40mins to cook and I knew Jack would be home shortly

dinner was good and after dinner I did a 20min work out another grow with jo. It was enough. Jack told me not to push myself so I didnt do a 30min one just 20min but yeah it was enough

I had a bath now doing my diary.

Might do some drawing not sure yet

probably watch anime and switch in bed

tomorrow is school and yet more bacteria -____________________-

Jack's warhammer pics

 Evening

I was so shattered yesterday

I was in bed at 8:45pm, Jack was gaming online with Chris and friends

I fell asleep at 10pm after playing on my switch an hour.

I woke up at midnight to feel eyes on me. It was Jack coming to bed. I had fallen asleep in my usual position on my side of the bed. How the hell did I end up facing the other way totally sprawled out like Id been hit by a car!? so Jack could actually get into the bed XD he said he came in, realised what position I was in, and gonna go sleep on the sofa. But I had woke up. So I let him into bed.

I then woke up 45mins later and yeah, couldnt get off again. I was up til almost 2. I had pain killers and a biscuit. 

I woke up at 7:45am. I was shattered but needed to get up. Jack made me breakfast which was fruit loaf XD It was good ^^ been having yogurt and cereal for a while now.

We had a lazy morning with Ozwald then we went and did our food shop we were like ninjas! 

We got back and had a brew then I prepped meat and made biscuits.

we had lunch on time then after lunch we both went to do painting!

I painted a picture of flowers and cacti its still not finished. Jack did warhammer painting. He finished one person the other day and I offered to take photos and edit them a bit as Jack sucks at taking photos and he took me up on the offer

I  did some digital drawing.  then did the dinner. I then did a 40min work out. I feel like I have done a good work out. I have been eating so much chocolate from easter each day. So doing a work out doesnt make me feel 100% guilty for eating bad foods. I had a bath and now just sitting with a sheet mask on whilst I do my diary. 

I might get round to doing some more digital drawing before bed.

Once Jack is out the bath we will watch anime and go bed to play on switchs. 

I might need to water the garden as well actually :/ 

tomorrow

is school T^T soon comes round doesnt it. I will be able to see if my bacteria has grown or not. I still have bacteria work to do as well. I cant tell you how many hours it takes me. Mum says she will see me for lunch.

Didn't do my CV but Jack did his

 Evening

Jack came to bed at 10:45pm. But didnt matter all that much as I was enjoying playing on my switch. I slept through the night and woke up at 7:30am

I had a slow morning as I was bit like death from reflex. However I seem to be coping much better this time round on my new inhaler.

I cleaned Oz out and was about to wash my face when mummy pulled up out front!

she had bought us a couple of cheap garden plants and some flowers for me ^^ she stayed and had a cup of tea with us then left

Jack went upstairs to do his CV I did go to start mine but word was playing up and wouldnt save so I gave up and I havent found a job I want to apply to anyway. Jack said he would type mine up sometime.

We had lunch then I laid on my bed an hour

I think I would have wasted my day but Jack said we would go for a walk but I didnt want to take him away from his CV. He said fresh air would be good

We did a good walk and I was exhausted. I was glad I did it and meant I didnt need to do any exercise later on. We had a cup of tea then Jack went to finish his CV and apply for the job.

I rang my brother, cleaned the bathroom and did the dinner. Then I watered the garden with Oz. I could see he was hungry so I bought him in for food as I knew he would just savage plants >.> hes so happy hes just ate, drank, and flopped on plush pad. What a life.

I had a bath, Jack is in the  bath then hes going to play online board games with Chris and crew. They couldnt meet up this time so everyone said to play online

so friday and saturday night I am alone

i can cope

I will do my nails later and play on my switch in bed

tomorrow

got food shop then a lot of food cooking to do!

Think we'll do CVs tomorrow

 Evening

I slept ok once I got off. It was the getting off that was the problem. 

Jack was a bit flat this morning, said he didnt want to go school, wanted to call up sick, didnt want to game tonight. He just hates his job and its getting him down. I can see it is

We got to school and I was once again trying to fit 8 hours in 4. I did so much. I was exhausted. Its impressive how much I can achieve.

I came home to find mummy gardening. She had done 2 hours of weeding T^T shes amazing.  I hope her back is ok tomorrow. Shes done a fantastic job! She came inside with me and Oz and I ate my lunch and she had a brew before going home for her own lunch. she had brought Jack a Pina Colada cider to try,

When she left I got my painting out once again, its slowly coming together. I then did a work out for 35mins which was good and then I had a bath, Jack came home and had a quick bath, we had dinner then I had to go for reflex at 6pm. Jack had the cider with dinner and really enjoyed it. Reflex was so relaxing. But charlotte said the whole time I was laid out my lips were pale. But over all I am improving by the look of my feet anyway! She said I had a lump in my stomach which is mostly caused by stress - work im guessing

I came home and got Oz out. Having some quiet time with the lad before I go into bed on my switch. I think I will just play quietly in bed. I am too tired to do much else!

tomorrow

weekend woohoo! Not having to wake at 6:15am!! 

think were both gonna do CVs, gardening,  got Oz to clean out and shopping list to do.

starting my new inhaler again tonight.

first week back after easter had been awful

Cried already at work even tho Im part time!

 Evening

Last night we found out that Jack didnt get the job he interviewed for during easter holidays

I could tell he was disappointed. I feel bad for him but getting a new job is NOT that easy. Yes his current job has been his only job and only place he interviewed for. He practically walked into it. Hes never experienced how job hunting truly is. Me on the other hand - Ive had shed loads of interviews! 

I did feel for him tho as I could he was disappointed

I laid awake in bed thinking about careers for us both and money

im quite stressed out if I am honest

I had anxiety on the journey to school

I broke down in tears around 9:30am at school

I am expected to some how do 8 hours work in 4 hours

i mean we are already doing the work of another person due to school being to tight to high more technicians. We should have 2 more technicians to match the amount of hours of science practicals we do. And now cus of me we have got to do even more work

I broke down

I feel more miserable, unsupported, exploited and stressed than I did before becoming part time. The amount of work  HAS NOT CHANGED and yet I am expected to it? I am gonna make myself so sick in not much time. Honestly today, if I could afford it, I would have handed my notice in then and there. Jack was cut up about it all. Its obviously not nice seeing your loved one so upset but he also feels a bit responsible as hes my line manager.

So we sat down and said that the amount of practical hours has got to match with our technician hours. Julia had 16 washing up bowls of washing up on her prep room floor as she had refused to stay hours late after her shift (no over time paid)  to wash up, she usually does stay and we say GO HOME! but she says "yes but who will do it?" we said today if she sticks to her actual working hours and goes home and leaves the washing up then one day we will run out of clean equipment and maybe people will see how much extra time is needed. Head of science had agreed that if we dont have enough technician hours to fill practical hours then some practicals would need to be cut - he agreed to this when I was off work sick. But I feel it still needs to hold up now.

so Jack emailed head of science as I was leaving saying we are cutting back practicals as we dont have enough technician hours. Head of science hasnt responded....

I broke my back leaning over doing all the micro biology work

I went home exhausted, had a grouch at my poor mum waiting to meet me here

she went home, I ate lunch and went bed for 45mins. I decided not to sleep and to get up and do some painting. I enjoyed myself actually. I needed that tune off time. I also had a look at jobs. Jack has another - better - job to apply for at the weekend. It would be a dream if he got that job!!!!!

I picked Jack up from the chippy he had got a chippy tea and I warmed some korean noodles from the freezer for my dinner

after dinner I did another grow with jo mood boost, brought Oz in for some fuss as he looked like orphan all day. He has loved fuss. He definitely enjoys being inside >.> I had a bath now doing diary. Probably watch anime and go bed.

tomorrow its friday thank god.

i hate my job. I am so unhappy there. so unappreciated. The sooner we both leave the better