first day back T^T

 Evening

I struggling to sleep last night. But I did eventually sleep. It was hard to sleep with tummy ache. 

This morning, yup that anxiety was there and strong. I could not get off the toilet......

School

I felt like spirit had instantly been zapped the moment I passed reception. ugh teachers.....

I got to the prep room and was swarmed with teachers

its kinda like when you bring a bag of bread to a pond and the ducks come over. Its like that. Teachers see a technician and flock.

I felt very overwhelmed 

people

noise

it was too much and I had such a strong need to flee the school

but then 8:30 happened and they all left for the hall including Jack and Julia

I was left alone with my jobsheet and head phones. I calmed down, I caught my breath.

I got my jobs done, in the quiet. It was an alright day to be honest

then I came home and had jobs to do, mum showed up, Oz kept legging it out the room. Hes a bugger. Mum stayed and helped me with car stuff. She was no actual help but nice to have the company whilst doing it.

We just need to get up early to tax the car online.

I did get £17 back on my insurance tho! how does that work? how is my newer car less to insure than that banger!?

She left and then I did 55mins of yoga, I felt much better for it. I think I had been quite tense today to say the least. I made Jack's lunch too as I thought he would struggle for time tonight what with gaming but turns out gaming isnt on. Wish I had known! rushed round for nothing. But I am kinda glad if I am honest. 

I got my clothes ready for tomorrow, watched some youtube videos, added my new art work on instagram and redbubble

https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/QQTwins-by-LunatiqueDesign/122198397.EJUG5

my next art work SHOULD be halloween. However I have zero ideas right now. None. So unlike me. Usually I have a halloween idea and cant wait to bloody do it but I just cant think what to do. I have plenty of other art pieces to get on with but I should halloween first so its done on time.

I got my new boots in the post. Listed as 'new' and 'never been worn' clearly have been worn. They were only £20 but not the point. So I emailed photos over and the person said she was  selling on behalf of her daughter so didnt realise and gave me £10 refund! I was happy with that. I wasnt expecting anything but I wanted to point out she wasnt being fair to people.

We had dinner. dinner = tummy ache

so now I have tummy ache til tomorrow morning. I didnt eat all my dinner just cus I was getting pains whilst eating.

I also have another purple lump 'down there' had one a few weeks back which was like a big ass blood blister. Got another! saw a red lump yesterday and I just thought it was an ingrowing hair, didnt think much of it. But this evening when I got undressed....how have not seen that all of today!! it was dark purple the size of a pea. Freaking huge. it BLED my god did that mother bleed. No puss. Just endless blood like its attached to vein. I felt sick.

so thats sore with a plaster on. I usually dont bother with plasters, ever. However where it is, its trying to heal and there for fuses with my pants....so each time I go toilet I rip the scab off by pulling my pants down. yeah....not nice.

I am gonna have a hot chocolate and watch RWBY we have 2 episodes left!

tomorrow

school

but whats more, is its new car day! he's on the car awaiting me~

we need to get up early to tax it online, and also to get to a fuel station before work. he's on vapours here

That was summer holidays 2022

 Evening

i struggled to sleep last night. No surprise really as I was aching from painting and also had a very busy mind. So we got up and I took yet more pain killers -______- we were only up til 11pm tho :) 

I slept ok from there but woke up at 8am because Jack was chasing Oz out the bedroom XD he had made a break for it XD the git.

This morning I got my stuff ready for school, hoping it would maybe help with some anxiety. It did not. My stomach has been in knots and hurting everytime I eat. So I asked Jack if he would come on a walk with me as it was sunny but not hot it was perfect ^^ I felt better for getting out.

Mum came to join us for lunch then talked to me for a little bit before popping to the shops. She had wrote on her calendar that I was back to school today so she was happy to find out that I was still home today XD 

she left, and despite Jack telling me to have an easier day today,  I couldnt. Massively restless.

So I painted the handle on the garage as mum gave me back my paint and now the door is done and looks so much better~ 

I then washed my wheelie bin, it was suppose to be black but was no longer black as it got covered it crap when we had the pavement done. As the guys came  on bin day and my bin happened to be too close to where they were working. So I cleaned my bins. I used detol. I completely forgot that you need to wear gloves with detol otherwise you get chemical burns...I thought the stinging was from the hot water. But long after I had finished the job, my hands stung! they still sting now to be honest. My own stupid fault. I then planted grass seed in the dirt Jack had levelled as we need grass to grow before the weeds take hold.

at this point, even tho Jack had chosen to come out and do jobs besides me

he told me to STOP

he was right. He worries. I do too much. I know I do.

He could see I was struggling to sit still so he suggested I have Hammington time whilst he lay next to me on his switch. I did that for 90mins and drifted in and out of sleep. It was good to be honest. I needed that and didnt realise how tired my body was. I bleed that adrenal gland dry, I live off my adrenaline.

I then got up to make a cake so I would have something to snack on at school. I didnt rise that well but I think its cus I used coconut flour instead of self raising. I did try to make it 'healthier' and used wheat cereal and oats as the bulk of it. Does resemble a heavy brick XD I like making cakes without weighing anything

I made dinner which was alright

then I had a quick pamper and had a bath, when I got out I pampered Jack XD he let me ^^ he didnt protest. He laid his head on a pillow on my crossed legs on the lounge floor and I used acids and scrubs on his face. Hes in the bath now washing it off. I hope he feels smooth after it. I have sorted him out a face sheet to do afterwards~

trying to make us feel fresh for the new school year. I like how he joins in with me.

Oz used the opportunity to leg it out the room. I swear I leave the door open 10 seconds and hes gone. Hes going to miss us tomorrow. He has literally had us to himself for almost 5 weeks. Hes been ether in the garden or lounge. Which ever he chose. He has been a house bun really. So to be locked up for almost 5 hours probably wont sit well with him tomorrow bless him. I know I will come home to find a savaged hutch -_____- he does have paddies.....spoilt loaf 

so yeah that was my last day off work. Last day of the summer holidays 2022

I got a lot done. I mean so did Jack but some of my highlights were;

painted garage door (after waiting a year), painted the porch door, 2 massages, cleaned the house, had friends over, smear test done for 3 years, hair cut, made mia's wedding card and birthday card, completed my christmas and birthday presents for this year, cleaned the garage out, tried new recipes, went out for jack's birthday, brought a new chair, BBQ with jack's family, sorted cars out, had the pigs, sent Miho a baby shower box. God yeah I got A LOT done in those weeks! I am glad as I sure as hell did not wanna waste this time off!!

Tomorrow

stew morning so up at 6am to put stew on and then go school. School SHOULDNT be too bad as its insec day and I always skip all the whole staff meetings! and therefor I am totally alone in the school! so its shouldnt be too bad. I can not be arsed to talk to people.

How was your holiday?

yeah good. yours?

good thank you.

no one actually cares about each others holidays. It is a pointless exchange I have zero energy for. So I am gonna try and avoid people. Thats my mission tomorrow!

then mummy is coming over for lunch, then shes helping me with my car stuff. As I need to get rid of the corsa and start up with my ford fusion. I had a meltdown about it the other day but I feel better about it now and knowing that she will be with me helps even more! Then we can finally use our new car! Jack is going halves on the car with me so this will be his first car! up to now hes been using MY car, which is fine and I offered to buy the car this time but thought id offer if he wanted to have ownership this time round and he does ^^

so hopefully tomorrow wont be too bad??? Just gotta get the day done

next holidays is half way through october. september will be stressful and busy.

been busy painting doors

 Evening

I just kept running out of time to do this -____- but on the plus side I have transferred like 20+ photos on to my laptop to share on here ^^

So lately I have just been stressed out with car stuff - now have 2 cars on my drive

I have had my pavement lowered so I can get two cars on my driveway - currently waiting on a date to get some of my driveway tarmaced. 

I had been painting the garage door frame purple - next is painting the actual door

been helping Jack with the garden - mammoth job its been hes literally landscaped the garden

and yeah just busy -_____- I was so exhausted

I keep having apocalyptic dreams, I can only assume this is because school is starting soon.

I have felt dead after my massage, as I usually do, however I have not been able to rest like I usually do. I also have clean my house top to bottom

Tomorrow I am gonna paint the garage door, finally. Been wanting to do it for literally 1 whole year! I can not wait to see it not white and chipped. The door isnt great but we discovered today the frame is quite knackered as its rotten! 

Jack said his friends have asked if we want to meet them at pudding pantry tomorrow at 1pm. I am literally gonna see how I feel and how far I am with the garage door as that is more important to me than some ice cream. I have said I will go but yeah I am gonna see how I feel tomorrow.

only 2 days left of my holidays T^T

I gave myself a real good pamper tonight, I have made ice cream and thats in the freezer, I hope to do some digital art as I havent had chance last 2 nights

oh here is the side I did recently of my porch door, it was hard to get far enough back but you get the idea. Its no longer white and old- peopley

had 3 hours of mummy time

 Evening

I couldn sleep well last night I was up til gone midnight but it was ok. I was just achy really. Then the alarm went off at 7:30am as Jack insisted on having an alarm for him choosing to go into work ugh

We put the stew on anyway and Jack got ready to go to work. He made me promise not to over do stuff, not to paint doors, not to garden, to wash up, if I saw mum - not to go out for long. He needed me to rest ><

I was left to it 

so I did a good 30min work out, I was dripping wet! I then enjoyed a nice hot soak in the bath~

Once I recovered I sat making Mia a birthday card. I enjoy making cards i find it very relaxing. I did a good job too, took me a while but I didnt care I just enjoyed myself

Mum came over for lunch and she stayed for 3 hours!! we just chatted, nether of us could be bothered to go out and we are going TK MAXX on friday. 

Jack came home whilst mum was still, she was leaving soon but we took her outside to inspect our garden work she was very pleased with it all ^^

it was good to catch up with her after 4 days of not seeing her. Also it made me SIT and take it easy. She said it also made her sit XD

Then Miho text me to say they found out they are having a baby girl! I am so thrilled for them. Its always the best if you can have a boy and a girl, also shes really girly so I didnt want her to miss out on doing girly things with a daughter

I sat with Jack and then we did dinner which was thai curry we put on in the slow cooker this morning, it was really good

Jack asked if he could game with Theo tonight as some war hammer game has had an update. I said it was fine as hes been working hard and its the holidays! He usually games with his brother on a weds but they cant make it tonight.

It has just been raining, Oz has decided he wants to play out now its stopped raining. Wet mud yay -____-

so I am by myself tonight which is fine

tomorrow

Jack said we can maybe paint the garage door but we shall just see how we are both feeling. I am excited tho to get rid of that horrible pealing white paint door that came with the house.

Right I shall do some digital drawing~ its coming along well.

like actual landscaping here

 Evening

I slept ok, I just woke up in the night needing a wee but refused to get up for one, then woke up at at 7am massively needing a wee so I was forced to get up >.> Jack had just got up to let Oz out

I hurt today and feel a bit unwell, all because I done too much ^^;

what a morning tho...

we decided to get on with out day

Jack helped me masking tape the porch door, then we went outside and talked garden landscaping ,I helped him get set up as he helped me get set up.

I sanded down the porch door, get it a wipe down, then began to paint the door

Then I called Jack in for a short tea break. I then went outside with him and supporting him with the garden, it looked such hard work...I held the umbrella over him to protect him from the sun, I on the other hand am quite tanned. Jo tans not burns. He was sweating, panting, red faced. Yeah....it looked hard work digging up grass, rockery, throwing huge rockery stones around and digging so much clay earth. We live in a ex-mining village our soil is 100% dark orange coloured clay. So its very heavy and hard to dig through.

When we was putting some of the earth back I went inside for a bath. I was sweating, gotta love that humidity. Then I let Jack have the bath. I then made him lunch. But my body was screaming at me and shaking. I was starving too. Like 1:30pm and I hadnt eaten!!

we ate lunch then I passed out on the bed for 90mins I needed to not feel my body for a while

then I had a brew with my tired Jack

I then finished Mia's wedding card, its finally done and I am happy with it.

I sat and then did the dinner somehow cus honestly I felt so dead and could have easily just ate toast for dinner. Jack helped but yeah I was just too tired. I havent exercised today as my body has had enough. I am just gonna sit and be quiet and do some drawing. Oz is outside investigating our work

tomorrow

Jack is gonna help me put the stew on then go into work T^T I will miss him. Mum says she will see me at some point as I havent seen her since friday! I am not sure what we will do yet. I know she is busy in the morning so in the morning I might exercise or paint some of the door or I might paint some stuff outside - a tree stump and some water pipes. I will miss my Jack tho.

I just hope we both sleep, were both tired and achy! 

the depressing thing is,the difficult garden section we are on we have only done a quarter of it...

Been into work on my holidays...

 Evening

I completely forgot to do this yesterday! Like never even thought about it

But yesterday was nothing major really. I helped out in the garden with Jack. Then for the first time ever we sat at my craft desk and did art together for an hour. And I had a good hour's sleep. It was a pretty chill day. I did do an hour of exercise ^^

I couldnt sleep tho. Just far too wired. So I was up til 1am drawing~ I slept after that and woke up at 8am

So this morning

ugh this morning

I had my 3 yearly smear test. Yup I had something inserted 'up there' it is most unpleasant. I dont know how people choose to put stuff up there for 'pleasure' as I do enjoy anything going up there. Its weird 

anyway

whilst waiting for the smear test there was children in the waiting room. Just being children, the mum doing her best to keep them in line. I was just sat there thinking

"I would hate to be a parent. I couldnt be doing with this. I would have no energy for this. I also HATE babies with a passion. I would HATE to raise a teenager" Yeah just sat thinking how much children would wreck my very existence

From there we went to work

yes work

during my summer holidays

Jack wanted to go to work to make his life easier going back

as for me, I wanted time off.

I work term time only. This means I get school holidays off however I CAN NOT take any holidays. So if I wanted to go on holiday during school time or go get married, I would not be allowed. I also can not earn over time pay. It doesnt exist for me. I can earn time in lieu. So any extra time I work outside my hours, I can have off. I need a day off work - September 16th - Mia's wedding

as MY days are only 4 hours, I just needed to work 4 hours in my own time and thats what I did today so I have earned Mia's wedding off. I only need Jack to sign off on it not the head teacher or anything so yeah I can go Mia's wedding ^^

we ended up talking to Chris for ages, we had lunch then i did display stuff and before long it had been 4 hours so we left.

I felt quite exhausted even tho I hadnt done anything majorly physical but I hadnt had any breaks apart from lunch.

we got home and I felt exhausted

We picked today to do everything cus it was suppose to rain, therefor we wouldnt be able to work on the garden or paint the garage door. Howver, did it rain? only once we were home -_____-

so that didnt work out well. Today was just a day I wanted to get done out the way, swear test and work. It wasnt that bad of a day, I have had far worse and I have achieved things 

I did dinner and some how found the energy to go on just dance for 20mins. then had a bath. I rang my mum as I havent seen her for a few days and I cant see her tomorrow ether!!

Oz, he had a paddy. He did not appreciate being locked up for 5 hours. Threw his food dish upside down, kept turning his back on me, no licks and yeah just grumping but I think hes come round. He needs to get used to it, going back to school soon! Besides some buns never get to leave their cage and I have to lock him up for 5 hours one day and I dont hear the end of it!!

Tomorrow

Jack is doing some garden work and depending on how I feel I ether help out or I paint the porch door~

Paddy over some meat

 Evening

I had a better evening routine and managed to fall asleep just fine~ I had set an alarm for 7:30am as I wanted to get up and out for food shopping. I passed mummy in the car leaving the first shop ^^

shopping was fine tho, we got back and unpacked and had a quick brew. Then I was cleaning Oz out, cleaned the bathroom, then helped Jack with the rockery outside and finally cooking my lunch time meat. All before midday. I was quite exhausted as I had literally been on the go none stop.

After lunch I went to lay down on my bed with Hammington for a hour, to come into the kitchen to find 3 meat flies on my meat....

I was fuming. Honestly I probably could have breathed fire on them. I got rid of them whilst ranting off. I threw my meat in the bin as I really didnt fancy it or wanted to spend my holiday poorly with germs. I felt like it was time wasted, money wasted, and I had eaten the smallest pieces - meaning only the big ones were left for waste T^T it was tasty too

So after that major paddy, I decided to look for a fruit loaf recipe online as I thought I would eat that for my lunches. I started making it only to realise that I never keep raisins or dried fruit in the house XD so ended up putting chocolate chips in it! God knows what its like. Whilst it was cooking I decided to go on my laptop. I ordered red hair dye! like ginger red not red red. I bought some earrings for Mia's wedding too.

After all this I noticed Jack had not left his computer chair for 4 hours. Not for a toilet or drink break. So I grabbed Mr. Hyperfixation and I told him everything he missed XD 

he was like "I literally cant leave you unsupervised can I? You've basically had a paddy over some meat, made a cake and ate cake mix for comfort food, and did some online shopping therapy"

I said "yeah basically. But I do feel better about it all now tho"

yup all this went off whilst he was upstairs gaming

I did dinner as I had the oven on from the cake so I may as well use the heat

Now I am letting my dinner go down then I think I will do some yoga. I feel like I need a stretch. Then it will be time for a bath etc. Jack told me to take it easy this afternoon. I dont think it went well...I suck at just SITTING.

I will sit and do my nails later tho

and tomorrow I dont really have much on? I did say if I feel up to it I would paint my porch door as I drew designs out for it today. 

Yes I am my own worst enemy...

tomorrow 

just maybe painting the door, thats it