Started my caveman diet

 Evening

I slept ok apart from waking up a lot. Think cus Jack was restless in his sleep, it was waking me up Miss.lightsleeper. We got up for food shopping anyway

I started my diet today, same diet caveman used to eat people say XD so pork for breakfast as all I had in. Jack weighed me too and took the scales away so I wont be tempted >< 

We went shopping, saw my mummy in the shop~ the shop was expensive because I needed more stuff for my diet kinda thing. Jack doesnt mind and rather I have actual food to eat.

We got home and I collapsed on my bed, I was honestly quite done in to be honest. But Jack motivated me in to actually making some soup for my lunch otherwise Id have no lunch! He kindly chopped up SO much veg including a pumpkin! So I have pumpkin soup for my lunch this week ^^ its really nice actually. Whilst it was cooking we cleaned out Oz together. I needed help with it

After lunch I went to bed for like 3 hours. Not to sleep for all of it but just rest. I felt like I had nothing to give. I was energyless. day 1 of diet huh DX 

I got up to find Jack and Oz asleep. Think the house must have been stuffy. So I motivated Jack and we went for a walk whilst the sun was out. Oz was booted out whilst we went for a walk. I was disappointed I hadnt been able to go to the shops I wanted to go to last weekend. But its no big deal really.

we got back and had a cup of herbal tea. I MISS TEA already XD I cant have milk or sugar and black tea with out milk and sugar is disgusting! so I am on herbal tea

I went to make dinner which was my omubeans. But I cant have BBQ sauce or beans so I had to go without - serve mine up - then add the usual stuff to Jack's dinner.  He enjoyed it. I didnt mind mine but it massively missed the BBQ sauce.

Then I trimmed Jack's hair he needed a sheer. Hes had a shower and gone to game with Theo. I will go shower then probably clean the bathroom. I will do my nails tonight as well. Might as well busy myself as I am alone. I am glad hes playing with Theo tho

tomorrow

might go shops but depends on how I feel. Got a load of food to cook as per usual for a sunday

I must say, I have not had crippling stomach ache today!!!!!!!!!!!!! first time since August. its nice to feel the rewards straight away. I have had a bit of pain but nothing compared to how its been. I have til christmas to do this. When I go on holiday I will try to stick to my diet as much as I ca but will be difficult as I wont have much control over my food. 

just hope I dont drop too much weight. I have weight to lose but I dont wanna lose loads and look sickly again...

My hellish Paleo diet starts tomorrow

 Evening

God I could not sleep last night, I couldnt lay down without being in horrendous pain in my intestines. So I was up til 2:15am. I did keep going back to bed to try sleep but the pain was far too much. I was up playing okami and watching youtube. All very dull when you just want sleep!

I hit the alarm to shut up at 6am and fell back to sleep, didnt even register that Jack left the house. I needed sleep. I woke up at 9am. My stomach still hurting. 

I got ready and mum picked me up at 11am. We went to a garden centre. We ordered tea and cake. It took AGES to come. seriously I have cooked meals in less time. I got a milky bar brownie it was SOOOO sweet, I couldnt finish it so I wrapped it up and took it home for Jack to consume. We looked round a bit of the garden centre but not all of it as Id had enough. I was also having a hot sweat. I got a new oil for the diffuser and some more cacti soil.

Mum dropped me off home

I didnt have lunch til 2pm as I didnt feel like it and couldnt face settling my stomach off. I ate it and there was that pain! I sat doing some drawing as I wanted to plan out some art work. I laid on my bed for an hour. But once Jack came home I knew Id have food to do, food to EAT

I honestly couldnt face my dinner and mum gave me homemade cakes too. And whilst these past few days I have been over eating trying to enjoy food and put weight on, I just couldnt bring myself to eat dinner. I knew I wouldnt be able to get out of it. I ate and yup I have the dreadful pain that I wont escape from now til when I fall asleep tonight. Wonder if I will be able to sleep? Its like laying on a brick, its a dull bruised pain that you cant escape from 

So tomorrow I am starting my diet in the hopes to take away some inflammation before I go away with Jack. I have meat in the fridge for breakfast. I am not looking forward to the diet but it am looking forward to not being in pain, digesting properly, not having a noisy uncomfortable stomach, sleeping without discomfort and actually getting energy from my food.

We did say we would go out for cake tomorrow me and Jack but not sure I want to. I have had enough of food. I will get him to weigh me in the morning before the weekly food shop

I hope the food shop doesnt tire me out for the rest of the week like it did last week -_____-

so yeah I start tomorrow :/ its not easy or fun but gotta be done. luckily I have plenty of weight on me so when I drop weight I wont go boney. First time I did the diet I could see my ribs! 

wish me luck~

going for my last bit of cake tomorrow

 Evening

I am still just getting better

mummy is gonna take me out for cake tomorrow :) making the most of food before my diet starting at the weekend T^T

Thats all~

oh I got trim truffs today and she was good girl

yesterday we had had the girls 3 years ^^

finished my painting today too~

So poorly yesterday that I threw up - first time in 14 years!

 Evening all~~

so yesterday I was not good

I achieved NOTHING with my day

I was the same old in the morning, saw mum for lunch, did a short walk with her. Felt exhausted and dizzy and had zero brain cells. But all morning and afternoon my thermostat was broken - I was having so many hot sweats followed by goosebumps. Also I was STARVING like nothing touched my stomach. I ate and ate and ate, followed each and everytime going to the toilet!

 

then at 2:45 I suddenly felt poorly. I was in my jumper and thick joggers, in my winter dressing gown under my duvet which had a fleece blanket over the top. I had my laptop playing next to me videos on youtube to do with food.

I was aware I was dripping with sweat but I couldnt bare to get cold and I had goosebumps. I felt very poorly. I wanted to eat as I felt starved but I couldnt tell you what food I would want to eat. I watched endless food videos.

Jack came home at 4:30pm to find me in the same position with tears running down my face. I didnt know what to do with myself. I just wasnt well. I could tell Jack was worried. Eventually at 5pm I picked myself up, knowing dinner wouldnt happen without me. Luckily it involved microwaving 2 things and making 1 omelette so it was simple enough.

I ate the food knowing I would end up in the bathroom afterwards. But I couldnt go as I dont think, after 8 times, I had anything else to give!

I wanted something refreshing and found pure orange juice in the fridge.

I drank a glass whilst Jack was doing the washing up

as soon as I drank it I thought "I shouldnt have had that"

I walked in to the bathroom feeling sick

said to Jack "Jack I feel sick"

then next thing I knew I had my head in the toilet and chucked up 3 times

bye bye dinner

Now I havent been sick since July 2008. Very specific date huh. Thats because I remember it so well, I had caught a dreadful sickness virus from  my mum and missed my art GCSE! Luckily I was able to sit it a week later. But I have not been sick since then no matter how many times I spat into the toilet thinking and feeling I was gonna chuck up, I never did. Despite the amount of medication I have been on and my bad anxiety. I am good at keeping my guts in. I also dont drink so I have no alcohol fuelled vomit to speak of.

I honestly thought the next time I would be sick, because it has been so long, that I would go into shock or cry or have some sort of reaction.

I threw up 3 times, sat on the floor in the bathroom and felt this instant calm and relief wash over me. I felt SO much better for being sick. It was instant relief.

Jack doesnt do sick he says if he sees it or is near it he will also be sick. So once he heard I had done he got me cold flannel and drink of water. He looked at me with concern and said "do you think we need to have you looked at?" I said "nah I wil be fine" of course I was slightly concerned as to what the hell was wrong with me but I knew id get better, right? ^^;

so I rested but the adrenaline wore off and I felt rotten again, my stomach aching from being sick.

I managed to have a bath then I asked Jack to do my meds

He said "Jo you didnt take your morning medication, its still in your pill pot".....oo...hh....

crap

well at least we know what was wrong with me! I was sweaty and shivery due to withdrawal!!! Not sure what the sickness was about and we will never know really.

So I caught up on my meds and felt better for that! the dizzyness and sweating went.

It took me til 11:30pm to get to sleep. Poor Jack had a gin, think I had stressed him out.

He came home to find me a sweaty shivering mess in the bed, threw up, looked like death

so today

I slept through the night and made sure once I was up I took my bloody meds! wasnt going through that again!

I felt better

honestly today I do feel more myself

I still get intestine pain when I eat but i havent had to go toilet today as I have nothing to give right now! so  today I spaced out my food as best as I could so not to overload my stomach all at once with food.

I managed some painting, I had 2 sleeps, when Jack came home we did a bit of a walk and got rained on T^T and i had booted Oz out whilst we went and he got wet! He doesnt have the common sense to go under cover....

so yes today I definitely feel much better! I am on the mend

we have talked about my stomach issues tho as I hurt each time I eat. So Jack would like me to go on the diet this coming week so I can maybe help my stomach before we go away as any pub food or desserts will finish me off. i cant wait to have a better tummy I must say.

so thats been me

I have ruined my 14 year record tho T^T hopefully I will improve from here. 

Tomorrow I am having a go with gold leaf on my painting and seeing mummy.

right now cus I know that diet is days away I am eating anything i damn well want! I am scoffing loads cus I will miss it so bad soon!! 

My 3rd week off -_____- my brother got covid

 \evening/

I couldnt sleep last night cus I have to make frequent visits to the toilet and I was aching. I told Jack to stay in bed when he came to bed at 10pm from gaming with Theo. He would have got up with me but I told him I have all day to sleep he does not.

So I was up til midnight just going to the toilet constantly. Its so frustrating. I was so done and tired

I woke up at 6am so I woke my Jack up with a cuddle ^^ I had breakfast with him then went to bed whilst he got ready for school.

My day was long -____- I rang for an extended sick note this morning I really really hope they are kind enough to give me one

I did do some painting this morning and then mum came over for lunch

my brother has covid! he tested positive this morning at work. hes okish but yeah hes got covid

I gave my mum distance, but didnt know my brother had covid till she was telling me in my kitchen -____- all well! 

Once she left I did some yoga, I transferred stuff into my new handbag, I put new songs on my ipod and did a bit more painting. Apart from that I did bugger all. I was waiting for Jack to get his arse home. Didnt leave school til 5pm cus he was staying extra late for warhammer it seemed. Takes the pee. I as starving! Dinner was good and gave me tummy ache but not chronic pain. 

I went for a bath then doing diary. I can not wait for bed. My head is splitting.

I am done. My days are so long and dull T^T

I am getting further with my painting it is looking good :)

tomorrow just another pointless day existing

I talked to Jack when he came home. I told him that since end of August i have had stomach issues and for the last 10 days my poo has been sticky so i thought to google it. Apparently its because I am not absorbing fat properly and left like this - and fat soluble vitamins will not be absorbed. My stomach is hurting after every meal so I said to Jack the problem is getting worse not better to the point where I have stopped digesting food properly. I need to go on the Paleo diet once again to heal my intestines. So I said after my holiday I will go on the diet T^T for at least christmas. He was supportive. I told him I wont make him suffer the diet too I will still serve him actual food. I will suffer alone.

He might need to weigh me each week to keep an eye on my weight s you drop weight going on the diet cus its no diary, sugar, carbs. But if I weight myself I will obsess I know I will. So I asked him if he will weigh me and he says he will :)

Looks like it will be week 3 off being off work....

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night, my stomach was off so I was having to go make frequent trips to the toilet, combined with bad aches and I was struggling to sleep without Jack there. He came to bed just after midnight and I was playing on my switch after being out of bed for a few hours. We played on switchs til 1am and I did sleep then.

waking up at 9am to have to go again to the toilet. I have the same pain when I have leaky gut....

so this morning I felt tired, whats new

I got motivated and wanted to go out with my jack but he ruined all my plans by telling me I wasnt well to go out T^T everything I suggested he wouldnt let me do. He was right. Hes not being controlling he just knows me very well and knows I take too much on and push myself!

so I felt deflated and then suggested a lil walk round the block - this I was allowed to do. I was glad as it was sunny out ^^ But that walk was enough -_____- I was exhausted. I had a quick sit down with a tea then somehow cleaned my bathroom. No matter how I am feeling I will not miss a weekly clean of my bathroom. I love my bathroom. So grateful for it.

we had lunch then I fell asleep for 90mins 

I got up and I sat on my laptop for half hour, Jack came in to me and said I look waxy and ghoulish and that I wont be going school tomorrow....so thats me told by both mum and Jack now. But to be honest the way I feel I know I cant work. I am gutted.

I went to make a cake then had a lot of meat to cook and did the dinner. Thats the trouble with sundays - I am in the kitchen a while but it makes cooking for the rest of the week much lighter for me. Id rather cook a lot on a day I havent been working.

dinner was good and didnt hurt too much to eat, which I found strange. But then i realised the foods I had eaten were 'safe' foods.

I had a bath and a pamper then doing my diary, I am gonna do a few stretches now. My Jack is about to go and game with theo again as they really enjoyed it last night so god knows when hes coming to bed but I am gonna have myself a hot chocolate and play on my switch in bed

tomorrow

well I had it in my mind that I would be back tomorrow!!! sweet jesus! it is not fair!!

so I will have to ring the doctors tomorrow and ask very nicely for a sick note. I feel so guilty for doing that. Poor Jack and Julia. I feel like such a let down of a technician. But Jack says to not have those thoughts, that I am a good technician and I am having a rougher time than anyone at work.

I guess. I still cant help but wonder what people must think.

disappointing, frustrating, fed up - thats me

 Evening

I couldnt sleep last night due to stomach pains and aches. It sucked. I somehow ended up being up til 1:30am. I was dosing myself up on everything, nothing would knock me out!

I woke up to my alarm at 7:30am as I wanted to get up early for food shopping. Yes I felt a bit deathly but I was to damn determined to go!

We pulled up at the first shop and as I was getting out the car my mum and brother were there and mummy gave me a hug ^^

we did the first shop and I was struggling to think but I managed it. to be honest at this point I had had enough but we still had a second shop to do. This was when my brain power turned the mush its been for 2 weeks, I had no clue what we needed despite looking at my damn list!! it was like nothing was computing in my head. In the end Jack took the list from me as he could see the computer had crashed in my brain XD so he took the lead and we finished the shop but god I had had enough.

that 45min shopping trip made me go straight to bed when I got home -______-  I woke up to find it was lunch time!

we had lunch then i laid on my bed with a bit of stomach ache and told Jack how disappointed I am cus I knew I couldnt go out for cake and hot chocolate like we originally said. I was frustrated by it all as its going on and on!!!! whats wrong with me!!!!!?? yeah fed up

then I was stressing out about work cus lets face it, can i work on monday!? In my mind I was going on monday but doubt started to sink in. So jack told me I could work from home if needed. I felt a bit better but thats still me not in the school doing my technician work. 

He helped me clean out Oz as I was not up to the task. I noticed when going to the garage earlier that the rat hole we patched up a few weeks ago with expanding foam had been nibbled....then I noticed the bit under the fence (where is backs onto a public footpath) had a fresh rat sized hole dug out the earth...so I told Jack this as he was finishing up the cage then just at that very moment a rat ran behind me and shot down the hole!!! I didnt squeal like a girl, I just gasped in shock. But that was enough to annoy Jack.

as soon as he finished the cage he went nuclear and dug down to the concreate under the fence and wedged it all with a load of brick and rubble. We said once it had stopped raining we would put outdoor wall filler on where the expanding foam is (only brought some this morning) hopefully that will stop the rat as clearly it had gone into the garage last night, jumped up to Oz's food which is high out the way but its surrounded by empty plastic plant pots and I found 2 plant pots on the floor so it had jumped up for the food, knocked the plant pots off and ran off as Oz's food was fine and the lid still on it. Bloody things. it will be an on going thing with this house as we have the public footpath. Our neighbour suffers the same thing.

I felt quite flat after everything. Life is not going how I want it. I rang my mummy

she told me straight "youre clearly not right. what good are you to work? can you work? I think you need to ring the doctors on monday for another doctors note. If you go to work youre just gonna make yourself worse and you need to get better first before you go back"  0.0"

well that put life into perspective XD I told her I would see how I am tomorrow >.> 

I have pretty much done nothing alllllllllllllllllllll afternoon

cant do anything i am spent, exhausted, couldnt even do any painting as I felt I couldnt get my head in gear for it. 

I did dinner

died on my bed after dinner with stomach pains. Yup I ate food and paid the price for it. Seems to be the daily thing lately. 

jack went to game with theo

when I finished dying I fussed Ozwald then took him home, had a shower then did 30mins of slow yoga stretches cus I am tight from sitting on my heavy ass. 

Now I will do my nails and go play my switch in bed, by myself

tomorrow

not sure whats happening as I think I am obviously still quite sick so anything I wanna do will have to wait. I will have another boring day at home. Life sucks so bad. My auto immune system is on the floor. I might have leaking small intestines and my immune system is struggling to fight off the remnant of this virus. I think I am about there with the virus its just made my long term conditions have a flare up as they feel they havent had any attention what with the virus moving in