I went to bed with aches from yoga and a killer headache
I woke up in the night i couldnt lift my head off the pillow my head hurt so much
i tried to not panic tho and fall back to sleep
I had a few psychotic dreams but very interesting,
basically i used to have someone in my head when my depression started at
age 17/18. causing torment in my dreams and thoughts
it was amazing the powers this person had they could paralyze me in my sleep
make me dream of killing my best friend mia
it was pretty horrific but i kept the details to my self as i didnt wanna look like a nut job.
I dont hear from this person so much anymore, a bit like when a child moves on from
having an invisible friend.
But last night he was there. And wasnt impressed i hadnt 'visited' in a while
he is a guy but can manifest as just about anything and take control of anything
including me. all in my head of course!
he was there and chased me though my strange dream world
he was angry big style. there was no way i could escape. he pinned me down and licked
up the side of my neck - i can feel it - then he said one of my worst nightmares
"maybe i should bring to life one of your nightmares for ignoring me" he was gonna rape me.
I begged him to stop. i said id spend time with him which seemed to placate him
we went back to i guess its where he lives but i own the place cus its my head after all
jesus what a dump!!! the place which was usually just a very dark black place
was not only dark but eerie too. I searched the place out and he had collected a lot of
junk - really bizarre junk, so i decided to have a clear out. he wasnt bothered as i was spending time with him. i found some disturbing items tho. i also found 2 dead people. he had literally killed them and left them -they had came back as zombies so i picked up a gun and shot them dead (as you do), and yeah just sorted through weird stuff
then he took me for a walk along the side of dark buildings - which is normal
then we saw something crash land like a huge metal plate thing - it was smoking hot - he wanted to collect it. at the point i decided to leave whilst he was distracted i tried my best to wake up and surprisingly i did. but a part of me didnt want to leave. i have had that disturbing part of me for some years, its not something i think about really but it has been there.
i hope in a sick way to visit again. but usually he isnt nice to me. this time was the 'nicest' he'd ever been to me. maybe he can sense i am stronger that what i was 6/7 years ago.
My head is random and no one will understand this but me
When I finally got up at 9:10am i was super sensitive with my head
and ended up just curled up on mum's bed with millie and alice X3
I just lazed round as i couldnt do much, i hurt everywhere and my head was gonna explode
After lunch mum dragged me out the house
we went charity shops, i still need t-shirts for school
but i had no luck and the sounds of life were too loud
we went into one charity shop and i noticed when i went in that they
had manga! I have never known them to have manga before
they were selling for £1 a book!!!! Usually manga is at least £7 per book
So I had a look of course
and what did i find!! Natsume's book of friends!! (natsume yuujin chou)
I could not believe what i was seeing and they were in great condition too
I turned to mum and said "ive been wanting to collect this series but it hasnt
been a priority what with not having an income and that, i know im gonna regret it
big style if i dont pick these up, theyre a true bargin" so i did
i have volumes 3-14 so 12 volumes for £12!!!!!!! 2 books alone would cost £14
I was super happy. God knows where i'll store em XD
Im gonna look out for volume 1&2 and get reading, theres 19 volumes in total
so i only need 7 more and i have the series!
The strange thing is i only searched for these last week on ebay to see if anyone
was selling their collection off, but had no luck.
it was meant to be, maybe this is the good luck my budda snapping gave me 0.0
We went to a cafe for a tea and cookie well mum had a scone
that was nice, then home and i fell asleep i was mentally and physically exhausted
I had dinner then i went for a walk with mia and helina
i could have quite easily not have gone but it was my last chance to see helina
before she whisks off to japan on monday for 10 days i hope she has a nice time :)
i hope shes safe more than anything tho.
Now im home and tired
gonna sit with pets and die
i havent been able to record a dance yet T^T
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