Off the rails

Im currently off the rails some what

I can't remember the last time when things got this bad

I've cried a lot

I've made others upset by watching me
seeing who I truly am upset Adam
when Im bad my own mother struggles to look at me
and I scare her.

Stuff has come to light
stuff I dont know how to deal with and could be waiting
up to 6 months for the correct mental help.

Im not suicidal or self harming
Im just struggling that's all
I am alive
but doing my diary hasnt interested me in the slightest

when I am more myself I will update about manchester

13th August I have festival of quilts with Lynn too
something Ive waited for for a long time
yet im struggling to find enjoyment in it
im sure I can plaster on a fake self 

I believe this is the year I am suppose to get better
after living with something for 13 years
this is the year it will change
I am confident of that much