Had enough and 1 Naruko

Evening

I went ti bed at around 9:30pm
by 1:15am I had already had a nightmare
I was awake but so convinced I could see what was happening in my room
that i dived for my kindle to illuminate the room
I was scared like a child that something was gonna walk right into my room
which is why i woke up as I believed it was that close to entering
gonna lose my mind at this rate

I felt a little bit better today
but im still rough in both body and voice
I wasnt sure how to pass my day in all honesty
so I did a bit of drawing in the morning but im struggling to get into it
as all i keep thinking is "it will be crap anyway" its hard to work
when thats the mindset
I did a bit of dancing but wasnt feeling 100% for it

the afternoon came and as i just finished my lunch the post come
my lace for the jacket i want to make came
and also my Naruko
only 1 Naruko came tho....I ordered 2....So the excitement soon fizzled
I got up and went to sew as it was something to do and keep my brain occupied
the door goes again
its adam
i didnt invite him over he chose to come over after work
why
i wasnt in the mood and i didnt want company
i know i was probably really hard work to him too
he said "lets go out for ice cream"
i said "more like i will drive and take YOU out for ice cream"
i didnt want to go out, i didnt want to drive, i didnt want to talk
not his fault. its mine.

we went for ice cream which i barely tasted due to my cold
but it was nice on my throat i guess
we went round 2 charity shops then i drove to his house
i was happy to pull away there and then but instead of looking like a jerk
i went inside for a brew
i was not in the mood to talk to his dad, to see football on, and to play happy families
i just didnt want it
so i stayed almost 2 hours and went home

did some sewing
then i had yoga which was bloody hard work
karen went mental on us and i had little energy to start with
i was getting to the point where id had enough and wanted to come away
not going to be walking tomorrow put it that way

tomorrow i have work
and im grateful to have work
i just dont like tomorrow's teacher all that much her voice grates on me
and i know im gonna be bored out my wits

about it
feel like i nothing but moan lately
but im not happy
i havent been happy for a long time
i dont even know what would make me happy
i feel like im not capable of feeling happy emotions
im not feeling any emotions to be honest
im like numb to the world and its making me sadder and sadder inside
im getting to the point where i know i should be caring but im finding it hard to care
about life. feel i could quite easily sleep the next few weeks away
in hope that when i wake up i will be feeling more like a normal person
but who am i kidding.
fed up
and not sure what it is i need to do to make this feeling go away
sleep
sleep for a long time
sleep the pain away
sleep the hurt away
had enough