Evening~~
I woke up at 6:45am which is what time dad got up
I got up around 7:30am to do my teeth and have a wee then I went to bed
screw it
i hadnt had a lay in for god knows how long
and eventually i drifted off and woke up at 8:50am
made a real change for me to miss those 2 extra hours
i got up and did some dancing
i suck at dancing i really do but i got sweaty and enjoyed it
I felt a smidge better about life today
my stomach wasnt quite so in a knot and i felt better about going away
and about my new job
i sat and made 2 more christmas cards, for both Karens really
not as good as yesterdays batch but i think its cus yesterdays batch
were more my taste
still i got the job done
i had lunch and then i went out with mum
i drove us to a woods 25mins away
last 2 times we've been we've had ice cream
but we got there to find it closed
i was kinda relieved in a way as i knew that would kill my stomach
cold ice cream...yeah not a good idea but i know i would have eaten it XD
we came home after our walk which was nice
as theyre was a halloween walk in the forest so i kept seeing decorations
had a brew at home with mum
then i went upstairs to sort a few things out on my laptop
had an email from the school, asking if i could bring in my qualification certificates
and that my council card was ready to collect
i had typically taken my qualifications when i went in the other day but as she didnt ask to see them i didnt show them and didnt think much of it, she had obviously forgotten to ask to see them
i will collect my council card monday
but instantly my anxiety worsen again
i worried that my qualifications wont be good enough
even tho i listed to them what i have
i just keep thinking its all too easy and good to be true and that its gonna cave in
i will lose the job
honestly that is all my brain keeps telling me
and its making my stomach in knots
why cant i be happy and have a bit of confidence that it will be ok?
i did feel a little bit of confidence in it this morning
but i feel its vanished now
i sorted out travel insurance
i sorted out my Siam Park tickets
i also decided to buy a ticket for a comic con at a university in nottingham tomorrow
been to it before its rubbish but i like looking round art and it gives me something to do
just tickets arent cheap for what it is
but still, but sorting those 3 things out has twisted my stomach up
i have eaten today but its not sitting well
i feel like bringing it up to see if id feel better for it
the good thing is the only thing i need to do for this holiday is pack
yup done everything now i do believe
i kinda just want to get it done with now
the build up is killing me
i havent been talking to adam much just cus i havent got anything to say to him
nor does he have any conversation
he did nothing before he had me and now he does nothing without me
i made dinner
well mum made meatballs
i cooked everything
trying to distract myself
i did some dancing on the wii as well
apparently the hotel we're staying at sometimes puts on dance classes
id be sure to give them a go!
right tomorrow
given myself a busy day
i get up for park run by myself as mum isnt going
i come home and shower
then i go straight back out no messing for a hair cut at 10:30am
i come home then i go back out again to have my eye lashes tinted at 11:45am
(getting them done so i dont have to wear make up abroad what with living in the swimming pool and stuff, just makes you look like you have mascara on all the time)
then i go straight to the city centre for this comic con
i will be tired but im up for it
keeps my distracted and busy
cus really i wouldnt be doing much else anyway
have no mates XD
wonder what my stomach and anxiety will be like tomorrow
sometimes i just feel like crying i feel that overwhelmed by life as of late
i dont think i will feel 100% better until i actually start that job
i will photograph those xmas card i made as well
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