I woke up at 7am but didnt get up til 7:20am as i drifted off
all this week I have had bad anxiety in the morning about the phone ringing
literally cant cope with it
so today ive rang up and said that i cant do tomorrow
cus no point i wont go school anyway so why stress myself out
i think maybe its because ive got a lot on my mind
it makes my mentalness worse
i did some dancing this morning
then had a shower and then went for a walk
it was such a nice day i wanted to get out into it
i came back and started drawing little designs for christmas cards
yes i know christmas
i HATE christmas with a passion
but cus of the way ive been this week with my mentalness
its made me have creative block
so ive been trying to think of a small creative task i could sit and do
and cards came to mind
so ive been doing those today
got 5 finished dont think i will need many more
dont have many friends and i dont tend to do my family one
usually i take a christmasy photo of my guineas and give that to mum as a card
mum asked if i had weighed myself recently
i told her i had and that id lost weight
she wasnt happy
but i said i wanted to lose some but also my stomach is literally in knots
food isnt sitting right and i dont want to eat cus it gives me stomach cramps
i said once holiday and work as settled down im sure i will be fine again
ive just got a lot going off
she wasnt impressed
we went for a short walk which was the same one as yesterday
and went into the same cafe as yesterday
we got to try the hot chocolate
i had toffee apple mum had white
they were both good cus we tried each others
but mine did give me a gross after taste
mum came home made biscuits i ate one but instantly
had anorexic thoughts afterwards making the biscuit not worth eating
all the while whilst eating i was being told in my head not to eat it
its quite draining as of late if im honest
im so tired with it all
i finished my cards
here is that guinea pig picture i did its 5x7"
the background is tea and the guinea pig is painted using coffee
then outlined in a fine liner
i quite like it, its growing on me more and more
just need a nice frame for it
i will keep an eye for one
tonight i have yoga
not been for a few weeks
should be good as long as karen doesnt work us to death
didnt see tara last night
she didnt finish work til late so it wasnt worth going over
it does mean now i wont see her til like november
annoyingly
but she did txt me a bit last night
she told me she wants me there when shes choosing her wedding dress!
i was shocked she wanted MY opinion on such matters
but she said im like her best friend and she wants me there
shes on about maybe getting married abroad 0.0
never known anyone to do that
then she said and have a due at home for everyone
ether way i wish to support her and james ^^
tomorrow not sure as of yet
i think me and mum are going out for a walk and maybe ice cream
depending if i can stomach it
then may see mia
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