Terrarium

Evening

I was so shattered last night
I had a restless night
and I woke up at 5am from a nightmare that consisted of torturing humans...
so much  blood...
when i saw they were about to start on woman and children thats when i woke up
being witness to that and not being able to help was horrid
i was sweaty when i woke up and knew i was getting up at 6am anyway
so i laid awake and got up at 5:45am
got ready as usual and sat with Ozwald who still doesnt understand
its hard to feed myself AND stroke him XD

school was soooooo boring
i just didnt want to be there
i took one look at head of biology and thought "you know love you're not worth my time and effort, i can not even be bothered to talk about you"
so i didnt bring it up i simply thought 'ill have her next time she talks to me like crap'
i had no practicals on today T^T so that makes my day go slow
chris said he'd deliver my computer today but he didnt >< 
i did my first terrarium and put it on the windowsill for all to see
everyone liked it ^^
i helped julia with the washing up as she had shed loads
i moped around
i wasnt in the mood to be happy for people cus i wasnt feeling happy if i was honest
jack could tell there was an issue but i told him to his face i didnt want to talk about it
he later on tried to prise out of me what was up
i told him id had a meltdown on sunday and felt crap about life in general and that i wanted to overdose and give in. i didnt mention anything to do with him as it wasnt the time
i couldnt wait for the end of the day. i left dead on time
but awful traffic greeted me :/

i got home to find the girls were in the hall
fearless truffle came trotting all the way to my feet! shes just not afraid of anything
she was being a pest and kept getting told off by molly XD
i had truffle and tillie on my lap then Oz was on the sofa
he came running over and truffle walked off, course she did, she doesnt have time for cuddles. Oz began grooming Tillie and tillie talked to him whilst he did it, truffle came over and casually bit one of Oz's whiskers off!! Oz growled to warn her but wasnt aggressive cus my god he could have had her if he wanted to but hes too soft and loves his sows
i moved truffle away were then she proceeded to walk over tillie. course she did
when we put the three in the box to go home you could see and hear molly giving truffle a good telling off XD naughty child. molly has her hands full with that one

i did some yoga and had dinner
then did a bit of dancing
looked through a manga book as i might draw a page from a manga

Jack wants me over on weds but i dont want to go over
im not in the mood
i dont want to be touched or hugged or anything
i know ive shut my emotions off
i get like this time to time i just remove myself from the world
from feeling
im sure it will pass but being around jack when im like this isn fair so im best of staying away otherwise i might do something or say something i regret 
ill see him another time
besides hes been gaming loads and i feel like now hes had his fun out of all that its time to pay jo some actual attention and it doesnt work like that im afraid. i dont come second best

tomorrow is school
i have science club where we are erupting out volcanoes!