I treated myself to extra pain relief last night
I slept and could not be bothered to get up this morning
which isnt like me
Oz didnt come to sit with me
but mum came downstairs at 6:55am to make a brew
as she said she'd been awake since 4am
she came and sat with me and Oz and started ranting about dad
i didnt need it at 7am
but i took it
lately they have been arguing, mum just isnt happy
and its becoming a strain on the whole house
im glad i have my brother to talk to
I got to school
drove through some real thick fog
i was alright with jack
i wasnt totally in the mood for him but got on with it
i could tell he was concerned and trying to work me out
school was busy with dissections
i was clearing up fish left right and centre
tomorrow theres the last of the fish and the first of the pig's lungs -___-
gotta love biology
chris came by and asked jack out for that drink
i felt a lil anxious about it all but i let them get on with it
they were going for an hour after school
which cheered jack up as he was a bit disappointed how i was staying over tonight
glad im not
its freezing so his flat would be freezing and im not in the mood for it all
i have a lot going on my mind right now
as i was leaving jack gave me a hug
and i asked if he was ok
he said "yeah just let me know if your evening isnt going ok"
i said "what makes you think it wont be ok?"
he said "considering youve been taking more pain killers the last two night im guessing things havent been going well"
didnt realise it gave the game away so much XD
he said "please talk to me if you need to"
i said "no"
he said "ok"
i said "well, maybe"
i dont like rattling everything off all the time and he worries enough as it is
besides half my issues is him!
i got home and had a brew with Oz and mum
i got stuff ready for school
did my physio exercises which is getting old now
had dinner
and went for a walk
and just got back
chris txted to say it went fine
and i asked jack how his hour at the pub went and he said fine
chris says he has no idea i know about anything
so yeah worked out well
and i will see how jack is tomorrow i guess
im not expecting anything but it will be good to see if a guy talk has any effect
something happened last night that made me feel sick to my stomach
for months now my anorexic thoughts have been pushed to the back of my head some what
its been nice, peaceful
i mean i still constantly watch what i eat, but i have been able to eat more 'bad' things and not suffering all night with thoughts about how fat i will become.
i havent had the need to burn off what ive eaten.
i still havent liked my reflection
anyway, so last night that door that has been closed for months, opened a bit...
i dont if its because im losing weight and its seen me in a my moment of weakness and thinks "ah ha i can have her"
i was hoping i was done with the anorexic thoughts, that i had moved on
i had suffered for years with it
and im sad to see it back
i told mum like an hour ago, and shes understanding and said i need to keep talking to her and not bottle it up
ive told her i need to watch myself as i dont want to fall victim to it again
i introduce foods on monday anyway so maybe it will shut up again
its not nice tho
it hasnt been on full blast mode its just little whispers at the moment
im gonna have a wash and get into pyjamas
might do some drawing but theres not a lot of time before bed and im tired
tomorrow is school and yoga
here are some more products ive been trying out
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