Tuesday, 30 June 2020

First house warming present

Evening

I couldn't sleep so I was downstairs til 1am playing pokemon
i did sleep afterwards tho and dreamed about the grim reaper
interesting dream

this morning i danced for half hour i was soooo sweaty and tired
then i showered and cleaned my room, it just got a dusting really as my room is always tidy
cant sleep in an untidy room
i had lunch and then rested on my bed

jack rang me and said we could go for a 2nd viewing at the house tomorrow at 5pm
so i had to ring my dad to see if he could possibly leave work to look at my potential house
and he actually said he could! my god XD

i went for a walk then i went to Nigel's for the same treatment at 2 weeks ago
cupping, massage, acupuncture
we talked about various things as usual 
and i told him i was viewing houses, he is trying to sell his house, he said if timing works if would happily sell me his furniture as hes going to live on a boat and wont be needing any of it
as i was leaving he said "here is a house warming gift for you and jack" and handed me a painting he did its about A3 and a handmade canvas and its such a weird picture i love it and look at it every time i have treatment and ive even told mum and jack about it about how much i like it. So i was so happy to receive it ^^ my first house warming gift too :D something to remember him by when he goes to live in Belgium on a boat
i will photograph the painting

i came home and felt crippled after nigel's treatment
i looked at my back where i had been cupped and massaged and my god my back is purple thats no lie. i look like ive been in an accident....I had a shower to warm my back muscles up as they felt achy. then i had dinner and did some drawing, working on my final coaster. She's the 6th girl ive drawn but i didnt like 2 i did but this one is coming along well. 

then Oz was having some sort of paddy in his cage, really out of character for him
i think he thought i was going jack's tonight and therefor he thought i wasnt giving him his evening sit on the sofa routine. so i dropped everything i was doing and gave him and early AND longer sit which seemed to appease him.
he doesnt half sulk when i go jacks tho
mum looks after him and lets him out as often as i would but he just wants my company and attention. hopefully i wont be torn between jack and Oz soon and we will all be under one roof!

tomorrow i am taking my car to my dad's garage up the road for the bodywork to be sprayed
as it went through to the metal its important to get it done soon before any rusting can take place. no one is really able to bring me home so i will be walking home which means walking through the country park. which im fine about, the only thing im a lil concerned about is how i will feel tomorrow. last time i went nigels the next day i felt like death. and its a fair walk home i just hope im not as rough as last time.
then i will pick jack up at some point and go with him and dad to view this house
have dinner here then sleep over at jack's as we have school again on thursday

Monday, 29 June 2020

seen 4 houses now

Evening~~

So on friday me and jack went to go view 2 houses
the first one which was down the road from me I could tell from the photos that the house hadnt been updated since the 1970's and I wasnt fussed about it due to it being a lot of work and having a large rear garden and a front garden, i want a simple rear garden and no front garden. We walked round and it felt very much like we had just walked into someone's grandparent's house. It was so old and dated and just needed so much doing to it I felt stressed just thinking about it! The second property was a 5min drive for my house and my god i swear the thing was subsiding!! and the woman refused to compromise she was like "its £210,000 no less" i felt like saying "I wouldnt even pay £190,000 for this place" it was awful. 
So after all of it I felt a bit deflated by it all to be honest not to mention I was tired and in pain. The whole thing is emotional and stressful and therefor taking a toll on my body
We had dinner here then slept at jack's, he didnt do his online gaming and stayed with me.

saturday we left to go view a house near the woods near me
but before i had even driven out of jack's flats crappy car parking i hit the wall in my car!!!!! I have NEVER done anything to my cars and the car thats been my best, my favourite, most expensive, and i hit it!! god i felt sick and it was all i could think about when driving to the house
what was my dad gonna say....
we got to the house and it was all very weird, its certainly a quirky house
its upside down to start with. you enter the house through your landing so your bedrooms are there as you walk in and you go downstairs to the living room and kitchen. your 'drive way' is 2 car parking spaces opposite the property. the garden is tiny and flat ^^ the house is only 16 years old and i can remember being in high school and them being built. it was really clean and tidy and didnt feel like i would have to stress about getting it to a standard. first house i havent felt stressed about what with the work being needed to be done. jack loved it he was well impressed and talked about it allllll day. its at the top end of our budget tho so its gotta be good if we are gonna fork out THAT much
like almost 1/4 million pounds here!!!

we came back to my house after the viewing.
the lady said we were the second couple to view it in 3 weeks....which isnt much at all. so im not stressing about having to make a sudden decision. we want my dad to view it now so i think we are going on saturday to look at it.
who knows, knowing my luck it will be gone by then but she is only doing morning viewings and my dad works and isnt prepared to make time for me >.>

i stayed over at jacks and sunday we went round a few shops
i got new underwear in the sale and finally finally new trainers as mine are so worn they hurt.
we didnt do much all day, harvey came round and we talked houses, he has put a bid in so he is ahead of us! race is on XD
i didnt sleep over at jacks as i felt i wanted to do dancing monday morning so i came home, saw Oz, went for a walk and showered and relaxed with Oz

today i danced for half hour, showered, took my car to dad's garage for a quote, came back went for a walk round the woods with mia and the dogs and showed her where the house was, came back and had lunch. stayed in bed for almost 4 hours as i was done in and needed to tune off from the world i had had a busy week and had enough
then i went for a walk with mum, had food and then did some drawing

tomorrow probably exercise and clean my room then im going nigel's for treatment~

Thursday, 25 June 2020

house viewings tomorrow

Evening

I slept!!!
I slept over at jack's late last night and I actually slept through the night
thats the second time since march ^^
my god how much better i feel after sleep
like i can actually function
jack said i looked better today for sleep too

we got up and went to school on the hottest day of the year i swear
like full humidity too, and like everywhere in the UK theres no AC anywhere
so school was roasting - unless you were in the computing suite >.>
lucky gits with their AC
but school went ok really
i wore shorts much to jacks annoyance as he said hes been wanting to wear shorts the whole time hes been at school but ive beaten him to it XD he was fine me wearing shorts as i was only cleaning today i wasnt handling any chemicals, so he sweated it out in jeans
we worked together today which was nice, i was able to clean the prep room so the surfaces are clean at least apart from jack's physics stuff i have no idea where it goes so i couldnt put it away - he can do that. I saw julia and chris and just as we were leaving luke and hannah turned up!!!! i havent seen them since march! i was well happy to see them ^^ luke has sold his house and looking for a house and apparently so is head of physics, weird how 4 of us out of the science group are house hunting

we left there and i went to go get fuel
then went to jacks and had lunch
theo wanted to know if we wanted to go for a walk but we had been sweating it out all morning i didnt fancy getting sweaty again in that heat cus jesus it was hot, jack didnt want to go ether. so we played on switchs on his bed in his cold bedroom
then i fell asleep on him for 45mins

i got home and had a brew with Oz and mum, Oz just fell asleep bless him
then i did a few jobs, had dinner then went for a walk, walked by a house we are viewing on saturday so mum could see it. then we came back and both me and mum were dripping so we had a shower
now im gonna sit with oz and then do my nails later

tomorrow morning i am picking jack up and 10am and at 11am we are viewing a house - one i was originally excited to see but now i have looked at it and seen better so i must say - i aint too arsed about this one but jack says to view it as it gives us more experience with house hunting. 
then we have another house viewing at 4pm one im a bit more interested in but not majorly so
then im having dinner with jack at home then sleeping over at his as we have a house viewing at 10am on saturday morning. probably spending the weekend at his too

here are some things that have arrived in the post recently 
cooler leg compression socks compared to my thick thermal ones, same brand as my thermal ones so they cost £20 each but they are gooooood
face creams i wanted to try
face sheets
and eyebrow bleach

Wednesday, 24 June 2020

Just needed space

I'm here

I just needed space
I had had enough of writing the same crap basically
but I will try and keep going with my diary blog

so over the last few weeks these are the highlights

I have been in awful pain for some reason despite doing all the exercises I do
one night i hit breaking point and needed to feel a different pain
so at 8:50pm I grabbed a needle and by 9pm I had made a new piercing in my ear
yes it bled and it didnt hurt much the different pain was welcomed
i cried when i told mum, she couldnt judge me too much as she had done the same as a teenagers so had jack actually so they both couldnt judge me but they were concerned
next day i was much better mentally
currently my piercing is healing well with a stud through it, no infection yet to say i didnt even clean the needle...

i went back to work for the first time since lock down
me julia and jack went in to clear the labs for student use we were there a few hours
i was sad to see my plants had died 
we have since been put on a rota and every thursday morning we come in to help out with the 40 year10 students that are coming in, so far we've only been in once to do this and the next shift is tomorrow, its nice being in and getting the prep room how we want it for september
the first shift we did last week, i had packed some leggings to wear and when i put them on in the morning jack noticed that i had two massive holes on both inside thigh, i knew they had little holes but they had really worn through. and the only other bottoms i had was lilac joggers - not appropriate for school! so i had to borrow a pair of jacks black trousers and he made a new hole in his belt so i could keep them up >< i actually looked alright in them surprisingly, no one even noticed.

we started looking at houses!
in fact this week we had our first viewing which stressed me out a lot as i liked it and so did jack but my parents said we could do better and i was tired and in pain and i just cried and had a bit of panic attack and ended up sleeping at jacks as he tends to sooth my soul some how
we have more house viewings lined up for friday

i went to see mia for the first time since lock down
met her new puppy - wilma, or as mia calls her - winnie
shes very sweet and it was lovely to see mia rob walt and wilma

ive been doing art work still to keep me quiet
me and jack did a piece together actually
i got a frame made its 20"x20" box frame and we filled it with pokemon stuff we had from 1999 to 2000 and this is how it turned out

i saw nigel and he treated me, which was very kind of him to see me as he says i have been the 3rd person he has seen, he knows people suffer so yeah he did cupping on me, massage and acupuncture it was brutal and i was in agony for days afterwards but it has helped loads and i might go see him again next week

think that was it really
just been a bit all over the place with pain and mentalness
ive still been dancing and yoga and walking and taking care of myself but yeah im not quite right but im hoping i will level out with time. 

tonight im staying over at jack's so i can take him to school with me tomorrow
saves him taking public transport
then im coming home 

Friday, 5 June 2020

Started anime painting

Konbanwa~

Did not sleep well 
I ached and couldnt switch off so i went downstairs at midnight for an hour
played on pokemon for a bit
went to bed at 1am but still took me a while to actually sleep
then i woke up at 6am then 8 then 9
i was shattered and rough but still managed a walk an dancing ^^

I had a Teams video call with the dept head - same person who gave me my job!
and she was just finding out if i would like to return to school before the summer holidays
jack had txt me an hour previous saying he was gonna go in to do science work and help shepherd the children. which is what i will be doing. but both of us dont HAVE to do it. in fact at any time we dont want to or feel unsafe then we have the right to say no. I said i would give it ago if anything just to help me with my anxiety. i can tell mum isnt happy about it but theres only 6 weeks left and i wouldnt be needed every day. i want to try but i already feel sick about doing it. I told her that i was really anxious so shes taken me off the rota for week one but allowing me to come in and observe. i will try! doesnt start til i think monday 15th 9:30am for me. I am going in on monday 8th tho just to help jack put away science stuff from the labs before the students return.

I finished Disgaea5 today! it was really good and i really enjoyed it
i have post game content i can do which is always a bonus
but i think im gonna play more on pokemon really

started doing my next painting
i have drawn it out and started painting it
not entirely sure how i will paint it all yet but im sure it will reveal it's self to me
its looking alright, mum said "dont know where you come up with these ideas. its good,, certainly quirky" i just do what comes to mind, something to do isnt it

apart from that i havent really done much else!
just been in my own bubble
of course i have spent time with Oz and we sat with the girls as well.
never have a peaceful brew when theyre invited XD

tomorrow i have asked jack if i can see him
we might go for a walk round the country park near me and maybe have dinner here
unsure yet whats happening i guess a lot depends on the weather as today we've had showers throughout the day. my parents are fine with him coming over as he hasnt been anywhere and i have been going to see him. we will probably play pokemon too. i plan on spending the weekend with him and monday cus of work.

Thursday, 4 June 2020

started pokemon sword

Evening

Back from Jack's
it is helping my mental health loads by getting out

So tuesday
started my day with a meeting with all of science
i had hardly slept and one thing keeping me up was my anxiety about a stupid online meeting just how stupid and annoying is that!?
as I thought there was nothing to be worried about
but it went on for 45mins!! my god, and i cant say i got a great deal out of it
just more for teachers which is usually is
then as soon as it was over with i was out the door with mum for a much needed walk!
i came back and danced then showered, went to bed
spent time with Ozwald even tho it was hot
then by 4pm I went over to jack's

I showed him that I had got pokemon sword! he was happy and wanted to know what pokemon I wanted, my god he had done my team before i had taken the wrapping off the game....if only he was the keen for other things XD
we did a walk - yet another walk for me
played on switches but i played disgaea5 - still have it to finish!
we went to bed around midnight as the 3 of us sat on the sofa playing games really
i slept pretty well

Wednesday
my cousin turned 22!
woke up at 6am to the sound of something i havent heard in a while - rain
we had to get up as we had a meeting at 10am online but it was our first all staff meeting not just department. it went on for over an hour and once it was done both me and jack said the same thing "didnt learn anything new" it was quite dull if im honest
i got up and showered and we went for a walk
i started pokemon but after 15mins i went and had a nap XD
jack was like "you gotta play it so you can have these pokemon before you go home"
we did a walk in the drizzle as yesterday we actually had rain!
we made jack's character for his next D&D game starting tomorrow
yet another thing to highlight how different we are, i was like "have an assassin or someone athletic or good with guns. Jack you guy is gonna die at  this rate" but what did he do? made a total nerd. someone not good an reading emotions good academically and yeah just a total dork i said "what youve done there is made yourself" my god i would not have gone down that route
but he was dead happy with it!
then he and theo were playing on some dull space game together - theo on his laptop - jack on his PC downstairs in his room
I went to go do half hour of yoga where theo was
afterwards i tried reading manga but i was just tired it got to 10pm
and i said to jack "im really tired" he said "ok well i'll just wait for theo to get to this planet then ill come to bed"
30mins later i gave up waiting and went to bed
grabbed my big hamster plush and went to bed, behind jack who was still on his PC 
i wasnt arsed, i wasnt gonna stay up by myself for nothing, sod the lot of them
i woke up at 1:30am and was in agony i really hurt, jack was awake and hadnt actually been to sleep i told him that i hurt and needed to get up and he decided he was gonna get up and make us both a hot chocolate i told him it wasnt necessary but he wouldnt hear of it
so we sat upstairs til  2:45am and i had got my tens machine on, something he'd heard of but never seen and i havent ever told him i use one. i dont like making myself different. mum insisted last time i took it but i didnt then this time she was like "take it you might need it" and as i had it with me i was gonna use it. jack had a go with it and i have it on a very very weak setting as i cant bare it strong, jack who is rubbish with pain, had it on max...like he couldnt feel it. very odd
we went to bed but it took me til well gone 3am to sleep
so we were both a bit tired this morning

i had a bath and we went for a walk
jack did a lot of the talking he talked candidly about if we got married...he went on and on and went into detail who he would have to invite. it neared 100 as he has over 50 'close' relatives. i have 7 
i would be massively outnumbered 
i would dread the day id be in front of all those people. i hate being centre of attention anyway never mind in front of that many people the majority of which i dont know...
we got back and had lunch
i slept after lunch and jack played on the space game with theo again
when i woke he gave me my pokemon 
i had only been on the game 2 hours and i came across a shiny! shinies are so rare
it wasnt anything amazing it was Chewtle but hey a shiny is a shiny so i caught it and jack said i should have it in my team but im unsure who to swap out for it
i could tell it annoyed him that id only been on it 2 hours and had a shiny XD

i came home and saw my Oz
i sat in the garden with him
ive since sat with him on my knee on the sofa and im about to do so again

tomorrow probably exercise and start drawing out my painting
i may have a meeting with the dept head but not sure yet - just to discuss returning to work but i have health issues so yeah
im staying over at jacks over the weekend and on monday me jack and julia are going into school to tie up loose ends before september as its looking like we as technicians wont be in til september potentially :/ 

Monday, 1 June 2020

finished wolf painting

Konbanwa~~

my nails came out better, Killing Eve was alright

I kinda slept
I got off before midnight anyway which is a plus
I got up at 8:20am and heard mum saying "right thats it you're going home!"
I came downstairs and she said "ive been out to him 3 times in 1 minute! I wasnt standing for anymore!" it was Oz....on mum's plants...
so he had gone back to his cage before id even gotten downstairs, that has to be a new record Ozwald XD usually it gets to 9am and he starts snacking on the plants cus hes hungry so i have to put him home for carrot which he scoffs. Honestly Oz
same every day
Tilly today is quiet, shes eating tho and weighs the same. We have syringe fed her water 3 times today just to make sure she is hydrated in this heat.
we just dont know why shes quiet and withdrawn 
we check her often throughout the day

I went for a walk by myself this morning
and then did 25mins of dancing til i was dripping mess...my god its so hot lately
had a shower
then i painted really
I broke off and did some baking
just felt in the mood to bake
so i baking biscuits and sandwiched them together with Nutella
they were good
i did one in the shape of a willy for my brother, mum was not amused XD but my brother found it good XD and he ate it
then I had a brew with mum and Oz

talked to Jack for a short while
he seemed a bit hard to talk to and kept yawning so i was like "you ok?"
he said "yeah i just got off the phone to my family" but i dont know he just felt a bit off to me
he doesnt seem like hes a hurry to see me despite it being over a week, cus we were gonna meet up tomorrow but he doesnt want to see me til like 4pm cus he has 'work' to do despite him saying work will only take 10mins...i couldnt weigh him up he was hard work. i said id only stay one night but he insisted i stayed 2 as he said there wasnt gonna be much time together otherwise. so i couldnt make up my mind whether he was bothered about seeing me or not! maybe i was reading too much into it. but im seeing him tomorrow at some point. god knows what we are doing. and i will be back thursday. then staying over at his on the weekend.

then i did some more painting, had dinner, finished my painting
did 25mins of yoga which i felt a bit better for
i have another idea for a painting i want to do i just need to get on and start it tomorrow
havent done any digital drawing today as i didnt have the time XD