Just needed space

I'm here

I just needed space
I had had enough of writing the same crap basically
but I will try and keep going with my diary blog

so over the last few weeks these are the highlights

I have been in awful pain for some reason despite doing all the exercises I do
one night i hit breaking point and needed to feel a different pain
so at 8:50pm I grabbed a needle and by 9pm I had made a new piercing in my ear
yes it bled and it didnt hurt much the different pain was welcomed
i cried when i told mum, she couldnt judge me too much as she had done the same as a teenagers so had jack actually so they both couldnt judge me but they were concerned
next day i was much better mentally
currently my piercing is healing well with a stud through it, no infection yet to say i didnt even clean the needle...

i went back to work for the first time since lock down
me julia and jack went in to clear the labs for student use we were there a few hours
i was sad to see my plants had died 
we have since been put on a rota and every thursday morning we come in to help out with the 40 year10 students that are coming in, so far we've only been in once to do this and the next shift is tomorrow, its nice being in and getting the prep room how we want it for september
the first shift we did last week, i had packed some leggings to wear and when i put them on in the morning jack noticed that i had two massive holes on both inside thigh, i knew they had little holes but they had really worn through. and the only other bottoms i had was lilac joggers - not appropriate for school! so i had to borrow a pair of jacks black trousers and he made a new hole in his belt so i could keep them up >< i actually looked alright in them surprisingly, no one even noticed.

we started looking at houses!
in fact this week we had our first viewing which stressed me out a lot as i liked it and so did jack but my parents said we could do better and i was tired and in pain and i just cried and had a bit of panic attack and ended up sleeping at jacks as he tends to sooth my soul some how
we have more house viewings lined up for friday

i went to see mia for the first time since lock down
met her new puppy - wilma, or as mia calls her - winnie
shes very sweet and it was lovely to see mia rob walt and wilma

ive been doing art work still to keep me quiet
me and jack did a piece together actually
i got a frame made its 20"x20" box frame and we filled it with pokemon stuff we had from 1999 to 2000 and this is how it turned out

i saw nigel and he treated me, which was very kind of him to see me as he says i have been the 3rd person he has seen, he knows people suffer so yeah he did cupping on me, massage and acupuncture it was brutal and i was in agony for days afterwards but it has helped loads and i might go see him again next week

think that was it really
just been a bit all over the place with pain and mentalness
ive still been dancing and yoga and walking and taking care of myself but yeah im not quite right but im hoping i will level out with time. 

tonight im staying over at jack's so i can take him to school with me tomorrow
saves him taking public transport
then im coming home