not coping with house buying

Yon~

I have been at jack's since he came over the other day when we brought the house
we have since been in contact with estate agents, solicitors and such
its suppose to be exciting but i feel probably 25% excited and 75% overwhelmed and stressed
im not coping
im just not
ive cried - several times
im struggling to eat although i am trying hard with that 
jack is doing really well me bless him, he never gets annoyed or exasperated with me
hes just always there
the first night at jack's i couldnt sleep so he got up with me and made me tea and we had biscuits, i was stressed so my pain is BAD 
last night he couldnt sleep so i got up with him and we had tea again
we support each other which is what it is about really
i dont regret my decision on the bungalow at all
its just a lot you know? jack is so calm about it all and excited

we didnt do an awful lot the past 2 days
we did have take away which i tried to eat but i couldnt eat as much as jack and theo
we tried to get a joint bank account but you need a face to face appointment for that and the banks oddly enough are still unprepared and lack protection and therefor are not doing appointments and you can only open a joint account that way. so thats had to wait
i got him to ring his mum and tell her the news
she was dead pleased for the both of us and has invited us over for a bbq on tuesday which is jack's 27th birthday so that should be good

i had an appointment with nigel on the way home today
that was a bit punishing
but he said that maybe we could have his book shelves
since coming home dad has talked none stop about the bungalow and stuff
its stressing me out to be honest
i managed to eat dinner but after dad piped up i felt like bringing it all back up and still do now at 9pm. everyone is supporting us and telling us it will be ok and get sorted but yeah
its hard....

tomorrow not sure what im doing
ive told jack that if im left alone tomorrow i will probably just stew or cry or both
so maybe id like to see him but dont know what to do

i havent done any exercise today...
its been 32c today the hottest day of the year and also the most humid
the humidity is crazy, you walk from room to room and sweat, never mind going outside or anything
so i didnt even bother to attempt exercise today
ill catch up tomorrrow

Brought a house!

Our offer was accepted
we have brought our first house, well bungalow
most people feel excited
i struggle to keep food
i want to be sick, crawl in a whole and cry
its all too much
i have no idea what im even doing
solicitors? house survey? money?
who knows!

I currently have Jack on his way over
think he could tell i was at breaking point on the phone

My table!

Konbanwa

I went to bed at 9pm feeling tired and wanting to read in the quiet
but my god the pain i hurt so much that i came downstairs at 10:30pm
my parents were still up
i took another pain killer which was classed as over dosing and had a hot chocolate
i went to bed at 12:30 and kinda slept
i think i was tossing and turning a lot 
i got up at 7:30am

I had the house to myself til 1pm
I sat and built my table - well screwed the legs back on XD
it looks good tho! its finished

i like the contrast of the wood and magazines
i like the matt finish too

so at 9:30am i bathed the girls by myself
such well behaved little piglets
cus yeah they smelt and were grubby and now they fluffy and soft ^^
they were so good they didnt fight or squeak
just let me get on with it, i dont think they mind bath time to be honest
i put them outside it was sunny and windy = perfect drying conditions
i left them outside whilst i did an hours walk

i came back and had a quick sit then did 25mins of dance
i couldnt do anymore i was exhausted
i got to my room and realised i had a missed call on my phone from jack
so i phoned him back whilst dripping with sweat
he said the offer of £212,000 on the house was turned down - surprise surprise
the estate agent said that the owners wont take any less than £220,000
its on for £220,000
so jack told them he would talk to me and have a look at our finances 
he just wanted my permission for the go ahead, and i told him that was fine i was happy to increase our offer and to ask if they will throw in some or all the furniture
i wished him luck with his first driving lesson

i had a shower and waited for mum to come home
and had lunch with her and a brew
i got the pigs out for her and we sat and had lunch with them
so fluffy and sweet

i drew out a design for a wall hanging i am thinking of making
then i fell asleep for 2 hours would you believe!
i waited for jack to finish his lesson, he rang me near enough as soon as he'd finished
he felt much more better about driving and liked his instructor so on the whole it did go well!
i was relieved, and hes booked another lesson for next week!
speaking of next week, next tuesday is jack's birthday!
he told me he placed the offer of £220,000 and we now just need to wait to hear back from them
be amazing if they did accept this offer i must say, saves us house hunting for one!

i had dinner
and had brief talk to my dad about money and told him about the house offer
when i finished talking i went away and thought about it
mum found me and said i was very quiet - apparently people know when something is up with me as im quiet, im guessing i must be loud and noisy 99% of the time!
i said "im alright"
she said "no youre not spit it out i will get it out of you"
damn it all
i just told her i was a bit scared about it all and its a big thing i dont know what im doing and i just need reassurance im doing the right thing sometimes, i do feel im doing the right thing but yeah its stressful as hell. house buying is hard
especially when you have no idea what youre doing!
but we have plenty around us to guide and help us luckily
we are far from our own on this

might just cut out a bit more of sewing stuff then call it a night with the lad on my knee
tomorrow me and mum are seeing Karen hopefully!
we havent finished arranging it all tho yet
but im looking forward to it and i hope i can do my exercises in the morning before hand

Put our first offer on a house!

Yo~n

I couldnt sleep I was aching and restless and felt so so sick
I got up at 11:30pm as i started scratching
I was up til 1am, two bowls of cereal and pain killers later, i was playing pokemon
wasnt all that bad I guess

I woke up at 7:30am
i wasnt hungry after eating so much cereal in the night XD
but my god i needed yet more painkillers
I waited til i was home alone and did 35mins of yoga followed by 25mins of dance
didnt stop at all not even for a drink
i wasnt too knackered ether actually
quite enjoyed it
i had my music blasting so i didnt need to listen to my joint click and crack

i had a brew with mum and Oz then lunch
then popped for a shower and went to have a hair cut! my 2nd hair cut of the year!
i had never met mum's hairdresser before but she was fine
and her room in her house was really good actually
so i waited for mum to have the foils put in her hair, god i had to sit and hour for that
i wanted to murder anyone for a pain killer
then she cut my hair
i said to her to take off what she needed to in order to make it healthy again, thinking id lose at least 1 inch of growth but no, she hardly took anything off. and showed me the back of my head - something i never ever see - i was shocked at the shear mass of hair i have!!
it felt good to be trimmed
i walked home leaving mum to have her hair washed and cut

Throughout the day I sorted my table
i applied a seal then 3 coats of matt varnish, so its all done! just needs the legs reattaching
i like it, its certainly different and weird XD

i had a brew with mum when she came in
jack txted me to say he had been hospital and the nerve in his leg was just damaged and should heal but he needs further nerve tests. he had also placed an off on the bungalow!!
its on for £240,000 but we've placed £212,000 as its been on the market 7months, the roof leaks and has damaged the inside, its got damp, the walls are cracked both inside and out. Yet we still like it! its also beyond old fashioned. our bid will probably be rejected but we have to start somewhere. we are prepared to raise it if need be

i had Oz with me and fell asleep on the sofa
woke up about an hour later, moved and found Oz where i left him....
he hadnt moved at all. I looked at him cus i thought "hes still alive right?"
and yeah he was
just a very lazy bunny or very well behaved XD

i tried doing some designing tonight but it wasnt happening really
i did buy a couple more things for the house
did some dance practice

tomorrow
got no plans not even any crafting!
but tomorrow Jack starts his driving!!!!!!!!! my god, only waited over a year for this moment

Started paper mache my table

Evening

I slept alright, woke up at 7:30am and got up
and i had breakfast in peace then when I heard my mum wake up at 8am
I decided to take the pigs to her in bed X3 she appreciated it

After sleeping on it and letting it digest i did feel better about the whole putting in an offer on the bungalow thing, Jack said he is happy with ringing up tomorrow and placing an offer. I do feel good about it, its just easy to get overwhelmed by it all

I did a good walk again but took me ages to get motivated
i could have quite easily have gone back to bed
but I went, then I came back and showered

Over the afternoon I started paper mache my table
took me a few hours as i had to choose bits i wanted out the magazines, cut them and then choose how i wanted the composition then actually paper mache it to the table, whilst making a neat flat look, no one wants a bumpy table XD
i like it
it just needs to fully dry then a few coats of varnish, i will get a coat applied tomorrow

I fell asleep on my bed for an hour
i had just had enough and i was aching
after dinner i did some yoga outside, which Oz found most amusing XD
he kept coming over to me on my blanket and giving me licks then doing giddy hops
he was dead happy and its lovely to see
of course every day i have brews on the sofa with him and i sit with him on my knee at night for half hour, but extra time with him like doing yoga with him is always a bonus
i spend a lot of time with that bunny
no wonder he sulks and misses me when i go over to jack's

I sat and watched Keyakizaka46 live performance from the other week, someone had kindly uploaded on youtube. Its strange without Techi but the performance and production was really good

tomorrow
oh my tomorrow i am having a hair cut, thank god
my last hair cut appointment was in march - first day of lock down to be exact - therefor it never happened!!! So my last actual hair cut was in January can you believe!!!!
I have to condition my hair every damn wash otherwise i literally cant get a brush through it.
its the longest its ever been in my life, its like down my shoulder blades!!
i am so so desperate for a hair cut. I have been counting down the days til this appointment. If it doesnt happen tomorrow for whatever reason i will literally cry XD
I am not having my usual hairdresser tho. Back in June my mum's hairdresser contacted mum asking if she wanted and appointment. Mum then said "want me to book you in Jo?" as i didnt know at the time if my hairdressers would even open in July so I was like "YES!!"
so im having someone cut my hair i have never met before, but hey as long as those dead ends are off i dont think i will care too much!

Think we want the bungalow

Evening

I slept pretty well
but this morning I felt soooo rough
i hurt EVERYWHERE
Like a bloody crippled old woman.....
but I had so much to do today I couldnt let it beat me
massages always take it out of me

So after breakfast I did 40mins of yoga
it was a hard effort but i did feel looser for doing it
then i went for over and hour's walk by myself
just walked and walked the pain felt less whilst i was moving
so i did a massive walk
the last 5mins tho it poured it down so Jo got soaked ><
i went straight in the shower to warm up when I got in
i didnt have a jacket or anything so i was quite wet....

After my shower i dyed mums eyebrows and eyelashes
she did my eyelashes and i bleached my eyebrows
so i have ginger eyebrows X3
had my lunch then i went to pick Jack up
we came back here and had a quick minute catch up on the sofa
then it was pretty much time for the 2nd viewing of the bungalow
mum and dad both came with us, we walked round as its a 5min walk from here
mum and dad liked the bungalow and both said it needs a lot of work and we should try reduce the price as otherwise we literally cant afford it.
but they were very supportive of it and could see the potential

we all talked about it when we got home
i struggled to cope with it all to be honest
it is overwhelming at times
im buying a house here! im moving out!
so it is scary
i was shattered and in pain and wasnt in the mood for it all to be honest
but i got there
we had a brew and a sit with Oz and i tried to chill out a bit
me and jack talked and we think we would like to put an offer on the house
so next week we will go in with an offer lower than the asking price...
scary....

i took Jack home as i think he had plans tonight he wasnt sure himself what was happening
but ether way i just needed to be alone
so i dropped him off and went straight to tk maxx
i looked at their skin care range, ready the ingredients in them
i like looking at skin care i find it fascinating what they put in them and what effects it has on the skin. i needed to do something really mind numbing really nothing to do with houses or serious stuff. so i ended up buying a few skin care things as mine have about ran out and it will be weeks before my order from korea will be here
so i have different things to try

i came home and finished my picture
its alright it gave me something to do
then i made myself dinner
the whole time it was pouring it down outside
and i didnt see Oz run home...i was not going out there for him i would have got soaked in 10 seconds. he knows where his hutch is
when it stopped raining i went out to discover one very wet rabbit under the bush....
so i heated a warm bag for him and put it round his back end, covered him with a towel and dried him off, brushed him and sat with him. very cute. hes a lot drier now
i shall sit with him again before bed time see how he is
he was all over jack earlier tho XD like i didnt exist

tomorrow
i want to work on my table as i didnt get chance to today
so thats all really

Finished school!! + New Ring

Evening

So wednesday
me and mum headed straight for jack's in the city centre
after he let us into the carpark me and mum went round jewellers 
we both wanted rings
mine to mark my 10th year of surviving through my illness
mum's for her 30th wedding anniversary 
we checked quite a few and i was blown away by the sheer expense of some rings
i mean i saw one in a 2nd hand jeweller for £32,000! 0.0 who can justify that!?
i wanted to pay no more than £350
we both saw one we liked in one jewellers and ended up coming back to that jeweller and trying the rings on. We both liked our choices and decided to place an order. They have to be made to your finger size.
Strangely we went for similar rings! Both white gold with diamonds
mine was £295 and mums was a bit more but hers is bigger
i liked mine as its soooo thin like 2mm thick and as its going on my pinky finger i wanted a small ring. I cant wait to get it, I should get it in 3 weeks time!

we left there to go collect my jack
he was still half asleep XD
then when we got home we had a brew then me and jack went to go view the bungalow
we both came away saying the same thing
"I want to like it, but its knackered..."
we did both like it but it had been purchased 30 years ago and the owner hadnt done a thing to it since....so it was quite tired and dated
it would need a lot of work doing to it but we both did like it

we came home and had lunch then i died on my bed for a bit
i managed to somehow get jack to book some driving lessons....thank bloody god - ive only been trying for a year 0.0
we did a walk and we had dinner then went to jack's and just chilled out before bed

Thursday morning - our last school day!
school was totally fine and easy
to be honest i spent most of my time talking XD
it was good to see people before we break up
chris had some amazing news that he has applied to get AC in our science room office :D
even tho that benefits him in no way hes done it for us *0*

we came home and had lunch then i had a bath it was soooo good
we went to a shop and then a walk and then we had the take away of the century XD
i havent had takeaway for months! jack and theo have had one every week since march....
so i decided on my final day of school id had takeaway too!
we ordered from Wagamama so thats japanese food
i had a curry which was very similar to a thai green curry i have to say
jack had spicy katsu chicken curry we shared 2 little plates of pancakes
theo had two little plates and a normal katsu chicken curry
we ate it whilst watching Truman show as none of us have seen it since childhood and we quite enjoyed watching it
at 9:30pm we ordered dessert - course we did XD
i had white choc chip cookie dough with custard
jack had cake with ice cream and then a massive sundae/milkshake thing it was heavy anyway
theo had cookie dough, cake, ice cream, milkshake
yeah he did look full
he suddenly got up,farted and ran to the toilet XD

we went to bed at midnight


this morning
i kinda slept at jacks 
i woke him up and then sniffed him 
"jack, youre literally sweating curry mate. like i can smell it on your skin"
i was sniffing his shoulder at the time and yeah he was sweating it out XD
we talked in the morning about the bungalow
jack and theo didnt have breakfast surprise surprise
saying they were both full still XD
i had to have breakfast as if i take my meds on an empty stomach i feel awful
i didnt want to eat but it was the lesser of two evils

we had an easy morning and then went to his mum's for lunch
we had sandwiches and cake with his mum, step dad and 2 sisters 
it was nice but i couldnt stay long as i had a massage booked so i came away with jack
dropped him off home and came home
saw Oz then went for my massage which was utter heaven
i have booked one for just before i return to school

i came back and showered and had dinner
and thats my day
im shattered
not really done much exercise today but we all need our days off i guess

tomorrow
i am picking jack up and were going with my dad for a second viewing of the bungalow
dad thinks it could be a good buy if they are prepared to drop the price
we just would need to literally gut the house and start afresh with it
and then thats it
im staying home im not sleeping at jacks

Got my table!

Evening

My god I actually slept!
Do I have to do 2 hours exercise each day in order to sleep?
I woke up at 7am tho ><
Oz has been fine today ^^

This morning I went over to Mia's
we went for a walk round near her house which is the first time I have
done that with her in the 2 years shes lived there XD
the dogs were their usual hyper selves
god i dont know how she copes!
we came back and had a brew and then she showed me her amazing art
and then the stuff she got for me from Rob's grandads
I managed to bring my table home!
its better than i thought!
i mean the top surface is worn but hey im covering over that!
its solid oak! its really heavy for just a coffee table!
so i happily put that in my car
and my brother later on sorted me out a screw driver so i can dismantle it

i came home and i had lunch with mum
slept cus for some reason my body was so heavy and tired today
even after a sleep and sugar i felt no better...
i was about to lay down on my bed again when my mum asked if i would
go for a walk with her
so  i did that even tho i was tired it was good to be motivated and moving
i came back and did 30mins of yoga and then a shower
so once again i have done 2 hour of exercise!
i couldnt face dancing today tho i have to say
just too done in for whatever reason
ive had a fair bit of food today too and sugar
but nothing is helping
probably due another session of acupuncture...

this evening i have been working on a piece of art work
i had the idea come to me yesterday on my walk but i did other stuff yesterday so i didnt get round to starting it, but ive drawn it out so far and applied liquid masking tape
im doing a girl whispering saying in japanese "you absolutely cant tell anyone"
see how it turns out, could be crap

tomorrow~
me and mum are going into the city centre, we are using jack's carpark XD
mum has never seen where jack even lives
she also hasnt been into the city since lockdown which was like march time
we are going ring shopping~
something i have never done for myself, but have accompanied mum on a few times for her own jewellery
i have wanted to buy a ring since the start of the year, cus basically this sept/oct will mark the 10th year of me becoming sick. and whilst it is not something to celebrate it is something for me to be proud of. I have endured 10 years of pain, struggle, hell and turmoil and come out stronger and still fighting. I want something special to mark such a feat
originally i was moving out next year - so this year id have the money to spend on a ring
but as things have fell, it looks like a ring and a house have come hand in hand...
so i asked mum "should i still be paying out for a ring if i have a house to buy?"
she said "yes, its important to you i think you need to do it"
but i still felt guilty to be honest
so when i mentioned it to mia she said "you need to totally do it. You need to be able look down on your hand and see that ring when you're having a crap day and be reminded just how far you have come"
and i kinda thought "yeah shes right"
so im gonna go through with my 'anniversary ring'
i hope i can find one tomorrow but i wont rush into it, got to be right
and its going on my pinky finger so i will have less choice as its got to be a thin band
mum is buying a ring as it was her 30th wedding anniversary this year, her holiday got cancelled which she was gonna celebrate it on, so shes opted for jewellery - courtesy of dad's wallet  naturally XD
then we walk back to jack's flat, collect him and me and him will go to the house viewing
we're viewing our first bungalow!
then were staying here, having lunch and dinner then going over to his for the night
as its the last day of school on thursday!

Done over 2 hours of exercise today

Konbanwa

I got to sleep really quick but was thrashing in my sleep which eventually woke me
it was because i was aching in my sleep and was trying to get comfy
i dont get any relief from my pain even in my sleep!
so I got up for an hour at 1am and dosed myself up with a hot chocolate
i managed to get back to sleep and woke up at 7:30am
went straight to Ozwald who was fine ^^

he seems totally fine today
so i am glad
i think it must be this new treat i brought him as that is the only 'new' thing in his diet as of late so im not gonna give him anymore as i think thats what is upsetting him
i hope anyway as that is a quick fix

i was suppose to see mia for a walk this morning
but she txted to say she had drunk too much yesterday and was feeling rough XD
so i told her we would walk tomorrow morning instead
i went for a good walk followed by 35mins of dancing
and had a shower then sat with mum with a brew as she came home

had lunch and started making Julia's daughter's face masks she had asked me to make
then i conked out on my bed for a good hour as i had dosed myself up
i was tired and felt like escapism 
i got the masks finished tho they look alright

i was left home alone so i made myself a cob and sat and ate it in the quiet
then i went outside with the picnic blanket in the garden and did 30mins of yoga in the sun
it was such a lovely evening, Oz was everywhere XD it was nice to interact with him like that, he had a stretch and a yawn on the blanket X3
i came in and took my nail varnish off as i think im gonna do them tonight just simple dots i think im not in the mood to do much else XD

tomorrow hopefully i will go for a walk with mia
and get my table!
then im not sure what i will do after that to be honest
not really thought about it
photo of Oz with Cherry the Melon plushie (I named her)

Photo of Ozwald and crashes

Evening

So yesterday I had slept really well
Sad thing was that when I got up I discovered that O had majorly had the runs
he was in a state like jesus it was bad
so i had to wash his bum with mum and syringe feed him
bless him I think it was one too many treats
he sat in a ball looking unhappy....
I got ready, put a skirt on and make up and went to collect jack

we went to sherwood pines and had a walk round there which was nice
a bit cold
and incredibly busy i dont think ive ever seen it that busy and ive been going my whole life
good to see people out tho i guess
after the walk we had our picnic which was nice
i was getting cold tho and we decided to come away
the line for a cup of tea or any food/drink was huge so i couldnt even warm up round a brew!
as soon as we got in the car it hammered it down it was such good timing!

we got back to my house and i went to see how Oz was doing
once again he was in a mess...so i had to clean him with mum
jack watched which i didnt expect him to but i guess it gives him an idea of what he would have to help me with if such a thing happens when the 3 of us live under one roof
but Oz seemed alright and he had eaten so i didnt feel the need to syringe feed him again
i just felt sad that he had got off stomach again...

i showed jack all the bits and pieces i had been buying for the house
he loved it all ^^
we rested a bit as i was dead, i was so done in
i left jack with my parents outside whilst i grabbed a quick shower to wake myself up
and we had a bbq 
me and jack sat outside on the grass with Oz and ate
Oz seemed alright just a bit quiet
jack said I didnt need to stay over at his if i would rather be with Oz
but there wasnt anymore i could do for him and said i would wait for a message from mum at 8am and then i could leave then and there if i needed to
I took this picture of him today
such a glutton!

we left for jack's around 8pm after i had put Oz to bed
we had a hot chocolate and biscuits but didnt stay up long i was so tired
we did howver play on switchs! i havent been on mine in over 2 weeks!
it was good to go back on them
we were in bed for 10:30pm tho

i managed to doze off a bit as it took a while cus of selfish humans outside jack's flat
but luckily it rained so people did sod off
i woke up at 2:30am and realised there was a light
i looked and jack was reading on his phone - dimmed
i said "have you been asleep yet?" 
he said "no i just cant sleep"
considering we had been in bed 4 hours i thought 'get up'
so i said "lets get up jack it does you good to get up and come back to bed"
he said "you dont need to get up you dont sleep as it is, you stay here"
but i got us up, we had a brew and biscuits and came to bed an hour later
but there was noisy people back outside.....
i fell asleep cuddling jack
i woke up on the other side of the bed cuddling Hammington XD
it was 7:30am when i woke up, i went to get comfy again and a massive noise happened outside
i about jumped out the bed
jack in his sleep stroked me and said "its just the bin men jo"
i said "i dont think that was the bin men"
i got up to look out the window and couldnt see anything so got back to bed
couldnt sleep - needed pain killers, went to leave Jack in bed
i went to the patio doors and opened them
thats when I saw this

so a BMW driver had come hurtling round the corner at 7:30am, lost control going over the speed bump and hit the bin and a lamp post. his air bag had gone off, windscreen cracked, wheel off, suspension off, the damage went on and on
i saw the driver just casually waiting there for it to be cleared away he looked 30ish
and was like fine
ID BE A BLOODY WRECK!!
god id be panicking about needing a new car, the expense, charges, MY PARENTS....
he didnt look arsed!
so i went downstairs to jack and said "jack come see the destruction!"
he got up and was impressed. this was 10metres from jacks bedroom window! no wonder it made such a noise. so we watched the scene eating breakfast - the police showing up, the car recovery, the council took the bin, power guys came to sort the lamp post
i said "i hope he gets charged for the bin and lamp post repairs, the arsehole"
the corner he came speeding round is a T-junction so you HAVE to stop - he clearly didnt if he could achieve that much damage. good job no one was around they would probably be dead

we were both shattered and decided to go for a walk to wake ourselves up
whilst we were out we had to go pick up jack's step dad a birthday present up
and jack is taking it over tomorrow
i came back to the flat and had lunch with jack and a rest and came home at 2pm
i had received a text message from mum at 8am along with footage of Oz so i could see how much food he had eaten and if he was ok, she told me he was doing well and had firmed up XD


i came home and sat with Oz who wasnt in a mess, had eaten and done normal poos
so all is well
i rested all afternoon as i was dead to be honest
before dinner i went for an hours walk
had food and a shower and then did 15mins of dance practice

tomorrow seeing mia in the morning and hopefully getting my table to recover!

made birthday cards

Evening all

I slept sooo well ^^ finally
my god i was shattered last night
I got up at 8:30am and went to Oz who seems totally fine and back to his usual self 
so glad i really am

Mum went for a walk with her friend
i did 40 mins of dancing i was wet through but enjoyed it
went for a shower and then they came back
we sat in the garden having a cup of tea in the sun
Oz was patrolling and showing off bless him
mum likes it when I talk to her friends, none of them had daughters only sons
so it makes a change for them too i think
mum is always so happy she got a daughter ^^
I was brought up with boys as everyone had sons i was the only girl
didnt bother me, boys play rougher and i liked it XD

I had lunch with mum after her friend left
then we popped out to go buy flowers for karen
who had amazing news that she is officially cancer free
we popped over as a surprise and she looked soooo healthy!!
i couldnt believe how good she looked
we only talked on her door step we have to be careful round her and her weak ammune system
she said we can meet on 29th and do something in the open
so i cant wait for that!

we came back and i started making cards for julia and jack
i got them finished and they look good :D
then i rested for a bit and had dinner
went for a walk by myself and now gonna shower and sit with Oz and go bed

tomorrow i am picking jack up at 11am
we are going to a forest about 30min drive away
and having a walk and a picnic as i think he needs to get out
and then were coming back home and my parents are having a bbq so we can have that for dinner and then go to his to sleep
should be a nice day
im gonna wear a skirt and i havent worn one in months!

Oz is back on form

Evening

Jo did an all-nighter
yup did not sleep a wink last night
I went over to jack's and we had a hot chocolate and biscuits and talked with theo
and harvey was online so we talked with him too but i was shattered so didnt want to stay up
but i could tell jack wasnt right some how
like he was just off and despite me asking numerous times "you ok?" "whats up"
he wouldnt come out with it but could tell he wanted to
we went to bed and in the end i said "what ever is troubling you is troubling me. you tell me not to bottle stuff up so out with it"
and thats when it all kicked off at 11:15pm
he cried and everything
his worries are the corona virus starting up again basically
i said "what is the actual main worry here tho?"
he said "i dont want you getting sick"
so i was the concern
then he was also upset about driving - i guess that one coming
i said "and whats troubling you most about that?"
he said "having an accident with you in the car and you being hurt"
so me again
*sigh* im a big girl i can look after myself
he worries far far too much
so we talked it out
and i said to him he didnt contact me the whole of tuesday and he said "cus i was hoping to txt and to be able say 'jo i rang the driving school up' but i didnt"
so i said "so instead of asking for help, you buried your head in the sand about driving school and giving me a text"
so it churned me up a bit cus i love jack and its not nice seeing anyone you love, in tears
so he fell asleep after all that
i on the other hand couldnt
i was in a lot of pain anyway so i was extra sensitive on his bed
tried to get to get to sleep and tried to get comfy
then a couple outside literally yelling their guts off at each other, if youre gonna have domestic at least have it in the house not on a main street at midnight.
i got up at 1am as they wouldnt shut up
then drunks wondered up and down shouting, people getting out of taxis at all hours
i sat upstairs having a brew and biscuits and did some japanese
i tried to sleep but yeah wasnt happening
at 5am i crawled back to bed but still felt really uncomfortable but tried to stay
then around 6am i could feel myself drifting off and then the council service bin men came and sounded like they were riding the bins down the street
it woke jack up and he looked at me
i said "i havent actually been asleep"
he cuddled me and i tried to get comfy but couldnt 
he said "lets get up"
i said "its only 6:30 you dont need to get up ill get up by myself"
but no, despite not doing mornings, he did get up
i said as we at a really early breakfast "did you not notice me gone?"
he said "i did but thought you were in the toilet and fell asleep after that thought"
didnt hear any of the noises outside he sleeps really well

so i was shattered and looked like death
school was alright tho i just painted
saw hannah and luke again
we came back to jacks and had soup he had made then i poured a bath with those salts
it was so nice
i got dressed and was prepared to keep going but jack said he didnt want me driving like that, i guess i must have looked back so he made me have a nap
we got up and had a brew then i came home

went straight to the garden to find my lad
we fussed each other
he has been such a good boy, hes been eating ^^ normal poos and seems happy again
im soooooooooooooooooooooo happy, grateful and relieved 
nice to have my lad back on form
im about to go sit with him actually

i did a walk with mum after helping her with the dinner

tomorrow mum is seeing her friend so i will probably just exercise by myself 
and not sure after that
im ringing up the driving school for jack as he cant bring himself to do it
which slightly annoyed me as i could have rang on monday!
honestly
ive got my magazine for the decopauge just no table
but no rush there

Oz is doing loads better :D

Evening

Never heard from Jack yesterday...nor did i text him

I couldnt sleep
I had a lot on my mind - mainly Oz
and I had awful stomach pains for some reason
I was getting stressed and started scratching so at that point I decided to get up
and I had a hot chocolate and stayed up til 1am
slept til 7:30am

I went straight to Oz
who had eaten some of his food during the night!! and a treat! and some carrot!!
I was sooooo relieved
he even looked better, like more bright eyed some how
so i gave him fuss
I did syringe feed him this morning and added probiotic, just to get his stomach going for the day. I havent seen him eat a lot during the day but mum says to see how he goes by himself now instead of syringe feeding him.
He has been more himself as well today

I did 40 mins of dancing
my hair was dripping but i wasnt really tired strangely 
but i stopped anyway as i didnt want to do myself in
i had a shower then i started cutting up the netting for the hammock

at lunch time i went with mum to go meet her friend on the park
it was quite cold to be honest and i was getting cold
but it was nice to see her
we had different cakes and mum made us sandwiches 
it was nice we had a couple of hours

i came back and thawed  out as i was cold it made me ache
after i had thawed out i went for a walk with mum
then i finished the hammock
it is cute X3
simple but cute

got my stuff ready to take to jacks
he did txt me about midday today i txted him when i got back from the picnic
he just says he had an off day yesterday which is odd and im gonna talk to him later about that
he still hasnt had the guts to ring up driving and asked if i would sit with him whilst he did it....i said "if you had said, i would have rang up for you" he said "i know you would have but i want to ring up myself" fair enough, at least hes asked for help i guess :/
he has also arranged a viewing for that house but its not til weds at 12:30pm so a whole week away

im gonna have a shower and sit with Oz then go jack's
we have work tomorrow

Oz is getting there

Evening

I actually slept pretty well
despite receiving a txt from jack at 9pm stating he had chickened out of ringing the driving school up. i even said to his face on sunday "if you cant ring up say now as i will do it"
he was like "no i can do it im getting used to it what with ringing up estate agents"
but he confessed to chickening out
which annoyed me
not that he couldnt do that, we all know how crippling anxiety can be
its the fact he didnt ask for help
we've been through this that we are team and we help each other. so why wont he come to me for help? it annoyed me and rather than send him an angry text message i just left it
it is now 8pm and i havent text him today or even heard a whisper from him
so god knows whats up with him today

i saw mia today
i was suppose to go get my table from her today so i txted her saying i was on my way to HER house
got there to find her car gone
so i rang her and she had gone to her mums....whats she like
so we just did a normal walk
i can get my table another time i havent got the stuff yet for it anyway
it was good to see her and have a brew with her

i felt knackered afterwards tho
i fell asleep for an hour
then had lunch then i went out to a garden centre with mum
followed by another garden centre -____- 
it was alright i guess i didnt mind i was just really really tired
i got back and just flopped on the sofa with Oz

Ozwald update
he has eaten some  pellets through the night
not many but he has had some and some carrot and a treat
i still syringe fed him and breakfast and lunch
he so well behaved he really is
im gonna feed him again tonight and hope he eats during the night again
but i have sat with him and he seemed to be doing alright he didnt seem in pain
and he has been out with the girls hopping round and eating grass
im trying with him
oh also tonight when i got him in, he had been in the girls run (whilst it was empty) for agesssss and i  went out to see if he was actually alright, he had done loads of poos like loads and they were normal as well so im happy about that. and when i brought him in he begged for a treat which he hasnt done in days and he about swallowed the treat too. so all good signs

i ate dinner and got crippling stomach pains
it wont go away and i ate almost 2 hours ago
i was planning on dance practice but thats not gonna happen
hurts to stand up right
so im annoyed as i havent done yoga or dance today just a walk
but i suppose we all get off days
i shouldnt beat myself up for not doing my usual amount of exercise

tomorrow
probably dance and stuff in the morning and then at around lunch time, mum is meeting her friend in the park for a picnic as it was her friends 50th last weekend
theyre having cakes and stuff and wondered if i wanted to join them
i said i dont mind but i cant sit on the grass as long as they can (makes me ache)
so as long as they dont mind me leaving after a while then thats fine
they said it was fine and mum's friend has known me since i was child so she knows my illnesses and understands.
so i will do that and come back then i should be staying over at jack's
as its wednesday and i usually stay over for school
but i havent heard from him
also i sent him a house last night and he was gonna ring that up today but dont know if he has actually done that ether.

I got more bed sheets in the post today
and i got the netting finally for the hammock so i can start that when ever really

anyway see what tomorrow brings