first work night at home

 Evening

So i went over to jack's last night

he let me in and it was near enough time for him to play his online gaming with his team

so i left him with that, I talked to theo whilst he cooked his meals for the week

then I sat doing my nails, then played okami on jack's bed whilst he continued gaming

in the end I went to bed, i was awake when he came to bed as I was struggling to get off

but I did sleep, woke up once cus i was cold and it was cus i had gotten twisted in the blanket

This morning I didnt want to go to school ><

but I got up anyway, couldnt be bothered with make up to be honest so i didnt put any on!

we set off to school - late

jack is worse than a friggin' woman! he takes agessss to get ready, he just faffs so much and is so disorganised, despite the fact i get EVERYTHING ready in the morning. He literally has to wash, dress and eat that its. Honestly >.> but we got to school 5 mins early! so announced i was gonna leave 5 mins early then XD

Julia paid me for the masks, i forgot to see how much she gave me actually

Today was soooo tiring and it wasnt just me feeling it ether, literally all the staff we saying the same thing. I shed a few tears around 10:30am jus cus i was finding everything so overwhelming and exhausting, i literally i had no idea which way to turn. So jack made me a brew and told me to sit down a minute. He said I can be stubborn and need to ask for more help. I just like to be able to stand on my own two feet but also jack has been busy too so i dont wanna bog him down with stuff i should be able to do. to which he said "jo, in the nicest possible way, I am more physically able that you"

yeah thats true but doesnt make it suck any less

but the day went ok, we have to go about giving lessons out a lot differently so you have to think harder than usual. but we will get there i am sure. I just wish the sickening anxiety would sod off. just feels so all consuming sometimes

I left 5 mins early - too right i did

i saw a science teacher leaving and he said "arent you going home with jack?" 

i said "no i dont live with him....yet anyway" 

he said "enjoy the freedom whilst it lasts" XD

I got home in like record time! only took 20mins!

sat and had a brew with my lad and mum

then went for a walk with mum and helped her with dinner

had dinner and a shower then im gonna sit with Oz and sleep in my own bed!

this will be my first work night at home

i do feel anxious but i am gonna have to suck it up and get on with it

i should be able to go to work by myself no issues, i did it before i can do it again

jack said i could stay at his but i need to be able to stay at home. I will be fine

tomorrow hopefully i will get through it ok!