I made an attempt to work

 Evening

I didnt manage any exercise last night and I felt it as I laid in bed. My body had missed moving about but I was so dead that i simply couldnt

I slept okish

But upon waking up, I just felt so drained -______-

I got to school and I could tell it was gonna be a hard slog

head of science came to see me and asked how I was doing and I told him I was struggling mentally and physically and I am unsure why

by 9:30am I was in tears

My anxiety was so bad that I felt dizzy, sick and like I could pass out

and I have no idea why I am like this 

at 10:20am I was leaving school with Jack who had received permission to take me home and work from home the rest of the day

I had rang mum to tell her we were coming home, she had rang dad who had said we need to go see a doctor, mum rang me to say to meet her at the doctors on the way home. We asked for an emergency appointment but my doctor wasnt in. I was down to see the nurse later anyway so left it at that.

I got home and ate piece of fruit loaf, had a sweet cup of tea and went to bed

i was done. I felt like I had done an assault course

I got up at 1pm for lunch with Jack, then went back to bed for another couple of hours

Mum came over with Ozwald and we had a cup of tea then she took me to see the nurse

she diagnosed me with an ear infection and gave me an ear spray to use which isnt nice >< not had an ear infection since I was baby! I told her I was sent home from work and that the doctor isnt helpful. She looked and said my antidepressiant can be increased and that he should increase it rather than let me suffer. I said I had been referred to the mental health team by the doctor but she said "theres no referral on here" meaning - he didnt do it....that was 2 weeks ago. So she left a note on his work to say "Jo needs a referral ASAP" disgusting. I am just left to suffer like this. So we made an appointment to see a female doctor that only works tuesday mornings - which why I havent met her before. But my nurse said this doctor is more...sympathetic, and recommended seeing her.

I was dropped off home by mum and me and Jack did dinner

then after dinner and my stomach ache, we walked to my parents as I went to give my brother something I had ordered online for him. I only just managed to walk there and back

I had a shower when I came in as I cant have baths for a week cus of my ear T^T

We are all disappointed at how I can not seem to handle work

we are all peed off at my crappy doctor

we are all tired

mental health is draining for the person and for the people around you

I am taking the rest of the week off

Jack is going to speak to head of science and say that I would like to come in just for the mornings then come home to do digital work in the afternoon so then I am still working but away from the working environment and the day wont seem so long and daunting. I am so hoping they are ok with this other wise the only thing I can do is be signed off sick until I get some mental health support or increase my medication.

why am i left to suffer?

if I was diabetic this would be like me being without insulin 

sickening

and they get paid over £100,000 a year....I earn £16,000

chris is taking Jack to work tomorrow which is very kind of him to offer. So if I can not sleep tonight then at least I can sleep in the morning

mum is working 7 doors down in the morning and said she will call in at 11am