Evening
So I couldnt sleep, but whats new!
I was up til 1am by myself in lots of pain. I didnt wake Jack as I knew he was so tired so I didnt want him to be up again. I overdosed and I ate a lot. Anything to make me feel better.
I went to bed and got some sleep, my alarm went off and I just felt awful. I just felt like i couldnt do life today. I couldnt cope with going to work, looking happy for people, driving home. Then I thought about working from home but I actually couldnt face that I was so tired I didnt feel like i could focus or sit at a desk for 4 hours working. jack had gone to bring Oz in and found me crying on the bedroom floor after he put Oz in the lounge. Whilst Jack was consoling me (think I was crying due to sheer exhaustion) Oz came round the corner he came to find me cus he knew I was upset, hes such a sweetheart. He licked my tears away bless him
Jack made me have breakfast and said to see how I felt after that. I wanted sleep and nothing more. He kindly phoned in sick for me. I couldnt do life today. I went to bed as soon as I ate which was 7am I didnt even see Jack off. I woke up at 10am. 3 hours later!!! jesus. I must have needed the sleep. I know some people dont sleep well but you have to think - i am depressed which is tiring, I am in constant pain which is tiring and I also take a tonne of medication which drains the life out of me. Its a miracle I function at all.
When I got up I had a brew with oz in the lounge who was really happy to see I was up, he had only been loafing on plush pad.
I got dressed and washed my face and tried to face the day
mummy came to see me at 11:30am, she brought the girls over. We had lunch and potted a couple of plants in the garden.
She left and I went to bed for an hour, I got up and did an hour of yoga during which Jack came home. We had noodles and then I ran I bath, I decided I would have a bit of pamper to make myself feel happier.
However my happiness was shortly lived as just as I went to start my pamper, my phone rang.
doctors
why? i dont have an appointment.
He was ringing to review my medication (controlled drugs need reviewing) and he asked how I was, if I still worked, how my mental health was.
I told him Ive been upset a lot lately, not coping, now working part time as I cant keep up, in pain and not sleeping. I might as well had said "all is well" as he literally said NOTHING. No fucks given!
I said thank you for him sorting my meds out as Id hate to not be able to get them. He put the phone down and I felt like I could have raged after that. Its the whole "who cares, youre long time sick and no cure get on with it"
I simmered in the bath but tried not to let my crappy doctor ruin my evening
as tonight me and Jack are having a pokemon night!!!!!
We're gonna put the picnic blanket down in the lounge with cushions, put Lucario movie on which I think came out 16 years ago now? play pokemon as we both have the pokemon league to do, and I want to start Pearl too. Were having a nerdy mon-a-thon! Never done this before. We said if Oz can stay awake long enough he can join us but he does usually like to be in bed for 7pm and its 7:10pm now XD
tomorrow
weekend~~
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